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Title: Ivanoff: A Play

Author: Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

Release date: May 1, 1999 [eBook #1755]
Most recently updated: November 26, 2012

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1755

Credits: Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK IVANOFF: A
PLAY ***

IVANOFF

A PLAY

By Anton Checkov

Contents

CHARACTE
RS

IVANOFF

ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
ACT IV

CHARACTERS
NICHOLAS IVANOFF, perpetual member of the Council of Peasant
Affairs
ANNA, his wife. Nee Sarah Abramson
MATTHEW SHABELSKI, a count, uncle of Ivanoff
PAUL LEBEDIEFF, President of the Board of the Zemstvo
ZINAIDA, his wife
SASHA, their daughter, twenty years old
LVOFF, a young government doctor
MARTHA BABAKINA, a young widow, owner of an estate and daughter
of a rich merchant
KOSICH, an exciseman
MICHAEL BORKIN, a distant relative of Ivanoff, and manager of his
estate
AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, an old woman
GEORGE, lives with the Lebedieffs
FIRST GUEST SECOND GUEST THIRD GUEST FOURTH GUEST
PETER, a servant of Ivanoff
GABRIEL, a servant of Lebedieff
GUESTS OF BOTH SEXES
The play takes place in one of the provinces of central Russia

IVANOFF

ACT I
The garden of IVANOFF'S country place. On the left is a terrace and the
facade of the house. One window is open. Below the terrace is a broad
semicircular lawn, from which paths lead to right and left into a garden. On
the right are several garden benches and tables. A lamp is burning on one of
the tables. It is evening. As the curtain rises sounds of the piano and
violoncello are heard.
IVANOFF is sitting at a table reading.
BORKIN, in top-boots and carrying a gun, comes in from the rear of the
garden. He is a little tipsy. As he sees IVANOFF he comes toward him on
tiptoe, and when he comes opposite him he stops and points the gun at his
face.
IVANOFF. [Catches sight of BORKIN. Shudders and jumps to his feet]
Misha! What are you doing? You frightened me! I can't stand your stupid
jokes when I am so nervous as this. And having frightened me, you laugh!
[He sits down.]
BORKIN. [Laughing loudly] There, I am sorry, really. I won't do it again.
Indeed I won't. [Take off his cap] How hot it is! Just think, my dear boy, I
have covered twelve miles in the last three hours. I am worn out. Just feel
how my heart is beating.
IVANOFF. [Goes on reading] Oh, very well. I shall feel it later!
BORKIN. No, feel it now. [He takes IVANOFF'S hand and presses it
against his breast] Can you feel it thumping? That means that it is weak and
that I may die suddenly at any moment. Would you be sorry if I died?
IVANOFF. I am reading now. I shall attend to you later.
BORKIN. No, seriously, would you be sorry if I died? Nicholas, would you
be sorry if I died?

IVANOFF. Leave me alone!
BORKIN. Come, tell me if you would be sorry or not.
IVANOFF. I am sorry that you smell so of vodka, Misha, it is disgusting.
BORKIN. Do I smell of vodka? How strange! And yet, it is not so strange
after all. I met the magistrate on the road, and I must admit that we did
drink about eight glasses together. Strictly speaking, of course, drinking is
very harmful. Listen, it is harmful, isn't it? Is it? Is it?
IVANOFF. This is unendurable! Let me warn you, Misha, that you are
going too far.
BORKIN. Well, well, excuse me. Sit here by yourself then, for heaven's
sake, if it amuses you. [Gets up and goes away] What extraordinary people
one meets in the world. They won't even allow themselves to be spoken to.
[He comes back] Oh, yes, I nearly forgot. Please let me have eighty-two
roubles.
IVANOFF. Why do you want eighty-two roubles?
BORKIN. To pay the workmen to-morrow.
IVANOFF. I haven't the money.
BORKIN. Many thanks. [Angrily] So you haven't the money! And yet the
workmen must be paid, mustn't they?
IVANOFF. I don't know. Wait till my salary comes in on the first of the
month.
BORKIN. How is it possible to discuss anything with a man like you? Can't
you understand that the workmen are coming to-morrow morning and not
on the first of the month?
IVANOFF. How can I help it? I'll be hanged if I can do anything about it
now. And what do you mean by this irritating way you have of pestering me
whenever I am trying to read or write or——
BORKIN. Must the workmen be paid or not, I ask you? But, good gracious!
What is the use of talking to you! [Waves his hand] Do you think because

you own an estate you can command the whole world? With your two
thousand acres and your empty pockets you are like a man who has a cellar
full of wine and no corkscrew. I have sold the oats as they stand in the field.
Yes, sir! And to-morrow I shall sell the rye and the carriage horses. [He
stamps up and down] Do you think I am going to stand upon ceremony with
you? Certainly not! I am not that kind of a man!
ANNA appears at the open window.
ANNA. Whose voice did I hear just now? Was it yours, Misha? Why are
you stamping up and down?
BORKIN. Anybody who had anything to do with your Nicholas would
stamp up and down.
ANNA. Listen, Misha! Please have some hay carried onto the croquet lawn.
BORKIN. [Waves his hand] Leave me alone, please!
ANNA. Oh, what manners! They are not becoming to you at all. If you
want to be liked by women you must never let them see you when you are
angry or obstinate. [To her husband] Nicholas, let us go and play on the
lawn in the hay!
IVANOFF. Don't you know it is bad for you to stand at the open window,
Annie? [Calls] Shut the window, Uncle!
[The window is shut from the inside.]
BORKIN. Don't forget that the interest on the money you owe Lebedieff
must be paid in two days.
IVANOFF. I haven't forgotten it. I am going over to see Lebedieff today and
shall ask him to wait.
[He looks at his watch.]
BORKIN. When are you going?
IVANOFF. At once.

BORKIN. Wait! Wait! Isn't this Sasha's birthday? So it is! The idea of my
forgetting it. What a memory I have. [Jumps about] I shall go with you!
[Sings] I shall go, I shall go! Nicholas, old man, you are the joy of my life.
If you were not always so nervous and cross and gloomy, you and I could
do great things together. I would do anything for you. Shall I marry Martha
Babakina and give you half her fortune? That is, not half, either, but all—
take it all!
IVANOFF. Enough of this nonsense!
BORKIN. No, seriously, shan't I marry Martha and halve the money with
you? But no, why should I propose it? How can you understand? [Angrily]
You say to me: "Stop talking nonsense!" You are a good man and a clever
one, but you haven't any red blood in your veins or any—well, enthusiasm.
Why, if you wanted to, you and I could cut a dash together that would
shame the devil himself. If you were a normal man instead of a morbid
hypochondriac we would have a million in a year. For instance, if I had
twenty-three hundred roubles now I could make twenty thousand in two
weeks. You don't believe me? You think it is all nonsense? No, it isn't
nonsense. Give me twenty-three hundred roubles and let me try. Ofsianoff
is selling a strip of land across the river for that price. If we buy this, both
banks will be ours, and we shall have the right to build a dam across the
river. Isn't that so? We can say that we intend to build a mill, and when the
people on the river below us hear that we mean to dam the river they will,
of course, object violently and we shall say: If you don't want a dam here
you will have to pay to get us away. Do you see the result? The factory
would give us five thousand roubles, Korolkoff three thousand, the
monastery five thousand more—
IVANOFF. All that is simply idiotic, Misha. If you don't want me to lose my
temper you must keep your schemes to yourself.
BORKIN. [Sits down at the table] Of course! I knew how it would be! You
never will act for yourself, and you tie my hands so that I am helpless.
Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF.
SHABELSKI. The only difference between lawyers and doctors is that
lawyers simply rob you, whereas doctors both rob you and kill you. I am

not referring to any one present. [Sits down on the bench] They are all
frauds and swindlers. Perhaps in Arcadia you might find an exception to the
general rule and yet—I have treated thousands of sick people myself in my
life, and I have never met a doctor who did not seem to me to be an
unmistakable scoundrel.
BORKIN. [To IVANOFF] Yes, you tie my hands and never do anything for
yourself, and that is why you have no money.
SHABELSKI. As I said before, I am not referring to any one here at
present; there may be exceptions though, after all—[He yawns.]
IVANOFF. [Shuts his book] What have you to tell me, doctor?
LVOFF. [Looks toward the window] Exactly what I said this morning: she
must go to the Crimea at once. [Walks up and down.]
SHABELSKI. [Bursts out laughing] To the Crimea! Why don't you and I
set up as doctors, Misha? Then, if some Madame Angot or Ophelia finds the
world tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive, all we shall have
to do will be to write out a prescription according to the laws of medicine:
that is, first, we shall order her a young doctor, and then a journey to the
Crimea. There some fascinating young Tartar——
IVANOFF. [Interrupting] Oh, don't be coarse! [To LVOFF] It takes money
to go to the Crimea, and even if I could afford it, you know she has refused
to go.
LVOFF. Yes, she has. [A pause.]
BORKIN. Look here, doctor, is Anna really so ill that she absolutely must
go to the Crimea?
LVOFF. [Looking toward the window] Yes, she has consumption.
BORKIN. Whew! How sad! I have seen in her face for some time that she
could not last much longer.
LVOFF. Can't you speak quietly? She can hear everything you say. [A
pause.]

BORKIN. [Sighing] The life of man is like a flower, blooming so gaily in a
field. Then, along comes a goat, he eats it, and the flower is gone!
SHABELSKI. Oh, nonsense, nonsense. [Yawning] Everything is a fraud
and a swindle. [A pause.]
BORKIN. Gentlemen, I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can make
some money, and have submitted a brilliant plan to him, but my seed, as
usual, has fallen on barren soil. Look what a sight he is now: dull, cross,
bored, peevish——
SHABELSKI. [Gets up and stretches himself] You are always inventing
schemes for everybody, you clever fellow, and telling them how to live;
can't you tell me something? Give me some good advice, you ingenious
young man. Show me a good move to make.
BORKIN. [Getting up] I am going to have a swim. Goodbye, gentlemen.
[To Shabelski] There are at least twenty good moves you could make. If I
were you I should have twenty thousand roubles in a week.
[He goes out; SHABELSKI follows him.]
SHABELSKI. How would you do it? Come, explain.
BORKIN. There is nothing to explain, it is so simple. [Coming back]
Nicholas, give me a rouble.
IVANOFF silently hands him the money
BORKIN. Thanks. Shabelski, you still hold some trump cards.
SHABELSKI follows him out.
SHABELSKI. Well, what are they?
BORKIN. If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and more in a
week. [They go out together.]
IVANOFF. [After a pause] Useless people, useless talk, and the necessity of
answering stupid questions, have wearied me so, doctor, that I am ill. I have
become so irritable and bitter that I don't know myself. My head aches for

days at a time. I hear a ringing in my ears, I can't sleep, and yet there is no
escape from it all, absolutely none.
LVOFF. Ivanoff, I have something serious to speak to you about.
IVANOFF. What is it?
LVOFF. It is about your wife. She refuses to go to the Crimea alone, but she
would go with you.
IVANOFF. [Thoughtfully] It would cost a great deal for us both to go, and
besides, I could not get leave to be away for so long. I have had one holiday
already this year.
LVOFF. Very well, let us admit that. Now to proceed. The best cure for
consumption is absolute peace of mind, and your wife has none whatever.
She is forever excited by your behaviour to her. Forgive me, I am excited
and am going to speak frankly. Your treatment of her is killing her. [A
pause] Ivanoff, let me believe better things of you.
IVANOFF. What you say is true, true. I must be terribly guilty, but my mind
is confused. My will seems to be paralysed by a kind of stupor; I can't
understand myself or any one else. [Looks toward the window] Come, let
us take a walk, we might be overheard here. [They get up] My dear friend,
you should hear the whole story from the beginning if it were not so long
and complicated that to tell it would take all night. [They walk up and
down] Anna is a splendid, an exceptional woman. She has left her faith, her
parents and her fortune for my sake. If I should demand a hundred other
sacrifices, she would consent to every one without the quiver of an eyelid.
Well, I am not a remarkable man in any way, and have sacrificed nothing.
However, the story is a long one. In short, the whole point is, my dear
doctor—[Confused] that I married her for love and promised to love her
forever, and now after five years she loves me still and I—[He waves his
hand] Now, when you tell me she is dying, I feel neither love nor pity, only
a sort of loneliness and weariness. To all appearances this must seem
horrible, and I cannot understand myself what is happening to me. [They go
out.]
SHABELSKI comes in.

SHABELSKI. [Laughing] Upon my word, that man is no scoundrel, but a
great thinker, a master-mind. He deserves a memorial. He is the essence of
modern ingenuity, and combines in himself alone the genius of the lawyer,
the doctor, and the financier. [He sits down on the lowest step of the terrace]
And yet he has never finished a course of studies in any college; that is so
surprising. What an ideal scoundrel he would have made if he had acquired
a little culture and mastered the sciences! "You could make twenty thousand
roubles in a week," he said. "You still hold the ace of trumps: it is your
title." [Laughing] He said I might get a rich girl to marry me for it! [ANNA
opens the window and looks down] "Let me make a match between you and
Martha," says he. Who is this Martha? It must be that Balabalkina—
Babakalkina woman, the one that looks like a laundress.
ANNA. Is that you, Count?
SHABELSKI. What do you want?
ANNA laughs.
SHABELSKI. [With a Jewish accent] Vy do you laugh?
ANNA. I was thinking of something you said at dinner, do you remember?
How was it—a forgiven thief, a doctored horse.
SHABELSKI. A forgiven thief, a doctored horse, and a Christianised Jew
are all worth the same price.
ANNA. [Laughing] You can't even repeat the simplest saying without ill-
nature. You are a most malicious old man. [Seriously] Seriously, Count you
are extremely disagreeable, and very tiresome and painful to live with. You
are always grumbling and growling, and everybody to you is a blackguard
and a scoundrel. Tell me honestly, Count, have you ever spoken well of any
one?
SHABELSKI. Is this an inquisition?
ANNA. We have lived under this same roof now for five years, and I have
never heard you speak kindly of people, or without bitterness and derision.
What harm has the world done to you? Is it possible that you consider
yourself better than any one else?

