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Title: Nonsense Books

Author: Edward Lear

Release date: October 8, 2004 [eBook #13650]
Most recently updated: December 18, 2020

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13650

Credits: E-text prepared by Dave Newman, Ben Courtney, A. Deubelbeiss, Stan
Goodman,

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NONSENSE BOOKS ***

E-text prepared by Dave Newman, Ben Courtney,
A. Deubelbeiss, Stan Goodman,
and Project Gutenberg Distributed Proofreaders

NONSENSE Nonsense Books
"How Pleasant to Know Mr. Lear"
BOOKS Introduction
I. A Book of Nonsense.
Dedication
Nonsense Rhymes and Pictures

II. Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and
Alphabets.
By Edward Lear. Nonsense Songs
Nonsense Stories
Nonsense Botany
Nonsense Alphabets
III. More Nonsense Pictures, Rhymes,
Botany, etc.
Introduction
Nonsense Botany
One Hundred Nonsense Pictures and
Rhymes
Twenty-six Nonsense Rhymes and
Pictures
IV. Laughable Lyrics: A Fresh Book of
Nonsense Poems, Songs, Botany, etc.
Laughable Lyrics.
Nonsense Botany
Nonsense Alphabets
Index (added 2004)
With all the Original Illustrations. By First Lines
Nonsense Alphabets
Nonsense Botanies
Nonsense Songs and Stories
PUBLISHERS' NOTICE:
The first "Book of Nonsense" was published in 1846. Three other
volumes,—"Nonsense Songs, Stories, etc.," published in 1871; "More
Nonsense Pictures, etc.," in 1872; and "Laughable Lyrics: A Fresh Book
of Nonsense, etc.," in 1877,—comprise all the "Nonsense Books" written
by Mr. Lear.

1894.

1894 Covers— Click for larger versions.

Surely the most beneficent and innocent of
all books yet produced is the "Book of
Nonsense," with its corollary carols,
inimitable and refreshing, and perfect in
rhythm. I really don't know any author to
whom I am half so grateful for my idle self
as Edward Lear. I shall put him first of my
hundred authors.

—JOHN RUSKIN,
In the "List of the Best Hundred
Authors."

EDWARD LEAR
Engraved by Andrew From a Photograph Taken
In San Remo, by Roncarolo.

The following lines by Mr. Lear were written for a young lady of his acquaintance, who had
quoted to him the words of a young lady not of his acquaintance,

"HOW PLEASANT TO KNOW MR.
LEAR!"

He has many friends, lay
"How pleasant to know Mr.
men and clerical,
Lear!"
Old Foss is the name of his
Who has written such
cat;
volumes of stuff!
His body is perfectly
Some think him ill-
spherical,
tempered and queer,
He weareth a runcible hat.
But a few think him
pleasant enough. When he walks in
waterproof white,
His mind is concrete and
The children run after him
fastidious,
so!
His nose is remarkably
Calling out, "He's come out
big;
in his night-
His visage is more or less
Gown, that crazy old
hideous,
Englishman, oh!"
His beard it resembles a
wig. He weeps by the side of the
ocean,
He has ears, and two eyes,
He weeps on the top of the
and ten fingers,
hill;
Leastways if you reckon
He purchases pancakes and
two thumbs;
lotion,
Long ago he was one of the
And chocolate shrimps
singers,
from the mill.
But now he is one of the
dumbs. He reads, but he cannot
speak, Spanish,
He sits in a beautiful parlor,
He cannot abide ginger
With hundreds of books
beer:
on the wall;
Ere the days of his
He drinks a great deal of
pilgrimage vanish,
Marsala,
How pleasant to know Mr.
But never gets tipsy at all.
Lear!

INTRODUCTION.
Edward Lear, the artist, Author of "Journals of a Landscape Painter" in various out-of-the-way
countries, and of the delightful "Books of Nonsense," which have amused successive

generations of children, died on Sunday, January 29, 1888, at San Remo, Italy, where he had
lived for twenty years. Few names could evoke a wider expression of passing regret at their
appearance in the obituary column; for until his health began to fail he was known to an
immense and almost a cosmopolitan circle of acquaintance, and popular wherever he was
known. Fewer still could call up in the minds of intimate friends a deeper and more enduring
feeling of sorrow for personal loss, mingled with the pleasantest of memories; for it was
impossible to know him thoroughly and not to love him. London, Rome, the Mediterranean
countries generally, Ceylon and India, are still all dotted with survivors among his generation
who will mourn for him affectionately, although his latter years were spent in comparatively
close retirement. He was a man of striking nobility of nature, fearless, independent, energetic,
given to forming for himself strong opinions, often hastily, sometimes bitterly; not always
strong or sound in judgment, but always seeking after truth in every matter, and following it as
he understood it in scorn of consequence; utterly unselfish, devoted to his friends, generous
even to extravagance towards any one who had ever been connected with his fortunes or his
travels; playful, light-hearted, witty, and humorous, but not without those occasional fits of
black depression and nervous irritability to which such temperaments are liable.

Great and varied as the merits of his pictures are, Lear hardly succeeded in achieving any great
popularity as a landscape-painter. His work was frequently done on private commission, and
he rarely sent in pictures for the Academy or other exhibitions. His larger and more highly
finished landscapes were unequal in technical perfection,—sometimes harsh or cold in color,
or stiff in composition; sometimes full of imagination, at others literal and prosaic,—but
always impressive reproductions of interesting or peculiar scenery. In later years he used in
conversation to qualify himself as a "topographical artist;" and the definition was true, though
not exhaustive. He had an intuitive and a perfectly trained eye for the character and beauty of
distant mountain lines, the solemnity of rocky gorges, the majesty of a single mountain rising
from a base of plain or sea; and he was equally exact in rendering the true forms of the middle
distances and the specialties of foreground detail belonging to the various lands through which
he had wandered as a sketcher. Some of his pictures show a mastery which has rarely been
equalled over the difficulties of painting an immense plain as seen from a height, reaching
straight away from the eye of the spectator until it is lost in a dim horizon. Sir Roderick
Murchison used to say that he always understood the geological peculiarities of a country he
had only studied in Lear's sketches. The compliment was thoroughly justified; and it is not
every landscape-painter to whom it could honestly be paid.

The history of Lear's choice of a career was a curious one. He was the youngest of twenty-one
children, and, through a family mischance, was thrown entirely on the limited resources of an
elderly sister at a very early age. As a boy he had always dabbled in colors for his own
amusement, and had been given to poring over the ordinary boys' books upon natural history. It
occurred to him to try to turn his infant talents to account; and he painted upon cardboard a
couple of birds in the style which the older among us remember as having been called Oriental
tinting, took them to a small shop, and sold them for fourpence. The kindness of friends, to
whom he was ever grateful, gave him the opportunity of more serious and more remunerative
study, and he became a patient and accurate zoölogical draughtsman. Many of the birds in the
earlier volumes of Gould's magnificent folios were drawn for him by Lear. A few years back
there were eagles alive in the Zoölogical Gardens in Regent's Park to which Lear could point

as old familiar friends that he had drawn laboriously from claw to beak fifty years before. He
united with this kind of work the more unpleasant occupation of drawing the curiosities of
disease or deformity in hospitals. One day, as he was busily intent on the portrait of a bird in
the Zoölogical Gardens, an old gentleman came and looked over his shoulder, entered into
conversation, and finally said to him, "You must come and draw my birds at Knowsley." Lear
did not know where Knowsley was, or what it meant; but the old gentleman was the thirteenth
Earl of Derby. The successive Earls of Derby have been among Lear's kindest and most
generous patrons. He went to Knowsley, and the drawings in the "Knowsley Menagerie" (now
a rare and highly-prized work among book collectors) are by Lear's hand. At Knowsley he
became a permanent favorite; and it was there that he composed in prolific succession his
charming and wonderful series of utterly nonsensical rhymes and drawings. Lear had already
begun seriously to study landscape. When English winters began to threaten his health, Lord
Derby started a subscription which enabled him to go to Rome as a student and artist, and no
doubt gave him recommendations among Anglo-Roman society which laid the foundations of
a numerous clientèle. It was in the Roman summers that Lear first began to exercise the taste
for pictorial wandering which grew into a habit and a passion, to fill vivid and copious note-
books as he went, and to illustrate them by spirited and accurate drawings; and his first volume
of "Illustrated Excursions in Italy," published in 1846, is gratefully dedicated to his Knowsley
patron.

Only those who have travelled with him could know what a delightful comrade he was to men
whose tastes ran more or less parallel to his own. It was not everybody who could travel with
him; for he was so irrepressibly anxious not to lose a moment of the time at his disposal for
gathering into his garners the beauty and interest of the lands over which he journeyed, that he
was careless of comfort and health. Calabria, Sicily, the Desert of Sinai, Egypt and Nubia,
Greece and Albania, Palestine, Syria, Athos, Candia, Montenegro, Zagóri (who knows now
where Zagóri is, or was?), were as thoroughly explored and sketched by him as the more
civilized localities of Malta, Corsica, and Corfu. He read insatiably before starting all the
recognized guide-books and histories of the country he intended to draw; and his published
itineraries are marked by great strength and literary interest quite irrespectively of the
illustrations. And he had his reward. It is not any ordinary journalist and sketcher who could
have compelled from Tennyson such a tribute as lines "To E.L. on his Travels in Greece":—

"Illyrian woodlands, echoing falls
Of water, sheets of summer glass,
The long divine Peneïan pass,
The vast Akrokeraunian walls,

"Tomohrit, Athos, all things fair,
With such a pencil, such a pen,
You shadow forth to distant men,
I read and felt that I was there."

Lear was a man to whom, as to Tennyson's Ulysses,

"All experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world."

After settling at San Remo, and when he was nearly sixty years old, he determined to visit
India and Ceylon. He started once and failed, being taken so ill at Suez that he was obliged to
return. The next year he succeeded, and brought away some thousands of drawings of the most
striking views from all three Presidencies and from the tropical island. His appetite for travel
continued to grow with what it fed upon; and although he hated a long sea-voyage, he used
seriously to contemplate as possible a visit to relations in New Zealand. It may safely,
however, be averred that no considerations would have tempted him to visit the Arctic regions.

A hard-working life, checkered by the odd adventures which happen to the odd and the
adventurous and pass over the commonplace; a career brightened by the high appreciation
of unimpeachable critics; lightened, till of late, by the pleasant society and good wishes of
innumerable friends; saddened by the growing pressure of ill health and solitude; cheered
by his constant trust in the love and sympathy of those who knew him best, however far
away,—such was the life of Edward Lear.
—The London Saturday Review,
Feb. 4, 1888.

Among the writers who have striven with varying success during the last thirty or forty years
to awaken the merriment of the "rising generation" of the time being, Mr. Edward Lear
occupies the first place in seniority, if not in merit. The parent of modern nonsense-writers, he
is distinguished from all his followers and imitators by the superior consistency with which he
has adhered to his aim,—that of amusing his readers by fantastic absurdities, as void of
vulgarity or cynicism as they are incapable of being made to harbor any symbolical meaning.
He "never deviates into sense;" but those who appreciate him never feel the need of such
deviation. He has a genius for coining absurd names and words, which, even when they are
suggested by the exigencies of his metre, have a ludicrous appropriateness to the matter in
hand. His verse is, with the exception of a certain number of cockney rhymes, wonderfully
flowing and even melodious—or, as he would say, meloobious— while to all these
qualifications for his task must finally be added the happy gift of pictorial expression, enabling
him to double, nay, often to quadruple, the laughable effect of his text by an inexhaustible
profusion of the quaintest designs. Generally speaking, these designs are, as it were, an
idealization of the efforts of a clever child; but now and then—as in the case of the nonsense-
botany—Mr. Lear reminds us what a genuine and graceful artist he really is. The advantage to
a humorist of being able to illustrate his own text has been shown in the case of Thackeray and
Mr. W. S. Gilbert, to mention two familiar examples; but in no other instance of such a
combination have we discovered such geniality as is to be found in the nonsense-pictures of
Mr. Lear. We have spoken above of the melodiousness of Mr. Lear's verses, a quality which
renders them excellently suitable for musical setting, and which has not escaped the notice of
the author himself. We have also heard effective arrangements, presumably by other
composers, of the adventures of the Table and the Chair, and of the cruise of the Owl and the
Pussy-cat,—the latter introduced into the "drawing-room entertainment" of one of the
followers of John Parry. Indeed, in these days of adaptations, it is to be wondered at that no
enterprising librettist has attempted to build a children's comic opera out of the materials
supplied in the four books with which we are now concerned. The first of these, originally
published in 1846, and brought out in an enlarged form in 1863, is exclusively devoted to
nonsense-verses of one type. Mr. Lear is careful to disclaim the credit of having created this

type, for he tells us in the preface to his third book that "the lines beginning, 'There was an old
man of Tobago,' were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse leading itself to
limitless variety for Rhymes and Pictures." Dismissing the further question of the authorship of
"There was an old man of Tobago," we propose to give a few specimens of Mr. Lear's Protean
powers as exhibited in the variation of this simple type. Here, to begin with, is a favorite verse,
which we are very glad to have an opportunity of giving, as it is often incorrectly quoted,
"cocks" being substituted for "owls" in the third line:

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'"

With the kindly fatalism which is the distinctive note of the foregoing stanza, the sentiment of
our next extract is in vivid contrast:—

"There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was terribly bored by a bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?' he replied, 'Yes, it does!
It's a regular brute of a Bee.'"

To the foregoing verse an historic interest attaches, if, that is, we are right in supposing it to
have inspired Mr. Gilbert with his famous "Nonsense-Rhyme in Blank Verse." We quote from
memory:—

"There was an Old Man of St. Bees,
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
When they asked, 'Does it hurt?' he replied, 'No, it doesn't,
But I thought all the while 'twas a Hornet!'"

Passing over the lines referring to the "Young Person" of Crete to whom the epithet
"ombliferous" is applied, we may be pardoned—on the ground of the geographical proximity
of the two countries named—for quoting together two stanzas which in reality are separated by
a good many pages:—

"There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the doors queezed her flat, she exclaimed, 'What of that?'
This courageous young person of Norway."

"There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, 'Weedon Station!' she made no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden."

A noticeable feature about this first book, and one which we think is peculiar to it, is the harsh
treatment which the eccentricities of the inhabitants of certain towns appear to have met with

at the hands of their fellow-residents. No less than three people are "smashed,"—the Old Man
of Whitehaven "who danced a quadrille with a Raven;" the Old Person of Buda; and the Old
Man with a gong "who bumped at it all the day long," though in the last-named case we admit
that there was considerable provocation. Before quitting the first "Nonsense-Book," we would
point out that it contains one or two forms that are interesting; for instance, "scroobious,"
which we take to be a Portmanteau word, and "spickle-speckled," a favorite form of
reduplication with Mr. Lear, and of which the best specimen occurs in his last book, "He
tinkledy-binkledy-winkled the bell." The second book, published in 1871, shows Mr. Lear in
the maturity of sweet desipience, and will perhaps remain the favorite volume of the four to
grown-up readers. The nonsense-songs are all good, and "The Story of the Four little Children
who went Round the World" is the most exquisite piece of imaginative absurdity that the
present writer is acquainted with. But before coming to that, let us quote a few lines from "The
Jumblies," who, as all the world knows, went to sea in a sieve:—

"They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,
To a land all covered with trees.
And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart,
And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,
And a hive of silvery Bees.
And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-Daws,
And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,
And no end of Stilton Cheese.
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live.
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a sieve.

And in twenty years they all came back,
In twenty years or more,
And every one said, 'How tall they've grown!
For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore.'"

From the pedestrian excursion of the Table and the Chair, we cannot resist making a brief
quotation, though in this, as in every case, the inability to quote the drawings also is a sad
drawback:—

"So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town,
With a cheerful bumpy sound,
As they toddled round and round.
And everybody cried,
As they hastened to their side,
'See, the Table and the Chair
Have come out to take the air!'

"But in going down an alley
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day,
Till, to see them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-Quack,
And a Beetle and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.

"Then they whispered to each other,
'O delightful little brother,
What a lovely walk we've taken!
Let us dine on Beans and Bacon!'
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy, and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads,
Till they toddled to their beds."

