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Title: A journey to the world under-ground

Author: Ludvig Holberg

Release date: October 22, 2025 [eBook #77109]

Language: English

Original publication: London: T. Astley, 1742

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/77109

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A JOURNEY TO
THE WORLD UNDER-GROUND ***

A

J O U R N E Y
TO T H E

World Under-Ground.
B Y

N I C H O L A S K L I M I U S.

Translated from the ORIGINAL.

L O N D O N:

Printed for T. ASTLEY, at the Rose in
St. Paul’s Church-Yard; and B. COLLINS,
Bookseller, in Salisbury.
MDCCXLII.

T H E

C O N T E N T S.
Page
Chap. I. The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous World
1
Chap. II. His Descent upon the Planet Nazar 13
Chap. III. A Description of the City of Keba 29
Chap. IV. The Court of the Potuan Empire 43
Chap. V. Of the Nature of the Country, and the Manners of the
58
People
Chap. VI. Of the Religion of the Potuan Nation 64
Chap. VII. Of their Policy 71
Chap. VIII. Of the Academy 91
Chap. IX. The Author’s Journey round the Planet Nazar 102
Chap. X. The Author’s Banishment to the Firmament 171
Chap. XI. The Author’s Voyage to the Land of Wonders 206
Chap. XII. The Author’s Arrival at Quama 235
Chap. XIII. The Rise of the fifth Monarchy 244
Chap. XIV. The Author is elevated to the Imperial Dignity 280
Chap. XV. The Catastrophe 297
Chap. XVI. The Author’s Return into his own Country 309
ABELINE’s Appendix 323

A

J O U R N E Y
TO THE

World Under-Ground.

C H A P. I.
The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous World.
N the Year 1664, after I had pass’d my several
Examinations in the University of Copenhagen, and had
deservedly obtained the Character, which is there call’d
Laudable, by the Votes of my Judges, as well
Philosophers as Divines, I prepar’d for my Return into
my native Country; and accordingly put myself aboard a
Ship bound for Bergen in Norway, dignify’d indeed with
various Marks of Honour from the Gentlemen of the several Faculties, but
in my Fortunes quite impoverish’d. This was an Evil that attended myself as
well as several of the Norway Students, who return’d from the Study of the
Arts and Sciences into their own Country stript of all they were worth. As
we had a pretty brisk Gale, after a Voyage of six Days we arrived at Bergen
Harbour. Being thus restor’d to my Country, something wiser indeed, tho’
by no Means richer, I was supported for a Time at the Expence of my near
Relations, and led a precarious Sort of Life, yet not altogether indolent and
inactive. For in order to clear up by Experience some Points of natural
Philosophy, the Study I had devoted myself to, I rambled over every Corner
of the Province, with an insatiable Curiosity, to explore the Nature of the
Earth, and to search into the very Bowels of our Mountains. No Rock so
steep but I climb’d it; no Cavern so hideous and deep, but I made a Descent
into it, to try if haply I could discover any Thing curious and worthy the
Inquiry of a Philosopher. For there are a Multitude of Things in our Country
of Norway, hardly ever seen or heard of, which if France, Italy, Germany,
or any other Country so fruitful of the Marvellous, could boast of, nothing
wou’d be more talk’d of, nothing more sifted and examin’d.
Among those Things, which to me appear’d most worthy of Observation,
there was a large and deep Cave upon the Top of that Mountain which the
Natives call Floïen. And because the Mouth of the Cave us’d to send forth a
gentle murmuring Sound, and that too by Intervals, as if by its frequent
Sighs its Jaws were now shut, and now open’d; hence the Literati of
Bergen, and particularly the celebrated Master Abeline, and Master Edward,

one of our first Geniuses in Astronomy and natural Philosophy, imagin’d
this Affair highly worthy of a philosophical Inquiry; and since they
themselves were too old for such an Enterprize, they excited the younger
Inhabitants to a closer Examination of the Nature of the Cavern; especially
as at stated Intervals, after the Manner of human Respiration, the Sound
being sometime with-held issued out with a certain proportional Force.
What with these Discourses, and what with my own natural Inclination, I
form’d a Design of entring into this Cavern, and communicated my
Intention to some of my Friends. But they by no Means approv’d of it,
plainly declaring, that it was a wild and frantick Undertaking. But all they
cou’d say, so far was it from extinguishing, that it did not even damp the
Ardour of my Mind; and their Advices, instead of weakning, administred
Fuel to my Curiosity. For that Eagerness with which I pursued the Study of
Nature inspir’d me to face every Danger, and the Straightness of my private
Circumstances gave a Spur to my natural Inclination. For my own
Substance was quite wasted, and it seem’d to me the greatest Hardship to
live in a State of Dependance, in a Country where all Hopes of Preferment
were cut off, where I beheld myself condemned to Poverty, and every
Avenue to Honour and Advantage entirely stopp’d, unless I would make my
Way by some flagrant Act of Dishonour or Immorality.
Thus resolv’d, and having got together what was requisite for such an
Exploit, upon a Thursday Morning, when the Heavens were all serene and
cloudless, I left the City soon after Twilight, to the End that having finish’d
my Observations, I might return again that same Day; because, being
ignorant of Futurity, it was not possible I shou’d foresee that I, like another
Phaeton,

Volverer in præceps, longoque per aëra tractu,

should be flung upon another World, not to revisit my native Soil, till after a
ten Years Peregrination.
This Expedition was undertaken in the Year of our Lord 1665, John
Munthe, and Lawrence Severini being Consuls of Bergen, and Christiern
Bertholdi and Lawrence Scandio being Senators. I went out attended by
four Fellows I had hir’d, who brought with them such Ropes and Iron
Crooks as would be necessary to descend by. We went directly to Sanduic,

the most commodious Way to climb the Mountain. Having with Difficulty
reach’d the Top, we came to the Place where was the fatal Cave, and being
tir’d with so troublesome a Journey, we all sat down to Breakfast. ’Twas
then my Mind, foreboding as it were the approaching Evil, first began to be
dismay’d. Therefore turning to my Companions, “Will any one, says I,
undertake this Task?” But no Reply being made, my Ardour, that had
languish’d, kindled anew. I order’d them to fasten the Rope about me, and
thus equipp’d, I commended my Soul to Almighty God. Being now just
ready to be let down, I gave my Companions to understand what I would
have done, viz. that they should continue letting down the Rope till they
heard me cry out, upon which Signal they should stop, and if I persisted to
cry out, that then they shou’d immediately draw me up again. In my right
hand I held my Harpoon, or Iron Hook, an Instrument that might be of Use
to me to remove whatever might obstruct my Passage, and also to keep my
Body suspended equally between the Sides of the Cavern. But scarce had I
descended so low as about ten or twelve Cubits, when the Rope broke. This
Accident was discover’d to me by the sudden Outcries of the Men I had
hir’d. But their Noise soon died away; for with an amazing Velocity I was
hurry’d down into the Abyss, and like a second Pluto, allowing my
Harpoon to be a Sceptre,

Labor, & icta viam tellus ad Tartara fecit.

For about the fourth Part of an Hour (as near as I cou’d guess, considering
the great Consternation I must be in) I was in total Darkness, and in the
very Bosom of Night; when at length a thin small Light, like Twilight,
broke in upon me, and I beheld at last a bright serene Firmament. I
ignorantly thought therefore, that either by the Repercussion or opposite
Action of the subterraneous Air, or that by the Force of some contrary
Wind, I had been thrown back, and that the Cave had vomited me up again.
But neither the Sun which I then survey’d, nor the Heavens, or heavenly
Bodies, were at all known to me, since they were considerably less than
those of ours. I concluded therefore, that either all that whole Mass of new
Heavens existed solely in Imagination, excited by the Vertigo my Head had
undergone, or else that I was arriv’d at the Mansions of the Blessed. But
this last Opinion I soon rejected with Scorn, since I view’d myself arm’d
with a Harpoon, and dragging a mighty Length of Rope after me, knowing

full well, that a Man just going to Paradise has no Occasion for a Rope or a
Harpoon, and that the cœlestial Inhabitants cou’d not possibly be pleas’d
with a Dress, which look’d as if I intended, after the Example of the Titans,
to take Heaven by Violence, and to expel them from their divine Abodes. At
last after the maturest Consideration, I fell to imagining, that I was sunk
into the subterraneous World, and that the Conjectures of those Men are
right who hold the Earth to be concave, and that within the Shell or outward
Crust there is another lesser Globe, and another Firmament adorn’d with
lesser Sun, Stars, and Planets. And the Event discover’d that this Conjecture
was right.
That Violence with which I was hurry’d headlong, had now continued for
some Time, when at length I perceived that it languish’d gradually in
Proportion to my Approach towards a certain Planet, which was the first
Thing I met with. That same Planet increas’d so sensibly in Bulk or
Magnitude, that at last, without much Difficulty, I cou’d plainly distinguish
Mountains, Vallies, and Seas, through that thicker Atmosphere with which it
was surrounded.

—Sicut avis quæ circum littora, circum
Piscosos scopulos humilis volat æquora juxta,
Haud aliter terras inter cœlumque volabam.

Then I perceiv’d that I did not only swim in a cœlestial Matter or Æther,
but that my Motion which had hitherto been perpendicular, was now alter’d
into a circular one. At this my Hair stood on End; for I was full of
Apprehension lest I should be transform’d into a Planet, or into a Satellite
of the neighbouring Planet, and so be whirl’d about in an everlasting
Rotation. But when I reflected, that by this Metamorphosis my Dignity
would suffer no great Diminution, and that a heavenly Body, or at least an
Attendant upon a heavenly Body, would surely move with equal Solemnity
to a famish’d Philosopher, I took Courage again, especially when I found
from the Benefit of that pure cœlestial Æther, that I was no longer prest by
Hunger or Thirst. Yet upon recollecting that I had in my Pocket some of that
Sort of Bread which the People of Bergen call Bolken, and which is of an
oval or oblong Figure, I resolv’d to take it out, and make an Experiment
whether in this Situation I had any Appetite. But at the first Bite perceiving
it was quite nauseous, I threw it away as a Thing to all Intents and Purposes

useless. The Bread thus cast away was not only suspended in Air, but (what
was very marvellous to behold) it describ’d a little circular Motion round
my own Body. And from thence I learnt the true Laws of Motion, by which
it comes to pass, that all Bodies plac’d in Æquilibrium naturally affect a
circular Motion. Upon this, instead of deploring my Wretchedness, as I had
done, for being thus the Sport of Fortune, I began to plume a little, finding
that I was not only a simple Planet, but such a Planet as wou’d have a
perpetual Attendant conforming itself to my Motions, insomuch that I
should have the Honour to be reckon’d in the Number of the greater
heavenly Bodies or Stars of the first Magnitude. And to confess my
Weakness, so elated was I, that if I had then met any of our Consuls or
Senators of Bergen, I should have receiv’d them with a supercilious Air,
should have regarded them as Atoms, and accounted them unworthy to be
saluted or honoured with a Touch of my Harpoon.
For almost three Days I remain’d in this Condition. For as without any
Intermission I was whirl’d about the Planet that was next me, I could
distinguish Day from Night; and observing the subterraneous Sun to rise,
and set, and retire gradually out of my Sight, I could easily perceive when it
was Night, tho’ it was not altogether such as it is with us. For at Sun-set the
whole Face of the Firmament appear’d of a bright Purple, not unlike the
Countenance of our Moon sometimes. This I took to be occasion’d by the
inner Surface of our Earth, which borrow’d that Light from the
subterraneous Sun, which Sun was plac’d in the Center. This Hypothesis I
fram’d to myself, being not altogether a Stranger to the Study of
Astronomy.
But while I was thus amus’d with the Thoughts of being in the
Neighbourhood of the Gods, and was congratulating myself as a new
Constellation, together with my Satellite that surrounded me, and hop’d in a
short Time to be inserted in the Catalogue of Stars by the Astronomers of
the neighbouring Planet, behold! an enormous winged Monster hover’d
near me, sometimes on this Side, now on that Side, and by and by over my
Head. At first View I took it for one of the twelve heavenly Signs in this
new World, and accordingly hop’d, that, if the Conjecture was right, it
would be that of Virgo, since out of the whole Number of the twelve Signs,
that alone could yield me, in my unhappy Solitude, some Delight and
Comfort. But when the Figure approach’d nearer to me, it appear’d to be a