SHABELSKI. Not at all. I think we are all of us scoundrels and hypocrites.
I myself am a degraded old man, and as useless as a cast-off shoe. I abuse
myself as much as any one else. I was rich once, and free, and happy at
times, but now I am a dependent, an object of charity, a joke to the world.
When I am at last exasperated and defy them, they answer me with a laugh.
When I laugh, they shake their heads sadly and say, "The old man has gone
mad." But oftenest of all I am unheard and unnoticed by every one.
ANNA. [Quietly] Screaming again.
SHABELSKI. Who is screaming?
ANNA. The owl. It screams every evening.
SHABELSKI. Let it scream. Things are as bad as they can be already.
[Stretches himself] Alas, my dear Sarah! If I could only win a thousand or
two roubles, I should soon show you what I could do. I wish you could see
me! I should get away out of this hole, and leave the bread of charity, and
should not show my nose here again until the last judgment day.
ANNA. What would you do if you were to win so much money?
SHABELSKI. [Thoughtfully] First I would go to Moscow to hear the
Gipsies play, and then—then I should fly to Paris and take an apartment and
go to the Russian Church.
ANNA. And what else?
SHABELSKI. I would go and sit on my wife's grave for days and days and
think. I would sit there until I died. My wife is buried in Paris. [A pause.]
ANNA. How terribly dull this is! Shall we play a duet?
SHABELSKI. As you like. Go and get the music ready. [ANNA goes out.]
IVANOFF and LVOFF appear in one of the paths.
IVANOFF. My dear friend, you left college last year, and you are still
young and brave. Being thirty-five years old I have the right to advise you.
Don't marry a Jewess or a bluestocking or a woman who is queer in any
way. Choose some nice, common-place girl without any strange and

startling points in her character. Plan your life for quiet; the greyer and
more monotonous you can make the background, the better. My dear boy,
do not try to fight alone against thousands; do not tilt with windmills; do
not dash yourself against the rocks. And, above all, may you be spared the
so-called rational life, all wild theories and impassioned talk. Everything is
in the hands of God, so shut yourself up in your shell and do your best. That
is the pleasant, honest, healthy way to live. But the life I have chosen has
been so tiring, oh, so tiring! So full of mistakes, of injustice and stupidity!
[Catches sight of SHABELSKI, and speaks angrily] There you are again,
Uncle, always under foot, never letting one have a moment's quiet talk!
SHABELSKI. [In a tearful voice] Is there no refuge anywhere for a poor
old devil like me? [He jumps up and runs into the house.]
IVANOFF. Now I have offended him! Yes, my nerves have certainly gone
to pieces. I must do something about it, I must——
LVOFF. [Excitedly] Ivanoff, I have heard all you have to say and—and—I
am going to speak frankly. You have shown me in your voice and manner,
as well as in your words, the most heartless egotism and pitiless cruelty.
Your nearest friend is dying simply because she is near you, her days are
numbered, and you can feel such indifference that you go about giving
advice and analysing your feelings. I cannot say all I should like to; I have
not the gift of words, but—but I can at least say that you are deeply
antipathetic to me.
IVANOFF. I suppose I am. As an onlooker, of course you see me more
clearly than I see myself, and your judgment of me is probably right. No
doubt I am terribly guilty. [Listens] I think I hear the carriage coming. I
must get ready to go. [He goes toward the house and then stops] You dislike
me, doctor, and you don't conceal it. Your sincerity does you credit. [He
goes into the house.]
LVOFF. [Alone] What a confoundedly disagreeable character! I have let
another opportunity slip without speaking to him as I meant to, but I simply
cannot talk calmly to that man. The moment I open my mouth to speak I
feel such a commotion and suffocation here [He puts his hand on his breast]
that my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Oh, I loathe that Tartuffe,
that unmitigated rascal, with all my heart! There he is, preparing to go

driving in spite of the entreaties of his unfortunate wife, who adores him
and whose only happiness is his presence. She implores him to spend at
least one evening with her, and he cannot even do that. Why, he might shoot
himself in despair if he had to stay at home! Poor fellow, what he wants are
new fields for his villainous schemes. Oh, I know why you go to Lebedieff's
every evening, Ivanoff! I know.
Enter IVANOFF, in hat and coat, ANNA and SHABELSKI
SHABELSKI. Look here, Nicholas, this is simply barbarous You go away
every evening and leave us here alone, and we get so bored that we have to
go to bed at eight o'clock. It is a scandal, and no decent way of living. Why
can you go driving if we can't? Why?
ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Let him go if he wants to.
IVANOFF. How can a sick woman like you go anywhere? You know you
have a cough and must not go out after sunset. Ask the doctor here. You are
no child, Annie, you must be reasonable. And as for you, what would you
do with yourself over there?
SHABELSKI. I am ready to go anywhere: into the jaws of a crocodile, or
even into the jaws of hell, so long as I don't have to stay here. I am horribly
bored. I am stupefied by this dullness. Every one here is tired of me. You
leave me at home to entertain Anna, but I feel more like scratching and
biting her.
ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Leave him alone. Let him go if he enjoys
himself there.
IVANOFF. What does this mean, Annie? You know I am not going for
pleasure. I must see Lebedieff about the money I owe him.
ANNA. I don't see why you need justify yourself to me. Go ahead! Who is
keeping you?
IVANOFF. Heavens! Don't let us bite one another's heads off. Is that really
unavoidable?
SHABELSKI. [Tearfully] Nicholas, my dear boy, do please take me with
you. I might possibly be amused a little by the sight of all the fools and

scoundrels I should see there. You know I haven't been off this place since
Easter.
IVANOFF. [Exasperated] Oh, very well! Come along then! How tiresome
you all are!
SHABELSKI. I may go? Oh, thank you! [Takes him gaily by the arm and
leads him aside] May I wear your straw hat?
IVANOFF. You may, only hurry, please.
SHABELSKI runs into the house.
IVANOFF. How tired I am of you all! But no, what am I saying? Annie, my
manner to you is insufferable, and it never used to be. Well, good-bye,
Annie. I shall be back by one.
ANNA. Nicholas! My dear husband, stay at home to-night!
IVANOFF. [Excitedly] Darling, sweetheart, my dear, unhappy one, I
implore you to let me leave home in the evenings. I know it is cruel and
unjust to ask this, but let me do you this injustice. It is such torture for me to
stay. As soon as the sun goes down my soul is overwhelmed by the most
horrible despair. Don't ask me why; I don't know; I swear I don't. This
dreadful melancholy torments me here, it drives me to the Lebedieff's and
there it grows worse than ever. I rush home; it still pursues me; and so I am
tortured all through the night. It is breaking my heart.
ANNA. Nicholas, won't you stay? We will talk together as we used to. We
will have supper together and read afterward. The old grumbler and I have
learned so many duets to play to you. [She kisses him. Then, after a pause] I
can't understand you any more. This has been going on for a year now.
What has changed you so?
IVANOFF. I don't know.
ANNA. And why don't you want me to go driving with you in the evening?
IVANOFF. As you insist on knowing, I shall have to tell you. It is a little
cruel, but you had best understand. When this melancholy fit is on me I

begin to dislike you, Annie, and at such times I must escape from you. In
short, I simply have to leave this house.
ANNA. Oh, you are sad, are you? I can understand that! Nicholas, let me
tell you something: won't you try to sing and laugh and scold as you used
to? Stay here, and we will drink some liqueur together, and laugh, and chase
away this sadness of yours in no time. Shall I sing to you? Or shall we sit in
your study in the twilight as we used to, while you tell me about your
sadness? I can read such suffering in your eyes! Let me look into them and
weep, and our hearts will both be lighter. [She laughs and cries at once] Or
is it really true that the flowers return with every spring, but lost happiness
never returns? Oh, is it? Well, go then, go!
IVANOFF. Pray for me, Annie! [He goes; then stops and thinks for a
moment] No, I can't do it. [IVANOFF goes out.]
ANNA. Yes, go, go—[Sits down at the table.]
LVOFF. [Walking up and down] Make this a rule, Madam: as soon as the
sun goes down you must go indoors and not come out again until morning.
The damp evening air is bad for you.
ANNA. Yes, sir!
LVOFF. What do you mean by "Yes, sir"? I am speaking seriously.
ANNA. But I don't want to be serious. [She coughs.]
LVOFF. There now, you see, you are coughing already.
SHABELSKI comes out of the house in his hat and coat.
SHABELSKI. Where is Nicholas? Is the carriage here yet? [Goes quickly to
ANNA and kisses her hand] Good-night, my darling! [Makes a face and
speaks with a Jewish accent] I beg your bardon! [He goes quickly out.]
LVOFF. Idiot!
A pause; the sounds of a concertina are heard in the distance.
ANNA. Oh, how lonely it is! The coachman and the cook are having a little
ball in there by themselves, and I—I am, as it were, abandoned. Why are

you walking about, Doctor? Come and sit down here.
LVOFF. I can't sit down.
[A pause.]
ANNA. They are playing "The Sparrow" in the kitchen. [She sings]

"Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?
On the mountain drinking dew."

[A pause] Are your father and mother living, Doctor?
LVOFF. My mother is living; my father is dead.
ANNA. Do you miss your mother very much?
LVOFF. I am too busy to miss any one.
ANNA. [Laughing] The flowers return with every spring, but lost happiness
never returns. I wonder who taught me that? I think it was Nicholas himself.
[Listens] The owl is hooting again.
LVOFF. Well, let it hoot.
ANNA. I have begun to think, Doctor, that fate has cheated me. Other
people who, perhaps, are no better than I am are happy and have not had to
pay for their happiness. But I have paid for it all, every moment of it, and
such a price! Why should I have to pay so terribly? Dear friend, you are all
too considerate and gentle with me to tell me the truth; but do you think I
don't know what is the matter with me? I know perfectly well. However,
this isn't a pleasant subject—[With a Jewish accent] "I beg your bardon!"
Can you tell funny stories?
LVOFF. No, I can't.
ANNA. Nicholas can. I am beginning to be surprised, too, at the injustice of
people. Why do they return hatred for love, and answer truth with lies? Can
you tell me how much longer I shall be hated by my mother and father?
They live fifty miles away, and yet I can feel their hatred day and night,
even in my sleep. And how do you account for the sadness of Nicholas? He
says that he only dislikes me in the evening, when the fit is on him. I

understand that, and can tolerate it, but what if he should come to dislike
me altogether? Of course that is impossible, and yet—no, no, I mustn't even
imagine such a thing. [Sings]

"Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?"

[She shudders] What fearful thoughts I have! You are not married, Doctor;
there are many things that you cannot understand.
LVOFF. You say you are surprised, but—but it is you who surprise me. Tell
me, explain to me how you, an honest and intelligent woman, almost a
saint, could allow yourself to be so basely deceived and dragged into this
den of bears? Why are you here? What have you in common with such a
cold and heartless—but enough of your husband! What have you in
common with these wicked and vulgar surroundings? With that eternal
grumbler, the crazy and decrepit Count? With that swindler, that prince of
rascals, Misha, with his fool's face? Tell me, I say, how did you get here?
ANNA. [laughing] That is what he used to say, long ago, oh, exactly! Only
his eyes are larger than yours, and when he was excited they used to shine
like coals—go on, go on!
LVOFF. [Gets up and waves his hand] There is nothing more to say. Go into
the house.
ANNA. You say that Nicholas is not what he should be, that his faults are
so and so. How can you possibly understand him? How can you learn to
know any one in six months? He is a wonderful man, Doctor, and I am
sorry you could not have known him as he was two or three years ago. He is
depressed and silent now, and broods all day without doing anything, but he
was splendid then. I fell in love with him at first sight. [Laughing] I gave
one look and was caught like a mouse in a trap! So when he asked me to go
with him I cut every tie that bound me to my old life as one snips the
withered leaves from a plant. But things are different now. Now he goes to
the Lebedieff's to amuse himself with other women, and I sit here in the
garden and listen to the owls. [The WATCHMAN'S rattle is heard] Tell me,
Doctor, have you any brothers and sisters?
LVOFF. No.

ANNA sobs.
LVOFF. What is it? What is the matter?
ANNA. I can't stand it, Doctor, I must go.
LVOFF. Where?
ANNA. To him. I am going. Have the horses harnessed. [She runs into the
house.]
LVOFF. No, I certainly cannot go on treating any one under these
conditions. I not only have to do it for nothing, but I am forced to endure
this agony of mind besides. No, no, I can't stand it. I have had enough of it.
[He goes into the house.]
The curtain falls.

ACT II
The drawing-room of LEBEDIEFFÕS house. In the centre is a door leading
into a garden. Doors open out of the room to the right and left. The room is
furnished with valuable old furniture, which is carefully protected by linen
covers. The walls are hung with pictures. The room is lighted by
candelabra. ZINAIDA is sitting on a sofa; the elderly guests are sitting in
arm-chairs on either hand. The young guests are sitting about the room on
small chairs. KOSICH, AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, GEORGE, and others
are playing cards in the background. GABRIEL is standing near the door on
the right. The maid is passing sweetmeats about on a tray. During the entire
act guests come and go from the garden, through the room, out of the door
on the left, and back again. Enter MARTHA through the door on the right.
She goes toward ZINAIDA.
ZINAIDA. [Gaily] My dearest Martha!
MARTHA. How do you do, Zinaida? Let me congratulate you on your
daughter's birthday.
ZINAIDA. Thank you, my dear; I am delighted to see you. How are you?
MARTHA. Very well indeed, thank you. [She sits down on the sofa] Good
evening, young people!
The younger guests get up and bow.
FIRST GUEST. [Laughing] Young people indeed! Do you call yourself an
old person?
MARTHA. [Sighing] How can I make any pretense to youth now?
FIRST GUEST. What nonsense! The fact that you are a widow means
nothing. You could beat any pretty girl you chose at a canter.
GABRIEL brings MARTHA some tea.

ZINAIDA. Why do you bring the tea in like that? Go and fetch some jam to
eat with it!
MARTHA. No thank you; none for me, don't trouble yourself. [A pause.]
FIRST GUEST. [To MARTHA] Did you come through Mushkine on your
way here?
MARTHA. No, I came by way of Spassk. The road is better that way.
FIRST GUEST. Yes, so it is.
KOSICH. Two in spades.
GEORGE. Pass.
AVDOTIA. Pass.
SECOND GUEST. Pass.
MARTHA. The price of lottery tickets has gone up again, my dear. I have
never known such a state of affairs. The first issue is already worth two
hundred and seventy and the second nearly two hundred and fifty. This has
never happened before.
ZINAIDA. How fortunate for those who have a great many tickets!
MARTHA. Don't say that, dear; even when the price of tickets is high it
does not pay to put one's capital into them.
ZINAIDA. Quite true, and yet, my dear, one never can tell what may
happen. Providence is sometimes kind.
THIRD GUEST. My impression is, ladies, that at present capital is
exceedingly unproductive. Shares pay very small dividends, and
speculating is exceedingly dangerous. As I understand it, the capitalist now
finds himself in a more critical position than the man who——
MARTHA. Quite right.
FIRST GUEST yawns.
MARTHA. How dare you yawn in the presence of ladies?