"The Story of the Four little Children who went Round the World" follows next, and the
account of the manner in which they occupied themselves while on shipboard may be
transcribed for the benefit of those unfortunate persons who have not perused the original:
"During the day-time Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt-water into a churn, while
her three brothers churned it violently in the hope it would turn into butter, which it seldom if
ever did." After journeying for a time, they saw some land at a distance, "and when they came
to it they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that it was
bordered by evanescent isthmuses with a great Gulf-Stream running about all over it, so that it
was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, five hundred and three feet high." In a
later passage, we read how "by-and-by the children came to a country where there were no
houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a
dazzling and sweetly susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a
bluebottlefly, and all these interesting animals live continually together in the most copious
and rural harmony, nor perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness
to be found." Our last quotation from this inimitable recital shall be from the description of
their adventure on a great plain where they espied an object which "on a nearer approach and
on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody in a large white wig sitting on
an arm-chair made of sponge-cake and oyster-shells." This turned out to be the "Co-operative
Cauliflower," who, "while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled
affection and disgust ... suddenly arose, and in a somewhat plumdomphious manner hurried off
towards the setting sun, his steps supported by two superincumbent confidential cucumbers ...
till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific sand.
So remarkable a sight of course impressed the four children very deeply; and they returned
immediately to their boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great appetite."

In his third book, Mr. Lear takes occasion in an entertaining preface to repudiate the charge of
harboring any ulterior motive beyond that of "Nonsense pure and absolute" in any of his verses
or pictures, and tells a delightful anecdote illustrative of the "persistently absurd report" that
the Earl of Derby was the author of the first book of "Nonsense." In this volume he reverts

once more to the familiar form adopted in his original efforts, and with little falling off. It is to
be remarked that the third division is styled "Twenty-Six Nonsense Rhymes and Pictures,"
although there is no more rhyme than reason in any of the set. Our favorite illustrations are
those of the "Scroobious Snake who always wore a Hat on his Head, for fear he should bite
anybody," and the "Visibly Vicious Vulture who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
Volume bound in Vellum." In the fourth and last of Mr. Lear's books, we meet not only with
familiar words, but personages and places,—old friends like the Jumblies, the Yonghy-
Bonghy-Bo, the Quangle Wangle, the hills of the Chankly Bore, and the great Gromboolian
plain, as well as new creations, such as the Dong with a luminous Nose, whose story is a sort
of nonsense version of the love of Nausicaa for Ulysses, only that the sexes are inverted. In
these verses, graceful fancy is so subtly interwoven with nonsense as almost to beguile us into
feeling a real interest in Mr. Lear's absurd creations. So again in the Pelican chorus there are
some charming lines:—

"By day we fish, and at eve we stand
On long bare islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun sinks slowly down,
And the great rock-walls grow dark and brown,
When the purple river rolls fast and dim,
And the ivory Ibis starlike skim,
Wing to wing we dance around," etc.

The other nonsense-poems are all good, but we have no space for further quotation, and will
take leave of our subject by propounding the following set of examination questions which a
friend who is deeply versed in Mr. Lear's books has drawn up for us:—

1. What do you gather from a study of Mr. Lear's works to have been the prevalent
characteristics of the inhabitants of Gretna, Prague, Thermopylae, Wick, and Hong Kong?

2. State briefly what historical events are connected with Ischia, Chertsey, Whitehaven,
Boulak, and Jellibolee.

3. Comment, with illustrations, upon Mr. Lear's use of the following words: Runcible,
propitious, dolomphious, borascible, fizzgiggious, himmeltanious, tumble-dum-down,
spongetaneous.

4. Enumerate accurately all the animals who lived on the Quangle Wangle's Hat, and
explain how the Quangle Wangle was enabled at once to enlighten his five travelling
companions as to the true nature of the Co-operative Cauliflower.

5. What were the names of the five daughters of the Old Person of China, and what was
the purpose for which the Old Man of the Dargle purchased six barrels of Gargle?

6. Collect notices of King Xerxes in Mr. Lear's works, and state your theory, if you have
any, as to the character and appearance of Nupiter Piffkin.

7. Draw pictures of the Plum-pudding flea, and the Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear, and state
by whom waterproof tubs were first used.

8. "There was an old man at a station
Who made a promiscuous oration."

What bearing may we assume the foregoing couplet to have upon Mr. Lear's political
views?—The London Spectator.

1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

Original Dedication
Nonsense Pictures and
Rhymes

A Book of Nonsense

by Edward Lear.
With All the Original Pictures and Verses.

There was an Old Derry down Derry, who loved to see little
folks merry;
So he made them a Book, and with laughter they shook
At the fun of that Derry down Derry.

1894

Originally published 1846

NONSENSE RHYMES AND PICTURES
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44
45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84
85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112

There was an Old Man on some rocks,
There was an Old Man with a nose, Who shut his Wife up in a box:
Who said, "If you choose to suppose When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed,
That my nose is too long, you are certainly "Without doubt
wrong!" You will pass all your life in that box."
That remarkable Man with a nose.

There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
So to keep him awake they fed him with cake,
Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the Cat, and said, "Granny,
burn that!
You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!"

There was an Old Man on a hill, There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest that ever was born;
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy,
He ran up and down in his Grandmother's
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

gown,
Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

There was an Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
But he tore it in pieces, to give to his Nieces,
That cheerful Old Man in a pew.

There was an Old Person of Chili,
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,
That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

There was an Old Man of Jamaica,
Who suddenly married a Quaker;
But she cried out, "Oh, lack! I have married a
black!"
Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.

There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all the day long;
But they called out, "Oh, law! you're a horrid
old bore!"
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

There was an Old Man who said, "How
Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?
I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that Cow."

There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;

He spent all that money in onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.

There was a Young Lady of Troy,
There was an Old Man of Columbia, Whom several large flies did annoy;
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer; Some she killed with a thump, some she
But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper drowned at the pump,
pot, And some she took with her to Troy.
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent Bull;
But she seized on a spade, and called out,
"Who's afraid?"
Which distracted that virulent Bull.
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, "Does it buzz?" he replied,
"Yes, it does!
It's a regular brute of a Bee."

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey, There was an Old Person of Dutton,
Who made a remarkable curtsey; Whose head was as small as a button;
She twirled round and round, till she sank So to make it look big he purchased a wig,
underground, And rapidly rushed about Dutton.
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!"
When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not
at all;
There was a Young Lady whose chin It is four times as big as the bush!"
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp, and purchased a
harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,—no one heard
such a scream
There was an Old Man with a flute,— As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
A "sarpint" ran into his boot!
But he played day and night, till the "sarpint"
took flight,
And avoided that Man with a flute.

There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the
deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
Whose ideas were excessively nautical;
She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,
But declared she would never leave Portugal.

There was an Old Person of Ischia, There was an Old Person of Bangor,
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier; Whose face was distorted with anger;
He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots,
thousands of figs, That borascible Person of Bangor.
That lively Old Person of Ischia

There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
There was an Old Man of Vienna, But they all ate so much, and their conduct
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna; was such,
When that did not agree, he took Camomile That it killed that Old Man of the East.
Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"
There was an Old Man of the Coast,
When they said, "No, you ain't!" he was ready
to faint, Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold he relinquished his hold,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
And called for some hot buttered toast.

There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,
Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur;
There was an Old Person of Buda, His gait and his waddle were held as a model
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder, To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
Till at last with a hammer they silenced his
clamor.
By smashing that Person of Buda.

There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
There was an Old Person of Gretna,
Who had the most curious behavior;
Who rushed down the crater of Etna;
For while he was able, he slept on a table,
When they said, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No,
That funny Old Man of Moldavia.
it's not!"
That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who sat on a Horse when he reared;
There was an Old Person of Hurst, But they said, "Never mind! you will fall off
Who drank when he was not athirst;
behind,
When they said, "You'll grow fatter!" he
You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
answered "What matter?"
That globular Person of Hurst.

There was an Old Man of Berlin,
Whose form was uncommonly thin;
There was an Old Man of Madras, Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a
Who rode on a cream-colored Ass; cake,
But the length of its ears so promoted his So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.
fears,
That it killed that Old Man of Madras.

There was an Old Man of the West,
There was an Old Person of Dover, Who never could get any rest;
Who rushed through a field of blue clover; So they set him to spin on his nose and his
But some very large Bees stung his nose and chin,
his knees, Which cured that Old Man of the West.
So he very soon went back to Dover.

There was an Old Person of Cheadle
Was put in the stocks by the Beadle
There was an Old Person of Leeds, For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some
Whose head was infested with beads; wigs,
She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool, That horrible person of Cheadle.
Which agreed with that Person of Leeds.

There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all ladies; There was an Old Person of Anerley,
But in handing his daughter, he fell into the Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
water, He rushed down the Strand with a Pig in each
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz. hand,
But returned in the evening to Anerley.

There was an Old Man of the Isles,
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Whose face was pervaded with smiles;
Who caught a large Fish without scales;
He sang "High dum diddle," and played on the
When she lifted her hook, she exclaimed,
fiddle,
"Only look!"
That amiable Man of the Isles.
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.

There was an Old Person of Basing,
Whose presence of mind was amazing;
He purchased a steed, which he rode at full
speed,
And escaped from the people of Basing. There was a Young Lady of Welling,
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on the harp, and caught several

Carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.

There was an Old Man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed; There was an Old Person of Tartary,
But some very large Rats ate his coats and his Who divided his jugular artery;
hats, But he screeched to his Wife, and she said,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed. "Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"

There was an Old Person whose habits
Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly
green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits. There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
But they said, "It's absurd to encourage this
bird!"
So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.

There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;
When they said, "Does it fit?" he replied, "Not
a bit!" There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
That uneasy Old Man of the West. Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, "Weedon Station!" she made
no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden.

There was an Old Person of Chester,
There was an Old Man of Marseilles, Whom several small children did pester;
Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils: They threw some large stones, which broke
They caught several Fish, which they put in a most of his bones,
dish, And displeased that Old Person of Chester.
And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.

There was an Old Man of the Wrekin, There was an Old Man of the Cape,
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking; Who possessed a large Barbary Ape;
But they said, "Tell us whether your shoes are Till the Ape, one dark night, set the house all
of leather, alight,
Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?" Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.

There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
There was an Old Person of Burton,
So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
steady,
When they said, "How d' ye do?" he replied,
To carry that wonderful nose.
"Who are you?"
That distressing Old Person of Burton.

There was an Old Person of Ems
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found, they said he was
There was a Young Lady of Norway, drowned,
Who casually sat in a doorway; That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
When the door squeezed her flat, she
exclaimed, "What of that?"
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.

There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
Whose Aunt was a very fast walker;
There was an Old Man of Apulia, She walked seventy miles, and leaped fifteen
Whose conduct was very peculiar; stiles,
He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns, Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
That whimsical Man of Apulia.

There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool;
There was an Old Man of Quebec,— So she put it to boil by the aid of some oil,
A beetle ran over his neck; That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
But he cried, "With a needle I'll slay you, O
beadle!"
That angry Old Man of Quebec.

There was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs to her Uncle's white There was an Old Lady of Prague,
Pigs: Whose language was horribly vague;
That amusing Young Lady of Bute. When they said, "Are these caps?" she
answered, "Perhaps!"
That oracular Lady of Prague.

There was an Old Person of Philœ,
Whose conduct was scroobious and wily; There was a Young Lady of Parma,
He rushed up a Palm when the weather was Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer:
calm, When they said, "Are you dumb?" she merely
And observed all the ruins of Philœ. said, "Hum!"
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.

There was an Old Man with a poker,
Who painted his face with red ochre. There was an Old Person of Sparta,
When they said, "You 're a Guy!" he made no Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;"
reply, He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in
But knocked them all down with his poker. scales,
That wonderful Person of Sparta.

There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who was suddenly seized with the plague; There was an Old Man on whose nose
But they gave him some butter, which caused Most birds of the air could repose;
him to mutter, But they all flew away at the closing of day,
And cured that Old Person of Prague. Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

There was an Old Man of Peru,
There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
Who wept when the weather was murky;
But once, by mistake, in a stove she did bake When the day turned out fine, she ceased to
That unfortunate Man of Peru. repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook fished him out with a There was an Old Man of Aôsta
hook, Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
Which saved that Old Man of the North. But they said, "Don't you see she has run up a
tree,
You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?"

There was an Old Person of Troy,
Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
Which he took with a spoon, by the light of There was a Young Person of Crete,
the moon, Whose toilette was far from complete;
In sight of the city of Troy. She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with
black,
That ombliferous Person of Crete.

There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was madly pursued by a Bear;
There was an Old Person of Mold, When she found she was tired, she abruptly
Who shrank from sensations of cold; expired,
So he purchased some muffs, some furs, and That unfortunate Lady of Clare.
some fluffs,
And wrapped himself well from the cold.

There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
He gazed at the moon every evening in June, There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
That ecstatic Old Person of Tring. Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.

There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
From his horse had a terrible fall;
But, though split quite in two, with some very
strong glue
They mended that man of Nepaul.

There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

There was an Old Man of the Nile,
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly,
"This comes
Of sharpening one's nails with a file!"

There was an old Person of Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over
the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.

There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, "That's your toe," he replied,
"Is it so?"
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.

There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
Who perpetually ate bread and butter;
Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was
stuffing,
Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta. There was an Old Man of the Hague,
Whose ideas were excessively vague;
He built a balloon to examine the moon,
That deluded Old Man of the Hague.

There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
Who strongly objected to toads;
He paid several cousins to catch them by
dozens,
That futile Old Person of Rhodes.

There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.

There was an Old Man of the South,
Who had an immoderate mouth;
But in swallowing a dish that was quite full of
Fish,
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.

There was an Old Man of Melrose,
Who walked on the tips of his toes;
But they said, "It ain't pleasant to see you at
present,
You stupid Old Man of Melrose."
There was an Old Man who said, "Well!
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night, till my hair has
grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!"

There was an Old Man of the Dee,
Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea;
When he said, "I will scratch it!" they gave
him a hatchet,
Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.

There was an Old Man with an Owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl.

There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
Whose lovers completely forsook her;
She ran up a tree, and said "Fiddle-de-dee!"
Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.

There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
The length of whose legs was immense;
He went with one prance from Turkey to
France, There was an Old Man in a casement,
That surprising Old Man of Coblenz. Who held up his hands in amazement;
When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he replied,
"Not at all!"
That incipient Old Man in a casement.

There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
Whose daughter was christened Euphemia;
But one day, to his grief, she married a thief,
Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.
There was an Old Person of Ewell,
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice, he inserted some
Mice,
Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

There was an Old Man of Corfu,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he rushed up and down, till the sun made
him brown,
That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.

There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burnt his book, to drinking
he took,
That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
There was an Old Man of Peru.
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.

There was an Old Man of Dundee,
Who frequented the top of a tree;
When disturbed by the Crows, he abruptly There was an Old Man with a beard,
arose, Who said, "It is just as I feared!—
And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee!" Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard."

There was a Young Lady whose eyes
There was an Old Lady whose folly Were unique as to color and size;
Induced her to sit in a holly; When she opened them wide, people all turned
Whereon, by a thorn her dress being torn, aside,
She quickly became melancholy. And started away in surprise.

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
She purchased some clogs, and some small
spotty Dogs,
And frequently walked about Ryde.

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
But she said, "I don't care! all the birds in the
air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!"

Nonsense Songs,
Stories, Botany, and 1894 Cover
Click for larger version.
Alphabets. Nonsense Songs.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
The Duck and the Kangaroo
The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly
The Jumblies
The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-
Tongs

Calico Pie
Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow
By Edward Lear. The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker,
and the Tongs
The Table And The Chair
Nonsense Stories.
The Story of the Four Little
Children Who Went Round The
World
The History of the Seven Families
of the Lake Pipple-Popple
Nonsense Cookery
Nonsense Botany
With One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations. Nonsense Alphabets
No. 1
1894 No. 2
No. 3
Originally published 1871

NONSENSE SONGS.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and
the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And
The Chair

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

I.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

II.

Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

III.

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will."
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

I.

Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
"Good gracious! how you hop
Over the fields, and the water too,
As if you never would stop!
My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you,"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

II.

"Please give me a ride on your back,"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo:
"I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack'
The whole of the long day through;
And we 'd go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land, and over the sea:
Please take me a ride! oh, do!"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

III.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
"This requires some little reflection.
Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
And there seems but one objection;
Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo-
Matiz," said the Kangaroo.

IV.

Said the Duck, "As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely;
And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly;

And, to keep out the cold, I've bought a cloak;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true
Love of a Kangaroo."

V.

Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
All in the moonlight pale;
But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
And quite at the end of my tail."

So away they went with a hop and a bound;
And they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who so happy, oh! who,
As the Duck and the Kangaroo?

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

I.

Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Dressed in brown and gray,
Walked about upon the sands
Upon a summer's day:
And there among the pebbles,
When the wind was rather cold,
He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,
All dressed in blue and gold;
And, as it was too soon to dine,
They drank some periwinkle-wine,
And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

II.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly,
"Why do you never come to court?
I wish you 'd tell me why.
All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court.
Why do you never go at all?
I really think you ought.
And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen,—
One in red, and one in green."

III.

"O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
"It's true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why.
If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court;
But, oh! I can't, because my legs
Are so extremely short.
And I'm afraid the king and queen
(One in red, and one in green)
Would say aloud, 'You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!'"

IV.

"Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly,
"I wish you 'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody.
You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone by;
But now you never sing at all:
I wish you'd tell me why:
For, if you would, the silvery sound
Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
And all the crabs would gladly come
To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum!'"

V.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
"I can never sing again;
And, if you wish, I'll tell you why,
Although it gives me pain.
For years I cannot hum a bit,
Or sing the smallest song;
And this the dreadful reason is,—
My legs are grown too long!
My six long legs, all here and there,
Oppress my bosom with despair;
And, if I stand or lie or sit,
I cannot sing one single bit!"

VI.

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly
Sat down in silence by the sea,
And gazed upon the sky.
They said, "This is a dreadful thing!
The world has all gone wrong,
Since one has legs too short by half,
The other much too long.
One never more can go to court,
Because his legs have grown too short;
The other cannot sing a song,
Because his legs have grown too long!"

VII.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly

Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry:
And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray;
And off they sailed among the waves,
Far and far away:
They sailed across the silent main,
And reached the great Gromboolian Plain;
And there they play forevermore
At battlecock and shuttledore.

THE
JUMBLIES.

I.

They went to
sea in a sieve,
they did;
In a sieve
they went to sea:
In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
In a sieve they went to sea.
And when the sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
They called aloud, "Our sieve ain't big;
But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig:
In a sieve we'll go to sea!"
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And they went to sea in a sieve.

II.

They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
In a sieve they sailed so fast,
With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast.
And every one said who saw them go,
"Oh! won't they be soon upset, you know?
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
And, happen what may, it's extremely wrong
In a sieve to sail so fast."
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

III.

The water it soon came in, it did;
The water it soon came in:
So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In a pinky paper all folded neat;
And they fastened it down with a pin.
And they passed the night in a crockery-jar;
And each of them said, "How wise we are!
Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin."
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

IV.

And all night long they sailed away;
And when the sun went down,
They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown.
"O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
In the shade of the mountains brown."
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;

And they went to sea in a sieve.

V.

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,—
To a land all covered with trees:
And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
And a hive of silvery bees;
And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And no end of Stilton cheese.
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

VI.

And in twenty years they all came back,—
In twenty years or more;
And every one said, "How tall they've grown!
For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore."
And they drank their health, and gave them a feast
Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast;
And every one said, "If we only live,
We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
To the hills of the Chankly Bore."
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live:
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;
And they went to sea in a sieve.

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-
TONGS.

I.

The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;
The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side;
And the Nutcrackers said, "Don't you wish we were able
Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride?
Must we drag on this stupid existence forever,
So idle and weary, so full of remorse,
While every one else takes his pleasure, and never
Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?

II.

"Don't you think we could ride without being instructed,
Without any saddle or bridle or spur?
Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,
I'm sure that an accident could not occur.
Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,
And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse!
Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?"
The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, "Of course!"

III.

So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute;
The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said
"Crack!"
The stable was open; the horses were in it:
Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back.
The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway;
The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay;
The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from
Norway,
Screamed out, "They are taking the horses away!"

IV.

The whole of the household was filled with amazement:
The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about;
The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement;
The Salt-cellar stood on his head with a shout;
The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice;
The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies;
The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.

V.

The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion!"

The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face;
And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion
To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race.
And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter
(Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with
brown),
The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after;
Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.

VI.

They rode through the street, and they rode by the
station;
They galloped away to the beautiful shore;
In silence they rode, and "made no observation,"
Save this: "We will never go back any more!"
And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,
The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say "Crack!"
Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing,
They faded away; and they never came back!

CALICO PIE.

I.

Calico pie,
The little birds fly
Down to the calico-
tree:
Their wings were blue,
And they sang "Tilly-
loo!"
Till away they flew;
And they never came
back to me!
They never came
back,
They never came
back,
They never came back to me!

II.

Calico jam,
The little Fish swam

Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took off his hat
To the Sole and the Sprat,
And the Willeby-wat:

But he never came back to me;
He never came back,
He never came back,
He never came back to me.

III.

Calico ban,
The little Mice ran
To be ready in time for tea;
Flippity flup,
They drank it all up,
And danced in the cup:
But they never came back to me;
They never came back,
They never came back,
They never came back to me

IV.

Calico drum,
The Grasshoppers come,
The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Over the ground,
Around and round,
With a hop and a bound;

But they never came back,
They never came back,
They never came back.
They never came back to me.

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

I.

On a little piece of wood
Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:
Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an insect-pie
For her little children five,
In the nest and all alive;
Singing with a cheerful smile,
To amuse them all the while,
"Twikky wikky wikky wee,
Wikky bikky twikky tee,
Spikky bikky bee!"

II.

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
"Spikky, darling! in my head
Many thoughts of trouble come,
Like to flies upon a plum.
All last night, among the trees,
I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
And thought I, 'It's come to that
Because he does not wear a hat!'
Chippy wippy sikky tee,

Bikky wikky tikky mee,
Spikky chippy wee!

III.

"Not that you are growing old;
But the nights are growing cold.
No one stays out all night long
Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong!"
Mr. Spikky said, "How kind,
Dear, you are, to speak your mind!
All your life I wish you luck!
You are, you are, a lovely duck!
Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twitchy witchy witchy bee,
Tikky tikky tee!

IV.

"I was also sad, and thinking,
When one day I saw you winking,
And I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
And I saw your feathers ruffle:
To myself I sadly said,
'She's neuralgia in her head!
That dear head has nothing on it!
Ought she not to wear a bonnet?'
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee,
Spikky wikky mikky bee,
Chippy wippy chee!

V.

"Let us both fly up to town:
There I'll buy you such a gown!
Which, completely in the fashion,
You shall tie a sky-blue sash on;
And a pair of slippers neat
To fit your darling little feet,
So that you will look and feel
Quite galloobious and genteel.
Jikky wikky bikky see,
Chicky bikky wikky bee,
Twicky witchy wee!"

VI.

So they both to London went,
Alighting on the Monument;
Whence they flew down swiftly—pop!
Into Moses' wholesale shop:
There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a gown with spots upon it,
A satin sash of Cloxam blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee,
Witchy witchy mitchy kee,
Sikky tikky wee!

VII.

Then, when so completely dressed,
Back they flew, and reached their nest.
Their children cried, "O ma and pa!
How truly beautiful you are!"
Said they, "We trust that cold or pain
We shall never feel again;
While, perched on tree or house or steeple,
We now shall look like other people.
Witchy witchy witchy wee,
Twikky mikky bikky bee,
Zikky sikky tee!"

THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER,
AND THE TONGS.

I.

The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
They all took a drive in the Park;
And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Before they went back in the dark.
Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach;
Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash;
Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
And they all sang a song.

II.

"O Shovely so lovely!" the Poker he sang,
"You have perfectly conquered my heart.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my
song,
I will feed you with cold apple-tart.
When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
You enrapture my life with delight,
Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
And your shape is so slender and bright!
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Ain't you pleased with my song?"

III.

"Alas! Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,
"Oh! is it because I'm so thin,
And my legs are so long,—ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!—
That you don't care about me a pin?
Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
Ah! why don't you heed my complaint?
Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
Because you are covered with paint?
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
You are certainly wrong."

IV.

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
"What nonsense you're singing to-day!"
Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang!"
Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away!"
So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
Perceiving their anger with pain;
But they put on the kettle, and little by little

They all became happy again.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
There's an end of my song.

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

I.

Said the Table to the Chair,
"You can hardly be aware
How I suffer from the heat
And from chilblains on my feet.
If we took a little walk,
We might have a little talk;
Pray let us take the air,"
Said the Table to the Chair.

II.

Said the Chair unto the Table,
"Now, you know we are not able:
How foolishly you talk,
When you know we cannot walk!"
Said the Table with a sigh,
"It can do no harm to try.
I've as many legs as you:
Why can't we walk on two?"

III.

So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round;
And everybody cried,
As they hastened to their side,
"See! the Table and the Chair
Have come out to take the air!"

IV.

But in going down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day;
Till, to see them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.

V.

Then they whispered to each other,
"O delightful little brother,
What a lovely walk we've taken!
Let us dine on beans and bacon."
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads
Till they toddled to their beds.

NONSENSE STORIES.
The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-
Popple

THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND
THE WORLD.

Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose names were

and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought a large boat to sail quite
round the world by sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land. The boat
was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes: and, when they set
off, they only took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly Quangle-
Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the tea; for which purposes they took a large
kettle.

For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat, as there were lots of
fish; and they had only to take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-
Wangle instantly cooked them; and the Pussy-Cat was fed with the bones, with which she
expressed herself pleased, on the whole: so that all the party were very happy.

During the daytime, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt water into a churn; while her
three brothers churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter, which it seldom if

ever did; and in the evening they all retired into the tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep
very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the boat.

After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when they came to it, they found it was an
island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent
isthmuses, with a great gulf-stream running about all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful,
and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high.

When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to their great
surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets and chocolate-drops,
and nothing else. So they all climbed up the single high tree to discover,
if possible, if there were any people; but having remained on the top of
the tree for a week, and not seeing anybody, they naturally concluded that
there were no inhabitants; and accordingly, when they came down, they
loaded the boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and a million of
chocolate-drops; and these afforded them sustenance for more than a
month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmost
delight and apathy.

After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five
great red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all fast
asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and the Quangle-Wangle
crept softly, and bit off the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five parrots; for
which Violet reproved them both severely.

Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers—two hundred and sixty in
number—in her bonnet; thereby causing it to have a lovely and glittering appearance, highly
prepossessing and efficacious.

The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so entirely
full of fishes that the boat could go on no farther: so they remained there about six weeks, till
they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered with
shrimp-sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever.

And as the few fishes who remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the
difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the arctic
bears and the tropical turnspits, which frequented the neighborhood in great numbers, Violet
most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered
some opium-drops to them; through which kindness they became quite warm, and slept
soundly.

Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense orange-trees of a vast
size, and quite full of fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the tea-kettle, intending to
gather some of the oranges, and place them in it. But, while they were busy about this, a most
dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot-tail feathers from Violet's bonnet.
That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity of the oranges falling down on their
heads by millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them
all so seriously, that they were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives; besides that
the sound of the oranges rattling on the tea-kettle was of the most fearful and amazing nature.

Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and hurt; and the
Quangle-Wangle's right foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in his
slipper for at least a week.

This event made them all for a time rather melancholy: and perhaps they might never have
become less so, had not Lionel, with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance,
continued to stand on one leg,
and whistle to them in a loud and lively manner; which diverted the whole party so extremely
that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that whenever they should reach home,
they would subscribe towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread and
raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and grateful infection.

After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another country, where they were
much pleased and surprised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red eyes, all sitting
in a great circle, slowly eating custard-pudding with the most satisfactory and polite demeanor.

And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating nothing but soles and
oranges for so long a period, they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for
some of their pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be
otherwise than gratified. It was agreed, therefore, that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which
he immediately did; and the result was, that they gave a walnut-shell only half full of custard
diluted with water. Now, this displeased Guy, who said, "Out of such a lot of pudding as you
have got, I must say, you might have spared a somewhat larger quantity." But no sooner had he
finished speaking than the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an appalling and
vindictive manner (and it is impossible to imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound
than that caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry Mice); so that Guy

rushed back to the boat, having first shied his cap into the middle of the custard-pudding, by
which means he completely spoiled the Mice's dinner.

By and by the four children came to a country where there were no houses, but only an
incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweetly
susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a Blue-Bottle-Fly; and all these
interesting animals live continually together in the most copious and rural harmony: nor
perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found. Violet and
Slingsby and Guy and Lionel were greatly struck with this singular and instructive settlement;
and, having previously asked permission of the Blue-Bottle-Flies (which was most courteously
granted), the boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make tea in front of the
bottles: but as they had no tea-leaves, they merely placed some pebbles in the hot water; and
the Quangle-Wangle played some tunes over it on an accordion, by which, of course, tea was
made directly, and of the very best quality.

The four children then entered into conversation with the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who discoursed in
a placid and genteel manner, though with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the fact
that they each held a small clothes-brush between their teeth, which naturally occasioned a
fizzy, extraneous utterance.

"Why," said Violet, "would you kindly inform us, do you reside in bottles; and, if in bottles at
all, why not, rather, in green or purple, or, indeed, in yellow bottles?"

To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered, "We found the bottles here all ready
to live in; that is to say, our great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers did: so we occupied
them at once. And, when the winter comes on, we turn the bottles upside down, and
consequently rarely feel the cold at all; and you know very well that this could not be the case
with bottles of any other color than blue."

"Of course it could not," said Slingsby. "But, if we may take the liberty of inquiring, on what
do you chiefly subsist?"

"Mainly on oyster-patties," said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; "and, when these are scarce, on raspberry
vinegar and Russian leather boiled down to a jelly."

"How delicious!" said Guy.

To which Lionel added, "Huzz!" And all the Blue-Bottle-Flies said, "Buzz!"

At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the evening-song to be sung; and, on a
signal being given, all the Blue-Bottle-Flies began to buzz at once in a sumptuous and
sonorous manner, the melodious and mucilaginous sounds echoing all over the waters, and
resounding across the tumultuous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and
verdant mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly virtuous. The
Moon was shining slobaciously from the star-bespangled sky, while her light irrigated the
smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a peculiar and trivial
splendor, while all Nature cheerfully responded to the cerulean and conspicuous
circumstances.

In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked back to that evening as one of the
happiest in all their lives; and it was already past midnight when—the sail of the boat having
been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and churn placed in their respective
positions, and the Pussy-Cat stationed at the helm—the children each took a last and
affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down in a body to the water's edge
to see the travellers embark.

As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a courtesy quite down to the ground,
and stuck one of her few remaining parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the most pleasing
of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel offered them three small boxes,
containing, respectively, black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left that happy
shore forever.

Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers instantly jumped into the tea-kettle, and
fell fast asleep. But all along the shore, for many hours, there was distinctly heard a sound of
severely-suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude of living creatures using their pocket-
handkerchiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly along the walloping waves as
the boat sailed farther and farther away from the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that, as the travellers were
passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle; namely, a large
number of Crabs and Crawfish—perhaps six or seven hundred—sitting by the water-side, and
endeavoring to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they moistened at intervals
with a fluid composed of lavender-water and white-wine negus.

"Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies?" said the four children.

"Thank you kindly," said the Crabs consecutively. "We are trying to make some worsted
mittens, but do not know how."

On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of mitten-making, said to the
Crabs, "Do your claws unscrew, or are they fixtures?"

"They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs; and forthwith they deposited a great pile of
claws close to the boat, with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted, and then made
the loveliest mittens with it you can imagine. These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on
their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly on their hind-legs,
warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key.