grim, huge Griffin. So great was my Terror, that unmindful of my starry
Dignity, to which I was newly advanc’d, in that Disorder of my Soul, I drew
out my University-Testimonium, which I happen’d to have in my Pocket, to
signify to this terrible Adversary that I had pass’d my academical
Examination, that I was a graduate Student, and could plead the Privilege of
my University against any one that should attack me. But my Disorder
beginning to cool, when I came to myself, I could not but condemn my
Folly. For it was yet a Matter of Doubt to what Purpose this Griffin should
approach me, whether as an Enemy, or a Friend; or, what is more likely,
whether led by the sole Novelty of the Thing, he had only a Mind to feast
his Curiosity. For the Sight of a human Creature whirling about in Air,
bearing in his right Hand an Harpoon, and drawing after him a great Length
of Rope like a Tail, was really a Phænomenon which might excite even a
brute Creature to behold the Spectacle. For the unusual Figure I then
exhibited, gave to the Inhabitants of the Globe, round which I revolv’d, an
Occasion of divers Conjectures and Conversations concerning me, as I
afterwards learn’d; for the Philosophers and Mathematicians would have
me to be a Comet, being positive that my Rope was the Tail; and some there
were, who from the Appearance of so rare a Meteor, prognosticated some
impending Misfortune, a Plague, a Famine, or some other such
extraordinary Catastrophe: Some also went further, and delineated my
Figure, such as it appear’d to them at that Distance, in very accurate
Drawings; so that I was describ’d, defin’d, painted and engrav’d before ever
I touch’d their Globe. All this I afterward heard with no small Pleasure, and
even Laughter, when I was convey’d to that Planet, and had learn’d their
Language.
It must be noted, that sometimes there appear new Stars, which the
Subterraneans call Sciscisi, or blazing Stars, which they describe as
something looking horrid with fiery Hair, and, after the Manner of our
Comets, bushy on the Top, so as that it projects in Form of a long Beard;
and these, as in our World, so in that, they are reckon’d ominous.
But to resume my History. The Griffin advanc’d so near at last, as to
incommode me by the Flapping of his Wings, and even did not scruple to
attack my Leg with his Teeth, so that now it openly appear’d with what
Disposition he pursu’d me. Upon this I began to attack this troublesome
Animal with Arms, and grasping my Harpoon with both my Hands, I soon

curb’d the Insolence of my Foe, obliging him to look about for a Way to
escape; and at last, since he persisted to annoy me, I darted my Harpoon
with such a Force into the Back of the Animal between his Wings, that I
could not pull it out again. The wounded Griffin, setting up a horrible Cry,
fell headlong upon the Planet. As for myself, quite weary of this starry
Station, this new Dignity, which I saw expos’d to infinite Hazards and
Evils,

Arbitrio volucris rapior, quoque impetus egit
Huc sine lege ruo, longoque per aera tractu
In terram feror, ut de cœlo stella sereno,
Etsi non cecidit, potuit cecidisse videri.

And now this circular Motion I had describ’d alter’d once more into a
perpendicular one. And being for some Time agitated and tost with great
Violence by the opposite Motions of a thicker Air, at length by an easy,
gentle Descent, I alighted upon the aforesaid Planet, together with the
Griffin, who soon after died of his Wound.
It was Night when I was convey’d to that Planet. This I could gather from
the sole Absence of the Sun, and not from the Darkness; for there still
remained so much Light, as that I could distinctly read my University-
Testimonium by it. That Light by Night arises from the inward Surface of
our Earth, whose Surface reflects a Light like that of the Moon among us.
And hence, with respect to Light alone, there is little Difference between
the Nights and Days, only that the Sun is absent, and his Absence makes the
Nights a little colder.

C H A P. II.
His Descent upon the Planet Nazar.

H AVING thus finish’d this airy Voyage, and being set down upon the
Planet without the least Hurt, I lay for a considerable Time without
Motion, waiting till Day-break for the Event. ’Twas then I found the usual
Infirmities of Nature return, and that I stood in great Need of Sleep as well
as Food, insomuch that I repented I had so rashly discarded my Loaf of
Bread.
My Mind thus oppress’d with various Anxieties, at length I fell into a
profound Sleep, and had slept (as near as I could guess) two Hours, when a
horrible Bellowing interrupting my Sleep, at length entirely dispell’d it. A
strange Variety of Notions had fill’d my Brain during this Sleep. I thought I
was returned into Norway, and holding forth among the Students according
to Custom; and at one Time I imagin’d I heard the Voice of the Deacon
Nicolas Andreas chanting in the Church of Fanöen, just out of the City, and
that it was the Noise of his Voice, which according to Custom had so
cruelly wounded my Ears. And agreeably to this, when I awoke, I really
thought it was his horrid Voice that had disturb’d me. But when I saw a Bull
standing near me, then, indeed, I concluded my Rest had been broke by his
Bellowing. Presently throwing my Eyes around me, the Sun now rising, I
beheld every where green, fertile Plains and Fields; some Trees also
appeared, but (what was most amazing) they moved; tho’ such was the
Silence and Stillness of the Air at that Time, that it would not have moved
the lightest Feather from its Place. Immediately the Bull came roaring at
me, and I in my Terror and Consternation seeing a Tree just by me,
attempted to climb it; but when I got up into it, it uttered a fine small Voice,
tho’ something shrill, and not unlike an angry Lady’s; and presently I
receiv’d, as it were from the swiftest Hand, such a Blow as quite stunn’d
me, and laid me prostrate on the Ground. I was almost expiring with this
Thunderbolt of a Stroke, when I heard certain confus’d Murmurings round
me, like those in great Markets, or upon full Change. Having opened my

Eyes, I beheld all about me a whole Grove of Trees, all in Motion, all
animated, and the Plain overspread with Trees and Shrubs, tho’ just before
there were not above six or seven. ’Tis not to be express’d what Disorders
this produced in my Understanding, and how much my Mind was shock’d
with these Delusions: Sometimes I thought I must certainly dream;
sometimes I thought I was haunted by Spectres and evil Spirits, and twenty
absurder Things did I imagine; but I had no Time to examine these
Machines, or to inquire into their Causes; for presently another Tree
advancing to me, let down one of its Branches, which had at the Extremity
of it six large Buds in the Manner of Fingers. With these the Tree took me
up from the Ground, and carried me off, attended by a Multitude of other
Trees of various Kinds and different Sizes, all which kept muttering certain
Sounds, articulately indeed, but in a Tone too foreign for my Ears, so that I
could not possibly retain any Thing of them, except these two Words, Pikel
Emi, which I heard them very often repeat. By these Words (as I afterward
understood) was meant, A Monkey of an odd Shape; because from the Make
of my Body, and Manner of Dress, they conjectur’d I was a Monkey, tho’ of
a Species different from the Monkeys of that Country. Others took me for
an Inhabitant of the Firmament, and that some great Bird had transported
me hither; a Thing that had once before happened, as the History or Annals
of that Globe can testify. But all these Things I understood not till after the
Space of some Months, in which Time I became acquainted with the
subterranean Language. For in my present Circumstances, what thro’ Fear,
and what through the Disorder of my Intellects, I was quite regardless of
myself, nor could conceive how there could be any such Thing as living and
speaking Trees, nor to what Purpose was this Procession, which was very
slow and solemn. But yet the Voices and Murmurs with which all the Plains
echoed seemed to indicate Anger and Indignation; and in good Truth it was
not without ample Reason that they had conceived this Resentment against
me; for that very Tree, which I climb’d up in my Flight from the Bull, was
the Wife of the Prætor, or principal Magistrate of the next City; and so the
Quality of the Person injur’d aggravated the Crime; for it look’d as if I had
a Mind to violate not a Female of mean and plebeian Birth, but a Matron of
prime Rank, which was a most detested Spectacle to a People of so
venerable a Modesty as these were. At length we arrived at the City to
which I was led Captive. This City was equally remarkable for its stately
Edifices, and for the elegant Order and Proportion of the Streets and

Highways; so lofty were the Houses, that they resembled so many Towers;
the Streets too were full of walking Trees, which by letting down their
Branches saluted each other as they met, and the greater Number of
Branches or Boughs they dropt, the greater was the Compliment. Thus
when an Oak went out of one of the most eminent Houses, the rest of the
Trees drew back at his Approach, and let down every one of their Branches;
from whence it was easy to infer, that that Oak was far above the vulgar
Sort; and, indeed, I soon understood that it was the Prætor himself, and the
very Person whose Wife I was said to have so highly affronted. Forthwith
they hurried me to the Prætor’s House; upon my Entrance into which, the
Doors were immediately lock’d and bolted upon me, so that I look’d upon
myself as one condemn’d to a Gaol. What greatly contributed to this Fear
was, that there were three Guards plac’d without, like Centinels, each of
them arm’d with six Axes, according to the Number of their Branches; for
as many Branches as they had, so many Arms they had; and as many Buds
at the Extremities, so many Fingers. I observed, that on the Top of the
Trunks or Bodies of the Trees their Heads were plac’d, not at all unlike
human Heads; and instead of Roots, I saw two Feet, and those very short,
by Reason of which the Pace they us’d was almost as slow as that of a
Tortoise; so that had I been at Liberty, it had been very easy for me to have
escap’d their Hands, since my Motion was perfect Flying compar’d to
theirs.
To be short, I now plainly perceived, that the Inhabitants of this Globe
were Trees, and that they were endued with Reason; and I was lost in
Wonder at that Variety in which Nature wantons in the Formation of her
Creatures. These Trees do by no Means equal ours in Height, scarce any of
them exceeding the common and ordinary Stature of a Man; some indeed
were less; these one would call Flowers or Shrubs; and such I conjectur’d
were Youths and Infants.
Words cannot express into what a Labyrinth of Thought these strange
Appearances threw me, how many Sighs they extorted from me, and how
passionately I longed after the dear Place of my Nativity. For altho’ these
Trees seemed to me to be sociable Creatures, to enjoy the Benefit of
Language, and to be endued with a certain Degree or Portion of Reason,
insomuch that they had a Right to be inserted in the Class of rational
Animals, yet I much doubted whether they could be compar’d to Men; I