FIRST GUEST. I beg your pardon! It was quite an accident.
ZINAIDA gets up and goes out through the door on the right.
GEORGE. Two in hearts.
SECOND GUEST. Pass.
KOSICH. Pass.
MARTHA. [Aside] Heavens! This is deadly! I shall die of ennui.
Enter ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF through the door on the right.
ZINAIDA. Why do you go off by yourself like a prima donna? Come and
sit with our guests!
[She sits down in her former place.]
LEBEDIEFF. [Yawning] Oh, dear, our sins are heavy! [He catches sight of
MARTHA] Why, there is my little sugar-plum! How is your most esteemed
highness?
MARTHA. Very well, thank you.
LEBEDIEFF. Splendid, splendid! [He sits down in an armchair] Quite right
—Oh, Gabriel!
GABRIEL brings him a glass of vodka and a tumbler of water. He empties
the glass of vodka and sips the water.
FIRST GUEST. Good health to you!
LEBEDIEFF. Good health is too much to ask. I am content to keep death
from the door. [To his wife] Where is the heroine of this occasion, Zuzu?
KOSICH. [In a plaintive voice] Look here, why haven't we taken any tricks
yet? [He jumps up] Yes, why have we lost this game entirely, confound it?
AVDOTIA. [Jumps up angrily] Because, friend, you don't know how to
play it, and have no right to be sitting here at all. What right had you to lead
from another suit? Haven't you the ace left? [They both leave the table and
run forward.]

KOSICH. [In a tearful voice] Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain! I had
the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of spades and one, just
one, little heart, do you understand? Well, she, bad luck to her, she couldn't
make a little slam. I said one in no-trumps—— *

* The game played is vint, the national card-game of Russia
and the direct ancestor of auction bridge, with which it is
almost identical. [translator's note]

AVDOTIA. [Interrupting him] No, I said one in no-trumps; you said two in
no-trumps——
KOSICH. This is unbearable! Allow me—you had—I had—you had—[To
LEBEDIEFF] But you shall decide it, Paul: I had the ace, king, queen, and
eight of diamonds——
LEBEDIEFF. [Puts his fingers into his ears] Stop, for heaven's sake, stop!
AVDOTIA. [Yelling] I said no-trumps, and not he!
KOSICH. [Furiously] I'll be damned if I ever sit down to another game of
cards with that old cat!
He rushes into the garden. The SECOND GUEST follows him. GEORGE is
left alone at the table.
AVDOTIA. Whew! He makes my blood boil! Old cat, indeed! You're an old
cat yourself!
MARTHA. How angry you are, aunty!
AVDOTIA. [Sees MARTHA and claps her hands] Are you here, my
darling? My beauty! And was I blind as a bat, and didn't see you? Darling
child! [She kisses her and sits down beside her] How happy this makes me!
Let me feast my eyes on you, my milk-white swan! Oh, oh, you have
bewitched me!
LEBEDIEFF. Why don't you find her a husband instead of singing her
praises?
AVDOTIA. He shall be found. I shall not go to my grave before I have
found a husband for her, and one for Sasha too. I shall not go to my grave—

[She sighs] But where to find these husbands nowadays? There sit some
possible bridegrooms now, huddled together like a lot of half-drowned rats!
THIRD GUEST. A most unfortunate comparison! It is my belief, ladies, that
if the young men of our day prefer to remain single, the fault lies not with
them, but with the existing, social conditions!
LEBEDIEFF. Come, enough of that! Don't give us any mo re philosophy; I
don't like it!
Enter SASHA. She goes up to her father.
SASHA. How can you endure the stuffy air of this room when the weather
is so beautiful?
ZINAIDA. My dear Sasha, don't you see that Martha is here?
SASHA. I beg your pardon.
[She goes up to MARTHA and shakes hands.]
MARTHA. Yes, here I am, my dear little Sasha, and proud to congratulate
you. [They kiss each other] Many happy returns of the day, dear!
SASHA. Thank you! [She goes and sits down by her father.]
LEBEDIEFF. As you were saying, Avdotia Nazarovna, husbands are hard to
find. I don't want to be rude, but I must say that the young men of the
present are a dull and poky lot, poor fellows! They can't dance or talk or
drink as they should do.
AVDOTIA. Oh, as far as drinking goes, they are all experts. Just give them
—give them——
LEBEDIEFF. Simply to drink is no art. A horse can drink. No, it must be
done in the right way. In my young days we used to sit and cudgel our
brains all day over our lessons, but as soon as evening came we would fly
off on some spree and keep it up till dawn. How we used to dance and flirt,
and drink, too! Or sometimes we would sit and chatter and discuss
everything under the sun until we almost wagged our tongues off. But now
—[He waves his hand] Boys are a puzzle to me. They are not willing either

to give a candle to God or a pitchfork to the devil! There is only one young
fellow in the country who is worth a penny, and he is married. [Sighs] They
say, too, that he is going crazy.
MARTHA. Who is he?
LEBEDIEFF. Nicholas Ivanoff.
MARTHA. Yes, he is a fine fellow, only [Makes a face] he is very unhappy.
ZINAIDA. How could he be otherwise, poor boy! [She sighs] He made
such a bad mistake. When he married that Jewess of his he thought of
course that her parents would give away whole mountains of gold with her,
but, on the contrary, on the day she became a Christian they disowned her,
and Ivanoff has never seen a penny of the money. He has repented of his
folly now, but it is too late.
SASHA. Mother, that is not true!
MARTHA. How can you say it is not true, Sasha, when we all know it to be
a fact? Why did he have to marry a Jewess? He must have had some reason
for doing it. Are Russian girls so scarce? No, he made a mistake, poor
fellow, a sad mistake. [Excitedly] And what on earth can he do with her
now? Where could she go if he were to come home some day and say:
"Your parents have deceived me; leave my house at once!" Her parents
wouldn't take her back. She might find a place as a house-maid if she had
ever learned to work, which she hasn't. He worries and worries her now, but
the Count interferes. If it had not been for the Count, he would have
worried her to death long ago.
AVDOTIA. They say he shuts her up in a cellar and stuffs her with garlic,
and she eats and eats until her very soul reeks of it. [Laughter.]
SASHA. But, father, you know that isn't true!
LEBEDIEFF. What if it isn't, Sasha? Let them spin yarns if it amuses them.
[He calls] Gabriel!
GABRIEL brings him another glass of vodka and a glass of water.

ZINAIDA. His misfortunes have almost ruined him, poor man. His affairs
are in a frightful condition. If Borkin did not take such good charge of his
estate he and his Jewess would soon be starving to death. [She sighs] And
what anxiety he has caused us! Heaven only knows how we have suffered.
Do you realise, my dear, that for three years he has owed us nine thousand
roubles?
MARTHA. [Horrified] Nine thousand!
ZINAIDA. Yes, that is the sum that my dear Paul has undertaken to lend
him. He never knows to whom it is safe to lend money and to whom it is
not. I don't worry about the principal, but he ought to pay the interest on his
debt.
SASHA. [Hotly] Mamma, you have already discussed this subject at least a
thousand times!
ZINAIDA. What difference does it make to you? Why should you
interfere?
SASHA. What is this mania you all have for gossiping about a man who
has never done any of you any harm? Tell me, what harm has he done you?
THIRD GUEST. Let me say two words, Miss Sasha. I esteem Ivanoff, and
have always found him an honourable man, but, between ourselves, I also
consider him an adventurer.
SASHA. I congratulate you on your opinion!
THIRD GUEST. In proof of its truth, permit me to present to you the
following facts, as they were communicated to me by his secretary, or shall
I say rather, by his factotum, Borkin. Two years ago, at the time of the cattle
plague, he bought some cattle and had them insured—
ZINAIDA. Yes, I remember hearing' of that.
THIRD GUEST. He had them insured, as you understand, and then
inoculated them with the disease and claimed the insurance.
SASHA. Oh, what nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! No one bought or
inoculated any cattle! The story was invented by Borkin, who then went

about boasting of his clever plan. Ivanoff would not forgive Borkin for two
weeks after he heard of it. He is only guilty of a weak character and too
great faith in humanity. He can't make up his mind to get rid of that Borkin,
and so all his possessions have been tricked and stolen from him. Every one
who has had anything to do with Ivanoff has taken advantage of his
generosity to grow rich.
LEBEDIEFF. Sasha, you little firebrand, that will do!
SASHA. Why do you all talk like this? This eternal subject of Ivanoff,
Ivanoff, and always Ivanoff has grown insufferable, and yet you never
speak of anything else. [She goes toward the door, then stops and comes
back] I am surprised, [To the young men] and utterly astonished at your
patience, young men! How can you sit there like that? Aren't you bored?
Why, the very air is as dull as ditchwater! Do, for heaven's sake say
something; try to amuse the girls a little, move about! Or if you can't talk of
anything except Ivanoff, you might laugh or sing or dance——
LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] That's right, Sasha! Give them a good scolding.
SASHA. Look here, will you do me a favour? If you refuse to dance or sing
or laugh, if all that is tedious, then let me beg you, implore you, to summon
all your powers, if only for this once, and make one witty or clever remark.
Let it be as impertinent and malicious as you like, so long as it is funny and
original. Won't you perform this miracle, just once, to surprise us and make
us laugh? Or else you might think of some little thing which you could all
do together, something to make you stir about. Let the girls admire you for
once in their lives! Listen to me! I suppose you want them to like you?
Then why don't try to make them do it? Oh, dear! There is something wrong
with you all! You are a lot of sleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a
thousand times and shall always go on repeating it; there is something
wrong with every one of you; something wrong, wrong, wrong!
Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right.
SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He laughs
and shakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, my dear child.
May you live as long as possible in this life, but never be born again!
ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count!

LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count?
SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two
gold mines side by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He shakes
hands with ZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with
MARTHA] Good evening, Birdie!
ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor here now.
[Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down.
She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much preoccupied.
SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF silently shakes hands
with every one.
LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You
have given us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you haven't
been treating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the hand] Tell me, why
don't you ever come to see us now? Are you offended?
SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I have
no horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him when he goes
out. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. Send your horses for me
and I shall come with pleasure.
LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! But Zuzu
would rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. My dear, dear old
friend, you are more to me than any one I know! You and I are survivors of
those good old days that are gone forever, and you alone bring back to my
mind the love and longings of my lost youth. Of course I am only joking,
and yet, do you know, I am almost in tears?
SHABELSKI. Stop, stop! You smell like the air of a wine cellar.
LEBEDIEFF. Dear friend, you cannot imagine how lonely I am without my
old companions! I could hang myself! [Whispers] Zuzu has frightened all
the decent men away with her stingy ways, and now we have only this riff-
raff, as you see: Tom, Dick, and Harry. However, drink your tea.
ZINAIDA. [Anxiously, to GABRIEL] Don't bring it in like that! Go fetch
some jam to eat with it!

SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Didn't I tell you so? [To
LEBEDIEFF] I bet him driving over, that as soon as we arrived Zuzu would
want to feed us with jam!
ZINAIDA. Still joking, Count! [She sits down.]
LEBEDIEFF. She made twenty jars of it this year, and how else do you
expect her to get rid of it?
SHABELSKI. [Sits down near the table] Are you still adding to the hoard,
Zuzu? You will soon have a million, eh?
ZINAIDA. [Sighing] I know it seems as if no one could be richer than we,
but where do they think the money comes from? It is all gossip.
SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, we all know that! We know how badly you play
your cards! Tell me, Paul, honestly, have you saved up a million yet?
LEBEDIEFF. I don't know. Ask Zuzu.
SHABELSKI. [To MARTHA] And my plump little Birdie here will soon
have a million too! She is getting prettier and plumper not only every day,
but every hour. That means she has a nice little fortune.
MARTHA. Thank you very much, your highness, but I don't like such
jokes.
SHABELSKI. My dear little gold mine, do you call that a joke? It was a
wail of the soul, a cry from the heart, that burst through my lips. My love
for you and Zuzu is immense. [Gaily] Oh, rapture! Oh, bliss! I cannot look
at you two without a madly beating heart!
ZINAIDA. You are still the same, Count. [To GEORGE] Put out the
candles please, George. [GEORGE gives a start. He puts out the candles
and sits down again] How is your wife, Nicholas?
IVANOFF. She is very ill. The doctor said to-day that she certainly had
consumption.
ZINAIDA. Really? Oh, how sad! [She sighs] And we are all so fond of her!

SHABELSKI. What trash you all talk! That story was invented by that
sham doctor, and is nothing but a trick of his. He wants to masquerade as an
Aesculapius, and so has started this consumption theory. Fortunately her
husband isn't jealous. [IVANOFF makes an inpatient gesture] As for Sarah,
I wouldn't trust a word or an action of hers. I have made a point all my life
of mistrusting all doctors, lawyers, and women. They are shammers and
deceivers.
LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] You are an extraordinary person,
Matthew! You have mounted this misanthropic hobby of yours, and you
ride it through thick and thin like a lunatic You are a man like any other, and
yet, from the way you talk one would imagine that you had the pip, or a
cold in the head.
SHABELSKI. Would you have me go about kissing every rascal and
scoundrel I meet?
LEBEDIEFF. Where do you find all these rascals and scoundrels?
SHABELSKI. Of course I am not talking of any one here present,
nevertheless——-
LEBEDIEFF. There you are again with your "nevertheless." All this is
simply a fancy of yours.
SHABELSKI. A fancy? It is lucky for you that you have no knowledge of
the world!
LEBEDIEFF. My knowledge of the world is this: I must sit here prepared at
any moment to have death come knocking at the door. That is my
knowledge of the world. At our age, brother, you and I can't afford to worry
about knowledge of the world. So then—[He calls] Oh, Gabriel!
SHABELSKI. You have had quite enough already. Look at your nose.
LEBEDIEFF. No matter, old boy. I am not going to be married to-day.
ZINAIDA. Doctor Lvoff has not been here for a long time. He seems to
have forgotten us.