After this, the four little people sailed on again till they came to a vast and wide plain of
astonishing dimensions, on which nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but, as the
travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object,
which on a nearer approach, and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be
somebody in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-cakes and oyster-
shells. "It does not quite look like a human being," said Violet doubtfully; nor could they make
out what it really was, till the Quangle-Wangle (who had previously been round the world)
exclaimed softly in a loud voice, "It is the co-operative Cauliflower!"

And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they had taken for an immense wig was
in reality the top of the Cauliflower; and that he had no feet at all, being able to walk tolerably
well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a single cabbage-stalk,—an accomplishment
which naturally saved him the expense of stockings and shoes.

Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled affection and
disgust, he suddenly arose, and, in a somewhat plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards
the setting sun,—his steps supported by two superincumbent confidential Cucumbers, and a
large number of Waterwagtails proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a row,—till
he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific sand.

So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four children very deeply; and they returned
immediately to their boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great appetite.

Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail directly below some high overhanging
rocks, from the top of one of which a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose-colored
knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head, threw an enormous pumpkin at the
boat, by which it was instantly upset.

But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew how to swim very well:
and, in fact, they preferred swimming about till after the moon rose; when, the water growing
chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat. Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the
pumpkin with immense force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious little boy in rose-
colored knickerbockers was sitting; when, being quite full of lucifer-matches, the pumpkin
exploded surreptitiously into a thousand bits; whereon the rocks instantly took fire, and the
odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were
turned quite green, and his nose was burnt off.

Two or three days after this had happened, they came to another place, where they found
nothing at all except some wide and deep pits full of mulberry-jam. This is the property of the
tiny, yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts, and who store up the mulberry-jam for
their food in winter, when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle-soup, and serve it out in
wedgewood china-bowls, which grow freely all over that part of the country. Only one of the
yellow-nosed Apes was on the spot, and he was fast asleep; yet the four travellers and the
Quangle-Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by the violence and sanguinary sound of his
snoring, that they merely took a small cupful of the jam, and returned to re-embark in their
boat without delay.

What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the churn and the tea-kettle) in the mouth
of an enormous Seeze Pyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to behold, and,
happily, only met with in those excessive longitudes! In a moment, the beautiful boat was
bitten into fifty-five thousand million hundred billion bits; and it instantly became quite clear
that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could no longer preliminate their voyage by sea.

The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on pursuing their wanderings by land:
and, very fortunately, there happened to pass by at that moment an elderly Rhinoceros, on

which they seized; and, all four mounting on his back,—the Quangle-Wangle sitting on his
horn, and holding on by his ears, and the Pussy-Cat swinging at the end of his tail,—they set
off, having only four small beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes to last through their
whole journey.

They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens and turkeys and other birds who
incessantly alighted on the head of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds of the
rhododendron-plants which grew there; and these creatures they cooked in the most translucent
and satisfactory manner by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros's back. A
crowd of Kangaroos and gigantic Cranes accompanied them, from feelings of curiosity and
complacency; so that they were never at a loss for company, and went onward, as it were, in a
sort of profuse and triumphant procession.

Thus in less than eighteen weeks they all arrived safely at home, where they were received by
their admiring relatives with joy tempered with contempt, and where they finally resolved to
carry out the rest of their travelling-plans at some more favorable opportunity.

As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him killed and stuffed
directly, and then set him up outside the door of their father's house as a diaphanous
doorscraper.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-
POPPLE.

CHAPTER I.
INTRODUCTORY.

In former days,—that is to say, once upon a time,—there lived in the Land of Gramble-
Blamble seven families. They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipple-Popple (one of the
seven families, indeed, lived in the lake), and on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which,
excepting when it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all these places you
have probably heard of; and you have only not to look in your geography-books to find out all
about them.

Now, the seven families who lived on the borders of the great Lake Pipple-Popple were as
follows in the next chapter.

CHAPTER II.
THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

There was a family of two old Parrots and seven young Parrots.

There was a family of two old Storks and seven young Storks.

There was a family of two old Geese and seven young Geese.

There was a family of two old Owls and seven young Owls.

There was a family of two old Guinea Pigs and seven young Guinea Pigs.

There was a family of two old Cats and seven young Cats.

And there was a family of two old Fishes and seven young Fishes.

CHAPTER III.
THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

The Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees, which were beautiful to behold, and covered
with blue leaves; and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and striped beetles.

The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple, and ate frogs for breakfast, and
buttered toast for tea; but on account of the extreme length of their legs they could not sit
down, and so they walked about continually.

The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of flies, which they ate for dinner.

The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught, and made into sago-puddings.

The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate lettuces and Cheshire cheese.

The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge biscuits.

The Fishes lived in the lake, and fed chiefly on boiled periwinkles.

And all these seven families lived together in the utmost fun and felicity.

CHAPTER IV.
THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.

One day all the seven fathers and the seven mothers of the seven families agreed that they
would send their children out to see the world.

So they called them all together, and gave them each eight shillings and some good advice,
some chocolate-drops, and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down their expenses in.

They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel; and all the parents sent off their children
with a parting injunction.

"If," said the old Parrots, "you find a cherry, do not fight about who should have it."

"And," said the old Storks, "if you find a frog, divide it carefully into seven bits, but on no
account quarrel about it."

And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese, "Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch
a plum-pudding flea."

And the old Owls said, "If you find a mouse, tear him up into seven slices, and eat him
cheerfully, but without quarrelling."

And the old Guinea Pigs said, "Have a care that you eat your lettuces, should you find any, not
greedily, but calmly."

And the old Cats said, "Be particularly careful not to meddle with a clangle-wangle if you
should see one."

And the old Fishes said, "Above all things, avoid eating a blue boss-woss; for they do not
agree with fishes, and give them a pain in their toes."

So all the children of each family thanked their parents; and, making in all forty-nine polite
bows, they went into the wide world.

CHAPTER V.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.

The seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they saw a tree with a single cherry on it,
which the oldest Parrot picked instantly; but the other six, being extremely hungry, tried to get
it also. On which all the seven began to fight; and they scuffled,
and huffled,
and ruffled,
and shuffled,
and puffled,
and muffled,
and buffled,
and duffled,
and fluffled,
and guffled,
and bruffled, and
screamed, and shrieked, and squealed,
and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and dumped, and
flumped each other, till they were all torn into little bits; and at last there was nothing left to
record this painful incident except the cherry and seven small green feathers.

And that was the vicious and voluble end of the seven young Parrots.

CHAPTER VI.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.

When the seven young Storks set out, they walked or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line,
and for six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that they ran as hard as they could for one
hundred and eight miles; and after that they stood still, and made a himmeltanious chatter-
clatter-blattery noise with their bills.

About the same time they perceived a large frog, spotted with green, and with a sky-blue stripe
under each ear.

So, being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were going to divide him into seven
pieces, when they began to quarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One said
this, and another said that; and while they were all quarrelling, the frog hopped away. And
when they saw that he was gone, they began to chatter-clatter,
blatter-platter,
patter-blatter,
matter-clatter,
flatter-quatter,
more violently than ever; and after they had fought for a week, they pecked each other all to
little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of any of them except their bills.

And that was the end of the seven young Storks.

CHAPTER VII.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE.

When the seven young Geese began to travel, they went over a large plain, on which there was
but one tree, and that was, a very bad one.

So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about them; while the other three waddled
up and down, and repeated poetry, and their last six lessons in arithmetic, geography, and
cookery.

Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the most interesting and obese
appearance, having a perfectly round body exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, with
two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out of his head, and only one leg.

So, after a time, all the seven young Geese said to each other, "Beyond all doubt this beast
must be a Plum-pudding Flea!"

On which they incautiously began to sing aloud,

"Plum-pudding Flea,
Plum-pudding Flea,
Wherever you be,
Oh! come to our tree,
And listen, oh! listen, oh! listen to me!"

And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding Flea began to hop and skip on
his one leg with the most dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where he stopped,
and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous manner.

On which the seven young Geese were greatly alarmed, and all of a tremble-bemble: so one of
them put out his long neck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill; but no sooner had he
done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skipped and hopped about more and more, and higher
and higher; after which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and indignation of the
seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and furiously and terribly, that they were totally unable
to bear the noise; and by degrees every one of them suddenly tumbled down quite dead.

So that was the end of the seven young Geese.

CHAPTER VIII.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.

When the seven young Owls set out, they sate every now and then on the branches of old trees,
and never went far at one time.

And one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they heard a mouse; but, as the gas-lamps
were not lighted, they could not see him.

So they called out, "Is that a mouse?"

On which a mouse answered, "Squeaky-peeky-weeky! yes, it is!"

And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves off the tree, meaning to alight on the
ground; but they did not perceive that there was a large well below them, into which they all
fell superficially, and were every one of them drowned in less than half a minute.

So that was the end of the seven young Owls.

CHAPTER IX.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.

The seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of goose-berry-bushes and tiggory-trees,
under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they saw a large lettuce, which had
grown out of the ground while they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of
green leaves. At which they all exclaimed,—

"Lettuce! O lettuce
Let us, O let us,
O lettuce-leaves,
O let us leave this tree, and eat
Lettuce, O let us, lettuce-leaves!"

And instantly the seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force against the lettuce-
plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an
incipient transitional inflammation of their noses, which grew worse and worse and worse and
worse, till it incidentally killed them all seven.

And that was the end of the seven young Guinea Pigs.

CHAPTER X.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.

The seven young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and rapacity. But, on coming to
the top of a high hill, they perceived at a long distance off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more
properly written, Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had, they ran straight
up to it.

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no means
commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail as a
sail when in the former element. Their speed is extreme; but their habits of life are domestic
and superfluous, and their general demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they
may sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-Popple, standing on their heads, and
humming their national melodies. They subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eat
veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or saltpetre.)

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young Cats approach, he ran away; and as he
ran straight on for four months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, could never
overtake him, they all gradually died of fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards
recovered.

And this was the end of the seven young Cats.

CHAPTER XI.
THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

The seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-Popple, and into the river, and into the
ocean; where, most unhappily for them, they saw, on the fifteenth day of their travels, a bright-
blue Boss-Woss, and instantly swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a
perpendicular,
spicular,
orbicular,
quadrangular,
circular depth of soft mud;
where, in fact, his house was.

And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity, plunged also
into the mud quite against their will, and, not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a
very short period.

And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.

CHAPTER XII.

CHAPTER XII.
OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.

After it was known that the

seven young Parrots,
and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fishes,

were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and the Mouse, and the Clangle-
Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss, all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they
collected the seven feathers of the seven young Parrots, and the seven bills of the seven young
Storks, and the lettuce, and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce, and the other
objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a hornpipe round all these
memorials until they were quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and a garden-party,
and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect,
sympathy, satisfaction, and disgust.

CHAPTER XIII.
OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.

BUT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks,
and the two old Geese,
and the two old Owls,
and the two old Guinea Pigs,
and the two old Cats,
and the two old Fishes,
became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of the whole of their
families, they refused all further sustenance; and, sending out to various shops, they purchased
great quantities of Cayenne pepper and brandy and vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides
seven immense glass bottles with air-tight stoppers. And, having done this, they ate a light
supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an affecting and formal leave of the
whole of their acquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished and select and
responsible and ridiculous.

CHAPTER XIV.
CONCLUSION.

And after this they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling, and each couple jumped
into a separate bottle; by which effort, of course, they all died immediately, and became
thoroughly pickled in a few minutes; having previously made their wills (by the assistance of
the most eminent lawyers of the district), in which they left strict orders that the stoppers of the
seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue sealing-wax they had purchased; and
that they themselves, in the bottles, should be presented to the principal museum of the city of
Tosh, to be labelled with parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be placed
on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection and contemplation, and for the
perpetual benefit, of the pusillanimous public.

And if you ever happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in the city of Tosh,
look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four hundred and twenty-seventh room of the
right-hand corridor of the left wing of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building; for,
if you do not, you certainly will not see them.

NONSENSE COOKERY.
Amblongus Pie Crumbobblious Cutlets Gosky Patties

Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870.

"Our readers will be interested in the following communications from our valued and
learned contributor, Prof. Bosh, whose labors in the fields of culinary and botanical
science are so well known to all the world. The first three articles richly merit to be added
to the domestic cookery of every family: those which follow claim the attention of all
botanists; and we are happy to be able, through Dr. Bosh's kindness, to present our readers
with illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are found in the Valley of
Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the summit of the Hill Orfeltugg."

THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.

TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.

Take 4 pounds (say 4½ pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a
small pipkin.

Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours incessantly; after which
add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.

When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them
out, and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well
previously.

Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with
powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne
pepper.

Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back
again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan
violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple color.

Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully; adding at the
same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number
of oysters.

Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from
time to time.

Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as
possible.

TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

Procure some strips of beef, and, having cut them into the smallest possible
slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,— eight, or perhaps nine times.

When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new clothes-
brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon or a soup-
ladle.

Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place, —say the
roof of the house, if free from sparrows or other birds,— and leave it there
for about a week.

At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of almonds, and a few
herring-bones; and then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified
Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.

Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a clean table-cloth
or dinner-napkin.

TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.

Take a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by the off hind-leg to a
post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast
chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats
these, constantly provide him with more.

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of
foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and
spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig
violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain if, at
the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.

If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let loose,
and the whole process may be considered as finished.

NONSENSE BOTANY.
Baccopipia Gracilis Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia Cockatooca Superba Fishia Marina Guittara Pensilis Manypeeplia Upsidownia
Phattfacia Stupenda Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis Plumbunnia Nutritiosa Pollybirdia Singularis

Baccopipia Gracilis. Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia.

Cockatooca Superba. Fishia Marina.

Guittara Pensilis. Manypeeplia Upsidownia.

Phattfacia Stupenda. Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis.

Plumbunnia Nutritiosa. Pollybirdia Singularis.

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
No. 1 No. 2 No. 3

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

B
A

A was an ant
Who seldom stood still, B was a book
And who made a nice house With a binding of blue,
In the side of a hill. And pictures and stories
For me and for you.

a
Nice little ant! b
Nice little book!

C D

C was a cat D was a duck
Who ran after a rat; With spots on his back,
But his courage did fail Who lived in the water,
When she seized on his tail. And always said "Quack!"

c d
Crafty old cat! Dear little duck!

E F

E was an elephant, F was a fish
Stately and wise: Who was caught in a net;
He had tusks and a trunk, But he got out again,
And two queer little eyes. And is quite alive yet.

e f
Oh, what funny small eyes! Lively young fish!

G H

G was a goat H was a hat
Who was spotted with brown: Which was all on one side;
When he did not lie still Its crown was too high,
He walked up and down. And its brim was too wide.

g h
Good little goat! Oh, what a hat!

I J

I was some ice J was a jackdaw
So white and so nice, Who hopped up and down
But which nobody tasted; In the principal street
And so it was wasted. Of a neighboring town.

i j
All that good ice! All through the town!

K L

K was a kite L was a light
Which flew out of sight, Which burned all the night,
Above houses so high, And lighted the gloom
Quite into the sky. Of a very dark room.

k l
Fly away, kite! Useful nice light!

M N

M was a mill N was a net
Which stood on a hill, Which was thrown in the sea
And turned round and round To catch fish for dinner
With a loud hummy sound. For you and for me.

m n
Useful old mill! Nice little net!

O P

O was an orange P was a pig,
So yellow and round: Who was not very big;
When it fell off the tree, But his tail was too curly,
It fell down to the ground. And that made him surly.

o p
Down to the ground! Cross little pig!

Q R

Q was a quail R was a rabbit,
With a very short tail; Who had a bad habit
And he fed upon corn Of eating the flowers
In the evening and morn. In gardens and bowers.

q r
Quaint little quail! Naughty fat rabbit!

S T

S was the sugar-tongs, T was a tortoise,
Nippity-nee, All yellow and black:
To take up the sugar He walked slowly away,
To put in our tea. And he never came back.

s t
Nippity-nee! Torty never came back!

U V

U was an urn V was a villa
All polished and bright, Which stood on a hill,
And full of hot water By the side of a river,
At noon and at night. And close to a mill.

u v
Useful old urn! Nice little villa!