could not bring myself to think, that Justice, Mercy, and the other moral
Virtues had any Residence among them. Rack’d with these Thoughts, my
Bowels yearned, and Rivers of Tears flowed down my Cheeks. But while I
was thus indulging my Grief, and pouring out my silent Complaints in such
unmanly Sorrows, the Guards entered my Chamber, whom I looked upon as
so many Roman Lictors, considering the Axes they bore. These marching
before me, I was led thro’ the City to a very lofty Dome in the Center of the
Forum, or great Market-Place. I seemed to myself to be greater than a
Roman Consul, and to have obtained the Honour of a Dictator; for there
were but twelve Axes attended the Consuls, whereas I was attended by
eighteen. On the folding Doors of the Dome, to which I was led, a Figure of
Justice was carved, holding a Pair of Scales with her Branches or Arms:
This Image had a Virgin-Air, an earnest Look, a piercing Sight, with a
certain venerable Dejection that made her appear not too proud, nor yet too
humble. This Place I clearly perceived was the Senate-House. Being
introduced into Court, the Floor of which shone with Marble of tessellated
or Mosaic Workmanship; I there beheld a Tree seated on a Golden Tribunal,
with twelve Associates sitting on either Hand on so many Benches in the
most exact and elegant Order. The President on the Tribunal was a Palm-
Tree, of a middling Stature, but easily distinguish’d from the rest of the
Assistants, by the great Variety of her Leaves, which were of various Dyes:
The inferior Officers, to the Number of twenty-four, guarded each Side, all
armed with six Axes apiece. A most tremendous Prospect! since from so
much Armour it was natural to infer they were a People that delighted in
Blood.
The Senators, at my Entrance, extended their Branches toward the Skies;
which Ceremony being ended, they sat down again; and being all seated, I
was brought to the Bar between two Trees, whose Trunks or Bodies were
covered with Sheep-Skins. I suspected they were Lawyers, and such in
good Truth they were. Before they began to plead, the President wrapt his
Head in a Garment of a dark Colour. One of these Advocates made a very
short Speech, which he thrice repeated; to which the other Advocate replied
with equal Brevity: These Pleadings were followed by a Silence of Half an
Hour: Then the President, removing the Covering from her Head, rose up,
and again extending her Branches toward the Sky, pronounc’d certain
Words, which I supposed contained my Sentence; for at the End of the

Speech I was dismiss’d back to my old Prison, and confin’d there, as I
guess’d, to be in Readiness to be brought forth to Punishment.
Being left alone, and revolving in my Memory every Thing that had
happened, I could not forbear smiling at the Stupidity of this People; for
they seemed rather to be acting a Play than exercising Justice, and every
Thing I had seen, their Gesture, their Dress, and Method of Proceeding
seem’d to favour more of the Buffoonery of the Stage, than the awful
Tribunal of Justice. Then I congratulated the Happiness of our World, and
the Superiority of the Europeans to all others. But tho’ I arraigned the Folly
and Dulness of this subterraneous Nation, yet I was forced to own that they
ought to be distinguished from the Brute Creation; for the Elegance of the
City, the Symmetry of the Buildings, with several other Particulars, loudly
proclaimed that these Trees were not devoid of Reason, nor altogether
ignorant of the Arts, especially Mechanicks; but then it was in this alone
that I thought all their Virtues, all their whole Perfection consisted.
While I was holding this silent Conference with myself, a Tree enters
holding a Lancet in his Hand; who unbuttoning my Bosom, and making
bare my Arm, opened the middle Vein quite like an Artist. When he had
drawn as much Blood as he thought sufficient, he bound up my Arm with
equal Dexterity. This being performed, he inspected the Blood with the
deepest Attention; and being perfectly satisfied, he walked away in a Kind
of silent Admiration: All this confirmed me in the Opinion I had entertained
of the Stupidity of this Nation. But as soon as I had thoroughly learnt the
subterranean Language, and all these Things had been explained to me, my
Disdain was turned into Admiration. The Proceedings at Law, which I had
so rashly condemned, were thus explained. From the Make of my Body,
they inferred I was an Inhabitant of the Firmament. I appeared to have
attempted the Chastity of an honourable Matron, and one of prime Quality.
For this Crime I was dragged to the Bar of Justice. One of the Advocates or
Lawyers aggravated the Crime, demanding the Punishment due by Law; the
other requested not that the Punishment should be remitted, but only that it
should be deferr’d, till it could be discover’d what, and who I was, and of
what Country; whether a brute Animal, or a rational one. Moreover I learnt,
that the Action of the Judges extending their Branches towards Heaven, was
the ordinary Ceremony of Religion before they proceeded to Trial. The
Lawyers were all covered with Sheep-Skins, as Emblems of Innocence and

Impartiality in the Management of their Causes; and indeed all the Lawyers
here were Men of Probity; which shews that in a well-constituted
Government it is not impossible, but that there may be honest Lawyers. So
severe were the Laws against knavish Advocates, that Fraud and foul Play
could not escape Detection, Perfidiousness could find no Shelter, Slander
no Mercy, Impudence no Countenance, and Deceit no Impunity. The three-
fold Repetition of Words was made use of to assist the Slowness of their
Perception, in which the Natives of this Globe were distinguished from all
others; for very few could comprehend what they had only cursorily read,
or understand what they had only once heard. Those whose forward
Capacities took a Thing presently, were deem’d defective in Judgment, and
therefore it was seldom that such were admitted to any weighty Posts or
Offices; for they had learnt by Experience, that the Government had been
endanger’d when in the Hands of those who were quick of Apprehension,
and who were commonly styl’d great Geniuses; but that those of slower
Capacities had restored to Order what the others had thrown into
Confusion. These Things were Paradoxes to me, yet upon a more serious
Recollection, they seemed not altogether absurd. But the History of the
President fill’d me with the greatest Astonishment. She was a Virgin, and a
Native of that City, and by the then reigning Sovereign was appointed Kaki,
or supreme Judge in the City: For among these People there was no
Difference of Sexes observed in the Distribution of publick Posts; but an
Election being made, the Affairs of the Republick were committed to the
wisest and most worthy. And in order to form a right Judgment of the
Proficience, or of the intellectual Endowments of every one, there were
proper Seminaries instituted, the chief Directors of which were styl’d
Karatti (a Word that strictly signifies Inquisitors.) It was their Office to
inspect into every one’s Abilities, to inquire nicely into the Genius of the
Youth, and after such Inquiry to transmit annually to their Prince an
Account or List of such as were to be admitted to all Duties and Posts of
Government, and to point out at the same Time, in what Particular every
one of them was most likely to be of Service to the State. The Prince upon
the Receipt of such Catalogue ordered their Names to be inscrib’d in a
Book, that he might never be at a Loss what Sort of Persons to prefer to the
vacant Posts. The aforesaid Virgin four Years before had obtained a most
honourable Testimonial from the Karatti, and upon that Account was by the
Sovereign appointed President of the City in which she was born. This Rule

they observe constantly and inviolably, because they believe that the
Welfare of any Place will be best consulted and pursued by those who are
Natives of it. Palmka (that was the Name of the Virgin) for the Space of
three Years govern’d this truly Spartan Commonwealth with the highest
Applause, and was esteem’d the wisest Tree in all the City; for so great was
her Dulness of Apprehension, that she hardly ever conceiv’d a Thing
without its being thrice or four times repeated. But what she once
apprehended she thoroughly understood, and with such Acumen solv’d
every Difficulty in it, that her Decrees were deem’d so many Oracles.

Novit enim justum gemina suspendere lance
Ancipitis libræ, rectum discrevit, ubi inter
Curva subit, vel cum fallit pede regula raro.

And hence there were no judicial Decrees of hers during her
Administration of Justice, which were not confirmed and applauded by the
High Court of Justice at Potu, the Capital of the Empire: Therefore the
Institution in Favour of the weaker Sex, which at first View I had
condemn’d, had nothing absurd in it upon a more accurate Review. Bless
me! thought I, what if the Wife of our Mayor of Bergen were to sit in
Judgment instead of her Husband? What if the Daughter of Counsellor
Severini, that all-accomplish’d young Lady, were to plead at the Bar instead
of her stupid Father? Our Laws would never receive the least Dishonour
from them, nor would Justice be so often violated. Moreover, I was of
Opinion, since in the European Courts of Law, Causes were so soon
determin’d, that such sudden and hasty Determinations, were they to
undergo a strict Scrutiny, would by no Means pass without Censure. To
proceed to explain some other Things. The Reason of the Venæ-section or
Letting Blood, I understood to be this: When any one was convicted of a
Crime, instead of whipping, maiming, or capital Punishments, he was
condemned to the Venæ-section, that is, to have a Vein open’d, by which it
should appear, whether his Crime proceeded from Malice, or from the
vitiated Blood, and whether by such an Operation he could be cur’d. So that
these Courts of Justice regarded the Amendment, rather than the
Punishment of the Offender. Yet the very Method of Amendment had a Sort
of Punishment in it, because it was a Mark of Ignominy to undergo this
Operation by judicial Sentence. If any one fell a second Time into the same

Crime, he was deem’d an unworthy Member of the State, and as such was
to be banish’d to the Firmament, where all were receiv’d without
Distinction. But of this sort of Exile we shall enlarge hereafter. Then as to
the Reason why upon the Opening of my Vein the Chirurgeon was so
astonish’d at the Sight of my Blood, it was this, namely, that the Natives of
this Globe had a white fluid Juice in their Veins. And the whiter this was, so
much the greater Mark it bore of Innocence and Probity.
All these Things, when I had perfectly learn’d the subterranean Tongue, I
thoroughly understood, and thenceforward began to form a milder
Judgment of a People I had too hastily censur’d. And tho’ at first I was of
Opinion that these Trees were excessively stupid and brutish, yet I soon
found Reason to think that they were not altogether destitute of Humanity,
and that therefore I was in no Danger of my Life. And what confirm’d me
in this was, that twice a Day I saw my Food duly brought me. This Food
consisted of Fruits, Herbs, and Pulse, and my Drink was a Liquor the most
delicious and grateful I ever tasted.
The Magistrate, in whose Custody I was, soon sent Advice to the
Sovereign of the Empire, who resided at Potu, (not far from this City) that a
certain rational Animal, of a very unusual Make, had fallen into his Hands.
The Sovereign, excited by the Novelty of the Thing, gave Orders that I
should be instructed in their Language, and then sent to Court. Hereupon I
had a Language Master appointed me, under whose Care in the Space of six
Months I made so great a Proficiency, that I was enabled to converse pretty
readily with the Natives. After having pass’d thro’ this first Exercise, a new
Order arriv’d from Court, concerning my farther Instruction, by which I
was commanded to be enter’d into the Seminary, that the natural Powers of
my Understanding might be enquir’d into by the Karatti, and in what Kind
of Learning I gave the most hopeful Promises of Success. All this was done
with great Exactness. While I was performing my Exercises here, they were
as careful of my Body as they were of my Mind, and particularly, they us’d
their utmost Art to bring me into their own Shape, and accordingly they
skilfully fitted artificial Branches to my Body.
During this, the Magistrate, at whose House I lodg’d, every Evening as I
return’d from the Seminary, enter’d into various Conferences with me. He
heard me with the utmost Pleasure descanting on those Things that had
occur’d to me in this subterranean Tour. But he was above Measure amaz’d

at the Description I gave him of our Earth, and of that immense Heaven that
surrounded it, studded with infinite Stars. All this he heard with the utmost
Avidity. But it kindled his Blushes, when I told him of the Trees of our
Globe, which were lifeless, immoveable, and fastened by the Roots to the
Ground; nay, he beheld me with some Resentment, when I attested that our
Trees were cut down for Fuel to heat our Furnaces and dress our Provisions.
But considering the Thing more gravely, his Indignation subsided, and
extending his five Branches to the Skies (for so many he had) he ador’d the
Wisdom of the great Creator, whose Ways are past finding out; and
henceforward he heard me with still greater Attention. His Wife, who had
hitherto avoided me, when she learnt the true Reason for which I was
brought to Judgment, and that I was deceiv’d in the Appearance of a Tree,
which in our Country ’twas a customary Thing to climb, now laid aside all
Suspicion, and was entirely reconciled. But yet, that I might not at the
Beginning of our Reconciliation open an old Wound, I declin’d all
Conversation with her, unless in the Presence, and at the express Command
of her Husband.