SASHA. That man is one of my aversions. I can't stand his icy sense of
honour. He can't ask for a glass of water or smoke a cigarette without
making a display of his remarkable honesty. Walking and talking, it is
written on his brow: "I am an honest man." He is a great bore.
SHABELSKI. He is a narrow-minded, conceited medico. [Angrily] He
shrieks like a parrot at every step: "Make way for honest endeavour!" and
thinks himself another St. Francis. Everybody is a rascal who doesn't make
as much noise as he does. As for his penetration, it is simply remarkable! If
a peasant is well off and lives decently, he sees at once that he must be a
thief and a scoundrel. If I wear a velvet coat and am dressed by my valet, I
am a rascal and the valet is my slave. There is no place in this world for a
man like him. I am actually afraid of him. Yes, indeed, he is likely, out of a
sense of duty, to insult a man at any moment and to call him a knave.
IVANOFF. I am dreadfully tired of him, but I can't help liking him, too, he
is so sincere.
SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, his sincerity is beautiful! He came up to me
yesterday evening and remarked absolutely apropos of nothing: "Count, I
have a deep aversion to you!" It isn't as if he said such things simply, but
they are extremely pointed. His voice trembles, his eyes flash, his veins
swell. Confound his infernal honesty! Supposing I am disgusting and
odious to him? What is more natural? I know that I am, but I don't like to be
told so to my face. I am a worthless old man, but he might have the decency
to respect my grey hairs. Oh, what stupid, heartless honesty!
LEBEDIEFF. Come, come, you have been young yourself, and should
make allowances for him.
SHABELSKI. Yes, I have been young and reckless; I have played the fool
in my day and have seen plenty of knaves and scamps, but I have never
called a thief a thief to his face, or talked of ropes in the house of a man
who had been hung. I knew how to behave, but this idiotic doctor of yours
would think himself in the seventh heaven of happiness if fate would allow
him to pull my nose in public in the name of morality and human ideals.
LEBEDIEFF. Young men are all stubborn and restive. I had an uncle once
who thought himself a philosopher. He would fill his house with guests, and

after he had had a drink he would get up on a chair, like this, and begin:
"You ignoramuses! You powers of darkness! This is the dawn of a new
life!" And so on and so on; he would preach and preach——
SASHA. And the guests?
LEBEDIEFF. They would just sit and listen and go on drinking. Once,
though, I challenged him to a duel, challenged my own uncle! It came out
of a discussion about Sir Francis Bacon. I was sitting, I remember, where
Matthew is, and my uncle and the late Gerasim Nilitch were standing over
there, about where Nicholas is now. Well, Gerasim Nilitch propounded this
question——
Enter BORKIN. He is dressed like a dandy and carries a parcel under his
arm. He comes in singing and skipping through the door on the right. A
murmur of approval is heard.
THE GIRLS. Oh, Michael Borkin!
LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Misha!
SHABELSKI. The soul of the company!
BORKIN. Here we are! [He runs up to SASHA] Most noble Signorina, let
me be so bold as to wish to the whole world many happy returns of the
birthday of such an exquisite flower as you! As a token of my enthusiasm
let me presume to present you with these fireworks and this Bengal fire of
my own manufacture. [He hands her the parcel] May they illuminate the
night as brightly as you illuminate the shadows of this dark world. [He
spreads them out theatrically before her.]
SASHA. Thank you.
LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Why don't you send this
Judas packing?
BORKIN. [To LEBEDIEFF] My compliments to you, sir. [To IVANOFF]
How are you, my patron? [Sings] Nicholas voila, hey ho hey! [He greets
everybody in turn] Most highly honoured Zinaida! Oh, glorious Martha!
Most ancient Avdotia! Noblest of Counts!

SHABELSKI. [Laughing] The life of the company! The moment he comes
in the air fe els livelier. Have you noticed it?
BORKIN. Whew! I am tired! I believe I have shaken hands with everybody.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, haven't you some little tidbit to tell me;
something spicy? [Speaking quickly to ZINAIDA] Oh, aunty! I have
something to tell you. As I was on my way here—[To GABRIEL] Some
tea, please Gabriel, but without jam—as I was on my way here I saw some
peasants down on the river-bank pulling the bark off the trees. Why don't
you lease that meadow?
LEBEDIEFF. [To IVANOFF] Why don't you send that Judas away?
ZINAIDA. [Startled] Why, that is quite true! I never thought of it.
BORKIN. [Swinging his arms] I can't sit still! What tricks shall we be up to
next, aunty? I am all on edge, Martha, absolutely exalted. [He sings]

"Once more I stand before thee!"

ZINAIDA. Think of something to amuse us, Misha, we are all bored.
BORKIN. Yes, you look so. What is the matter with you all? Why are you
sitting there as solemn as a jury? Come, let us play something; what shall it
be? Forfeits? Hide-and-seek? Tag? Shall we dance, or have the fireworks?
THE GIRLS. [Clapping their hands] The fireworks! The fireworks! [They
run into the garden.]
SASHA. [ To IVANOFF] What makes you so depressed today?
IVANOFF. My head aches, little Sasha, and then I feel bored.
SASHA. Come into the sitting-room with me.
They go out through the door on the right. All the guests go into the garden
and ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF are left alone.
ZINAIDA. That is what I like to see! A young man like Misha comes into
the room and in a minute he has everybody laughing. [She puts out the large

lamp] There is no reason the candles should burn for nothing so long as
they are all in the garden. [She blows out the candles.]
LEBEDIEFF. [Following her] We really ought to give our guests something
to eat, Zuzu!
ZINAIDA. What crowds of candles; no wonder we are thought rich.
LEBEDIEFF. [Still following her] Do let them have something to eat, Zuzu;
they are young and must be hungry by now, poor things—Zuzu!
ZINAIDA. The Count did not finish his tea, and all that sugar has been
wasted. [Goes out through the door on the left.]
LEBEDIEFF. Bah! [Goes out into the garden.]
Enter IVANOFF and SASHA through the door on the right.
IVANOFF. This is how it is, Sasha: I used to work hard and think hard, and
never tire; now, I neither do anything nor think anything, and I am weary,
body and soul. I feel I am terribly to blame, my conscience leaves me no
peace day or night, and yet I can't see clearly exactly what my mistakes are.
And now comes my wife's illness, our poverty, this eternal backbiting,
gossiping, chattering, that foolish Borkin—My home has become
unendurable to me, and to live there is worse than torture. Frankly, Sasha,
the presence of my wife, who loves me, has become unbearable. You are an
old friend, little Sasha, you will not be angry with me for speaking so
openly. I came to you to be cheered, but I am bored here too, something
urges me home again. Forgive me, I shall slip away at once.
SASHA. I can understand your trouble, Nicholas. You are unhappy because
you are lonely. You need some one at your side whom you can love,
someone who understands you.
IVANOFF. What an idea, Sasha! Fancy a crusty old badger like myself
starting a love affair! Heaven preserve me from such misfortune! No, my
little sage, this is not a case for romance. The fact is, I can endure all I have
to suffer: sadness, sickness of mind, ruin, the loss of my wife, and my
lonely, broken old age, but I cannot, I will not, endure the contempt I have
for myself! I am nearly killed by shame when I think that a strong, healthy

man like myself has become—oh, heaven only knows what—by no means
a Manfred or a Hamlet! There are some unfortunates who feel flattered
when people call them Hamlets and cynics, but to me it is an insult. It
wounds my pride and I am tortured by shame and suffer agony.
SASHA. [Laughing through her tears] Nicholas, let us run away to America
together!
IVANOFF. I haven't the energy to take such a step as that, and besides, in
America you—[They go toward the door into the garden] As a matter of
fact, Sasha, this is not a good place for you to live. When I look about at the
men who surround you I am terrified for you; whom is there you could
marry? Your only chance will be if some passing lieutenant or student steals
your heart and carries you away.
Enter ZINAIDA through the door on the right with a jar of jam.
IVANOFF. Excuse me, Sasha, I shall join you in a minute.
SASHA goes out into the garden.
IVANOFF. [To ZINAIDA] Zinaida, may I ask you a favour?
ZINAIDA. What is it?
IVANOFF. The fact is, you know, that the interest on my note is due day
after to-morrow, but I should be more than obliged to you if you will let me
postpone the payment of it, or would let me add the interest to the capital. I
simply cannot pay it now; I haven't the money.
ZINAIDA. Oh, Ivanoff, how could I do such a thing? Would it be business-
like? No, no, don't ask it, don't torment an unfortunate old woman.
IVANOFF. I beg your pardon. [He goes out into the garden.]
ZINAIDA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What a fright he gave me! I am trembling
all over. [Goes out through the door on the right.]
Enter KOSICH through the door on the left. He walks across the stage.
KOSICH. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of
spades, and one, just one little heart, and she—may the foul fiend fly away

with her,—she couldn't make a little slam!
Goes out through the door on the right. Enter from the garden AVDOTIA
and FIRST GUEST.
AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her, the miserable
old miser! How I should like it! Does she think it a joke to leave us sitting
here since five o'clock without even offering us a crust to eat? What a
house! What management!
FIRST GUEST. I am so bored that I feel like beating my head against the
wall. Lord, what a queer lot of people! I shall soon be howling like a wolf
and snapping at them from hunger and weariness.
AVDOTIA. How I should like to get my claws into her, the old sinner!
FIRST GUEST. I shall get a drink, old lady, and then home I go! I won't
have anything to do with these belles of yours. How the devil can a man
think of love who hasn't had a drop to drink since dinner?
AVDOTIA. Come on, we will go and find something.
FIRST GUEST. Sh! Softly! I think the brandy is in the sideboard in the
dining-room. We will find George! Sh!
They go out through the door on the left. Enter ANNA and LVOFF through
the door on the right.
ANNA. No, they will be glad to see us. Is no one here? Then they must be
in the garden.
LVOFF. I should like to know why you have brought me into this den of
wolves. This is no place for you and me; honourable people should not be
subjected to such influences as these.
ANNA. Listen to me, Mr. Honourable Man. When you are escorting a lady
it is very bad manners to talk to her the whole way about nothing but your
own honesty. Such behaviour may be perfectly honest, but it is also tedious,
to say the least. Never tell a woman how good you are; let her find it out
herself. My Nicholas used only to sing and tell stories when he was young
as you are, and yet every woman knew at once what kind of a man he was.

LVOFF. Don't talk to me of your Nicholas; I know all about him!
ANNA. You are a very worthy man, but you don't know anything at all.
Come into the garden. He never said: "I am an honest man; these
surroundings are too narrow for me." He never spoke of wolves' dens,
called people bears or vultures. He left the animal kingdom alone, and the
most I have ever heard him say when he was excited was: "Oh, how unjust I
have been to-day!" or "Annie, I am sorry for that man." That's what he
would say, but you—
ANNA and LVOFF go out. Enter AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST through
the door on the left.
FIRST GUEST. There isn't any in the dining-room, so it must be
somewhere in the pantry. We must find George. Come this way, through the
sitting-room.
AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her!
They go out through the door on the right. MARTHA and BORKIN run in
laughing from the garden. SHABELSK I comes mincing behind them,
laughing and rubbing his hands.
MARTHA. Oh, I am so bored! [Laughs loudly] This is deadly! Every one
looks as if he had swallowed a poker. I am frozen to the marrow by this icy
dullness. [She skips about] Let us do something!
BORKIN catches her by the waist and kisses her cheek.
SHABELSKI. [Laughing and snapping his fingers] Well, I'll be hanged!
[Cackling] Really, you know!
MARTHA. Let go! Let go, you wretch! What will the Count think? Stop, I
say!
BORKIN. Angel! Jewel! Lend me twenty-three hundred roubles.
MARTHA. Most certainly not! Do what you please, but I'll thank you to
leave my money alone. No, no, no! Oh, let go, will you?

SHABELSKI. [Mincing around them] The little birdie has its charms!
[Seriously] Come, that will do!
BORKIN. Let us come to the point, and consider my proposition frankly as
a business arrangement. Answer me honestly, without tricks and
equivocations, do you agree to do it or not? Listen to me; [Pointing to
Shabelski] he needs money to the amount of at least three thousand a year;
you need a husband. Do you want to be a Countess?
SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly] Oh, the cynic!
BORKIN. Do you want to be a Countess or not?
MARTHA. [Excitedly] Wait a minute; really, Misha, these things aren't
done in a second like this. If the Count wants to marry me, let him ask me
himself, and—and—I don't see, I don't understand—all this is so sudden
——
BORKIN. Come, don't let us beat about the bush; this is a business
arrangement. Do you agree or not?
SHABELSKI. [Chuckling and rubbing his hands] Supposing I do marry
her, eh? Hang it, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? What do you
say, little puss? [He kisses her cheek] Dearest chick-a-biddy!
MARTHA. Stop! Stop! I hardly know what I am doing. Go away! No—
don't go!
BORKIN. Answer at once: is it yes or no? We can't stand here forever.
MARTHA. Look here, Count, come and visit me for three or four days. It is
gay at my house, not like this place. Come to-morrow. [To BORKIN] Or is
this all a joke?
BORKIN. [Angrily] How could I joke on such a serious subject?
MARTHA. Wait! Stop! Oh, I feel faint! A Countess! I am fainting, I am
falling!
BORKIN and SHABELSKI laugh and catch her by the arms. They kiss her
cheeks and lead her out through the door on the right. IVANOFF and

SASHA run in from the garden.
IVANOFF. [Desperately clutching his head] It can't be true! Don't Sasha,
don't! Oh, I implore you not to!
SASHA. I love you madly. Without you my life can have no meaning, no
happiness, no hope.
IVANOFF. Why, why do you say that? What do you mean? Little Sasha,
don't say it!
SASHA. You were the only joy of my childhood; I loved you body and soul
then, as myself, but now—Oh, I love you, Nicholas! Take me with you to
the ends of the earth, wherever you wish; but for heaven's sake let us go at
once, or I shall die.
IVANOFF. [Shaking with wild laughter] What is this? Is it the beginning for
me of a new life? Is it, Sasha? Oh, my happiness, my joy! [He draws her to
him] My freshness, my youth!
Enter ANNA from the garden. She sees her husband and SASHA, and stops
as if petrified.
IVANOFF. Oh, then I shall live once more? And work?
IVANOFF and SASHA kiss each other. After the kiss they look around and
see ANNA.
IVANOFF. [With horror] Sarah!
The curtain falls.