W X

W was a whale X was King Xerxes,
With a very long tail, Who, more than all Turks, is
Whose movements were frantic Renowned for his fashion
Across the Atlantic. Of fury and passion.

w x
Monstrous old whale! Angry old Xerxes!

Y Z

Y was a yew, Z was some zinc,
Which flourished and grew So shiny and bright,
By a quiet abode Which caused you to wink
Near the side of a road. In the sun's merry light.

y z
Dark little yew! Beautiful zinc!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

A B

a b
A was once an apple-pie, B was once a little bear,
Beary,
Pidy,
Wary,
Widy,
Hairy,
Tidy,
Beary,
Pidy,
Taky cary,
Nice insidy,
Little bear!
Apple-pie!

C D

c d
C was once a little cake, D was once a little doll,
Caky, Dolly,

Baky, Molly,
Maky, Polly,
Caky, Nolly,
Taky caky, Nursy dolly,
Little cake! Little doll!

E F

e f
E was once a little eel, F was once a little fish,
Eely, Fishy,
Weely, Wishy,
Peely, Squishy,
Eely, Fishy,
Twirly, tweely, In a dishy,
Little eel! Little fish!

G H

g h

G was once a little goose, H was once a little hen,
Goosy, Henny,
Moosy, Chenny,
Boosey, Tenny,
Goosey, Henny.
Waddly-woosy, Eggsy-any,
Little goose! Little hen?

I J

i j
I was once a bottle of ink J was once a jar of jam,
Inky, Jammy,
Dinky, Mammy,
Thinky, Clammy,
Inky, Jammy,
Blacky minky, Sweety, swammy,
Bottle of ink! Jar of jam!

K L

k l
K was once a little kite, L was once a little lark,
Kity, Larky,
Whity, Marky,
Flighty, Harky,
Kity, Larky,
Out of sighty, In the parky,
Little kite! Little lark!

M N

m n
M was once a little mouse, N was once a little needle,
Mousy, Needly,
Bousy, Tweedly,
Sousy, Threedly,
Mousy, Needly,
In the housy, Wisky, wheedly,

Little mouse! Little needle!

O P

o p
O was once a little owl, P was once a little pump,
Owly, Pumpy,
Prowly, Slumpy,
Howly, Flumpy,
Owly, Pumpy,
Browny fowly, Dumpy, thumpy,
Little owl! Little pump!

Q R

q r

Q was once a little quail, R was once a little rose,
Quaily, Rosy,
Faily, Posy,
Daily, Nosy,
Quaily, Rosy,
Stumpy-taily, Blows-y, grows-y,
Little quail! Little rose!

S T

s t
S was once a little shrimp, T was once a little thrush,
Shrimpy, Thrushy,
Nimpy, Hushy,
Flimpy, Bushy,
Shrimpy. Thrushy,
Jumpy, jimpy, Flitty, flushy,
Little shrimp! Little thrush!

U V

u v
U was once a little urn, V was once a little vine,
Urny, Viny,
Burny, Winy,
Turny, Twiny,
Urny, Viny,
Bubbly, burny, Twisty-twiny,
Little urn! Little vine!

W X

w x
W was once a whale, X was once a great king Xerxes,
Whaly, Xerxy,
Scaly, Perxy,
Shaly, Turxy,
Whaly, Xerxy,

Tumbly-taily, Linxy, lurxy,
Mighty whale! Great King Xerxes!

Y Z

y z
Y was once a little yew, Z was once a piece of zinc,
Yewdy, Tinky,
Fewdy, Winky,
Crudy, Blinky,
Yewdy, Tinky,
Growdy, grewdy, Tinkly minky,
Little yew! Piece of zinc!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

A B

A was an ape, B was a bat,
Who stole some white tape, Who slept all the day,
And tied up his toes And fluttered about
In four beautiful bows. When the sun went away.

a! b!
Funny old Ape! Brown little bat!

C D

C was a camel: D was a dove,
You rode on his hump; Who lived in a wood,
And if you fell off, With such pretty soft wings,
You came down such a bump! And so gentle and good!

c! d!
What a high camel! Dear little Dove!

E F

E was an eagle, F was a fan
Who sat on the rocks, Made of beautiful stuff;
And looked down on the fields And when it was used,
And the-far-away flocks. It went puffy-puff-puff!

e! f!
Beautiful eagle! Nice little fan.

G H

G was a gooseberry, H was a heron,
Perfectly red; Who stood in a stream:
To be made into jam, The length of his neck
And eaten with bread. And his legs was extreme.

g! h!
Gooseberry red! Long-legged Heron!

I J

I was an inkstand, J was a jug,
Which stood on a table, So pretty and white,
With a nice pen to write with With fresh water in it
When we are able. At morning and night.

i! j!
Neat little inkstand! Nice little jug!

K L

K was a kingfisher: L was a lily,
Quickly he flew, So white and so sweet!
So bright and so pretty!— To see it and smell it
Green, purple, and blue. Was quite a nice treat.

k! l!
Kingfisher, blue! Beautiful Lily!

M N

M was a man, N was a nut
Who walked round and round; So smooth and so brown!
And he wore a long coat And when it was ripe,
That came down to the ground. It fell tumble-dum-down.

m! n!
Funny old Man! Nice little Nut!

O P

O was an oyster, P was a polly,
Who lived in his shell: All red, blue, and green,—
If you let him alone, The most beautiful polly
He felt perfectly well. That ever was seen.

o! p!
Open-mouthed oyster! Poor little Polly!

Q R

Q was a quill R was a rattlesnake,
Made into a pen; Rolled up so tight,
But I do not know where, Those who saw him ran quickly,
And I cannot say when. For fear he should bite.

q! r!
Nice little Quill! Rattlesnake bite!

S T

S was a screw T was a thimble,
To screw down a box; Of silver so bright!
And then it was fastened When placed on the finger,
Without any locks. It fitted so tight!

s! t!
Valuable screw! Nice little thimble!

U V

U was an upper-coat, V was a veil
Woolly and warm, With a border upon it,
To wear over all And a ribbon to tie it
In the snow or the storm. All round a pink bonnet.

u! v!
What a nice upper-coat! Pretty green Veil!

W X

X was King Xerxes,
Who wore on his head A mighty large turban,
Green, yellow, and red.

W was a watch,
Where, in letters of gold,
x!
Look at King Xerxes!
The hour of the day
You might always behold.

w!
Beautiful watch!

Y Z

Y was a yak, Z was a zebra,
From the land of Thibet: All striped white and black;
Except his white tail, And if he were tame,
He was all black as jet. You might ride on his back.

y! z!
Look at the Yak! Pretty striped Zebra!

More Nonsense
Pictures, Rhymes,
Botany, etc.

1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

Introduction
Nonsense Botany
One Hundred Nonsense Pictures And
Rhymes
Twenty-Six Nonsense Rhymes And
Pictures

By Edward Lear.

1894

Originally published 1872

INTRODUCTION.
In offering this little book—the third of its kind—to the
public, I am glad to take the opportunity of recording the
pleasure I have received at the appreciation its
predecessors have met with, as attested by their wide
circulation, and by the universally kind notices of them
from the Press. To have been the means of administering
innocent mirth to thousands, may surely be a just motive
for satisfaction, and an excuse for grateful expression.

At the same time, I am desirous of adding a few words as
to the history of the two previously published volumes,
and more particularly of the first or original "Book of
Nonsense," relating to which many absurd reports have crept into circulation, such as that it was the
composition of the late Lord Brougham, the late Earl of Derby, etc.; that the rhymes and pictures are
by different persons; or that the whole have a symbolical meaning, etc.; whereas, every one of the
Rhymes was composed by myself, and every one of the Illustrations drawn by my own hand at the
time the verses were made. Moreover, in no portion of these Nonsense drawings have I ever allowed
any caricature of private or public persons to appear, and throughout, more care than might be
supposed has been given to make the subjects incapable of misinterpretation: "Nonsense," pure and
absolute, having been my aim throughout.

As for the persistently absurd report of the late Earl of Derby being the author of the "First Book of
Nonsense," I may relate an incident which occurred to me four summers ago, the first that gave me
any insight into the origin of the rumor.

I was on my way from London to Guildford, in a railway carriage, containing, besides myself, one
passenger, an elderly gentleman: presently, however, two ladies entered, accompanied by two little
boys. These, who had just had a copy of the "Book of Nonsense" given them, were loud in their
delight, and by degrees infected the whole party with their mirth.

"How grateful," said the old gentleman to the two ladies, "all children, and parents too, ought to be to
the statesman who has given his time to composing that charming book!"

(The ladies looked puzzled, as indeed was I, the author.)

"Do you not know who is the writer of it?" asked the gentleman.

"The name is 'Edward Lear,'" said one of the ladies.

"Ah!" said the first speaker, "so it is printed; but that is only a whim of the real author, the Earl of
Derby. 'Edward' is his Christian name, and, as you may see, LEAR is only EARL transposed."

"But," said the lady, doubtingly, "here is a dedication to the great-grandchildren, grand-nephews, and
grand-nieces of Edward, thirteenth Earl of Derby, by the author, Edward Lear."

"That," replied the other, "is simply a piece of mystification; I am in a position to know that the
whole book was composed and illustrated by Lord Derby himself. In fact, there is no such a person

at all as Edward Lear."

"Yet," said the other lady, "some friends of mine tell me they know Mr. Lear."

"Quite a mistake! completely a mistake!" said the old gentleman, becoming rather angry at the
contradiction; "I am well aware of what I am saying: I can inform you, no such a person as 'Edward
Lear' exists!"

Hitherto I had kept silence; but as my hat was, as well as my handkerchief and stick, largely marked
inside with my name, and as I happened to have in my pocket several letters addressed to me, the
temptation was too great to resist; so, flashing all these articles at once on my would-be
extinguisher's attention, I speedily reduced him to silence.

The second volume of Nonsense, commencing with the verses, "The Owl and the Pussy-Cat," was
written at different times, and for different sets of children: the whole being collected in the course of
last year, were then illustrated, and published in a single volume, by Mr. R.J. Bush, of 32 Charing
Cross.

The contents of the third or present volume were made also at different intervals in the last two
years.

Long years ago, in days when much of my time was passed in a country house, where children and
mirth abounded, the lines beginning, "There was an old man of Tobago," were suggested to me by a
valued friend, as a form of verse lending itself to limitless variety for rhymes and pictures; and
thenceforth the greater part of the original drawings and verses for the first "Book of Nonsense" were
struck off with a pen, no assistance ever having been given me in any way but that of uproarious
delight and welcome at the appearance of every new absurdity.

Most of these Drawings and Rhymes were transferred to lithographic stones in the year 1846, and
were then first published by Mr. Thomas McLean, of the Haymarket. But that edition having been
soon exhausted, and the call for the "Book of Nonsense" continuing, I added a considerable number
of subjects to those previously-published, and having caused the whole to be carefully reproduced in
woodcuts by Messrs. Dalzell, I disposed of the copyright to Messrs. Routledge and Warne, by whom
the volume was published in 1843.

EDWARD LEAR.
VILLA EMILY, SAN REMO,
August, 1871.

NONSENSE BOTANY.
Barkia Howlaloudia Enkoopia Chickabiddia Jinglia Tinkettlia Nasticreechia Krorluppia Arthbroomia Rigida Sophtsluggia Glutinosa
Minspysia Deliciosa Shoebootia Utilis Stunnia Dinnerbellia Tickia Orologica Washtubbia Circularis Tigerlillia Terribilis

Barkia Howlaloudia. Enkoopia Chickabiddia.

Jinglia Tinkettlia. Nasticreechia Krorluppia.

Arthbroomia Rigida. Sophtsluggia Glutinosa.

Minspysia Deliciosa. Shoebootia Utilis.

Stunnia Dinnerbellia. Tickia Orologica.

Washtubbia Circularis. Tigerlillia Terribilis.

ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47
48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90
91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

There was a young person of Bantry, There was an old man whose remorse
Who frequently slept in the pantry; Induced him to drink Caper Sauce;
When disturbed by the mice, she appeased them For they said, "If mixed up with some cold claret-
with rice, cup,
That judicious young person of Bantry. It will certainly soothe your remorse!"

There was an Old Man at a Junction,
Whose feelings were wrung with compunction There was an old man of Ibreem,
When they said, "The Train's gone!" he Who suddenly threaten'd to scream;
exclaimed, "How forlorn!" But they said, "If you do, we will thump you quite
But remained on the rails of the Junction. blue,
You disgusting old man of Ibreem!"

There was an old person of Wilts,
There was an old person of Minety, Who constantly walked upon stilts;
Who purchased five hundred and ninety He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-
Large apples and pears, which he threw

unawares dillies,
At the heads of the people of Minety. That elegant person of Wilts.

There was an old man of Thermopylae,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said, "If you choose to boil eggs in There was an old person of Grange,
your shoes, Whose manners were scroobious and strange;
You shall never remain in Thermopylae." He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
That aquatic old person of Grange.

There was an old person of Newry,
Whose manners were tinctured with fury;
There was an old person of Deal, He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs,
Who in walking used only his heel; Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.
When they said, "Tell us why?" he made no
reply,
That mysterious old person of Deal.

There was an old man on the Humber, There was an old man of Dumblane,
Who dined on a cake of Burnt Umber; Who greatly resembled a crane;
When he said, "It's enough!" they only said, But they said, "Is it wrong, since your legs are so
"Stuff! long,
You amazing old man on the Humber!" To request you won't stay in Dumblane?"

There was an old man in a barge,
Whose nose was exceedingly large;
But in fishing by night, it supported a light,
Which helped that old man in a barge.
There was an old man of Port Grigor,
Whose actions were noted for vigour;
He stood on his head till his waistcoat turned red,
That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.

There was an old man of Dunrose;
A parrot seized hold of his nose.
When he grew melancholy, they said, "His There was an old man of El Hums,
name's Polly," Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,
Which soothed that old man of Dunrose. Which he picked off the ground, with the other
birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.

There was an old man of Toulouse There was an old man of West Dumpet,
Who purchased a new pair of shoes; Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;
When they asked, "Are they pleasant?" he said, When he blew it aloud, it astonished the crowd,
"Not at present!" And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.
That turbid old man of Toulouse.

There was an old person of Bree,
Who frequented the depths of the sea;
She nurs'd the small fishes, and washed all the There was an old person of Sark,
dishes, Who made an unpleasant remark;
And swam back again into Bree. But they said, "Don't you see what a brute you must
be,
You obnoxious old person of Sark!"

There was an old man whose despair
There was an old person of Bromley, Induced him to purchase a hare:
Whose ways were not cheerful or comely; Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away,
He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust, Which partly assuaged his despair.
That unpleasing old person of Bromley.

There was an old person of Shields,
Who frequented the vallies and fields;
All the mice and the cats, and the snakes and
the rats, There was an old person of Barnes,
Followed after that person of Shields. Whose garments were covered with darns;
But they said, "Without doubt, you will soon wear
them out,
You luminous person of Barnes!"

There was an old person of Nice,
Whose associates were usually Geese.
There was an old man of Dunluce, They walked out together in all sorts of weather,
Who went out to sea on a goose: That affable person of Nice!
When he'd gone out a mile, he observ'd with a
smile,
"It is time to return to Dunluce."

There was an old man of Dee-side There was a young lady of Greenwich,
Whose hat was exceedingly wide, Whose garments were border'd with Spinach;
But he said, "Do not fail, if it happen to hail, But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,
To come under my hat at Dee-side!" Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

There was an old person of Cannes,
Who purchased three fowls and a fan;
Those she placed on a stool, and to make them feel
cool
There was an old person in black, She constantly fanned them at Cannes.
A Grasshopper jumped on his back;
When it chirped in his ear, he was smitten with
fear,
That helpless old person in black.

There was an old man of the Dargle
Who purchased six barrels of Gargle;
For he said, "I'll sit still, and will roll them
down hill,
There was an old person of Ickley,
For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."
Who could not abide to ride quickly;
He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back,
That moony old person of Ickley.