C H A P. III.
A Description of the City of Keba.

I N the mean while, and during the Course of this Discipline under the
Karatti, my Host walk’d me about the City to shew me whatever was
curious and observable. We walk’d up and down without any Molestation,
and what was more to be admir’d, without any crowding or jostling; quite
otherwise than it is with us, where People flock in Heaps to any Thing that
is new and uncommon, that they may feast their Curiosity. For the
Inhabitants of this Planet have very little Taste for Novelty, and pursue only
solid Things. The Name of this City is Keba, and it is the second in Dignity
of the whole Potuan Empire. The Inhabitants are so sedate and grave, you
would swear they were all Senators. Age is particularly honourable here;
nor is there a profounder Deference and Veneration any where paid it; for it
carries Authority not only in its Sentiments, but in its Looks and Nods. But
I much wonder’d that a Nation so sober, so modest as this, should be
delighted with Comedies and certain ludicrous Shews and Spectacles that
were there exhibited. This did not seem to suit with so much Gravity. Which
my Host perceiving, Through all these Dominions, says he, the Subjects
divide their Time between Things serious and Things of a gayer Turn,

Saturnumq; gravem nostro Jove frangimus una.

For, among other laudable Institutions of this Empire, there is an
Indulgence of innocent Pleasures, by which it is believ’d the Soul is
strengthen’d, and prepar’d to sustain the more arduous Duties, and by
which those black Clouds of Melancholy are dispell’d, which are thought to
be the Sources of Riots, Seditions, and pernicious Counsels. Therefore they
chequer the severer Toils with Sports and Plays, so happily tempering
Seriousness with Pleasantry, that the first cannot degenerate into Sourness,
nor the latter into Impertinence. But it was not without Indignation I
observ’d that School-Disputations do there make a Part of the Shews and
Theatrical Performances. For at set Times of the Year, Wagers being laid,
and a Reward assign’d to the Conquerors, the Disputants engage like a

Couple of Gladiators, and much upon the same Terms that fighting Cocks
or any such battling Animals do among us. Hence it was a Custom among
the Great, to maintain a Set of Disputants, as we do a Pack of Hounds, and
to give them a logical Education, that they may be fit for Engagement at the
stated Times of the Year. Thus a certain wealthy Citizen in three Years Time
had made prodigious Gains, even to the Sum of 4000 Ricatu, from one
Disputant, whom he maintained for that Purpose. This Disputant, with an
amazing Volubility of Tongue,

Diruit, ædificat, mutat quadrata rotundis,

By ensnaring Syllogisms and every Artifice of Logick, by Distinctions,
Reservations, and Exceptions, eluded every Opponent, and silenc’d whom
he would. I was often present at these Entertainments, and that with no
small Vexation. For it seem’d to me a horrid and shameful Thing, that such
noble Exercises, which give Lustre to our Schools, should here be
prostituted on the Stage. And when I call’d to Mind, that I myself with the
highest Applause had disputed in Publick, and had obtained the Laurel, I
could scarce withhold my Tears. And not only the Dispute, but the Method
of disputing incensed me. For they hir’d certain Stimulators, in their
Language Cabalci, who when they observ’d the Ardor of the Disputants to
flag, just prick’d their Sides with Lancets to re-kindle it, and to rally their
declining Spirits. Other Things thro’ Shame I omit, which in so polish’d a
Nation I could not but condemn. Besides these Disputants, call’d in their
Tongue, by way of Contempt, Masbaki, that is strictly, Wranglers, there
were other Trials of Skill between Beasts, both of the wild and tame Kind,
and also between Birds of Prey, which were exhibited to the Spectators at a
certain Price. I begg’d to know of my Host, how it was possible that so
judicious a Nation could think of leaving to the Theatre those noble
Exercises, whereby a Faculty of Speaking is acquir’d, Truth is discover’d,
and the Understanding sharpen’d? He reply’d, that formerly these Exercises
were in high Reputation among their barbarous Ancestors; but since they
had been convinc’d by Experience, That Truth was rather stifled by
Disputes, that their Youth were render’d petulant and forward thereby, that
Disturbances arose from them, and that the more generous Studies were so
much the more fetter’d, they turn’d over these Exercises from the
University to the Playhouse; and the Event has shew’d us, that by Reading,

Silence, and Meditation, the Students now make far greater Advances in
Learning. With this Reply, tho’ very specious, I was not however altogether
satisfy’d.
In this City there was an Academy or School, where with the utmost
Decency and Solidity the Liberal Arts were taught. My Host introduc’d me
into the Auditory of this School on a particular Day, when a Madic, or
Doctor of Philosophy, was to be created. The whole Ceremony was this:
The Candidate made a learned and elegant Dissertation upon a Problem in
natural Philosophy, which being ended, the Governors of the School
inserted his Name in the Register of Doctors, who from thence had
Authority to teach publickly. My Host asking how I liked it? I answer’d that
it appear’d to me a mighty dry Business in Comparison of our Promotions.
Then I explain’d to him how Masters and Doctors were created among us,
namely, by exhibiting certain Specimens of their Skill in Disputation. At
this, contracting his Brows, he desir’d to know the Nature of our
Disputations, and in what they differ from the subterranean. I reply’d, that
they were usually upon curious and learned Subjects, particularly such as
relate to the Manners, Language, or Dress of two ancient Nations who
formerly flourish’d in Europe, and that I for my Part had wrote three
Dissertations upon the Slippers of the Ancients. With that he set up such a
Laugh, as made the whole House ring. His Wife, alarm’d with the Noise,
flies to know the Cause of it: But I was so much out of Humour, that I
disdained to answer her; for I thought it a burning Shame, so grave and
solid a Matter should be treated with that Ridicule and Contempt. But
understanding from her Husband the Truth of the Case, she laugh’d as
violently. This Thing taking Air, gave a Handle to endless Sneers; nay, the
Wife of a certain Senator, of herself exceedingly prone to laugh, was so
delighted, that she had like to have burst herself. And she soon, after dying
accidentally of a Fever, it was thought her Death was occasion’d by that
immoderate Laugh, which had inflam’d her Lungs. They were not indeed
quite certain that such was the Case; however, so it was whisper’d. She was
otherwise a Matron of a fine Understanding, and a most useful Lady, for she
had seven Branches, which is something rare in that Sex. All the better Sort
of Trees were much concern’d at her Death. She was bury’d at Midnight
without the City Gates, and in the same Garments she happen’d to have on
when she dy’d. For there is a Provision by Law, that no Body can be bury’d
in the City, because they believe the Air may be corrupted by the Effluvia of

the Carcases. It is also by Law provided, that the dead Bodies shall be
interr’d without any Funeral Pomp, or rich Dresses, inasmuch as all is
shortly to be the Food of Worms. And these appear’d to me to be very wise
Institutions. Yet they had Feasts in Honour of the Dead, and also Funeral
Orations, which simply contain’d an Exhortation to a virtuous Life, and
which plac’d before their Eyes an Image of Mortality. At this the Censors
were present, to observe whether the Orators rais’d or depress’d the
Character of the Deceas’d beyond Justice. And hence the subterranean
Orators were extremely sparing of their Encomiums, since to give
immoderate Praises was punishable by Law. Not long after, when I was
going to one of these Funeral Orations, I ask’d my Host what was the State
and Condition of the departed Hero? He reply’d, he was an Husbandman
who dy’d suddenly upon the Road to this City. Hereupon, in my Turn, I
burst into an excessive Laughter, retorting thus their own Weapons upon
them. And pray, says I, why have not Bulls and Oxen, those Companions of
Husbandmen, the Honour of a Funeral Oration? They can equally supply
Matter, for they equally perform the same Office. But my Host desir’d me
to spare my Jests; for that in these Dominions Husbandmen were held in the
highest Esteem, on account of the great Excellence of the Duties they were
employ’d in; and that no Way of Life was more honourable than that of
Agriculture. Thus every honest and industrious Farmer was regarded by the
Citizens as their Feeder and Foster-Father. And hence arose the Custom,
that when the Farmers about Autumn, or in the Month of Palm-Trees, repair
to the City with a Multitude of Carriages loaden with Corn, the Magistrates
meet them without the Gates, and introduce them into the City with
Trumpets and other Instruments in Concert, after the Manner of a Triumph.
At this strange Account I was struck dumb, especially recollecting the hard
Fate of our Husbandmen, groaning under the deepest Slavery, and whose
Employments are look’d upon as low and illiberal, in Comparison of those
which are Pandars to our Pleasures; such as Cooks, Poulterers, Perfumers,
and such like. And this I fairly own’d to my Host, at the same Time
enjoining him Silence, fearing lest the Subterraneans should pass very
unfavourable Judgments upon Mankind. Having promised Secrecy, he
carry’d me to the Hall where the Funeral Oration was to be made. I own I
never heard any Thing executed more solidly, with greater Veracity, or with
so little an Appearance of Flattery as this; and I judg’d it a proper Pattern, to
which all Funeral Orations should conform. The Orator first gave us a View

of the Virtues of the Deceas’d, and then enumerated his Vices and Failings,
with an Admonition to his Audience to avoid ’em.
As we return’d from the Hall, we met an Offender in Custody of three
Keepers. The same by Decree in Court had lately undergone the
Punishment of the Arm (so they call the letting Blood) and was now going
to be consign’d over to the publick Hospital or Bedlam. Upon Enquiry into
the Reason of such Sentence, I was inform’d, that the Criminal had disputed
publickly about the Qualities and Essence of the Supreme Being, a Thing
here prohibited, where all these over curious Disquisitions are thought to be
such exquisite Folly and Rashness, that a Creature of a sound
Understanding could not well fall into it. Therefore these subtle Disputants,
after the Venæ-section, were, like Madmen, condemned to Confinement, till
they got out of this Delirium. Ah! thought I to myself, what would become
of our Divines, whom we every Day hear wrangling about the Quality and
Attributes of the Deity, about the Nature of spiritual Beings, and other
Mysteries of that Kind? What also would become of our Metaphysicians,
who by their transcendental Jargon, affect a Degree of Wisdom far above
the Vulgar, and even above Human Nature itself? Certainly, instead of
Hoods, Caps, and other Academical Honours, which in our World are so
liberally granted them, they would in this be shew’d the Way to the publick
Hospital.
All this, and other Things full as paradoxical, I remark’d during the Time
of my Probation in the Seminary. At length the appointed Time arriv’d,
when, by Order of the Prince, I was to be conducted to Court with a
Testimonial. I flatter’d myself, that I should have the most honourable
Encomiums and Approbations, depending partly upon my own
Accomplishments, since I had learn’d the subterranean Tongue sooner than
could be expected, and partly upon the Interest of my Host, together with
the renown’d Integrity of my Judges. At last my Testimonial was deliver’d
me, which I open’d with the utmost Transport, impatient of reading my own
Praises, and of concluding from thence what my Destiny was to be. But the
Perusal of it threw me into Fits of Rage and Despair. The Tenor of it was
this:

“In Obedience to the Commands of your Serene Highness, the
Animal lately arriv’d from another World, and calling himself a

Man, we herewith send, most carefully instructed in our Seminary.
Upon the nicest Inquiry into his Genius and Manners, we have
found him to be of competent Docility, and extremely quick of
Apprehension, but of so weak and uneven a Judgment, that he
hardly merits to be consider’d as a rational Creature, much less to be
admitted to any important Office in the Government. But since he
excels every one in Swiftness of Foot, we are humbly of Opinion
that he is extremely qualify’d for the Post of King’s Messenger.
Given at our Seminary of Keba, in the Month of Brambles, by your
Serene Highness’s most humble Servants,
Nehec, Jochtan, Rapasi, Chilac.”