ACT III
Library in IVANOFF'S house. On the walls hang maps, pictures, guns,
pistols, sickles, whips, etc. A writing-table. On it lie in disorder knick-
knacks, papers, books, parcels, and several revolvers. Near the papers stand
a lamp, a decanter of vodka, and a plate of salted herrings. Pieces of bread
and cucumber are scattered about. SHABELSKI and LEBEDIEFF are
sitting at the writing-table. BORKIN is sitting astride a chair in the middle
of the room. PETER is standing near the door.
LEBEDIEFF. The policy of France is clear and definite; the French know
what they want: it is to skin those German sausages, but the Germans must
sing another song; France is not the only thorn in their flesh.
SHABELSKI. Nonsense! In my opinion the Germans are cowards and the
French are the same. They are showing their teeth at one another, but you
can take my word for it, they will not do more than that; they'll never fight!
BORKIN. Why should they fight? Why all these congresses, this arming
and expense? Do you know what I would do in their place? I would catch
all the dogs in the kingdom and inoculate them with Pasteur's serum, then I
would let them loose in the enemy's country, and the enemies would all go
mad in a month.
LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] His head is small, but the great ideas are hidden
away in it like fish in the sea!
SHABELSKI. Oh, he is a genius.
LEBEDIEFF. Heaven help you, Misha, you are a funny chap. [He stops
laughing] But how is this, gentlemen? Here we are talking Germany,
Germany, and never a word about vodka! Repetatur! [He fills three glasses]
Here's to you all! [He drinks and eats] This herring is the best of all relishes.
SHABELSKI. No, no, these cucumbers are better; every wise man since the
creation of the world has been trying to invent something better than a
salted cucumber, and not one has succeeded. [To PETER] Peter, go and

fetch some more cucumbers. And Peter, tell the cook to make four little
onion pasties, and see that we get them hot.
PETER goes out.
LEBEDIEFF. Caviar is good with vodka, but it must be prepared with skill.
Take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two little onions, and a little
olive oil; mix them together and put a slice of lemon on top—so! Lord! The
very perfume would drive you crazy!
BORKIN. Roast snipe are good too, but they must be cooked right. They
should first be cleaned, then sprinkled with bread crumbs, and roasted until
they will crackle between the teeth—crunch, crunch!
SHABELSKI. We had something good at Martha's yesterday: white
mushrooms.
LEBEDIEFF. You don't say so!
SHABELSKI. And they were especially well prepared, too, with onions and
bay-leaves and spices, you know. When the dish was opened, the odour that
floated out was simply intoxicating!
LEBEDIEFF. What do you say, gentlemen? Repetatur! [He drinks] Good
health to you! [He looks at his watch] I must be going. I can't wait for
Nicholas. So you say Martha gave you mushrooms? We haven't seen one at
home. Will you please tell me, Count, what plot you are hatching that takes
you to Martha's so often?
SHABELSKI. [Nodding at BORKIN] He wants me to marry her.
LEBEDIEFF. Wants you to marry her! How old are you?
SHABELSKI. Sixty-two.
LEBEDIEFF. Really, you are just the age to marry, aren't you? And Martha
is just suited to you!
BORKIN. This is not a question of Martha, but of Martha's money.
LEBEDIEFF. Aren't you moonstruck, and don't you want the moon too?

SHABELSKI. Borkin here is quite in earnest about it; the clever fellow is
sure I shall obey orders, and marry Martha.
BORKIN. What do you mean? Aren't you sure yourself?
SHABELSKI. Are you mad? I never was sure of anything. Bah!
BORKIN. Many thanks! I am much obliged to you for the information. So
you are trying to fool me, are you? First you say you will marry Martha and
then you say you won't; the devil only knows which you really mean, but I
have given her my word of honour that you will. So you have changed your
mind, have you?
SHABELSKI. He is actually in earnest; what an extraordinary man!
BORKIN. [losing his temper] If that is how you feel about it, why have you
turned an honest woman's head? Her heart is set on your title, and she can
neither eat nor sleep for thinking of it. How can you make a jest of such
things? Do you think such behaviour is honourable?
SHABELSKI. [Snapping his fingers] Well, why not play her this shabby
trick, after all? Eh? Just out of spite? I shall certainly do it, upon my word I
shall! What a joke it will be!
Enter LVOFF.
LEBEDIEFF. We bow before you, Aesculapius! [He shakes hands with
LVOFF and sings]

"Doctor, doctor, save, oh, save me,
I am scared to death of dying!"

LVOFF. Hasn't Ivanoff come home yet?
LEBEDIEFF. Not yet. I have been waiting for him myself for over an hour.
LVOFF walks impatiently up and down.
LEBEDIEFF. How is Anna to-day?
LVOFF. Very ill.

LEBEDIEFF. [Sighing] May one go and pay one's respects to her?
LVOFF. No, please don't. She is asleep, I believe.
LEBEDIEFF. She is a lovely, charming woman. [Sighing] The day she
fainted at our house, on Sasha's birthday, I saw that she had not much
longer to live, poor thing. Let me see, why did she faint? When I ran up, she
was lying on the floor, ashy white, with Nicholas on his knees beside her,
and Sasha was standing by them in tears. Sasha and I went about almost
crazy for a week after that.
SHABELSKI. [To LVOFF] Tell me, most honoured disciple of science,
what scholar discovered that the frequent visits of a young doctor were
beneficial to ladies suffering from affections of the chest? It is a remarkable
discovery, remarkable! Would you call such treatment Allopathic or
Homeopathic?
LVOFF tries to answer, but makes an impatient gesture instead, and walks
out of the room.
SHABELSKI. What a withering look he gave me!
LEBEDIEFF. Some fiend must prompt you to say such things! Why did
you offend him?
SHABELSKI. [Angrily] Why does he tell such lies? Consumption! No
hope! She is dying! It is nonsense, I can't abide him!
LEBEDIEFF. What makes you think he is lying?
SHABELSKI. [Gets up and walks up and down] I can't bear to think that a
living person could die like that, suddenly, without any reason at all. Don't
let us talk about it!
KOSICH runs in panting.
KOSICH. Is Ivanoff at home? How do you do? [He shakes hands quickly
all round] Is he at home?
BORKIN. No, he isn't.

KOSICH. [Sits down and jumps up again] In that case I must say goodbye;
I must be going. Business, you know. I am absolutely exhausted; run off my
feet!
LEBEDIEFF. Where did you blow in from?
KOSICH. From Barabanoff's. He and I have been playing cards all night;
we have only just stopped. I have been absolutely fleeced; that Barabanoff
is a demon at cards. [In a tearful voice] Just listen to this: I had a heart and
he [He turns to BORKIN, who jumps away from him] led a diamond, and I
led a heart, and he led another diamond. Well, he didn't take the trick. [To
LEBEDIEFF] We were playing three in clubs. I had the ace and queen, and
the ace and ten of spades—
LEBEDIEFF. [Stopping up his ears] Spare me, for heaven's sake, spare me!
KOSICH. [To SHABELSKI] Do you understand? I had the ace and queen
of clubs, the ace and ten of spades.
SHABELSKI. [Pushes him away] Go away, I don't want to listen to you!
KOSICH. When suddenly misfortune overtook me. My ace of spades took
the first trick—
SHABELSKI. [Snatching up a revolver] Leave the room, or I shall shoot!
KOSICH. [Waving his hands] What does this mean? Is this the Australian
bush, where no one has any interests in common? Where there is no public
spirit, and each man lives for himself alone? However, I must be off. My
time is precious. [He shakes hands with LEBEDIEFF] Pass!
General laughter. KOSICH goes out. In the doorway he runs into
AVDOTIA.
AVDOTIA. [Shrieks] Bad luck to you, you nearly knocked me down.
ALL. Oh, she is always everywhere at once!
AVDOTIA. So this is where you all are? I have been looking for you all
over the house. Good-day to you, boys!
[She shakes hands with everybody.]

LEBEDIEFF. What brings you here?
AVDOTIA. Business, my son. [To SHABELSKI] Business connected with
your highness. She commanded me to bow. [She bows] And to inquire after
your health. She told me to say, the little birdie, that if you did not come to
see her this evening she would cry her eyes out. Take him aside, she said,
and whisper in his ear. But why should I make a secret of her message? We
are not stealing chickens, but arranging an affair of lawful love by mutual
consent of both parties. And now, although I never drink, I shall take a drop
under these circumstances.
LEBEDIEFF. So shall I. [He pours out the vodka] You must be immortal,
you old magpie! You were an old woman when I first knew you, thirty
years ago.
AVDOTIA. I have lost count of the years. I have buried three husbands, and
would have married a fourth if any one had wanted a woman without a
dowry. I have had eight children. [She takes up the glass] Well, we have
begun a good work, may it come to a good end! They will live happily ever
after, and we shall enjoy their happiness. Love and good luck to them both!
[She drinks] This is strong vodka!
SHABELSKI. [laughing loudly, to LEBEDIEFF] The funny thing is, they
actually think I am in earnest. How strange! [He gets up] And yet, Paul,
why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? Just out of spite? To give the
devil something to do, eh, Paul?
LEBEDIEFF. You are talking nonsense, Count. You and I must fix our
thoughts on dying now; we have left Martha's money far behind us; our day
is over.
SHABELSKI. No, I shall certainly marry her; upon my word, I shall!
Enter IVANOFF and LVOFF.
LVOFF. Will you please spare me five minutes of your time?
LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Nicholas! [He goes to meet IVANOFF] How are you,
old friend? I have been waiting an hour for you.
AVDOTIA. [Bows] How do you do, my son?

IVANOFF. [Bitterly] So you have turned my library into a bar-room again,
have you? And yet I have begged you all a thousand times not to do so! [He
goes up to the table] There, you see, you have spilt vodka all over my
papers and scattered crumbs and cucumbers everywhere! It is disgusting!
LEBEDIEFF. I beg your pardon, Nicholas. Please forgive me. I have
something very important to speak to you about.
BORKIN. So have I.
LVOFF. May I have a word with you?
IVANOFF. [Pointing to LEBEDIEFF] He wants to speak to me; wait a
minute. [To LEBEDIEFF] Well, what is it?
LEBEDIEFF. [To the others] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I want to
speak to him in private.
SHABELSKI goes out, followed by AVDOTIA, BORKIN, and LVOFF.
IVANOFF. Paul, you may drink yourself as much as you choose, it is your
weakness, but I must ask you not to make my uncle tipsy. He never used to
drink at all; it is bad for him.
LEBEDIEFF. [Startled] My dear boy, I didn't know that! I wasn't thinking
of him at all.
IVANOFF. If this old baby should die on my hands the blame would be
mine, not yours. Now, what do you want? [A pause.]
LEBEDIEFF. The fact is, Nicholas—I really don't know how I can put it to
make it seem less brutal—Nicholas, I am ashamed of myself, I am blushing,
my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. My dear boy, put yourself in my
place; remember that I am not a free man, I am as putty in the hands of my
wife, a slave—forgive me!
IVANOFF. What does this mean?
LEBEDIEFF. My wife has sent me to you; do me a favour, be a friend to
me, pay her the interest on the money you owe her. Believe me, she has

been tormenting me and going for me tooth and nail. For heaven's sake, free
yourself from her clutches!
IVANOFF. You know, Paul, that I have no money now.
LEBEDIEFF. I know, I know, but what can I do? She won't wait. If she
should sue you for the money, how could Sasha and I ever look you in the
face again?
IVANOFF. I am ready to sink through the floor with shame, Paul, but
where, where shall I get the money? Tell me, where? There is nothing I can
do but to wait until I sell my wheat in the autumn.
LEBEDIEFF. [Shrieks] But she won't wait! [A pause.]
IVANOFF. Your position is very delicate and unpleasant, but mine is even
worse. [He walks up and down in deep thought] I am at my wit's end, there
is nothing I can sell now.
LEBEDIEFF. You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him;
doesn't he owe you sixty thousand roubles?
IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture.
LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas, I know you will be angry, but you
must forgive an old drunkard like me. This is between friends; remember I
am your friend. We were students together, both Liberals; we had the same
interests and ideals; we studied together at the University of Moscow. It is
our Alma Mater. [He takes out his purse] I have a private fund here; not a
soul at home knows of its existence. Let me lend it to you. [He takes out the
money and lays it on the table] Forget your pride; this is between friends! I
should take it from you, indeed I should! [A pause] There is the money, one
hundred thousand roubles. Take it; go to her y ourself and say: "Take the
money, Zinaida, and may you choke on it." Only, for heaven's sake, don't let
her see by your manner that you got it from me, or she would certainly go
for me, with her old jam! [He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face] There,
there, no matter. [He quickly takes up the money and stuffs it back into his
pocket] Don't take it, I was only joking. Forgive me! Are you hurt?
IVANOFF waves his hand.