There was an old person of Pinner,
As thin as a lath, if not thinner;
They dressed him in white, and roll'd him up
tight, There was an old person of Hyde,
That elastic old person of Pinner. Who walked by the shore with his bride,
Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with
fear,
And they said, "Would we'd never left Hyde!"

There was an old person of China,
Whose daughters were Jiska and Dinah,
Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chuffy, There was an old person in gray,
And all of them settled in China. Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;
She purchased two parrots, and fed them with
carrots,
Which pleased that old person in gray.

There was an old man in a Marsh,
Whose manners were futile and harsh; There was an old man of Ancona,
He sate on a log, and sang songs to a frog, Who found a small dog with no owner,
That instructive old man in a Marsh. Which he took up and down all the streets of the
town,
That anxious old man of Ancona.

There was an old person of Brill, There was an old person of Sestri,
Who purchased a shirt with a frill; Who sate himself down in the vestry;
But they said, "Don't you wish, you mayn't look When they said, "You are wrong!" he merely said
like a fish, "Bong!"
You obsequious old person of Brill?" That repulsive old person of Sestri.

There was an old person of Blythe,
Who cut up his meat with a scythe;
There was an old person of Wick, When they said, "Well! I never!" he cried, "Scythes
Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick; for ever!"
Chickabee, Chickabaw." And he said nothing That lively old person of Blythe.
more,
That laconic old person of Wick.

There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration; There was a young person of Ayr,
But they said, "Take some snuff!—You have Whose head was remarkably square:
talk'd quite enough, On the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather;
You afflicting old man at a Station!" Which dazzled the people of Ayr.

There was an old person of Rimini,
There was an old man of Three Bridges, Who said, "Gracious! Goodness! O Gimini!"
Whose mind was distracted by midges, When they said, "Please be still!" she ran down a
He sate on a wheel, eating underdone veal, hill,
Which relieved that old man of Three Bridges. And was never more heard of at Rimini.

There was an old man of Hong Kong,
Who never did anything wrong;
He lay on his back, with his head in a sack,
That innocuous old man of Hong Kong. There is a young lady, whose nose,
Continually prospers and grows;
When it grew out of sight, she exclaimed in a
fright,
"Oh! Farewell to the end of my nose!"

There was a young person in green,
Who seldom was fit to be seen; There was an old person of Ealing,
She wore a long shawl, over bonnet and all, Who was wholly devoid of good feeling;
Which enveloped that person in green. He drove a small gig, with three Owls and a Pig,
Which distressed all the people of Ealing.

There was an old person of Fife, There was an old man of Thames Ditton,
Who was greatly disgusted with life; Who called out for something to sit on;
They sang him a ballad, and fed him on salad, But they brought him a hat, and said, "Sit upon that,
Which cured that old person of Fife. You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!"

There was an old person of Bray,
Who sang through the whole of the day
To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed upon figs,
There was an old man who screamed out That valuable person of Bray.
Whenever they knocked him about:
So they took off his boots, and fed him with
fruits,
And continued to knock him about.

There was a young lady in white,
Who looked out at the depths of the night;
There was a young person whose history
But the birds of the air, filled her heart with
Was always considered a mystery;
despair,
She sate in a ditch, although no one knew which,
And oppressed that young lady in white.
And composed a small treatise on history.

There was an old person of Slough,
Who danced at the end of a bough;
But they said, "If you sneeze, you might There was an old person of Bow,
damage the trees, Whom nobody happened to know;
You imprudent old person of Slough." So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, "We
hope
You will go back directly to Bow!"

There was an old person of Down,
Whose face was adorned with a frown; There was an old person of Rye,
When he opened the door, for one minute or Who went up to town on a fly;
more, But they said, "If you cough, you are safe to fall
He alarmed all the people of Down. off!
You abstemious old person of Rye!"

There was an old person of Crowle,
Who lived in the nest of an owl;
When they screamed in the nest, he screamed out
with the rest,
That depressing old person of Crowle.
There was a young person in red,
Who carefully covered her head,
With a bonnet of leather, and three lines of
feather,
Besides some long ribands of red.

There was an old person of Hove, There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,
Who frequented the depths of a grove; Who said, "If you needle or pin shall see
Where he studied his books, with the wrens and On the floor of my room, sweep it up with the
the rooks, broom!"
That tranquil old person of Hove. That exhaustive old Lady of Winchelsea!

There was an old man in a tree,
Whose whiskers were lovely to see;
There was a young person in pink, But the birds of the air pluck'd them perfectly bare,
Who called out for something to drink; To make themselves nests in that tree.
But they said, "O my daughter, there's nothing
but water!"
Which vexed that young person in pink.

There was an old lady of France, There was a young lady of Corsica,
Who taught little ducklings to dance; Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur;
When she said, "Tick-a-tack!" they only said, Which she fed upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,
"Quack!" That expensive young lady of Corsica.
Which grieved that old lady of France.

There was an old person of Putney, There was a young lady of Firle,
Whose food was roast spiders and chutney, Whose hair was addicted to curl;
Which he took with his tea, within sight of the It curled up a tree, and all over the sea,
sea, That expansive young lady of Firle.
That romantic old person of Putney.

There was an old person of Stroud,
Who was horribly jammed in a crowd;
Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched
There was an old person of Loo, with a stick,
Who said, "What on earth shall I do?" That impulsive old person of Stroud.
When they said, "Go away!" she continued to
stay,
That vexatious old person of Loo.

There was an old man of Boulak,
Who sate on a Crocodile's back;
But they said, "Towr'ds the night he may probably
bite,
Which might vex you, old man of Boulak!"
There was an old person of Woking,
Whose mind was perverse and provoking;
He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail,
That illusive old person of Woking.

There was an old person of Dean There was an old person of Skye,
Who dined on one pea, and one bean; Who waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly:
For he said, "More than that, would make me They buzz'd a sweet tune, to the light of the moon,
too fat," And entranced all the people of Skye.
That cautious old person of Dean.

There was a young lady in blue,
Who said, "Is it you? Is it you?"
When they said, "Yes, it is," she replied only,
"Whizz!"
That ungracious young lady in blue.

There was an old man of Blackheath,
Whose head was adorned with a wreath

Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and mice,
That uncommon old man of Blackheath.

There was an old Man in a Garden,
Who always begged every one's pardon;
When they asked him, "What for?" he replied,
"You're a bore!
And I trust you'll go out of my garden."

There was an old man, who when little
Fell casually into a kettle;
But, growing too stout, he could never get out,
So he passed all his life in that kettle.

There was an old person of Pisa,
Whose daughters did nothing to please her;
She dressed them in gray, and banged them all
day,
Round the walls of the city of Pisa.

There was an old person of Dundalk,
There was an old person of Florence,
Who tried to teach fishes to walk;
Who held mutton chops in abhorrence;
When they tumbled down dead, he grew weary, and
He purchased a Bustard, and fried him in
said,
Mustard,
"I had better go back to Dundalk!"
Which choked that old person of Florence.

There was an old person of Sheen,
Whose expression was calm and serene;
He sate in the water, and drank bottled porter,
That placid old person of Sheen.

There was an old person of Shoreham,
Whose habits were marked by decorum;
He bought an Umbrella, and sate in the cellar,
Which pleased all the people of Shoreham.

There was an old person of Ware,
Who rode on the back of a bear;
When they ask'd, "Does it trot?" he said,
"Certainly not!
He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!"

There was an old person of Bar,
There was a young person of Janina, Who passed all her life in a jar,
Whose uncle was always a fanning her; Which she painted pea-green, to appear more
When he fanned off her head, she smiled serene,
sweetly, and said, That placid old person of Bar.
"You propitious old person of Janina!"

There was an old man of Cashmere,
Whose movements were scroobious and queer;
Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall,
And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.
There was a young person of Kew,
Whose virtues and vices were few;
But with blamable haste she devoured some hot
paste,
Which destroyed that young person of Kew.

There was an old person of Cassel,
Whose nose finished off in a tassel;
But they call'd out, "Oh well! don't it look like a
bell!"
Which perplexed that old person of Cassel.

There was an old person of Jodd,
Whose ways were perplexing and odd;
She purchased a whistle, and sate on a thistle,
And squeaked to the people of Jodd.
There was an old person of Pett,
Who was partly consumed by regret;
He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple tart,
Which relieved that old person of Pett.

There was an old man of Spithead,
Who opened the window, and said,—
"Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, fil-rumble-come-
tumble!"
That doubtful old man of Spithead.
There was an old person of Bude,
Whose deportment was vicious and crude;
He wore a large ruff of pale straw-colored stuff,
Which perplexed all the people of Bude.

There was an old man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder;
He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,
Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

There was an old person of Brigg,
Who purchased no end of a wig;
So that only his nose, and the end of his toes,
Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.

There was an old man of Dumbree,
Who taught little owls to drink tea;
For he said, "To eat mice is not proper or nice,"
That amiable man of Dumbree.

There was an old person of Filey,
Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;
He danced perfectly well, to the sound of a bell,
And delighted the people of Filey. There was an old man of Messina,
Whose daughter was named Opsibeena;
She wore a small wig, and rode out on a pig,
To the perfect delight of Messina.

TWENTY-SIX NONSENSE RHYMES
AND PICTURES.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

The Bountiful Beetle,
The Absolutely Abstemious Ass, who always carried a Green Umbrella when it
who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on didn't rain,
Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers. and left it at home when it did.

The Comfortable Confidential Cow, The Dolomphious Duck,
who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
toasted her own Bread at the parlour Fire. with a Runcible Spoon.

The Enthusiastic Elephant, The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who ferried himself across the water with the who always walked about upon Stilts,
Kitchen Poker and a New pair of Ear-rings. because he had no legs.

The Good-natured Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
Carpet-bag, who went to market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
across the river, because he could not swim. and bought a Fish for her Supper.

The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
The Inventive Indian, who did up her Back Hair every morning with a
who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a Wreath of Roses,
Stupendous Silver Spoon. Three feathers, and a Gold Pin.

The Kicking Kangaroo, The Lively Learned Lobster,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin dress who mended his own Clothes with
with Blue spots. a Needle and Thread.

The Melodious Meritorious Mouse, The Nutritious Newt,
who played a merry minuet on the who purchased a Round Plum-pudding
Piano-forte. for his grand-daughter.

The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich, The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
who wore Boots to keep his who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
feet quite dry. with his Spectacles.

The Queer Querulous Quail, The Rural Runcible Raven,
who smoked a Pipe of tobacco on the top of who wore a White Wig and flew away
a Tin Tea-kettle. with the Carpet Broom.

The Scroobious Snake, The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who always wore a Hat on his Head, for who beat a Drum all day long in the
fear he should bite anybody. middle of the wilderness.

The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker, The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
always covered by his Umbrella. Volume bound in Vellum.

The Worrying Whizzing Wasp, The Excellent Double-extra XX
who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
Flute with a Morning Cap. long while ago.

The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo, The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
whose Head was ever so much bigger than his who carried five Monkeys on his back all
Body, and whose Hat was rather small. the way to Jellibolee.

1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

Laughable Lyrics.
The Dong With A Luminous Nose
The Two Old Bachelors
The Pelican Chorus
sheet music
.pdf / .midi / Lilypond
markup. (added 2004)
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò
sheet music
.pdf / .midi / Lilypond
markup. (added 2004)
The Pobble Who Has No Toes
The New Vestments
Mr. And Mrs. Discobbolos
The Quangle Wangle's Hat
The Cummerbund
The Akond Of Swat
Nonsense Botany
Nonsense Alphabets
No. 5

No. 6
Laughable Lyrics:
A Fourth Book of
Nonsense Poems, Songs,
Botany, Music, etc.

by
Edward Lear,
Author of the 'Book of Nonsense' 'More Nonsense' 'Nonsense
Songs, Stories,' etc., etc.

With all the Original Illustrations.

1894

Originally published 1877

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.
The Dong with a Luminous Nose The Two Old Bachelors The Pelican Chorus The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò The Pobble who has no Toes
The New Vestments Mr. And Mrs. Discobbolos The Quangle Wangle's Hat The Cummerbund The Akond of Swat

THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE.

When awful darkness and silence reign
Over the great Gromboolian plain,
Through the long, long wintry nights;
When the angry breakers roar
As they beat on the rocky shore;
When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights
Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore,—

Then, through the vast and gloomy dark
There moves what seems a fiery spark,—
A lonely spark with silvery rays
Piercing the coal-black night,—
A Meteor strange and bright:
Hither and thither the vision strays,
A single lurid light.

Slowly it wanders, pauses, creeps,—
Anon it sparkles, flashes, and leaps;
And ever as onward it gleaming goes
A light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.
And those who watch at that midnight hour
From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as the wild light passes along,—
"The Dong! the Dong!
The wandering Dong through the forest goes!
The Dong! the Dong!
The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

Long years ago
The Dong was happy and gay,
Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl

Who came to those shores one day.
For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,—
Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd
Where the Oblong Oysters grow,
And the rocks are smooth and gray.
And all the woods and the valleys rang
With the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,—
"Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a sieve."

Happily, happily passed those days!
While the cheerful Jumblies staid;
They danced in circlets all night long,
To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,
In moonlight, shine, or shade.
For day and night he was always there
By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,
With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair;
Till the morning came of that hateful day
When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,
And the Dong was left on the cruel shore
Gazing, gazing for evermore,—
Ever keeping his weary eyes on
That pea-green sail on the far horizon,—
Singing the Jumbly Chorus still
As he sate all day on the grassy hill,—
"Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a sieve."

But when the sun was low in the West,
The Dong arose and said,—
—"What little sense I once possessed
Has quite gone out of my head!"
And since that day he wanders still
By lake and forest, marsh and hill,
Singing, "O somewhere, in valley or plain,
Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!
For ever I'll seek by lake and shore
Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!"

Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,
Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks;
And because by night he could not see,
He gathered the bark of the Twangum Tree
On the flowery plain that grows.
And he wove him a wondrous Nose,—

A Nose as strange as a Nose could be!
Of vast proportions and painted red,
And tied with cords to the back of his head.
—In a hollow rounded space it ended
With a luminous Lamp within suspended,
All fenced about
With a bandage stout
To prevent the wind from blowing it out;
And with holes all round to send the light
In gleaming rays on the dismal night

And now each night, and all night long,
Over those plains still roams the Dong;
And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe
You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe,
While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain,
To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;
Lonely and wild, all night he goes,—
The Dong with a luminous Nose!
And all who watch at the midnight hour,
From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,
Moving along through the dreary night,—
"This is the hour when forth he goes,
The Dong with a luminous Nose!
Yonder, over the plain he goes,—
He goes!
He goes,—
The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

THE TWO OLD BACHELORS.

Two old Bachelors were living in one house;
One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.
Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the
Mouse,—
"This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house,
Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,

And what to do for dinner—since we haven't any money?
And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner,
But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing
thinner?"

Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the
Muffin,—
"We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some
Stuffin'!
If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well;
But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"

Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town
And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and
down;
They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be
found
In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.

But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north,
And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;
And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,
—
An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.
Climb up, and seize him by the toes,—all studious as he sits,
—
And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!
Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into
Scraps),—
When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good—perhaps."

Those two old Bachelors without loss of time
The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;
And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook,
They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.

"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've
read enough in!
We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"

But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful
book,
At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took;
And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,
—
At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or
town;
And when they reached their house, they found (besides
their want of Stuffin'),

The Mouse had fled—and, previously, had eaten up the
Muffin.

They left their home in silence by the once convivial door;
And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of
more.

THE PELICAN CHORUS.

King and Queen of the Pelicans we;
No other Birds so grand we see!
None but we have feet like fins!
With lovely leathery throats and chins!
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
We think no Birds so happy as we!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican Jill!
We think so then, and we thought so still

We live on the Nile. The Nile we love.
By night we sleep on the cliffs above;
By day we fish, and at eve we stand
On long bare islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun sinks slowly down,
And the great rock walls grow dark and brown,
Where the purple river rolls fast and dim
And the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,
Wing to wing we dance around,
Stamping our feet with a flumpy sound,
Opening our mouths as Pelicans ought;
And this is the song we nightly snort,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
We think no Birds so happy as we!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
We think so then, and we thought so still!