Upon this I went to my Host in a Torrent of Tears, and humbly implor’d
that he would interpose his Authority to procure a milder Testimonial from
the Karatti, and that he would shew them my University-Testimonial, in
which I was complimented with Epithets of Ingenious and Honourable. He
reply’d, that that Testimonial might have its Weight in our World, where
they regarded perhaps the Shadow more than the Substance, the outward
Bark more than the inward Texture; but that it would be of no Value with
them, where they penetrate into the inmost Nature of Things: And exhorted
me moreover to bear my Fate as temperately as I could, especially as the
Testimonial could be neither revok’d or alter’d; for that there was no greater
Crime than to ascribe undeserved Virtues to any one. But what Comfort it
was in the Power of Words to give, he gave.

—Verba facit, quibus hunc lenire dolorem
Possit, & ingentem morbi partem removere.
Ne cures hæc, quæ stulte miraris & optas.
Quos non præcipitat subjecta potentia magnæ
Invidiæ? mergit longa atq; insignis honorum
Pagina; namq; homini, nimios qui captat honores,
Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur
Excelsæ turris tabulata, unde altior illi
Casus, & impulsæ præceps immane ruinæ.

As to the Testimonial of the Karatti, he added, that they were the most
incorrupt and upright Judges, who could be brib’d by no Presents, nor aw’d

by no Threats, to recede a Hair’s Breadth from Truth; and that therefore
there was no Room for Suspicion in this Case. He also candidly
acknowledged, that the Poverty of my Judgment was a Thing not
unobserv’d by himself, and that he inferr’d from the Readiness of my
Memory, and the Quickness of my Apprehension, that I was not that Sort of
Wood out of which Mercury was to be made, and that I could not possibly
meet with Preferment upon account of that remarkable Defect in my
Judgment: That he had gather’d, from my Discourses and Description of
Europe, that I was

Stultorum in patria, pravoq; sub aere natum.

And with these and a great many more Professions of Friendship, he desir’d
me without Delay to prepare for my Journey. I follow’d the Advice of this
most sagacious Person, especially as Necessity requir’d it, and as it would
have been Rashness to have oppos’d the Order of the Prince.
We now began our Journey in Company with some other young Trees,
which were dismiss’d from the Seminary at the same Time, and sent to
Court for the same End. Our Leader was one of the Karatti, who, upon
account of his Age and a Weakness in his Feet, was carry’d by an Ox; for it
is an unusual Thing here to have Vehicles, these being indulg’d only to the
Decrepit and Diseas’d; tho’ the Inhabitants of this Planet are really more
excusable for it than those of our World, by reason of the Slowness of their
Gait. I remember, when I gave a Description of our Vehicles, that is, our
Coaches with Horses, into which we were stuff’d like so much Lumber, and
drawn thro’ the City, the Subterraneans smil’d at my Account, especially
when they heard that no Neighbour envy’d another, unless he kept his
Coach and was drawn in it through the Streets by a Pair of mettlesome four-
footed Beasts. What with the Slowness of the Motion of these rational
Trees, we were three Days upon this Journey, tho’ Keba is hardly four Miles
distant from the Capital. Had I been alone, a Day would have been
sufficient. ’Twas a Pleasure indeed that I excell’d these Subterraneans in
that Advantage of Foot, but it griev’d me to the Soul that for that very
Excellence I was condemn’d to a vile ignominious Office. Would to God!
said I, that I labour’d under the same Infirmity with them, since by this
Defect alone I might have escap’d the low and ignoble Drudgery I was
destin’d to. Our Leader, over-hearing me, reply’d thus, If Nature had not

made you Amends for the Defects of your Mind by some one Excellence of
Body, all would behold you as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth; for that
very Quickness of Parts permits you only to see the Surface of Things, and
not the Substance; and since you have but two Branches, you are inferior to
the Subterraneans in every Thing that depends upon the Hands. Hearing
this, I thank’d God who had given me this Swiftness of Feet, since without
this Virtue I had no Chance to be reckon’d in the Number of rational
Creatures.
During our Journey, I was surpriz’d to see all around me the Natives so
intent upon their Labours, that at the Approach of Passengers nobody left
off Work, or even threw their Eyes round, tho’ something extraordinary
should even pass along. But at the Close of Day, their Toils all ended, then
they indulg’d in every Amusement of the Mind, the chief Magistrate
conniving and tolerating these Diversions, as Reliefs and Strengtheners of
the Body and Mind, and something full as necessary as Meat and Drink.
This and other Things made the Journey highly grateful. The whole Country
is perfectly beautiful. Imagine it a spacious Amphitheatre, and such an one
as Nature alone could make. Where Nature was less profuse, all was
supply’d by the Industry of the Inhabitants, who were animated to these
rural Toils, and to the cultivating and improving their Land, by Rewards
from the Magistrate; and whoever suffer’d his Grounds to run to Ruin,
afterwards wrought for Hire. We pass’d by many fair Villages, which from
the Multitude of them look’d like one continued City, and exhibited the
same Appearance all along. Yet we were something infested by the
Monkeys from the Woods, which rambling up and down, and from an
Affinity in my Shape, imagining I was of their Race, were continually
teazing me with their Approaches and Touches. I could scarce suppress my
Rage, when I perceiv’d that this was a perfect Comedy to some of the
Trees; for I was conducted to Court (by express Order of his Majesty) in the
same Dress, in which I alighted upon the Planet, namely, with my Harpoon
in my right Hand, that his Majesty might behold what the Dress of our
World was, and particularly what was my own Appearance upon my
Arrival. And very opportunely it was that I had my Harpoon in my Hand,
that I might chace away those Swarms of Monkeys that gather’d apace at
last round me; tho’ it was all in vain; for in the room of those that fled more
came, so that I was forced to move every Step like a Man upon his Guard.

C H A P. IV.
The Court of the Potuan Empire.

A T length we came to the Royal City of Potu, which for Beauty and
Magnificence might vie with any. The Buildings there are more
numerous and extensive than at Keba, and the Streets wider and more
commodious. The Forum, which was the first Place we were brought to,
was fill’d with Numbers of Merchants, and surrounded every Way with
Shops of Artists and Tradesmen. But I saw with some Astonishment in the
Middle of the Forum a certain Criminal with a Halter about his Neck, and a
large Company of grave and elderly Trees standing round him. Upon my
asking what was the Matter, and for what Crime he deserved Hanging,
especially as I thought no Crime here was Capital, it was told me, that this
Offender was a Projector, who had advis’d the Abolition of a certain old
Custom; that those who stood round him were the Senators and Lawyers,
who then and there examined the Projector’s Scheme, so that if it should
appear that it was a well digested Thing, and salutary to the
Commonwealth, the Offender was not only absolv’d, but rewarded; but if
injurious to the Publick, or if the Projector by the Repeal of this Law
appear’d to have glanc’d at his own Advantage, he was presently to be
hang’d as a Disturber of the Realm. And this is the Reason why few are
found to run this Risque, or have Courage enough to advise the Abrogation
of any Law, unless the Thing be so demonstrably evident and just, that the
Success of it cannot be doubted of: So persuaded are the Subterraneans, that
the ancient Laws and Institutions of their Ancestors are to be maintain’d
and rever’d. For they believe the Government would be in Danger, if for the
Wantonness of every Body, those Laws were to be chang’d or disannul’d.
What, alas! said I to myself, would become of the Projectors of our World,
who, under a Pretence of publick Emolument, are daily hatching and
inventing new Laws, with an Eye only to their private Gains, instead of the
common Benefit?

At length we were introduced into a spacious House, which was the usual
Place of Reception for all who were sent from the Seminaries throughout
the Empire. In the same Place are brought up those who are to attend upon
the Prince. Our Captain, the Karatti, bid us be in Readiness, while he went
to acquaint his Highness with our Arrival. He had scarce left us when we
heard a Noise, like that of great Rejoicings, and immediately the Air echo’d
with the Sound of Trumpets and Beat of Drums. Alarm’d at this Noise we
went out, and beheld a certain Tree magnificently attended and crown’d
with a Chaplet of Flowers, and presently discover’d that it was the same
Citizen whom we just now saw in the Forum with his Neck in a Halter. The
Reason of this Triumph was the Approbation of that Law, which at the Peril
of his Head he had advised. But by what Arguments he attack’d the old
Law, I could never reach to the Knowledge, by Reason of the great Silence
of the People; and hence it is, that the least Matter transacted in the Senate
in relation to the Government never transpires, or takes the least Air. Far
otherwise it is with us, where the Actions of the Senate and the whole of
their Debates are reported, weigh’d and criticiz’d upon in every Tavern and
Street.
In the Space of an Hour the Karatti returns, and commands us all to
follow him. We obey’d. As we went, we met certain young Trees, who
offer’d to Sale little printed Books of curious and memorable Things.
Among the rest, I cast my Eye upon a small Book, the Title of which was,
“A full and true Account of the strange flying Dragon, that appear’d in the
Element last Year.” There did I behold myself, that is, my Effigies engrav’d
just as I appear’d when I was whirling round this Planet with my Harpoon
and my long Rope. I could not help smiling at the Figure, and said to
myself,

Hei! qualis facies! & quali digna tabella!

Having bought the Book for three Kilacs, which is equivalent to about two
Shillings of our Money, I walk’d on gravely to the Palace. Art and Elegance
seem’d to preside here, rather than Profusion and a vain Magnificence. I
observ’d the Prince had very few Attendants; for such was his Temperance,
that he had discarded whatever was superfluous. Nor is there indeed the
same Necessity for as many Servants as our Courts require. For as many
Branches as these Trees had, so many Arms; so that the common Labours

and Business of the Household could be done with at least thrice the
Expedition.
It was about Dinner-time when we arriv’d at Court: And since it was his
Highness’s Pleasure to talk with me alone, I was introduced into the
Presence-Chamber. There is in this Prince a very remarkable Mixture of
Mildness and Gravity. Such was his Steadiness, that his Countenance was
never known to have the least Cloud upon it. Seeing the Prince, I instantly
fell upon my Knees. The Courtiers were astonished at this Adoration, and
when I told his Highness (who ask’d me) the Reason why I bent my Knee,
he commanded me to rise, saying, that such a sort of Reverence was due to
the Deity alone; adding, that nothing could obtain the Favour of the Prince
but Obedience and Industry. When I rose, he ask’d me sundry Questions,

Qua veniam, causamq; viæ, nomenq; rogatus,
Et patriam: Patria est, respondeo, grandior Orbis.
Klimius est Nomen; veni nec puppe per undas,
Nec pede per terras; patuit mihi pervius Æther.