LEBEDIEFF. Yes, the truth is—[He sighs] This is a time of sorrow and pain
for you. A man, brother, is like a samovar; he cannot always stand coolly on
a shelf; hot coals will be dropped into him some day, and then—fizz! The
comparison is idiotic, but it is the best I can think of. [Sighing] Misfortunes
wring the soul, and yet I am not worried about you, brother. Wheat goes
through the mill, and comes out as flour, and you will come safely through
your troubles; but I am annoyed, Nicholas, and angry with the people
around you. The whole countryside is buzzing with gossip; where does it all
start? They say you will be soon arrested for your debts, that you are a
bloodthirsty murderer, a monster of cruelty, a robber.
IVANOFF. All that is nothing to me; my head is aching.
LEBEDIEFF. Because you think so much.
IVANOFF. I never think.
LEBEDIEFF. Come, Nicholas, snap your fingers at the whole thing, and
drive over to visit us. Sasha loves and understands you. She is a sweet,
honest, lovely girl; too good to be the child of her mother and me!
Sometimes, when I look at her, I cannot believe that such a treasure could
belong to a fat old drunkard like me. Go to her, talk to her, and let her cheer
you. She is a good, true-hearted girl.
IVANOFF. Paul, my dear friend, please go, and leave me alone.
LEBEDIEFF. I understand, I understand! [He glances at his watch] Yes, I
understand. [He kisses IVANOFF] Good-bye, I must go to the blessing of
the school now. [He goes as far as the door, then stops] She is so clever!
Sasha and I were talking about gossiping yesterday, and she flashed out this
epigram: "Father," she said, "fire-flies shine at night so that the night-birds
may make them their prey, and good people are made to be preyed upon by
gossips and slanderers." What do you think of that? She is a genius, another
George Sand!
IVANOFF. [Stopping him as he goes out] Paul, what is the matter with me?
LEBEDIEFF. I have wanted to ask you that myself, but I must confess I
was ashamed to. I don't know, old chap. Sometimes I think your troubles
have been too heavy for you, and yet I know you are not the kind to give in

to them; you would not be overcome by misfortune. It must be something
else, Nicholas, but what it may be I can't imagine.
IVANOFF. I can't imagine either what the matter is, unless—and yet no—
[A pause] Well, do you see, this is what I wanted to say. I used to have a
workman called Simon, you remember him. Once, at threshing-time, to
show the girls how strong he was, he loaded himself with two sacks of rye,
and broke his back. He died soon after. I think I have broken my back also.
First I went to school, then to the university, then came the cares of this
estate, all my plans—I did not believe what others did; did not marry as
others did; I worked passionately, risked everything; no one else, as you
know, threw their money away to right and left as I did. So I heaped the
burdens on my back, and it broke. We are all heroes at twenty, ready to
attack anything, to do everything, and at thirty are worn-out, useless men.
How, oh, how do you account for this weariness? However, I may be quite
wrong; go away, Paul, I am boring you.
LEBEDIEFF. I know what is the matter with you, old man: you got out of
bed on the wrong side this morning.
IVANOFF. That is stupid, Paul, and stale. Go away!
LEBEDIEFF. It is stupid, certainly. I see that myself now. I am going at
once. [LEBEDIEFF goes out.]
IVANOFF. [Alone] I am a worthless, miserable, useless man. Only a man
equally miserable and suffering, as Paul is, could love or esteem me now.
Good God! How I loathe myself! How bitterly I hate my voice, my hands,
my thoughts, these clothes, each step I take! How ridiculous it is, how
disgusting! Less than a year ago I was healthy and strong, full of pride and
energy and enthusiasm. I worked with these hands here, and my words
could move the dullest man to tears. I could weep with sorrow, and grow
indignant at the sight of wrong. I could feel the glow of inspiration, and
understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights which I used to
watch through from evening until dawn, sitting at my worktable, and giving
up my soul to dreams. I believed in a bright future then, and looked into it
as trustfully as a child looks into its mother's eyes. And now, oh, it is
terrible! I am tired and without hope; I spend my days and nights in
idleness; I have no control over my feet or brain. My estate is ruined, my

woods are falling under the blows of the axe. [He weeps] My neglected
land looks up at me as reproachfully as an orphan. I expect nothing, am
sorry for nothing; my whole soul trembles at the thought of each new day.
And what can I think of my treatment of Sarah? I promised her love and
happiness forever; I opened her eyes to the promise of a future such as she
had never even dreamed of. She believed me, and though for five years I
have seen her sinking under the weight of her sacrifices to me, and losing
her strength in her struggles with her conscience, God knows she has never
given me one angry look, or uttered one word of reproach. What is the
result? That I don't love her! Why? Is it possible? Can it be true? I can't
understand. She is suffering; her days are numbered; yet I fly like a
contemptible coward from her white face, her sunken chest, her pleading
eyes. Oh, I am ashamed, ashamed! [A pause] Sasha, a young girl, is sorry
for me in my misery. She confesses to me that she loves me; me, almost an
old man! Whereupon I lose my head, and exalted as if by music, I yell:
"Hurrah for a new life and new happiness!" Next day I believe in this new
life and happiness as little as I believe in my happiness at home. What is the
matter with me? What is this pit I am wallowing in? What is the cause of
this weakness? What does this nervousness come from? If my sick wife
wounds my pride, if a servant makes a mistake, if my gun misses fire, I lose
my temper and get violent and altogether unlike myself. I can't, I can't
understand it; the easiest way out would be a bullet through the head!
Enter LVOFF.
LVOFF. I must have an explanation with you, Ivanoff.
IVANOFF. If we are going to have an explanation every day, doctor, we
shall neither of us have the strength to stand it.
LVOFF. Will you be good enough to hear me?
IVANOFF. I have heard all you have told me every day, and have failed to
discover yet what you want me to do.
LVOFF. I have always spoken plainly enough, and only an utterly heartless
and cruel man could fail to understand me.
IVANOFF. I know that my wife is dying; I know that I have sinned
irreparably; I know that you are an honest man. What more can you tell me?

LVOFF. The sight of human cruelty maddens me. The woman is dying and
she has a mother and father whom she loves, and longs to see once more
before she dies. They know that she is dying and that she loves them still,
but with diabolical cruelty, as if to flaunt their religious zeal, they refuse to
see her and forgive her. You are the man for whom she has sacrificed her
home, her peace of mind, everything. Yet you unblushingly go gadding to
the Lebedieffs' every evening, for reasons that are absolutely unmistakable!
IVANOFF. Ah me, it is two weeks since I was there!
LVOFF. [Not listening to him] To men like yourself one must speak plainly,
and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, you need not listen. I
always call a spade a spade; the truth is, you want her to die so that the way
may be cleared for your other schemes. Be it so; but can't you wait? If,
instead of crushing the life out of your wife by your heartless egoism, you
let her die naturally, do you think you would lose Sasha and Sasha's money?
Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could turn the girl's head and get her
money a year from now as easily as you can to-day. Why are you in such a
hurry? Why do you want your wife to die now, instead of in a month's time,
or a year's?
IVANOFF. This is torture! You are a very bad doctor if you think a man can
control himself forever. It is all I can do not to answer your insults.
LVOFF. Look here, whom are you trying to deceive? Throw off this
disguise!
IVANOFF. You who are so clever, you think that nothing in the world is
easier than to understand me, do you? I married Annie for her money, did I?
And when her parents wouldn't give it to me, I changed my plans, and am
now hustling her out of the world so that I may marry another woman, who
will bring me what I want? You think so, do you? Oh, how easy and simple
it all is! But you are mistaken, doctor; in each one of us there are too many
springs, too many wheels and cogs for us to judge each other by first
impressions or by two or three external indications. I can not understand
you, you cannot understand me, and neither of us can understand himself. A
man may be a splendid doctor, and at the same time a very bad judge of
human nature; you will admit that, unless you are too self-confident.

LVOFF. Do you really think that your character is so mysterious, and that I
am too stupid to tell vice from virtue?
IVANOFF. It is clear that we shall never agree, so let me beg you to answer
me now without any more preamble: exactly what do you want me to do?
[Angrily] What are you after anyway? And with whom have I the honour of
speaking? With my lawyer, or with my wife's doctor?
LVOFF. I am a doctor, and as such I demand that you change your conduct
toward your wife; it is killing her.
IVANOFF. What shall I do? Tell me! If you understand me so much better
than I understand myself, for heaven's sake tell me exactly what to do!
LVOFF. In the first place, don't be so unguarded in your behaviour.
IVANOFF. Heaven help me, do you mean to say that you understand
yourself? [He drinks some water] Now go away; I am guilty a thousand
times over; I shall answer for my sins before God; but nothing has given
you the right to torture me daily as you do.
LVOFF. Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour? You
have maddened and poisoned my soul. Before I came to this place I knew
that stupid, crazy, deluded people existed, but I never imagined that any one
could be so criminal as to turn his mind deliberately in the direction of
wickedness. I loved and esteemed humanity then, but since I have known
you—
IVANOFF. I have heard all that before.
LVOFF. You have, have you?
He goes out, shrugging his shoulders. He sees SASHA, who comes in at
this moment dressed for riding.
LVOFF. Now, however, I hope that we can understand one another!
IVANOFF. [Startled] Oh, Sasha, is that you?
SASHA. Yes, it is I. How are you? You didn't expect me, did you? Why
haven't you been to see us?

IVANOFF. Sasha, this is really imprudent of you! Your coming will have a
terrible effect on my wife!
SASHA. She won't see me; I came in by the back entrance; I shall go in a
minute. I am so anxious about you. Tell me, are you well? Why haven't you
been to see us for such a long time?
IVANOFF. My wife is offended already, and almost dying, and now you
come here; Sasha, Sasha, this is thoughtless and unkind of you.
SASHA. How could I help coming? It is two weeks since you were at our
house, and you have not answered my letters. I imagined you suffering
dreadfully, or ill, or dead. I have not slept for nights. I am going now, but
first tell me that you are well.
IVANOFF. No, I am not well. I am a torment to myself, and every one
torments me without end. I can't stand it! And now you come here. How
morbid and unnatural it all is, Sasha. I am terribly guilty.
SASHA. What dreadful, pitiful speeches you make! So you are guilty, are
you? Tell me, then, what is it you have done?
IVANOFF I don't know; I don't know!
SASHA. That is no answer. Every sinner should know what he is guilty of.
Perhaps you have been forging money?
IVANOFF. That is stupid.
SASHA. Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife? Perhaps
you are, but no one is master of his feelings, and you did not mean to stop
loving her. Do you feel guilty because she saw me telling you that I love
you? No, that cannot be, because you did not want her to see it—
IVANOFF. [Interrupting her] And so on, and so on! First you say I love, and
then you say I don't; that I am not master of my feelings. All these are
commonplace, worn-out sentiments, with which you cannot help me.
SASHA. It is impossible to talk to you. [She looks at a picture on the wall]
How well those dogs are drawn! Were they done from life?

IVANOFF. Yes, from life. And this whole romance of ours is a tedious old
story; a man loses heart and begins to go down in the world; a girl appears,
brave and strong of heart, and gives him a hand to help him to rise again.
Such situations are pretty, but they are only found in novels and not in real
life.
SASHA. No, they are found in real life too.
IVANOFF. Now I see how well you understand real life! My sufferings
seem noble to you; you imagine you have discovered in me a second
Hamlet; but my state of mind in all its phases is only fit to furnish food for
contempt and derision. My contortions are ridiculous enough to make any
one die of laughter, and you want to play the guardian angel; you want to do
a noble deed and save me. Oh, how I hate myself to-day! I feel that this
tension must soon be relieved in some way. Either I shall break something,
or else—
SASHA. That is exactly what you need. Let yourself go! Smash something;
break it to pieces; give a yell! You are angry with me, it was foolish of me
to come here. Very well, then, get excited about it; storm at me; stamp your
feet! Well, aren't you getting angry?
IVANOFF. You ridiculous girl!
SASHA. Splendid! So we are smiling at last! Be kind, do me the favour of
smiling once more!
IVANOFF. [Laughing] I have noticed that whenever you start reforming me
and saving my soul, and teaching me how to be good, your face grows
naive, oh so naive, and your eyes grow as wide as if you were looking at a
comet. Wait a moment; your shoulder is covered with dust. [He brushes her
shoulder] A naive man is nothing better than a fool, but you women
contrive to be naive in such a way that in you it seems sweet, and gentle,
and proper, and not as silly as it really is. What a strange way you have,
though, of ignoring a man as long as he is well and happy, and fastening
yourselves to him as soon as he begins to whine and go down-hill! Do you
actually think it is worse to be the wife of a strong man than to nurse some
whimpering invalid?
SASHA. Yes, it is worse.

IVANOFF. Why do you think so? [Laughing loudly] It is a good thing
Darwin can't hear what you are saying! He would be furious with you for
degrading the human race. Soon, thanks to your kindness, only invalids and
hypochondriacs will be born into the world.
SASHA. There are a great many things a man cannot understand. Any girl
would rather love an unfortunate man than a fortunate one, because every
girl would like to do something by loving. A man has his work to do, and so
for him love is kept in the background. To talk to his wife, to walk with her
in the garden, to pass the time pleasantly with her, that is all that love means
to a man. But for us, love means life. I love you; that means that I dream
only of how I shall cure you of your sadness, how I shall go with you to the
ends of the earth. If you are in heaven, I am in heaven; if you are in the pit,
I am in the pit. For instance, it would be the greatest happiness for me to
write all night for you, or to watch all night that no one should wake you. I
remember that three years ago, at threshing time, you came to us all dusty
and sunburnt and tired, and asked for a drink. When I brought you a glass of
water you were already lying on the sofa and sleeping like a dead man. You
slept there for half a day, and all that time I watched by the door that no one
should disturb you. How happy I was! The more a girl can do, the greater
her love will be; that is, I mean, the more she feels it.
IVANOFF. The love that accomplishes things—hm—that is a fairy tale, a
girl's dream; and yet, perhaps it is as it should be. [He shrugs his shoulders]
How can I tell? [Gaily] On my honour, Sasha, I really am quite a
respectable man. Judge for yourself: I have always liked to discuss things,
but I have never in my life said that our women were corrupt, or that such
and such a woman was on the down-hill path. I have always been grateful,
and nothing more. No, nothing more. Dear child, how comical you are! And
what a ridiculous old stupid I am! I shock all good Christian folk, and go
about complaining from morning to night. [He laughs and then leaves her
suddenly] But you must go, Sasha; we have forgotten ourselves.
SASHA. Yes, it is time to go. Good-bye. I am afraid that that honest doctor
of yours will have told Anna out of a sense of duty that I am here. Take my
advice: go at once to your wife and stay with her. Stay, and stay, and stay,
and if it should be for a year, you must still stay, or for ten years. It is your

duty. You must repent, and ask her forgiveness, and weep. That is what you
ought to do, and the great thing is not to forget to do right.
IVANOFF. Again I feel as if I were going crazy; again!
SASHA. Well, heaven help you! You must forget me entirely. In two weeks
you must send me a line and I shall be content with that. But I shall write to
you—
BORKIN looks in at the door.
BORKIN. Ivanoff, may I come in? [He sees SASHA] I beg your pardon, I
did not see you. Bonjour! [He bows.]
SASHA. [Embarrassed] How do you do?
BORKIN. You are plumper and prettier than ever.
SASHA. [To IVANOFF] I must go, Nicholas, I must go. [She goes out.]
BORKIN. What a beautiful apparition! I came expecting prose and found
poetry instead. [Sings]
"You showed yourself to the world as a bird——"
IVANOFF walks excitedly up and down.
BORKIN. [Sits down] There is something in her, Nicholas, that one doesn't
find in other women, isn't there? An elfin strangeness. [He sighs] Although
she is without doubt the richest girl in the country, her mother is so stingy
that no one will have her. After her mother's death Sasha will have the
whole fortune, but until then she will only give her ten thousand roubles
and an old flat-iron, and to get that she will have to humble herself to the
ground. [He feels in his pockets] Will you have a smoke? [He offers
IVANOFF his cigarette case] These are very good.
IVANOFF. [Comes toward BORKIN stifled with rage] Leave my house this
instant, and don't you ever dare to set foot in it again! Go this instant!
BORKIN gets up and drops his cigarette.
IVANOFF. Go at once!