Last year came out our Daughter Dell,
And all the Birds received her well.
To do her honor a feast we made

For every bird that can swim or wade,—
Herons and Gulls, and Cormorants black,
Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back,
Plovers and Storks, and Geese in clouds,
Swans and Dilberry Ducks in crowds:
Thousands of Birds in wondrous flight!
They ate and drank and danced all night,
And echoing back from the rocks you heard
Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
We think no Birds so happy as we!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
We think so then, and we thought so still!

Yes, they came; and among the rest
The King of the Cranes all grandly dressed.
Such a lovely tail! Its feathers float
Between the ends of his blue dress-coat;
With pea-green trowsers all so neat,
And a delicate frill to hide his feet
(For though no one speaks of it, every one knows
He has got no webs between his toes).

As soon as he saw our Daughter Dell,
In violent love that Crane King fell,—
On seeing her waddling form so fair,
With a wreath of shrimps in her short white hair.
And before the end of the next long day
Our Dell had given her heart away;
For the King of the Cranes had won that heart
With a Crocodile's egg and a large fish-tart.
She vowed to marry the King of the Cranes,
Leaving the Nile for stranger plains;
And away they flew in a gathering crowd
Of endless birds in a lengthening cloud.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
We think no Birds so happy as we!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
We think so then, and we thought so still!

And far away in the twilight sky
We heard them singing a lessening cry,—
Farther and farther, till out of sight,
And we stood alone in the silent night!
Often since, in the nights of June,
We sit on the sand and watch the moon,—
She has gone to the great Gromboolian Plain,
And we probably never shall meet again!
Oft, in the long still nights of June,
We sit on the rocks and watch the moon,—

She dwells by the streams of the Chankly Bore.
And we probably never shall see her more.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee!
We think no Birds so happy as we!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
We think so then, and we thought so still!

2004: also available as .pdf, .midi, or Lilypond markup
NOTE.—The Air of this and the following Song by Edward Lear; the
Arrangement for the Piano by Professor Pomè, of San Remo, Italy.

THE COURTSHIP OF THE YONGHY-
BONGHY-BÒ.

I.

On the Coast of Coromandel
Where the early pumpkins blow,
In the middle of the woods
Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
Two old chairs, and half a candle,
One old jug without a handle,—
These were all his worldly goods:
In the middle of the woods,
These were all the worldly goods
Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Of the Yonghy-Bonghy Bò.

II.

Once, among the Bong-trees walking
Where the early pumpkins blow,
To a little heap of stones
Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
There he heard a Lady talking,
To some milk-white Hens of Dorking,—
"'Tis the Lady Jingly Jones!
On that little heap of stones
Sits the Lady Jingly Jones!"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

III.

"Lady Jingly! Lady Jingly!
Sitting where the pumpkins blow,
Will you come and be my wife?"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

"I am tired of living singly"—
On this coast so wild and shingly,—
I'm a-weary of my life;
If you'll come and be my wife,
Quite serene would be my life!"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

IV.

"On this Coast of Coromandel
Shrimps and watercresses grow,
Prawns are plentiful and cheap,"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
"You shall have my chairs and candle,
And my jug without a handle!
Gaze upon the rolling deep
(Fish is plentiful and cheap);
As the sea, my love is deep!"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

V.

Lady Jingly answered sadly,
And her tears began to flow,—
"Your proposal comes too late,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!
I would be your wife most gladly!"
(Here she twirled her fingers madly,)
"But in England I've a mate!
Yes! you've asked me far too late,
For in England I've a mate,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

VI.

"Mr. Jones (his name is Handel,—
Handel Jones, Esquire, & Co.)
Dorking fowls delights to send,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!
Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,
And your jug without a handle,—
I can merely be your friend!
Should my Jones more Dorkings send,
I will give you three, my friend!
Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-Bò!
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

VII.

"Though you've such a tiny body,
And your head so large doth grow,—
Though your hat may blow away,
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!
Though you're such a Hoddy Doddy,
Yet I wish that I could modi-
fy the words I needs must say!
Will you please to go away?
That is all I have to say,
Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-Bò!
Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!"

VIII.

Down the slippery slopes of Myrtle,
Where the early pumpkins blow,
To the calm and silent sea
Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,
Lay a large and lively Turtle.
"You're the Cove," he said, "for me;
On your back beyond the sea,
Turtle, you shall carry me!"
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

IX.

Through the silent-roaring ocean
Did the Turtle swiftly go;
Holding fast upon his shell
Rode the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
With a sad primaeval motion
Towards the sunset isles of Boshen
Still the Turtle bore him well.
Holding fast upon his shell,
"Lady Jingly Jones, farewell!"

Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

X.

From the Coast of Coromandel
Did that Lady never go;
On that heap of stones she mourns
For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.
On that Coast of Coromandel,
In his jug without a handle
Still she weeps, and daily moans;
On that little heap of stones
To her Dorking Hens she moans,
For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò,
For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

Also available as .pdf, .midi, or Lilypond markup. (added 2004)

THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES.

I.

The Pobble who has no toes
Had once as many as we;
When they said, "Some day you may lose them all;"
He replied, "Fish fiddle de-dee!"
And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink
Lavender water tinged with pink;
For she said, "The World in general knows
There's nothing so good for a Pobble's toes!"

II.

The Pobble who has no toes,
Swam across the Bristol Channel;
But before he set out he wrapped his nose
In a piece of scarlet flannel.
For his Aunt Jobiska said, "No harm
Can come to his toes if his nose is warm;
And it's perfectly known that a Pobble's toes
Are safe—provided he minds his nose."

III.

The Pobble swam fast and well,
And when boats or ships came near him,
He tinkledy-binkledy-winkled a bell
So that all the world could hear him.
And all the Sailors and Admirals cried,
When they saw him nearing the further side,—
"He has gone to fish, for his Aunt Jobiska's
Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers!"

IV.

But before he touched the shore,—
The shore of the Bristol Channel,
A sea-green Porpoise carried away
His wrapper of scarlet flannel.
And when he came to observe his feet,
Formerly garnished with toes so neat,
His face at once became forlorn
On perceiving that all his toes were gone!

V.

And nobody ever knew,
From that dark day to the present,
Whoso had taken the Pobble's toes,

In a manner so far from pleasant.
Whether the shrimps or crawfish gray,
Or crafty Mermaids stole them away,
Nobody knew; and nobody knows
How the Pobble was robbed of his twice five toes!

VI.

The Pobble who has no toes
Was placed in a friendly Bark,
And they rowed him back, and carried him up
To his Aunt Jobiska's Park.
And she made him a feast, at his earnest wish,
Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish;
And she said, "It's a fact the whole world knows,
That Pobbles are happier without their toes."

THE NEW VESTMENTS.

There lived an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
Who invented a purely original dress;
And when it was perfectly made and complete,
He opened the door and walked into the street.

By way of a hat he'd a loaf of Brown Bread,
In the middle of which he inserted his head;
His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice,
The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice;
His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins, so were his Shoes;
His Stockings were skins, but it is not known whose;
His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops;
His Buttons were Jujubes and Chocolate Drops;
His Coat was all Pancakes, with Jam for a border,
And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order;
And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather,
A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.

He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise,
Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys;
And from every long street and dark lane in the town
Beasts, Birdies, and Boys in a tumult rushed down.
Two Cows and a Calf ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak;
Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke;
Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat,
And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat;
An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his
Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies;
And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops,

Ten Boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.
He tried to run back to his house, but in vain,
For scores of fat Pigs came again and again:
They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors;
They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers;
And now from the housetops with screechings descend
Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end:
They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat,
When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that;
They speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,
And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice;
They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall,—
Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.

And he said to himself, as he bolted the door,
"I will not wear a similar dress any more,
Any more, any more, any more, never more!"

MR. AND MRS. DISCOBBOLOS.

I.

Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
Climbed to the top of a wall.
And they sate to watch the sunset sky,
And to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry,
And the Biscuit Buffalo call.
They took up a roll and some Camomile tea,
And both were as happy as happy could be,
Till Mrs. Discobbolos said,—
"Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
It has just come into my head,
Suppose we should happen to fall!!!!!
Darling Mr. Discobbolos!

II.

"Suppose we should fall down flumpetty,
Just like pieces of stone,
On to the thorns, or into the moat,
What would become of your new green coat?
And might you not break a bone?
It never occurred to me before,
That perhaps we shall never go down any more!"
And Mrs. Discobbolos said,
"Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
What put it into your head
To climb up this wall, my own

Darling Mr. Discobbolos?"

III.

Mr. Discobbolos answered,
"At first it gave me pain,
And I felt my ears turn perfectly pink
When your exclamation made me think
We might never get down again!
But now I believe it is wiser far
To remain for ever just where we are."
And Mr. Discobbolos said,
"Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
It has just come into my head
We shall never go down again,
Dearest Mrs. Discobbolos!"

IV.

So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
Stood up and began to sing,—
"Far away from hurry and strife
Here we will pass the rest of life,
Ding a dong, ding dong, ding!
We want no knives nor forks nor chairs,
No tables nor carpets nor household cares;
From worry of life we've fled;
Oh! W! X! Y! Z!
There is no more trouble ahead,
Sorrow or any such thing,
For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos!"

THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT.

I.

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,

But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat.
For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
With ribbons and bibbons on every side,
And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace,
So that nobody ever could see the face
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

II.

The Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
"Jam, and jelly, and bread
Are the best of food for me!
But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
The plainer than ever it seems to me
That very few people come this way
And that life on the whole is far from gay!"
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.

III.

But there came to the Crumpetty Tree
Mr. and Mrs. Canary;
And they said, "Did ever you see
Any spot so charmingly airy?
May we build a nest on your lovely Hat?
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
O please let us come and build a nest
Of whatever material suits you best,
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"

IV.

And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl;
The Snail and the Bumble-Bee,
The Frog and the Fimble Fowl
(The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew leg);
And all of them said, "We humbly beg
We may build our homes on your lovely Hat,—
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"

V.

And the Golden Grouse came there,
And the Pobble who has no toes,
And the small Olympian bear,
And the Dong with a luminous nose.

And the Blue Baboon who played the flute,
And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute,
And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,—
All came and built on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

VI.

And the Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree,
"When all these creatures move
What a wonderful noise there'll be!"
And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon
They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And all were as happy as happy could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.

THE CUMMERBUND.
An Indian Poem.

I.

She sate upon her Dobie,
To watch the Evening Star,
And all the Punkahs, as they passed,
Cried, "My! how fair you are!"
Around her bower, with quivering leaves,
The tall Kamsamahs grew,
And Kitmutgars in wild festoons
Hung down from Tchokis blue.

II.

Below her home the river rolled
With soft meloobious sound,
Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam,
In myriads circling round.
Above, on tallest trees remote
Green Ayahs perched alone,
And all night long the Mussak moan'd
Its melancholy tone.

III.

And where the purple Nullahs threw
Their branches far and wide,

And silvery Goreewallahs flew
In silence, side by side,
The little Bheesties' twittering cry
Rose on the flagrant air,
And oft the angry Jampan howled
Deep in his hateful lair.

IV.

She sate upon her Dobie,
She heard the Nimmak hum,
When all at once a cry arose,
"The Cummerbund is come!"
In vain she fled: with open jaws
The angry monster followed,
And so (before assistance came)
That Lady Fair was swollowed.

V.

They sought in vain for even a bone
Respectfully to bury;
They said, "Hers was a dreadful fate!"
(And Echo answered, "Very.")
They nailed her Dobie to the wall,
Where last her form was seen,
And underneath they wrote these words,
In yellow, blue, and green:

"Beware, ye Fair! Ye Fair, beware!
Nor sit out late at night,
Lest horrid Cummerbunds should come,
And swollow you outright."
NOTE.—First published in Times of India, Bombay, July, 1874.

THE AKOND OF SWAT.

Who, or why, or which, or what, Is the
Akond of SWAT?
Is he tall or short, or dark or fair? or SQUAT?
Does he sit on a stool or a sofa or chair, The Akond of
Swat?

Is he wise or foolish, young or old?
Does he drink his soup and his coffee or HOT,
cold, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk,
And when riding abroad does he gallop or TROT,
or walk, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat?
Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed, or a or a COT,
mat, The Akond of
Swat?

When he writes a copy in round-hand
size, with a DOT,
Does he cross his T's and finish his I's The Akond of
Swat?

Can he write a letter concisely clear or BLOT,
Without a speck or a smudge or smear The Akond of
Swat?

Do his people like him extremely well? or PLOT,
Or do they, whenever they can, rebel, At the Akond of
Swat?

If he catches them then, either old or
young,
Does he have them chopped in pieces or shot,
or hung, The Akond of
Swat?

Do his people prig in the lanes or park? GAROTTE?
Or even at times, when days are dark, O the Akond of
Swat!

Does he study the wants of his own
dominion? a JOT,
Or doesn't he care for public opinion The Akond of
Swat?

To amuse his mind do his people show
him or WHAT,
Pictures, or any one's last new poem, For the Akond of
Swat?

At night if he suddenly screams and
wakes,
Do they bring him only a few small or a LOT,
cakes, For the Akond of
Swat?

Does he live on turnips, tea, or tripe?
Does he like his shawl to be marked or a DOT,
with a stripe, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he like to lie on his back in a boat
Like the lady who lived in that isle SHALLOTT,
remote, The Akond of
Swat?

Is he quiet, or always making a fuss?
Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a or a SCOT,
Russ, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he like to sit by the calm blue
wave?
Or to sleep and snore in a dark green or a GROTT,
cave, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he drink small beer from a silver
jug?
Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a or a POT,
mug? The Akond of
Swat?

Does he beat his wife with a gold-
topped pipe,
When she lets the gooseberries grow or ROT,
too ripe, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he wear a white tie when he dines
with friends, or a KNOT,
And tie it neat in a bow with ends, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he like new cream, and hate
mince-pies?
When he looks at the sun does he wink or NOT,
his eyes, The Akond of
Swat?

Does he teach his subjects to roast and
bake? in a YACHT,
Does he sail about on an inland lake, The Akond of
Swat?

Some one, or nobody, knows I wot
Who or which or why or what Is the Akond of
Swat!

NOTE.—For the existence of this potentate see Indian newspapers, passim. The
proper way to read the verses is to make an immense emphasis on the
monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.

NONSENSE BOTANY.
Armchairia Comfortabilis Bassia Palealensis Bubblia Blowpipia Bluebottlia Buzztilentia Crabbia Horrida Smalltoothcombia
Domestica Knutmigrata Simplice Tureenia Ladlecum Puffia Leatherbellowsa Queeriflora Babyöides

Armchairia Comfortabilis. Bassia Palealensis.

Bubblia Blowpipia. Bluebottlia Buzztilentia.

Crabbia Horrida. Smalltoothcombia Domestica.

Knutmigrata Simplice. Tureenia Ladlecum.

Puffia Leatherbellowsa. Queeriflora Babyöides.

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.
No. 5 No. 6

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

A B

A was an Area Arch B was a Bottle blue,
Where washerwomen sat; Which was not very small;
They made a lot of lovely starch Papa he filled it full of beer,
To starch Papa's Cravat. And then he drank it all.

C D

C was Papa's gray Cat, D was Papa's white Duck,
Who caught a squeaky Mouse; Who had a curly tail;
She pulled him by his twirly tail One day it ate a great fat frog,
All about the house. Besides a leetle snail.

E
F

E was a little Egg,
Upon the breakfast F was a little Fish.
table; Cook in the river took it
Papa came in and ate it up Papa said, "Cook! Cook! bring a dish!
As fast as he was able. And, Cook! be quick and cook it!"

G H

G was Papa's new Gun; H was Papa's new Hat;
He put it in a box; He wore it on his head;
And then he went and bought a bun, Outside it was completely black,
And walked about the Docks. But inside it was red.

I
J

I was an Inkstand new,
Papa he likes to use it; J was some Apple Jam,
He keeps it in his pocket now, Of which Papa ate part;
For fear that he should lose But all the rest he took away
it. And stuffed into a tart.

K L

K was a great new Kite; L was a fine new Lamp;
Papa he saw it fly But when the wick was lit,
Above a thousand chimney pots, Papa he said, "This Light ain't good!
And all about the sky. I cannot read a bit!"