He then proceeded to enquire what I had met with in my Journey, and
what were the Customs and Usages of our World. After which I proceeded
to explain, as sensibly as I could, the Wit, the Virtues, the civiliz’d Manners
of the Men of our World, and every Thing that Mankind pride themselves
in. He receiv’d my Account very coldly, and at some Things which I
thought would not have rais’d his Admiration, he perfectly yawn’d. Lord!
said I to myself, how different are the Tastes of Mortals! that what gives
One the most sensible Pleasure, to Another shall be quite nauseous! But
what most offended his Highness was the Relation I gave him of our Law-
Proceedings, of the Eloquence of our Lawyers, and the quick Dispatch of
the Judges in pronouncing Sentence. While I was endeavouring to make this
still clearer to him, he interrupted me by turning the Discourse to something
else, and at length he proceeded to an Enquiry into our Religion and
Worship. I then explain’d to him in a concise Manner, the several Articles
of our Faith; at the Recital of which he somewhat soften’d his Countenance,
attesting that he could readily subscribe to them, and he could not chuse but
wonder how a Race of People of such weak Judgments should entertain
such sound Notions of God and his Worship. But when he heard that the
Christians were divided into Sects without Number, and that upon some

Differences in Matters of Faith, People of the same Blood and Family
would cruelly persecute one another, he answer’d thus: “Among us also
there are a large Variety of different Sentiments concerning Things
pertaining to divine Worship: But one Man does not persecute another for
that. All Persecution for speculative Matters or Errors arising from the sole
Variety of our Perceptions, can spring from nothing but Pride, one thinking
himself wiser and more penetrating than the rest. But such Pride must be
highly displeasing in the Eyes of the Supreme Being, who must be a Lover
of Humility and Meekness in Mortals. We never teaze an Assembly of
Judges about any one who shall happen to dissent from the receiv’d
Opinions in Points of Speculation, provided he does it sincerely, and also
conforms in practical Matters to the publick Worship of the Deity. And in
this we pursue the Track chalk’d out to us by our Ancestors, who always
thought it inhuman to fetter the Understanding, and tyrannize over the
Conscience. In our Politicks we extremely recommend the Observance of
this Rule, so that if my Subjects should differ about the Make of my Body,
the Manner of my Life, or about my Oeconomy or any such sort of Thing,
yet at the same time acknowledg’d me for their lawful Sovereign to whom
Obedience is due, I think them all good Subjects.” To this I reply’d, May it
please your most Serene Highness, such a Conduct would in our World be
call’d Syncretism, and would be highly condemned by the Learned. He did
not give me room to say any more, and seeming to be a little displeas’d
walk’d away, and commanded me to stay till Dinner was over.
His Highness sat down to Table with his Royal Consort and their Son,
together with the High Chancellor, or Kadoki. This same Kadoki was in the
first Esteem among the Potuans for the Politeness of his Manners, as well
as his Prudence and Wariness. For full twenty Years he never once gave his
Sentiments in the Senate-House, but the rest immediately came into them,
nor ever decreed any thing with regard to the Publick, but what stood firm
and unshaken, so that his Decrees were so many Axioms. But then he was
so slow of Apprehension, that for the least of them he used to require the
Space of fourteen Days; and therefore in our World he would hardly be
thought fit for Business of great Moment, where all Delay passes for Sloth
and Laziness. But since whatever he once apprehended he understood
through and through, and since he executed nothing but upon the severest
Examination, hence he might be said to do more in Reality than ten others,
who mighty readily set about Business, and are frequently styl’d Great

Geniuses, but whose Decrees must afterwards be mended, alter’d, and
lick’d into Shape; insomuch that at the Expiration of their Office, it is
discover’d that they have attempted every thing and brought nothing to
Perfection. Among the Maxims therefore of the Potuan Court, this is one,
That they who are so forward at Business, are like those who walk to and
fro and tread a great deal of Ground, but gain none.
When the Family were seated, a Virgin enter’d with eight Branches and
as many Dishes, so that in a Moment the whole Table was cover’d.
Presently another Tree enter’d with eight Vessels of different Kinds of
Wine. This latter had nine Branches, and so was judg’d extremely qualified
for the domestick Business of the Court. And thus by two Servants only this
whole Affair was commodiously performed, which in terrestrial Courts is
not to be done without a perfect Army of Servants. With the same Dexterity
the Dishes were remov’d, as they had been at first placed. It was a frugal
but not inelegant Meal. Of the whole Number of Dishes, the Sovereign
confin’d himself to one. Not so the great Ones of our Globe, who never
think a Supper grand, unless one Course of Dishes give way to a finer and
more exquisite Succession. During the Repast, the Conversation run upon
Morality or Politicks; so that even these sensual Pleasures had a Seasoning
of Learning. Mention also was made of me, whom from the Quickness of
my Apprehension they took to be not the Wood out of which Mercury was to
be made.
The Repast being ended, I was order’d to produce my Testimonial; which
being perus’d, the Prince directing his Eyes down to my Feet, said, the
Karatti had judg’d right, and that so it ought to be. Quite thunderstruck with
this Answer, and overwhelm’d in Tears, I implor’d a Revisal of the
Testimonial, since upon a more intimate Scrutiny into the Virtues of my
Mind, and the Endowments of my Understanding, I might reasonably
expect a milder Judgment to be made. His Highness being a merciful and
equitable Prince, not at all incensed at this forward and unusual Request,
enjoin’d the Karatti then present, to examine me anew, and as accurately as
possibly. During this Trial, the Prince stept aside to read some other
Testimonials. The Prince having withdrawn himself, the Karatti proposed a
new Set of Questions to be solv’d by me. I answer’d them with my usual
Readiness; upon which he spake thus to me: You take a Thing presently, but

not entirely; for your Solutions shew that the Question is readily perceiv’d,
but not intimately understood.
The Examination being finish’d, the Prince went into the Council-
Chamber, and soon return’d with a final Sentence to this Purpose: That I
had acted imprudently in calling in Question the Judgment of Karatti, and
that therefore I had incurr’d the Penalty which the third lesser Space of the
fourth greater Space inflicts upon Slanderers (by the greater and lesser
Spaces, or Skibal and Kibal, they mean Books and Chapters) and that I
deserv’d to undergo the Venæ-section in both my Branches, and also to be
imprison’d. The Words of the Law, lib. 4. cap. 3. concerning Defamation
are these, Spik. antri. Flak. Shak. mak. Tabu Mihalatti Silac. But tho’ the
Sense of the Words was very clear and evident, and the Law too sacred to
be evaded, yet his most Serene Highness, by a Stretch of his Prerogative,
thought fit to pardon this Offence of mine, occasioned through an
Immaturity of Judgment, as well as Ignorance of the Law, which could
hardly be said to be infring’d by this Indulgence to me, inasmuch as I was a
Stranger and a Foreigner. And to give me a more ample Testimony of his
most gracious Favour, he appointed me one of his Messengers in Ordinary,
an Honour I ought to hold myself highly satisfy’d with.
Immediately the Kiva, or Secretary, was sent for, who enroll’d my Name
in the Book of Promotions, together with the Names of several other
Candidates. This Secretary was a most extraordinary Person; for he had
eleven Pair of Branches, and could consequently write eleven Letters all at
the same Time, and with the same Ease and Expedition that we can one; yet
he had a very indifferent Judgment, upon which Account he never could
expect any farther Promotion, and so he grew old in the same Post which he
had fill’d for thirty Years. I contracted a close Friendship with him, and
indeed I could not help cultivating an Affection for him, because all the
Edicts and Letters of State, which he wrote, I, as Messenger in Ordinary,
dispers’d over the Province. I was often astonish’d to see him execute
Business with so much Dexterity; for it was a common Thing with him to
write eleven Letters at once, and afterward seal them all in the same Instant.
Among the Blessings therefore of a Family, a large Number of Branches is
reckon’d one. And hence the Women in Child-Bed, immediately after the
Birth of the Infant, are wont to signify to the Neighbours how many
Branches it has brought into the World with it. It was reported, that the

Father of our Secretary was born with twelve, and that his Family had long
been famous for a Plurality of Branches.
The Diploma, which constituted me in my Office, being order’d to be
drawn out, I now retir’d to my Repose. But tho’ my Limbs were excessively
tir’d, yet was I not able to compose myself to Sleep. That ignoble
Employment, to which I was condemn’d, run continually in my Head, and I
thought it the greatest Debasement imaginable for one who was a Candidate
for Holy Orders, and a Bachelor of Arts in the Upper World, to be chang’d
into a vile Subterranean Court-Messenger. With these mortifying Thoughts
did I waste a great Part of the Night, and during this Agitation, I several
Times perus’d my University-Testimonium, which I had brought with me;
(for as I observ’d above, the Night is almost as light as the Day.) At length
quite jaded with thinking, I sunk into the Arms of Sleep. But what a Variety
of Scenes presented themselves to my disturb’d Imagination! I thought I
was return’d to my own Country, and relating aloud to vast Numbers of
People all that had befel me in my subterranean Tour; presently I was
sailing in the Air again, and engag’d with the Griffin once more, who gave
me so warm a Reception, as that it wak’d me out of my Sleep. But how was
I shock’d when I beheld by my Bedside a Monkey of the largest Size,
which, by Reason of the Doors being left open, had got into my Chamber.
This unlook’d for Spectacle chill’d all my Blood, and made me alarm the
House with my Cries for Assistance. Some Trees, which lay in the adjacent
Chambers, immediately entering, disengag’d me from the Struggle, and
drove the beastly Creature away. I understood afterwards, that this Accident
afforded the Prince plentiful Matter for Laughter. But that I might run no
such Risque for the future, he gave Command that I should be habited after
the subterranean Fashion, and adorn’d with artificial Branches. As for my
European Garments, they were taken from me, and for their Novelty hung
up in the Prince’s Wardrobe, with this Inscription: “The Dress of a
superterranean Animal.” Bless me! said I to myself, if Master Andrews, the
Taylor at Bergen, who made this Suit, should know that his Workmanship
was preserv’d among the Curiosities of a subterranean Prince, without
Doubt he would grow vain, and think himself as great a Man as any in the
City.
After this Misfortune Sleep quite forsook me. In the Morning my
Diploma was brought me, which gave me the full Powers to execute my