BORKIN. Nicholas, what do you mean? Why are you so angry?
IVANOFF. Why! Where did you get those cigarettes? Where? You think
perhaps that I don't know where you take the old man every day, and for
what purpose?
BORKIN. [Shrugs his shoulders] What business is it of yours?
IVANOFF. You blackguard, you! The disgraceful rumours that you have
been spreading about me have made me disreputable in the eyes of the
whole countryside. You and I have nothing in common, and I ask you to
leave my house this instant.
BORKIN. I know that you are saying all this in a moment of irritation, and
so I am not angry with you. Insult me as much as you please. [He picks up
his cigarette] It is time though, to shake off this melancholy of yours; you're
not a schoolboy.
IVANOFF. What did I tell you? [Shuddering] Are you making fun of me?
Enter ANNA.
BORKIN. There now, there comes Anna! I shall go.
IVANOFF stops near the table and stands with his head bowed.
ANNA. [After a pause] What did she come here for? What did she come
here for, I ask you?
IVANOFF. Don't ask me, Annie. [A pause] I am terribly guilty. Think of any
punishment you want to inflict on me; I can stand anything, but don't, oh,
don't ask questions!
ANNA. [Angrily] So that is the sort of man you are? Now I understand you,
and can see how degraded, how dishonourable you are! Do you remember
that you came to me once and lied to me about your love? I believed you,
and left my mother, my father, and my faith to follow you. Yes, you lied to
me of goodness and honour, of your noble aspirations and I believed every
word——
IVANOFF. I have never lied to you, Annie.

ANNA. I have lived with you five years now, and I am tired and ill, but I
have always loved you and have never left you for a moment. You have
been my idol, and what have you done? All this time you have been
deceiving me in the most dastardly way——
IVANOFF. Annie, don't say what isn't so. I have made mistakes, but I have
never told a lie in my life. You dare not accuse me of that!
ANNA. It is all clear to me now. You married me because you expected my
mother and father to forgive me and give you my money; that is what you
expected.
IVANOFF. Good Lord, Annie! If I must suffer like this, I must have the
patience to bear it. [He begins to weep.]
ANNA. Be quiet! When you found that I wasn't bringing you any money,
you tried another game. Now I remember and understand everything. [She
begins to cry] You have never loved me or been faithful to me—never!
IVANOFF. Sarah! That is a lie! Say what you want, but don't insult me with
a lie!
ANNA. You dishonest, degraded man! You owe money to Lebedieff, and
now, to escape paying your debts, you are trying to turn the head of his
daughter and betray her as you have betrayed me. Can you deny it?
IVANOFF. [Stifled with rage] For heaven's sake, be quiet! I can't answer for
what I may do! I am choking with rage and I—I might insult you!
ANNA. I am not the only one whom you have basely deceived. You have
always blamed Borkin for all your dishonest tricks, but now I know whose
they are.
IVANOFF. Sarah, stop at once and go away, or else I shall say something
terrible. I long to say a dreadful, cruel thing [He shrieks] Hold your tongue,
Jewess!
ANNA. I won't hold my tongue! You have deceived me too long for me to
be silent now.

IVANOFF. So you won't be quiet? [He struggles with himself] Go, for
heaven's sake!
ANNA. Go now, and betray Sasha!
IVANOFF. Know then that you—are dying! The doctor told me that you are
dying.
ANNA. [Sits down and speaks in a low voice] When did he
IVANOFF. [Clutches his head with both hands] Oh, how guilty I am—how
guilty! [He sobs.]
The curtain falls.
About a year passes between the third and fourth acts.

ACT IV
A sitting-room in LEBEDIEFF'S house. In the middle of the wall at the
back of the room is an arch dividing the sitting-room from the ballroom. To
the right and left are doors. Some old bronzes are placed about the room;
family portraits are hanging on the walls. Everything is arranged as if for
some festivity. On the piano lies a violin; near it stands a violoncello.
During the entire act guests, dressed as for a ball, are seen walking about in
the ball-room.
Enter LVOFF, looking at his watch.
LVOFF. It is five o'clock. The ceremony must have begun. First the priest
will bless them, and then they will be led to the church to be married. Is this
how virtue and justice triumph? Not being able to rob Sarah, he has tortured
her to death; and now he has found another victim whom he will deceive
until he has robbed her, and then he will get rid of her as he got rid of poor
Sarah. It is the same old sordid story. [A pause] He will live to a fine old
age in the seventh heaven of happiness, and will die with a clear
conscience. No, Ivanoff, it shall not be! I shall drag your villainy to light!
And when I tear off that accursed mask of yours and show you to the world
as the blackguard you are, you shall come plunging down headfirst from
your seventh heaven, into a pit so deep that the devil himself will not be
able to drag you out of it! I am a man of honour; it is my duty to interfere in
such cases as yours, and to open the eyes of the blind. I shall fulfil my
mission, and to-morrow will find me far away from this accursed place.
[Thoughtfully] But what shall I do? To have an explanation with Lebedieff
would be a hopeless task. Shall I make a scandal, and challenge Ivanoff to a
duel? I am as excited as a child, and have entirely lost the power of
planning anything. What shall I do? Shall I fight a duel?
Enter KOSICH. He goes gaily up to LVOFF.
KOSICH. I declared a little slam in clubs yesterday, and made a grand
slam! Only that man Barabanoff spoilt the whole game for me again. We
were playing—well, I said "No trumps" and he said "Pass." "Two in clubs,"

he passed again. I made it two in hearts. He said "Three in clubs," and just
imagine, can you, what happened? I declared a little slam and he never
showed his ace! If he had showed his ace, the villain, I should have
declared a grand slam in no trumps!
LVOFF. Excuse me, I don't play cards, and so it is impossible for me to
share your enthusiasm. When does the ceremony begin?
KOSICH. At once, I think. They are now bringing Zuzu to herself again.
She is bellowing like a bull; she can't bear to see the money go.
LVOFF. And what about the daughter?
KOSICH. No, it is the money. She doesn't like this affair anyway. He is
marrying her daughter, and that means he won't pay his debts for a long
time. One can't sue one's son-in-law.
MARTHA, very much dressed up, struts across the stage past LVOFF and
KOSICH. The latter bursts out laughing behind his hand. MARTHA looks
around.
MARTHA. Idiot!
KOSICH digs her in the ribs and laughs loudly.
MARTHA. Boor!
KOSICH. [Laughing] The woman's head has been turned. Before she fixed
her eye on a title she was like any other woman, but there is no coming near
her now! [Angrily] A boor, indeed!
LVOFF. [Excitedly] Listen to me; tell me honestly, what do you think of
Ivanoff?
KOSICH. He's no good at all. He plays cards like a lunatic. This is what
happened last year during Lent: I, the Count, Borkin and he, sat down to a
game of cards. I led a——
LVOFF [Interrupting him] Is he a good man?
KOSICH. He? Yes, he's a good one! He and the Count are a pair of trumps.
They have keen noses for a good game. First, Ivanoff set his heart on the

Jewess, then, when his schemes failed in that quarter, he turned his thoughts
toward Zuzu's money-bags. I'll wager you he'll ruin Zuzu in a year. He will
ruin Zuzu, and the Count will ruin Martha. They will gather up all the
money they can lay hands on, and live happily ever after! But, doctor, why
are you so pale to-day? You look like a ghost.
LVOFF. Oh, it's nothing. I drank a little too much yesterday.
Enter LEBEDIEFF with SASHA.
LEBEDIEFF. We can have our talk here. [To LVOFF and KOSICH] Go
into the ball-room, you two old fogies, and talk to the girls. Sasha and I
want to talk alone here.
KOSICH. [Snapping his fingers enthusiastically as he goes by SASHA]
What a picture! A queen of trumps!
LEBEDIEFF. Go along, you old cave-dweller; go along.
KOSICH and LVOFF go out.
LEBEDIEFF. Sit down, Sasha, there—[He sits down and looks about him]
Listen to me attentively and with proper respect. The fact is, your mother
has asked me to say this, do you understand? I am not speaking for myself.
Your mother told me to speak to you.
SASHA. Papa, do say it briefly!
LEBEDIEFF. When you are married we mean to give you fifteen thousand
roubles. Please don't let us have any discussion about it afterward. Wait,
now! Be quiet! That is only the beginning. The best is yet to come. We have
allotted you fifteen thousand roubles, but in consideration of the fact that
Nicholas owes your mother nine thousand, that sum will have to be
deducted from the amount we mean to give you. Very well. Now, beside
that——
SASHA. Why do you tell me all this?
LEBEDIEFF. Your mother told me to.

SASHA. Leave me in peace! If you had any respect for yourself or me you
could not permit yourself to speak to me in this way. I don't want your
money! I have not asked for it, and never shall.
LEBEDIEFF. What are you attacking me for? The two rats in Gogol's fable
sniffed first and then ran away, but you attack without even sniffing.
SASHA. Leave me in peace, and do not offend my ears with your two-
penny calculations.
LEBEDIEFF. [Losing his temper] Bah! You all, every one of you, do all
you can to make me cut my throat or kill somebody. One of you screeches
and fusses all day and counts every penny, and the other is so clever and
humane and emancipated that she cannot understand her own father! I
offend your ears, do I? Don't you realise that before I came here to offend
your ears I was being torn to pieces over there, [He points to the door]
literally drawn and quartered? So you cannot understand? You two have
addled my brain till I am utterly at my wits' end; indeed I am! [He goes
toward the door, and stops] I don't like this business at all; I don't like any
thing about you—
SASHA. What is it, especially, that you don't like?
LEBEDIEFF. Everything, everything!
SASHA. What do you mean by everything?
LEBEDIEFF. Let me explain exactly what I mean. Everything displeases
me. As for your marriage, I simply can't abide it. [He goes up to SASHA
and speaks caressingly] Forgive me, little Sasha, this marriage may be a
wise one; it may be honest and not misguided, nevertheless, there is
something about the whole affair that is not right; no, not right! You are not
marrying as other girls do; you are young and fresh and pure as a drop of
water, and he is a widower, battered and worn. Heaven help him. I don't
understand him at all. [He kisses his daughter] Forgive me for saying so,
Sasha, but I am sure there is something crooked about this affair; it is
making a great deal of talk. It seems people are saying that first Sarah died,
and then suddenly Ivanoff wanted to marry you. [Quickly] But, no, I am
like an old woman; I am gossiping like a magpie. You must not listen to me
or any one, only to your own heart.

SASHA. Papa, I feel myself that there is something wrong about my
marriage. Something wrong, yes, wrong! Oh, if you only knew how heavy
my heart is; this is unbearable! I am frightened and ashamed to confess this;
Papa darling, you must help me, for heaven's sake. Oh, can't you tell me
what I should do?
LEBEDIEFF. What is the matter, Sasha, what is it?
SASHA. I am so frightened, more frightened than I have ever been before.
[She glances around her] I cannot understand him now, and I never shall.
He has not smiled or looked straight into my eyes once since we have been
engaged. He is forever complaining and apologising for something; hinting
at some crime he is guilty of, and trembling. I am so tired! There are even
moments when I think—I think—that I do not love him as I should, and
when he comes to see us, or talks to me, I get so tired! What does it mean,
dear father? I am afraid.
LEBEDIEFF. My darling, my only child, do as your old father advises you;
give him up!
SASHA. [Frightened] Oh! How can you say that?
LEBEDIEFF. Yes, do it, little Sasha! It will make a scandal, all the tongues
in the country will be wagging about it, but it is better to live down a
scandal than to ruin one's life.
SASHA. Don't say that, father. Oh, don't. I refuse to listen! I must crush
such gloomy thoughts. He is good and unhappy and misunderstood. I shall
love him and learn to understand him. I shall set him on his feet again. I
shall do my duty. That is settled.
LEBEDIEFF. This is not your duty, but a delusion—
SASHA. We have said enough. I have confessed things to you that I have
not dared to admit even to myself. Don't speak about this to any one. Let us
forget it.
LEBEDIEFF. I am hopelessly puzzled, and either my mind is going from
old age or else you have all grown very clever, but I'll be hanged if I
understand this business at all.

Enter SHABELSKI.
SHABELSKI. Confound you all and myself, too! This is maddening!
LEBEDIEFF. What do you want?
SHABELSKI Seriously, I must really do something horrid and rascally, so
that not only I but everybody else will be disgusted by it. I certainly shall
find something to do, upon my word I shall! I have already told Borkin to
announce that I am to be married. [He laughs] Everybody is a scoundrel and
I must be one too!
LEBEDIEFF. I am tired of you, Matthew. Look here, man you talk in such a
way that, excuse my saying so, you will soon find yourself in a lunatic
asylum!
SHABELSKI. Could a lunatic asylum possibly be worse than this house, or
any othe r? Kindly take me there at once. Please do! Everybody is wicked
and futile and worthless and stupid; I am an object of disgust to myself, I
don't believe a word I say——-
LEBEDIEFF. Let me give you a piece of advice, old man; fill your mouth
full of tow, light it, and blow at everybody. Or, better still, take your hat and
go home. This is a wedding, we all want to enjoy ourselves and you are
croaking like a raven. Yes, really.
SHABELSKI leans on the piano and begins to sob.
LEBEDIEFF. Good gracious, Matthew, Count! What is it, dear Matthew,
old friend? Have I offended you? There, forgive me; I didn't mean to hurt
you. Come, drink some water.
SHABELSKI. I don't want any water. [Raises his head.]
LEBEDIEFF. What are you crying about?
SHABELSKI. Nothing in particular; I was just crying.
LEBEDIEFF. Matthew, tell me the truth, what is it? What has happened?
SHABELSKI. I caught sight of that violoncello, and—and—I remembered
the Jewess.