M
N

M was a dish of mince;
It looked so good to eat! N was a Nut that grew
Papa, he quickly ate it up, High up upon a tree;
And said, "This is a Papa, who could not reach it, said,
treat!" "That's much too high for me!"

O P

O was an Owl who flew P was a little Pig,
All in the dark away, Went out to take a walk;
Papa said, "What an owl you are! Papa he said, "If Piggy dead,
Why don't you fly by day?" He'd all turn into Pork!"

Q R

Q was a Quince that hung R was a Railway Rug
Upon a garden tree; Extremely large and warm;
Papa he brought it with him home, Papa he wrapped it round his head,
And ate it with his tea. In a most dreadful storm.

S T

S was Papa's new Stick, T was a tumbler full

Papa's new thumping Stick, Of Punch all hot and good;
To thump extremely wicked boys, Papa he drank it up, when in
Because it was so thick. The middle of a wood.

U V

U was a silver urn, V was a Villain; once
Full of hot scalding water; He stole a piece of beef.
Papa said, "If that Urn were mine, Papa he said, "Oh, dreadful man!
I'd give it to my daughter!" That Villain is a Thief!"

W X

W was a Watch of Gold: X was King Xerxes, whom
It told the time of day, Papa much wished to know;
So that Papa knew when to come, But this he could not do, because

And when to go away. Xerxes died long ago.

Y
Z

Y was a Youth, who kicked
And screamed and cried like Z was a Zebra striped
mad; And streaked with lines of black;
Papa he said, "Your conduct is Papa said once, he thought he'd like
Abominably bad!" A ride upon his back.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

tumbled down, and hurt his Arm, against a bit of wood,

said. "My Boy, oh, do not cry; it cannot do you good!"

said, "A Cup of Coffee hot can't do you any harm."

said, "A Doctor should be fetched, and he would cure the arm."

said, "An Egg beat up with milk would quickly make him well."

said, "A Fish, if broiled, might cure, if only by the smell."

said, "Green Gooseberry fool, the best of cures I hold."

said, "His Hat should be kept on, to keep him from the cold."

said, "Some Ice upon his head will make him better soon."

said, "Some Jam, if spread on bread, or given in a spoon!"

said, "A Kangaroo is here,—this picture let him see."

said, "A Lamp pray keep alight, to make some barley tea."

said, "A Mulberry or two might give him satisfaction."

said, "Some Nuts, if rolled about, might be a slight attraction."

said, "An Owl might make him laugh, if only it would wink."

P said, "Some Poetry might be read aloud, to make him think."

said, "A Quince I recommend,—a Quince, or else a Quail."

said, "Some Rats might make him move, if fastened by their tail."

said, "A Song should now be sung, in hopes to make him laugh!"

said, "A Turnip might avail, if sliced or cut in half!"

said, "An Urn, with water hot, place underneath his chin!"

said, "I'll stand upon a chair, and play a Violin!"

said, "Some Whisky-Whizzgigs fetch, some marbles and a ball!"

said, "Some double XX ale would be the best of all!"

said, "Some Yeast mixed up with salt would make a perfect plaster!"

said, "Here is a box of Zinc! Get in, my little master!
We'll shut you up! We'll nail you down! We will, my little master!
We think we've all heard quite enough of this your sad disaster!"

Index
First Lines Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories

An Index of First Lines
Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories Table of Contents

A tumbled down,
A was an Area Arch
A was an ant
A was an ape,
A was once an apple-pie,
The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
B said. "My Boy, oh, do not cry;
B was a Bottle blue,
B was a bat,
B was a book
B was once a little bear,
The Bountiful Beetle,
The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
C said, "A Cup of Coffee hot
C was Papa's gray Cat,
C was a camel:
C was a cat
C was once a little cake,
Calico pie, the little birds fly
The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
D said, "A Doctor should be fetched,
D was Papa's white Duck,
D was a dove,
D was a duck
D was once a little doll,
The Dolomphious Duck,
E said, "An Egg beat up with milk
E was a little Egg,
E was an eagle,
E was an elephant,
E was once a little eel,
The Enthusiastic Elephant,

The Excellent Double-extra XX
F said, "A Fish, if broiled, might cure,
F was a fan
F was a fish
F was a little Fish.
F was once a little fish,
The Fizzgiggious Fish,
G said, "Green Gooseberry fool,
G was Papa's new Gun;
G was a goat
G was a gooseberry,
G was once a little goose,
The Good-natured Grey Gull,
H said, "His Hat should be kept on,
H was Papa's new Hat;
H was a hat
H was a heron,
H was once a little hen,
The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
"How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!"
I said, "Some Ice upon his head
I was an Inkstand new,
I was an inkstand,
I was once a bottle of ink
I was some ice
In former days,that is to say, once upon a time,there lived in the Land
of Gramble-Blamble seven families.
The Inventive Indian,
J said, "Some Jam, if spread on bread,
J was a jackdaw
J was a jug,
J was once a jar of jam,
J was some Apple Jam,
The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
K said, "A Kangaroo is here,—
K was a great new Kite;
K was a kingfisher:

K was a kite
K was once a little kite,
The Kicking Kangaroo,
King and Queen of the Pelicans we;
L said, "A Lamp pray keep alight,
L was a fine new Lamp;
L was a light
L was a lily,
L was once a little lark,
The Lively Learned Lobster,
M said, "A Mulberry or two
M was a dish of mince;
M was a man,
M was a mill
M was once a little mouse,
The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
N said, "Some Nuts, if rolled about,
N was a net
N was a Nut that grew
N was a nut
N was once a little needle,
The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;
The Nutritious Newt,
O said, "An Owl might make him laugh,
O was an orange
O was an oyster,
O was an Owl who flew
O was once a little owl,
The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
On a little piece of wood,
On the Coast of Coromandel
On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people
whose names were Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel;
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea

P said, "Some Poetry might be read aloud,
P was a little Pig,
P was a pig,
P was a polly,
P was once a little pump,
The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
The Pobble who has no toes
Q said, "A Quince I recommend,—
Q was a Quince that hung
Q was a quail
Q was a quill
Q was once a little quail,
The Queer Querulous Quail,
R said, "Some Rats might make him move,
R was a Railway Rug
R was a rabbit,
R was a rattlesnake,
R was once a little rose,
The Rural Runcible Raven,
S said, "A Song should now be sung,
S was Papa's new Stick,
S was once a little shrimp,
S was a screw
S was the sugar-tongs,
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
Said the Table to the Chair,
The Scroobious Snake,
She sate upon her Dobie,
T said, "A Turnip might avail,
T was a thimble,
T was a tortoise,
T was a tumbler full
T was once a little thrush,
There is a young lady, whose nose,
There lived an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
There was a Young Lady of Bute,

There was a Young Lady of Clare,
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
There was a Young Lady of Norway,
There was a Young Lady of Parma,
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
There was a Young Lady of Troy,
There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
There was a Young Lady of Welling,
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
There was a Young Lady whose chin
There was a Young Lady whose eyes
There was a Young Lady whose nose
There was a Young Person of Crete,
There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
There was a young lady in blue,
There was a young lady in white,
There was a young lady of Corsica,
There was a young lady of Firle,
There was a young lady of Greenwich,
There was a young person in green,
There was a young person in pink,
There was a young person in red,
There was a young person of Ayr,
There was a young person of Bantry,
There was a young person of Janina,
There was a young person of Kew,
There was a young person whose history
There was an Old Derry down Derry,
There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,

There was an Old Lady of Prague,
There was an Old Lady whose folly
There was an Old Man at a Junction,
There was an Old Man in a boat,
There was an Old Man in a casement,
There was an Old Man in a pew,
There was an Old Man in a tree,
There was an Old Man of Aôsta
There was an Old Man of Apulia,
There was an Old Man of Berlin,
There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
There was an Old Man of Corfu,
There was an Old Man of Dundee,
There was an Old Man of Jamaica,
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
There was an Old Man of Madras,
There was an Old Man of Marseilles,
There was an Old Man of Melrose,
There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
There was an Old Man of Peru,
There was an Old Man of Peru.
There was an Old Man of Quebec,—
There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
There was an Old Man of Vienna,
There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
There was an Old Man of the Cape,
There was an Old Man of the Coast,
There was an Old Man of the Dee,
There was an Old Man of the East,

There was an Old Man of the Hague,
There was an Old Man of the Isles,
There was an Old Man of the Nile,
There was an Old Man of the North,
There was an Old Man of the South,
There was an Old Man of the West,
There was an Old Man of the West,
There was an Old Man of the Wrekin,
There was an Old Man on a hill,
There was an Old Man on some rocks,
There was an Old Man on whose nose
There was an Old Man who said, "How
There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
There was an Old Man who said, "Well!
There was an Old Man who supposed
There was an Old Man with a beard,
There was an Old Man with a beard,
There was an Old Man with a flute,—
There was an Old Man with a gong,
There was an Old Man with a nose,
There was an Old Man with a poker,
There was an Old Man with an Owl,
There was an Old Person of Anerley,
There was an Old Person of Bangor,
There was an Old Person of Basing,
There was an Old Person of Buda,
There was an Old Person of Burton,
There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
There was an Old Person of Cheadle
There was an Old Person of Chester,
There was an Old Person of Chili,
There was an Old Person of Dover,
There was an Old Person of Dutton,
There was an Old Person of Ems
There was an Old Person of Ewell,
There was an Old Person of Gretna,
There was an Old Person of Hurst,

There was an Old Person of Ischia,
There was an Old Person of Leeds,
There was an Old Person of Mold,
There was an Old Person of Philœ,
There was an Old Person of Prague,
There was an Old Person of Rheims,
There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
There was an Old Person of Spain,
There was an Old Person of Sparta,
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
There was an Old Person of Tring,
There was an Old Person of Troy,
There was an Old Person whose habits
There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,
There was an old Man in a Garden,
There was an old Person of Cromer,
There was an old lady of France,
There was an old man at a Station,
There was an old man in a Marsh,
There was an old man in a barge,
There was an old man in a tree,
There was an old man of Ancona,
There was an old man of Blackheath,
There was an old man of Boulak,
There was an old man of Cashmere,
There was an old man of Dee-side
There was an old man of Dumblane,
There was an old man of Dumbree,
There was an old man of Dunluce,
There was an old man of Dunrose;
There was an old man of El Hums,
There was an old man of Hong Kong,
There was an old man of Ibreem,
There was an old man of Messina,
There was an old man of Port Grigor,
There was an old man of Spithead,
There was an old man of Thames Ditton,

There was an old man of Thermopylae,
There was an old man of Three Bridges,
There was an old man of Toulouse
There was an old man of West Dumpet,
There was an old man of the Dargle
There was an old man on the Border,
There was an old man on the Humber,
There was an old man who screamed out
There was an old man whose despair
There was an old man whose remorse
There was an old man, who when little
There was an old person in black,
There was an old person in gray,
There was an old person of Bar,
There was an old person of Barnes,
There was an old person of Blythe,
There was an old person of Bow,
There was an old person of Bray,
There was an old person of Bree,
There was an old person of Brigg,
There was an old person of Brill,
There was an old person of Bromley,
There was an old person of Bude,
There was an old person of Cannes,
There was an old person of Cassel,
There was an old person of China,
There was an old person of Crowle,
There was an old person of Deal,
There was an old person of Dean
There was an old person of Down,
There was an old person of Dundalk,
There was an old person of Ealing,
There was an old person of Fife,
There was an old person of Filey,
There was an old person of Florence,
There was an old person of Grange,
There was an old person of Hove,

There was an old person of Hyde,
There was an old person of Ickley,
There was an old person of Jodd,
There was an old person of Loo,
There was an old person of Minety,
There was an old person of Newry,
There was an old person of Nice,
There was an old person of Pett,
There was an old person of Pinner,
There was an old person of Pisa,
There was an old person of Putney,
There was an old person of Rimini,
There was an old person of Rye,
There was an old person of Sark,
There was an old person of Sestri,
There was an old person of Sheen,
There was an old person of Shields,
There was an old person of Shoreham,
There was an old person of Skye,
There was an old person of Slough,
There was an old person of Stroud,
There was an old person of Ware,
There was an old person of Wick,
There was an old person of Wilts,
There was an old person of Woking,
They went to sea in a sieve, they did;
The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
Two old Bachelors were living in one house;
U said, "An Urn, with water hot
U was a silver urn,
U was an upper-coat,
U was an urn
U was once a little urn,
The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
V said, "I'll stand upon a chair,
V was a veil
V was a Villain; once

V was a villa
V was once a little vine,
The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
W said, "Some Whisky-Whizzgigs fetch,
W was a Watch of Gold:
W was a watch,
W was a whale
W was once a whale,
When awful darkness and silence reign
Who, or why, or which, or what
The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
X said, "Some double XX ale
X was King Xerxes, whom
X was King Xerxes,
X was King Xerxes,
X was once a great king Xerxes,
Y said, "Some Yeast mixed up with salt
Y was a yak,
Y was a yew,
Y was a Youth, who kicked
Y was once a little yew,
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
Z said, "Here is a box of Zinc!
Z was a Zebra striped
Z was a zebra,
Z was once a piece of zinc,
Z was some zinc,
The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,

An Index of Nonsense Alphabets by Edward Lear.
First Lines Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories Table of Contents

Alphabets
No. 1
No. 2
No. 3
No. 4
No. 5
No. 6
By Letter
ant ape apple-pie arch arm ass
bat bear beetle book bottle boy
cake camel cat cat coffee cow
doctor doll dove duck duck duck
eagle eel egg egg elephant elephant
fan fish fish fish fish fish
goat goose gooseberry gooseberry gull gun
hat hat hat hen hen heron
ice ice indian ink inkstand inkstand
jackdaw jam jam jam jay jug
kangaroo kangaroo kingfisher kite kite kite
lamp lamp lark light lily lobster
man mill mince mouse mouse mulberry
needle net newt nut nut nuts
orange ostrich owl owl owl oyster
pig pig poetry polly polly pump
quail quail quail quill quince quince
rabbit rats rattlesnake raven rose rug
screw shrimp snake song stick sugar-tongs
thimble thrush tortoise tortoise tumbler turnip
umbrella-maker upper-coat urn urn urn urn
veil villa villain vine violin vulture
wasp watch watch whale whale whisky-whizzigigs
Xerxes Xerxes Xerxes Xerxes Xerxes XX ale

yak yeast yew yew Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo youth
zebra zebra zebra zinc zinc zinc

An Index of Nonsense Botanies by Edward Lear.
First Lines Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Songs and Stories Table of Contents

Botanies
No. 1
No. 2
No. 3
Species
Armchairia Comfortabilis
Arthbroomia Rigida
Baccopipia Gracilis
Barkia Howlaloudia
Bassia Palealensis
Bluebottlia Buzztilentia
Bottlephorkia Spoonifolia
Bubblia Blowpipia
Cockatooca Superba
Crabbia Horrida
Enkoopia Chickabiddia
Fishia Marina
Guittara Pensilis
Jinglia Tinkettlia
Knutmigrata Simplice
Manypeeplia Upsidownia
Minspysia Deliciosa
Nasticreechia Krorluppia
Phattfacia Stupenda
Piggiwiggia Pyramidalis
Plumbunnia Nutritiosa
Pollybirdia Singularis
Puffia Leatherbellowsa
Queeriflora Babyöides
Shoebootia Utilis
Smalltoothcombia Domestica
Sophtsluggia Glutinosa

Stunnia Dinnerbellia
Tickia Orologica
Tigerlillia Terribilis
Tureenia Ladlecum
Washtubbia Circularis

An Index of Nonsense Songs and Stories by
Edward Lear.
First Lines Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Table of Contents

Songs
The Akond of Swat
The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs
Calico Pie
The Cummerbund
The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly
The Dong with a Luminous Nose
The Duck and the Kangaroo
The Jumblies
Mr. And Mrs. Discobbolos
Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow
The New Vestments
The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat
The Pelican Chorus
The Pobble who has no Toes
The Quangle Wangle's Hat
The Table And The Chair
The Two Old Bachelors
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò
Stories
The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World
The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple

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