Office. A Multiplicity of Business pour’d in upon me soon, and carrying the
Royal Edicts and Letters to every City of his Dominions, I was the
perpetual Motion itself. In these Expeditions I explor’d the Genius of the
Country, and in many Places discover’d an uncommon Measure of
Politeness and Understanding. Only the Inhabitants of the City of Maholki,
which were all Brambles, seem’d to me something rude and uncultivated.
Every Province has its peculiar Trees, or Natives of the Place, particularly
the Province of Husbandmen. Tho’ in the great Cities, and especially in the
Capital, there is a Mixture of all Sorts. The high Sentiments I had
entertain’d of the Wisdom of this People encreased, as fast as I had fresh
Opportunities of inspecting into them. Those very Laws and Customs,
which I had disapprov’d, upon mature Reflection, extorted all my
Admiration. I could easily bring a Cloud of Instances of certain Manners
and Usages, which upon a transient View appear’d absurd, but which to the
curious Enquirer, would be full of Solidity and Wisdom. Out of a thousand I
shall produce but this one, which gives you a perfect Idea of this People. A
certain Student in Humanity stood Candidate for the vacant Mastership of a
School. His Pretensions were strengthen’d in this Manner, to wit, the
Inhabitants of the City of Nahami certify’d, that the Candidate had liv’d
very quietly for four Years together with a wanton and unfaithful Wife, and
wore his Horns very patiently. The Certificate was couch’d in the following
Style: “Whereas the learned and venerable Jocthan Hu has requir’d of his
Neighbours a Testimonial of his Life and Morals, We the Citizens living in
that Street or Portion of the City call’d Posko, do testify, that the said
Jocthan Hu has liv’d in Wedlock for full four Years with a disloyal Wife,
and that without the least Noise or Disturbance; that he has wore his Horns
with a laudable Patience, and with such Meekness, has bore this
Misfortune, that we judge him highly worthy to succeed to the vacant
Mastership, if his Learning be but equal to his Morals. Given under our
Hands this 10th Day of the Month Palm, in the 3000ndth Year after the
great Deluge.”
To this Recommendation was annex’d a Testimonial from the Seminary
of the Karatti, of his Learning and Studies, which seem’d to be more to the
Purpose. For what great Merit Cuckoldom had to bear the Bell from all
other Doctors, I could not readily apprehend. But here lay the Sense and
Meaning of this strange Testimonial, viz. Among the Virtues that principally
recommend a Teacher, Moderation is one. For with all his Pomp of

Learning, unless he has an invincible Patience, he must be but indifferently
qualify’d for the Scholastick Employment, which should be exercised
without Severity or Passion, lest by untimely Corrections the Minds of the
Youths should be harden’d. And since a greater Instance of Moderation
could hardly be given, than this of the Candidate, therefore his Neighbours
insisted chiefly on this Argument, as every Thing was to be hop’d for from
a Teacher so renown’d for this necessary Virtue. It is said his Majesty
laugh’d immoderately at so unusual a Recommendation, but since it was far
from being absurd, he conferr’d the vacant Mastership upon the Petitioner.
And in Effect, he understood and discharg’d his Duty with such Address,
and so engag’d his Pupils by his Mildness and Clemency, that they regarded
him rather as a Parent than a Tutor, and such was their Passion for Learning
under such soft and gentle Government, that thro’ the whole Dominions
there were few Schools that annually sent out such eminent, learned and
civiliz’d Trees.
As during the several Years of my Employment, I had frequent
Opportunities of inspecting into the Nature of the Soil, into the Genius and
Manners of the People, into their Policy, Religion, Laws and Studies, I hope
it will not be unacceptable to the Reader, if I collect into one View what he
will meet with separately throughout the whole Book.

C H A P. V.
Of the Nature of the Country, and the Manners of the People.

T HE Potuan Empire is of no very great Extent. The whole Globe is
call’d Nazar, and is about two hundred German Miles in
Circumference. A Traveller may easily go round it without a Guide, for the
same Language obtains every where, tho’ the Potuans differ greatly in their
Customs and Manners from the other States and Principalities. And as in
our World the Europeans excel the rest of Mankind, so the Potuans are
distinguished by their superior Virtue and Wisdom from the rest of the
Globe. The high Roads, at proper Distances, are adorn’d with Stones, that
mark the Miles, and abound with Directing-Posts, which shew the Ways and
Turnings to every City and Village. It is indeed a very memorable
Circumstance, and worthy of Admiration, that the same Language is spoke
every where, altho’ the several Kingdoms differ so widely in other
Respects, namely, in their Manners, Understanding, Customs, and
Condition, that we see here all that Variety which Nature delights in, and
which does not only simply move or affect the Traveller, but even throws
him into an Extasy of Wonder.
There are also Seas and Rivers which bear Vessels, whose Oars seem to
be mov’d by a Kind of magick Impulse, for they are not work’d by the
Labour of the Arm, but by Machines like our Clock-work. The Nature of
this Device I cannot explain, as being not well vers’d in Mechanicks; and
besides, these Trees contrive every Thing with such Subtilty, that no Mortal
without the Eyes of Argus, or the Power of Divination, can arrive at the
Secret. This Globe, like ours, has a triple Motion, so that the Seasons here,
namely, those of Day and Night, Winter and Summer, Spring and Autumn,
are distinguish’d like ours; also towards the Poles it grows colder. As to
Light, here is little Difference between Day and Night, for the Reasons
before assign’d. Nay, the Night may be thought more grateful than the Day;
for nothing can be conceiv’d more bright and splendid, than that Light
which the solid Firmament receives from the Sun, and reflects back upon

the Planet, insomuch that it looks, (if I may be allow’d the Expression) like
one universal Moon. The Inhabitants consist of various Species of Trees, as
Oaks, Limes, Poplars, Palms, Brambles, &c. from whence the sixteen
Months, into which the subterranean Year is divided, have their Names. For
every sixteenth Month the Planet Nazar returns to its first Station, yet not
upon the same Day, upon account of the Inequality of its Motion; for just
like our Moon, by its manifold Phases, it perplexes the Literati of the
Firmament. Their Dates or Æras of Time are various; these they fix from
some memorable Circumstance, and particularly from the great Comet
which appear’d 3000 Years ago, and is said to have caus’d an universal
Deluge, in which the whole Race of Trees, and other Animals perish’d,
except a few which on the Tops of Mountains escap’d the general Wreck,
and from whom the present Inhabitants are descended. The Soil abounds
with Corn, Herbs, and Pulse; and produces all the Fruits of Europe, except
Oats, of which there is no Want, since there are no Horses. The Seas and
Lakes afford delicious Fish, and the Shoars and Banks are adorn’d with the
most entertaining Variety of Villages, some contiguous, and some divided.
The Liquor they drink is extracted from certain Herbs which flourish all the
Year. The Venders of this Liquor are call’d Minhalpi, that is, Herb-Dressers,
who in every City are restrained to a certain Number, and who alone have
the Privilege of preparing it. Those who enjoy this Advantage, are
commanded to abstain from all other Business or lucrative Employment. In
particular it is provided, that those who already are in any publick Offices,
or who have Salaries from the Government, shall never concern themselves
in this Branch of Trade; because these by their Power and Authority in the
City might monopolize the Business, and be able to undersel the rest, from
the Revenues they already enjoy. An Artifice often practised by the
Courtiers and great Men of our World, who in the Shape of Merchants or
Jobbers, become immensely rich.
Their Populousness is mightily promoted by a certain salutary Law
concerning Procreation; for according to the Number of Children, their
Privileges and Immunities are increas’d or diminish’d. He who is the Father
of six Children is exempted from all Taxes, ordinary and extraordinary.
Hence a numerous Issue is deem’d as advantageous there as it is hurtful and
inconvenient in our World, where often a Tax is impos’d in the Way of
Capitation. No one here fills two Posts at once, because they are of
Opinion, that the least Employment requires the whole Activity of the Soul.

And therefore, with the Leave of my fellow Creatures, I must say, that
Business is better done with them than with us. So sacred is the Observance
of this Law, that a Physician does not direct his Studies to the whole Circle
of Physick, but bends all his Application to the Nature and Cure of one only
Disorder. A Musician plays upon only one Instrument, quite otherwise than
it is upon our Earth, where by the Variety of our Pretensions, Humanity is
trampled on, Bitternesses increase, and our Duty is neglected; and where,
by aiming at every Thing, we do nothing to good Purpose. Thus a
Physician, while he affects to rectify the Disorders of the State, as well as
those of the Body, performs neither well. Thus, if another will be both a
Senator and a Musician, we can expect nothing but Discord. We are apt to
admire such daring Spirits as fly at all Things, who mix officiously in
Matters of the highest Concern, and think there is nothing they are unfit for.
But it is all Rashness, Presumption, and a total Want of Sense of their own
Strength, that we thus blindly admire. Did they but thoroughly know the
Weight of publick Office, and the Shortness of their own Abilities, they
would reject the offer’d Honours, and tremble at the Sound. No one here
undertakes the least Employment invita Minerva. I remember to have heard
an illustrious Philosopher, by Name Rakhasi, descanting upon this Subject,
and thus expressing himself: “Every one of us should be acquainted with
his own Abilities, and be the strictest Judge of his own Virtues and Vices;
otherwise Stage-Players will appear to have more Wisdom than we; for they
do not chuse the finest Parts, but those that are the fittest for them. And
shall a Player see that on a Stage, which a wise Man cannot see in Life?”
The Natives of this Empire are not divided into Nobles and Commons.
Formerly indeed this Distinction obtain’d. But when the Sovereigns
observ’d that the Seeds of Discord sprang from hence, they wisely removed
all such Privileges as were deriv’d from Birth, so that Virtue alone is now
the Test of Honour; and this will appear plainer hereafter. The sole
Preheminence of Birth consists in a Plurality of Branches. The Offspring is
accounted Noble or Ignoble, according to the Plenty or Want of those, for
this Reason, because the greater Plenty they have, the fitter they are for all
manual Operations.
Enough has been said in the foregoing Part of this Work concerning the
Genius and Manners of this People; and therefore referring the Readers to

those Passages, I conclude this Chapter, and proceed to some other
Particulars.

C H A P. VI.
Of the Religion of the Potuan Nation.