LEBEDIEFF. What an unfortunate moment you have chosen to remember
her. Peace be with her! But don't think of her now.
SHABELSKI. We used to play duets together. She was a beautiful, a
glorious woman.
SASHA sobs.
LEBEDIEFF. What, are you crying too? Stop, Sasha! Dear me, they are
both howling now, and I—and I—Do go away; the guests will see you!
SHABELSKI. Paul, when the sun is shining, it is gay even in a cemetery.
One can be cheerful even in old age if it is lighted by hope; but I have
nothing to hope for—not a thing!
LEBEDIEFF. Yes, it is rather sad for you. You have no children, no money,
no occupation. Well, but what is there to be done about it? [To SASHA]
What is the matter with you, Sasha?
SHABELSKI. Paul, give me some money. I will repay you in the next
world. I would go to Paris and see my wife's grave. I have given away a
great deal of money in my life, half my fortune indeed, and I have a right to
ask for some now. Besides, I am asking a friend.
LEBEDIEFF. [Embarrassed] My dear boy, I haven't a penny. All right
though. That is to say, I can't promise anything, but you understand—very
well, very well. [Aside] This is agony!
Enter MARTHA.
MARTHA. Where is my partner? Count, how dare you leave me alone?
You are horrid! [She taps SHABELSKI on the arm with her fan]
SHABELSKI. [Impatiently] Leave me alone! I can't abide you!
MARTHA. [Frightened] How? What?
SHABELSKI. Go away!
MARTHA. [Sinks into an arm-chair] Oh! Oh! Oh! [She bursts into tears.]
Enter ZINAIDA crying.

ZINAIDA. Some one has just arrived; it must be one of the ushers. It is
time for the ceremony to begin.
SASHA. [Imploringly] Mother!
LEBEDIEFF. Well, now you are all bawling. What a quartette! Come,
come, don't let us have any more of this dampness! Matthew! Martha! If
you go on like this, I—I—shall cry too. [Bursts into tears] Heavens!
ZINAIDA. If you don't need your mother any more, if you are determined
not to obey her, I shall have to do as you want, and you have my blessing.
Enter IVANOFF, dressed in a long coat, with gloves on.
LEBEDIEFF This is the finishing touch! What do you want?
SHABELSKI. Why are you here?
IVANOFF. I beg your pardon, you must allow me to speak to Sasha alone.
LEBEDIEFF. The bridegroom must not come to see the bride before the
wedding. It is time for you to go to the church.
IVANOFF. Paul, I implore you.
LEBEDIEFF shrugs his shoulders. LEBEDIEFF, ZINAIDA, SHABELSKI,
and MARTHA go out.
SASHA. [Sternly] What do you want?
IVANOFF. I am choking with anger; I cannot speak calmly. Listen to me; as
I was dressing just now for the wedding, I looked in the glass and saw how
grey my temples were. Sasha, this must not be! Let us end this senseless
comedy before it is too late. You are young and pure; you have all your life
before you, but I——
SASHA. The same old story; I have heard it a thousand times and I am tired
of it. Go quickly to the church and don't keep everybody waiting!
IVANOFF. I shall go straight home, and you must explain to your family
somehow that there is to be no wedding. Explain it as you please. It is time
we came to our senses. I have been playing the part of Hamlet and you have

been playing the part of a noble and devoted girl. We have kept up the farce
long enough.
SASHA. [Losing her temper] How can you speak to me like this? I won't
have it.
IVANOFF. But I am speaking, and will continue to speak.
SASHA. What do you mean by coming to me like this? Your melancholy
has become absolutely ridiculous!
IVANOFF. No, this is not melancholy. It is ridiculous, is it? Yes, I am
laughing, and if it were possible for me to laugh at myself a thousand times
more bitterly I should do so and set the whole world laughing, too, in
derision. A fierce light has suddenly broken over my soul; as I looked into
the glass just now, I laughed at myself, and nearly went mad with shame.
[He laughs] Melancholy indeed! Noble grief! Uncontrollable sorrow! It
only remains for me now to begin to write verses! Shall I mope and
complain, sadden everybody I meet, confess that my manhood has gone
forever, that I have decayed, outlived my purpose, that I have given myself
up to cowardice and am bound hand and foot by this loathsome
melancholy? Shall I confess all this when the sun is shining so brightly and
when even the ants are carrying their little burdens in peaceful self-content?
No, thanks. Can I endure the knowledge that one will look upon me as a
fraud, while another pities me, a third lends me a helping hand, or worst of
all, a fourth listens reverently to my sighs, looks upon me as a new
Mahomet, and expects me to expound a new religion every moment? No,
thank God for the pride and conscience he has left me still. On my way here
I laughed at myself, and it seemed to me that the flowers and birds were
laughing mockingly too.
SASHA. This is not anger, but madness!
IVANOFF. You think so, do you? No, I am not mad. I see things in their
right light now, and my mind is as clear as your conscience. We love each
other, but we shall never be married. It makes no difference how I rave and
grow bitter by myself, but I have no right to drag another down with me.
My melancholy robbed my wife of the last year of her life. Since you have
been engaged to me you have forgotten how to laugh and have aged five

years. Your father, to whom life was always simple and clear, thanks to me,
is now unable to understand anybody. Wherever I go, whether hunting or
visiting, it makes no difference, I carry depression, dulness, and discontent
along with me. Wait! Don't interrupt me! I am bitter and harsh, I know, but I
am stifled with rage. I cannot speak otherwise. I have never lied, and I
never used to find fault with my lot, but since I have begun to complain of
everything, I find fault with it involuntarily, and against my will. When I
murmur at my fate every one who hears me is seized with the same disgust
of life and begins to grumble too. And what a strange way I have of looking
at things! Exactly as if I were doing the world a favour by living in it. Oh, I
am contemptible.
SASHA. Wait a moment. From what you have just said, it is obvious that
you are tired of your melancholy mood, and that the time has come for you
to begin life afresh. How splendid!
IVANOFF. I don't see anything splendid about it. How can I lead a new
life? I am lost forever. It is time we both understood that. A new life indeed!
SASHA. Nicholas, come to your senses. How can you say you are lost?
What do you mean by such cynicism? No, I won't listen to you or talk with
you. Go to the church!
IVANOFF. I am lost!
SASHA. Don't talk so loud; our guests will hear you!
IVANOFF. If an intelligent, educated, and healthy man begins to complain
of his lot and go down-hill, there is nothing for him to do but to go on down
until he reaches the bottom—there is no hope for him. Where could my
salvation come from? How can I save myself? I cannot drink, because it
makes my head ache. I never could write bad poetry. I cannot pray for
strength and see anything lofty in the languor of my soul. Laziness is
laziness and weakness weakness. I can find no other names for them. I am
lost, I am lost; there is no doubt of that. [Looking around] Some one might
come in; listen, Sasha, if you love me you must help me. Renounce me this
minute; quickly!
SASHA. Oh, Nicholas! If you only knew how you are torturing me; what
agony I have to endure for your sake! Good thoughtful friend, judge for

yourself; can I possibly solve such a problem? Each day you put some
horrible problem before me, each one more difficult than the last. I wanted
to help you with my love, but this is martyrdom!
IVANOFF. And when you are my wife the problems will be harder than
ever. Understand this: it is not love that is urging you to take this step, but
the obstinacy of an honest nature. You have undertaken to reawaken the
man in me and to save me in the face of every difficulty, and you are
flattered by the hope of achieving your object. You are willing to give up
now, but you are prevented from doing it by a feeling that is a false one.
Understand yourself!
SASHA. What strange, wild reasoning! How can I give you up now? How
can I? You have no mother, or sister, or friends. You are ruined; your estate
has been destroyed; every one is speaking ill of you—
IVANOFF. It was foolish of me to come here; I should have done as I
wanted to—
Enter LEBEDIEFF.
SASHA. [Running to her father] Father! He has rushed over here like a
madman, and is torturing me! He insists that I should refuse to marry him;
he says he doesn't want to drag me down with him. Tell him that I won't
accept his generosity. I know what I am doing!
LEBEDIEFF. I can't understand a word of what you are saying. What
generosity?
IVANOFF. This marriage is not going to take place.
SASHA. It is going to take place. Papa, tell him that it is going to take
place.
LEBEDIEFF. Wait! Wait! What objection have you to the marriage?
IVANOFF. I have explained it all to her, but she refuses to understand me.
LEBEDIEFF. Don't explain it to her, but to me, and explain it so that I may
understand. God forgive you, Nicholas, you have brought a great deal of
darkness into our lives. I feel as if I were living in a museum; I look about

me and don't understand anything I see. This is torture. What on earth can
an old man like me do with you? Shall I challenge you to a duel?
IVANOFF. There is no need of a duel. All you need is a head on your
shoulders and a knowledge of the Russian language.
SASHA. [Walks up and down in great excitement] This is dreadful,
dreadful! Absolutely childish.
LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas; from your point of view what you are
doing is quite right and proper, according to the rules of psychology, but I
think this affair is a scandal and a great misfortune. I am an old man; hear
me out for the last time. This is what I want to say to you: calm yourself;
look at things simply, as every one else does; this is a simple world. The
ceiling is white; your boots are black; sugar is sweet. You love Sasha and
she loves you. If you love her, stay with her; if you don't, leave her. We
shan't blame you. It is all perfectly simple. You are two healthy, intelligent,
moral young people; thank God, you both have food and clothing—what
more do you want? What if you have no money? That is no great
misfortune—happiness is not bought with wealth. Of course your estate is
mortgaged, Nicholas, as I know, and you have no money to pay the interest
on the debt, but I am Sasha's father. I understand. Her mother can do as she
likes—if she won't give any money, why, confound her, then she needn't,
that's all! Sasha has just said that she does not want her part of it. As for
your principles, Schopenhauer and all that, it is all folly. I have one hundred
thousand roubles in the bank. [Looking around him] Not a soul in the house
knows it; it was my grandmother's money. That shall be for you both. Take
it, give Matthew two thousand—
[The guests begin to collect in the ball-room].
IVANOFF. It is no use discussing it any more, I must act as my conscience
bids me.
SASHA. And I shall act as my conscience bids me—you may say what you
please; I refuse to let you go! I am going to call my mother.
LEBEDIEFF. I am utterly puzzled.

IVANOFF. Listen to me, poor old friend. I shall not try to explain myself to
you. I shall not tell you whether I am honest or a rascal, healthy or mad;
you wouldn't understand me. I was young once; I have been eager and
sincere and intelligent. I have loved and hated and believed as no one else
has. I have worked and hoped and tilted against windmills with the strength
of ten—not sparing my strength, not knowing what life was. I shouldered a
load that broke my back. I drank, I worked, I excited myself, my energy
knew no bounds. Tell me, could I have done otherwise? There are so few of
us and so much to do, so much to do! And see how cruelly fate has
revenged herself on me, who fought with her so bravely! I am a broken
man. I am old at thirty. I have submitted myself to old age. With a heavy
head and a sluggish mind, weary, used up, discouraged, without faith or
love or an object in life, I wander like a shadow among other men, not
knowing why I am alive or what it is that I want. Love seems to me to be
folly, caresses false. I see no sense in working or playing, and all passionate
speeches seem insipid and tiresome. So I carry my sadness with me
wherever I go; a cold weariness, a discontent, a horror of life. Yes, I am lost
for ever and ever. Before you stands a man who at thirty-five is
disillusioned, wearied by fruitless efforts, burning with shame, and mocking
at his own weakness. Oh, how my pride rebels against it all! What mad fury
chokes me! [He staggers] I am staggering—my strength is failing me.
Where is Matthew? Let him take me home.
[Voices from the ball-room] The best man has arrived!
Enter SHABELSKI.
SHABELSKI. In an old worn-out coat—without gloves! How many
scornful glances I get for it! Such silly jokes and vulgar grins! Disgusting
people.
Enter BORKIN quickly. He is carrying a bunch of flowers and is in a dress-
coat. He wears a flower in his buttonhole.
BORKIN. This is dreadful! Where is he? [To IVANOFF] They have been
waiting for you for a long time in the church, and here you are talking
philosophy! What a funny chap you are. Don't you know you must not go to
church with the bride, but alone, with me? I shall then come back for her. Is

it possible you have not understood that? You certainly are an extraordinary
man!
Enter LVOFF.
LVOFF. [To IVANOFF] Ah! So you are here? [Loudly] Nicholas Ivanoff, I
denounce you to the world as a scoundrel!
IVANOFF. [Coldly] Many thanks!
BORKIN. [To LVOFF] Sir, this is dastardly! I challenge you to a duel!
LVOFF. Monsieur Borkin, I count it a disgrace not only to fight with you,
but even to talk to you! Monsieur Ivanoff, however, can receive satisfaction
from me whenever he chooses!
SHABELSKI. Sir, I shall fight you!
SASHA. [To LVOFF] Why, oh why, have you insulted him? Gentlemen, I
beg you, let him tell me why he has insulted him.
LVOFF. Miss Sasha, I have not insulted him without cause. I came here as a
man of honour, to open your eyes, and I beg you to listen to what I have to
tell you.
SASHA. What can you possibly have to tell me? That you are a man of
honour? The whole world knows it. You had better tell me on your honour
whether you understand what you have done or not. You have come in here
as a man of honour and have insulted him so terribly that you have nearly
killed me. When you used to follow him like a shadow and almost keep him
from living, you were convinced that you were doing your duty and that
you were acting like a man of honour. When you interfered in his private
affairs, maligned him and criticised him; when you sent me and whomever
else you could, anonymous letters, you imagined yourself to be an
honourable man! And, thinking that that too was honourable, you, a doctor,
did not even spare his dying wife or give her a moment's peace from your
suspicions. And no matter what violence, what cruel wrong you committed,
you still imagined yourself to be an unusually honourable and clear-sighted
man.

IVANOFF. [Laughing] This is not a wedding, but a parliament! Bravo!
Bravo!
SASHA. [To LVOFF] Now, think it over! Do you see what sort of a man
you are, or not? Oh, the stupid, heartless people! [Takes IVANOFF by the
hand] Come away from here Nicholas! Come, father, let us go!
IVANOFF. Where shall we go? Wait a moment. I shall soon put an end to
the whole thing. My youth is awake in me again; the former Ivanoff is here
once more.
[He takes out a revolver.]
SASHA. [Shrieking] I know what he wants to do! Nicholas, for God's sake!
IVANOFF. I have been slipping down-hill long enough. Now, halt! It is
time to know what honour is. Out of the way! Thank you, Sasha!
SASHA. [Shrieking] Nicholas! For God's sake hold him!
IVANOFF. Let go! [He rushes aside, and shoots himself.]
The curtain falls.

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