T HE Potuan System of Religion lies in a narrow Compass, and contains
a Confession of Faith, something longer than our Apostles Creed. It is
prohibited here, under Pain of Banishment to the Firmament, to comment
upon the sacred Books. And if any presume to dispute about the Essence
and Atrributes of God, or about the Nature of Spirits and Souls, he is
condemn’d to the Venæ-section, and then confin’d in the publick Bedlam.
For they think it the height of Folly to offer to describe or define those
Things, to which the human Mind is as blind as the Eyes of an Owl to the
Light of the Sun. They are all unanimous in adoring one Supreme Being, by
whose Almighty Power all Things were created, and by whose Providence
they subsist. Let but this Principle be uncontroverted, and they never molest
any one for entertaining different Sentiments concerning a Method of
Worship. Those alone who openly attack this Religion, as by Law
established, are regarded as Disturbers of the publick Tranquillity. Hence I
had the free Exercise of my own Religion, nor suffer’d the least Affront
upon that Account. The Potuans pray but seldom, but then it is with great
Ardency, insomuch that they seem to be in an Extasy. And when I related
that we pray and sing Psalms very often while employ’d about the common
Affairs of Life, the Potuans thought it a vicious Custom, replying, that an
earthly Sovereign would take it extremely ill, to see any one humbly
approaching him with a Petition, and at the same Time brushing his
Cloaths, or buckling his Hair. Nor had they a much greater Relish for our
Hymns, and Anthems, as holding it ridiculous to express Grief and
Penitence in musical Measures, since the Displeasure of the Deity is to be
appeas’d by Sighs and Tears of real Sorrow, not by the Artifice of Tunes
and Instruments. This and more I heard, but not without some Indignation,
especially as my own Father of blessed Memory, who was once Chanter of
a Cathedral, had compos’d several Anthems in Vogue to this Day, and as I
myself intended once to have stood for a vacant Chantership. But I stifled

my Resentment; for the Subterraneans so strenuously defend their
Opinions, and so speciously set every Thing out to View, that it is no easy
Matter to refute even the plainest of their Errors. There were also several
other Opinions upon religious Subjects, which they maintained with the
same Art, and Appearance of Truth. Thus, when I had often observ’d to
some Acquaintance, that they could hope for no Salvation after Death, as
living in utter Darkness, they reply’d, That those who were so free of
dealing Damnation to others, run the greatest Risque of it themselves; that
the Source of all that, is Arrogance, which God must hate and disallow; and
that to condemn the Judgment of others, and to use Force to convince them,
was the same Thing as to assume the whole Light of Reason; which is just
the Conduct of Fools, who think that they alone are wise. Moreover, when I
was proving a certain Opinion, and had oppos’d to my Adversary’s
Reasonings the Dictates of my own Conscience, he extol’d my Argument,
and desir’d me still to persist in following those Dictates of Conscience, as
he himself would always do; for that then, every one following the
Testimony of his Conscience, all Contention would cease, and much Matter
of Controversy be cut off.
Among other religious Mistakes maintained by the People of this Globe,
were these: They did not deny that good Actions were rewarded, and bad
ones punish’d by God; but then they thought that Branch of Justice,
consisting in the Distribution of Rewards and Punishments took Place only
in a future State. I brought various Examples of such as for their Impieties
had been punish’d in this Life; but they alledg’d as many opposite
Examples of very wicked Trees, who yet were as fortunate as they were
wicked to the End of their Lives. In a Dispute, said they, we are too apt to
borrow only those Weapons, and attend to only those Instances, which make
for our Purpose and strengthen our Cause, overlooking and disregarding
such as might injure it. With that I instanc’d in myself, by shewing that
many who had injur’d me came to a miserable End. In Answer they urg’d,
that all this proceeded from Self-Love, from my over-weening Opinion, that
in the Eyes of the Supreme Being I was of more Consequence, than many
others, who, like me, had suffered the severest Injuries undeservedly, and
yet had beheld their Persecutors bless’d and prosperous to the last Day of
their Lives. Again, when accidentally I was commending the Practice of
daily Prayer, they reply’d, That indeed they did not deny the Necessity of
Prayer, but that they were thoroughly persuaded that the truest Piety

consisted in a practical Observance of the divine Law. To prove this, they
borrow’d an Argument from a Prince, or Lawgiver: This Prince has two
Sorts of Subjects; some are continually offending and transgressing his
Laws thro’ Infirmity or Contumacy; and yet these shall be found continually
haunting the Court to procure Pardon for Faults, to be repeated as soon as
pardon’d. Others approach the Court very rarely, but remaining peaceable at
Home, are habitual Observers of their Sovereign’s Laws. Who can doubt
but that he must think this latter Sort more worthy of his Favour, and regard
the first as bad Subjects and troublesome Creatures?
In these and the like Controversies was I often engag’d, tho’ without
Success; for I was able to bring nobody over to my Way of thinking. And
therefore omitting all other religious Disputes, I shall only give you their
general and most observable Doctrines, leaving it to the intelligent Reader
to applaud or censure them as he shall judge best.
The Potuans believe in one God, Omnipotent, Creator and Preserver of
all Things, whose Omnipotence and Unity they demonstrate from this
ample and harmonious Creation. And since they are admirably skill’d in the
Study of Nature, they have such magnificent and exalted Sentiments of the
Nature and Attributes of the Deity, that they look upon it as a Defect in the
Understanding to attempt to define what transcends their Capacities. The
Year is distinguish’d by five Festival Days; the first of which is celebrated
with the utmost Devotion in such obscure Places as that no Rays of Light
can pierce them, indicating by this, that the Being they adore is
incomprehensible. There the Worshipers remain almost immoveable, from
the Rising to the Setting of the Sun, as tho’ they were in an Extasy. This
high Day is called, the Day of the incomprehensible God, and it falls on the
first Day of the Month of Oaks. The other Festivals are celebrated at four
other Seasons of the Year, and were instituted to return Thanks to God for
the Blessings of his Providence. The Absentees, unless they are able to give
very just Reasons for their Absence, are deem’d bad Subjects, and live
totally disregarded. The Publick Forms of Prayer are so devis’d, as not to
regard the People who pray, but the Welfare of the Prince or the State. None
prays in Publick for himself. The Design of which Institution is, that the
Potuans may believe that the Happiness of Individuals is so closely
connected with that of the Publick, that they cannot be separated. None are
compell’d by Force or by Fines to attend the Publick Worship, for as they

are of Opinion that Piety consists chiefly in Love, and as Experience
teaches them that Love is dampt and not inflam’d by Force, therefore it
must be an unprofitable and a wicked Thing, to use Compulsion in the Case
of Religion. This Point they thus illustrate. Should a Husband desire a
reciprocal Affection from his Consort, and should he hope to conquer her
Coldness and Indifference by Blows, he would be so far from kindling up
her Love by this Method, that her Indifference would increase, and end in
Abhorence and Detestation.
These are some of the principal Doctrines of the Potuan Divinity, which
to some must appear like mere natural Religion; and so indeed it did at first
to me. But they assert that all was divinely reveal’d to them, and that some
Ages ago they receiv’d a Book which contain’d their System of Faith and
Practice. Formerly, say they, our Ancestors liv’d contented with the
Religion of Nature only; but Experience taught them, that the sole Light of
Nature was insufficient, since all those noble Principles thro’ the Sloth and
Carelesness of some were forgot, and thro’ an airy Philosophy of others,
(nothing being able to check their licentious Career) were utterly deprav’d
and corrupted. Hereupon God gave them a written Law. Hence it appears
how great is their Error, who obstinately deny the Necessity of a
Revelation. For my Part, I freely own, that many Points of this Theology
seem’d to me, if not Praise-worthy, yet by no Means to be despised. To
some I could not assent. But one Thing there is deserving all our
Admiration, namely, that in Times of War the Conquerors, returning from
the Field, instead of that Joy and Triumph with which we celebrate
Victories, and sing Te Deum, pass some Days in deep Silence, as if they
were ashamed of having been obliged to shed Blood. Therefore there is
very little Mention of military Affairs in the Subterranean Annals, which are
chiefly Records of Civil Matters, such as their Laws, Institutions, and
Foundations.

C H A P. VII.
Of their Policy.

I N the Potuan Empire an hereditary, and indeed lineal Succession has
flourish’d for a full Thousand Years; and the same is at this Day
religiously observ’d. Their Annals indeed discover, that in one Instance they
departed from this Order of Succession. For since right Reason seem’d to
require, that Rulers should excel their Subjects in Wisdom and all the
Endowments of the Mind, hence it was thought necessary that Virtue should
be more regarded than Birth, and that he should be elected for their
Sovereign, who should be thought the most excellent and worthy among the
Subjects. Upon this the ancient Succession being laid aside, the supreme
Power by the general Voice was conferr’d upon a Philosopher, nam’d
Rabbacku. At first he govern’d with such Prudence and with such Mildness,
that he seem’d a Pattern for succeeding Princes. But these happy Times
were but of short Duration; and the Potuans were too late convinc’d of the
Falshood of that Maxim, which holds, “That the Kingdom is happy, where a
Philosopher is at the Helm.” For since the new Sovereign was rais’d from
the meanest Fortune to the Height of Power, his Virtues and all his Arts of
Government could not procure or maintain that Veneration, that Respect,
that Majesty, which is the great Support of a Monarch’s Power. Those who
but lately had been his Equals or Superiors, could hardly be brought to bow
to an Equal or Inferior, or to pay the new Prince that Measure of Obedience
due from Subjects to their Rulers; and therefore when any strict or
troublesome Commands were laid upon them, they murmur’d loud, and
never regarded what the Prince then was, but what he was before his
Exaltation. Hence he was forc’d to have Recourse to submissive Flatteries;
and even this availed not; for after these Submissions, being obliged to
issue out his Commands and Edicts, they were still receiv’d with Frowns
and with Reluctance. Rabbacku then perceiving, that other Means were
necessary to keep the Subjects to their Duty, from a mild and popular
Behaviour, he now chang’d his Measures, and treated his People with

Severity. But alas! by this Extream, those Sparks which lay conceal’d under
the Ashes, now broke into an open Flame; the Subjects rose in Arms against
their Prince, and one Rebellion not thoroughly subdued and laid asleep, was
the Beginning of another. The Monarch finding at length that the
Government could no longer subsist but under a Sovereign of illustrious
Descent, whose high Birth might extort a Veneration from the People, made
a voluntary Abdication of the Empire in Favour of the Prince, who in Right
of Birth should have succeeded. The ancient Family being thus restor’d,
Peace was restor’d with it, and all those Storms, which had shatter’d the
Vessel of the Commonwealth, at once subsided. From that Time it was
made Capital to attempt any Innovation in the Order of Succession.
The Empire therefore is now hereditary, and probably will remain so till
Time shall be no more, unless the most urgent and extreme Necessity oblige
them to deviate from this Rule. Mention is made in the Potuan Annals, of a
Philosopher who devis’d an Expedient to break thro’ this Law. His Counsel
was not to set aside the Royal Family, but to make Choice of that Son of the
deceas’d Sovereign, be it elder or younger, whose Virtues were more
eminent, and who should be deem’d most equal to the Weight. This
Philosopher, having propos’d this Law, submitted himself (according to the
Custom of his Country) to the usual Test, namely, to have his Neck in a
Halter, while they were debating about the Utility of the propos’d Law. The
Senate being assembled, and the Votes cast up, the Proposal was condemn’d
as a Thing detrimental to the Commonwealth. They believ’d it would be the
Source of perpetual Troubles, and would sow the Seeds of Discord between
the Royal Progeny; that therefore it was more advisable for the old Law to
take Place, and that the Right of Dominion should still devolve upon the
First-Born, altho’ the younger Issue might excel in the Endowments of the
Mind. The Law therefore not passing, the Projector was strangled. And
these are the only Species of Criminals that are punish’d with Death. For
the Potuans are persuaded, that every Change or Reformation, however
well digested, gives Occasion to Disturbance and Commotion, and puts the
whole State into a fluctuating and unsettled Condition; but if it be a rash
and ill-digested Alteration, it is followed with inevitable Ruin.
The Power of the Potuan Monarchs, altho’ subject to no Laws, is yet
rather a paternal than a regal Power. For being naturally Lovers of Justice,

Power, and Liberty, Things totally incompatible elsewhere, do here go Hand
in Hand.
Among the Laws of this Kingdom, the most salutary is that by which the
Princes endeavour to preserve an Equality between the Subjects, that is, as
far as the Nature of Government will admit. You see here no different
Ranks and Titles of Honour. Inferiors obey their Superiors, and the Younger
the Elder; and this is all.
The subterranean Memoirs shew, that some Ages ago such Classes of
Dignities were in use, and that they were establish’d by Law; but it
appear’d that they were the Source of infinite Disorders. It was an
intolerable Evil, for an elder Brother to give Place to his younger, or a
Parent to his Child; so that at length each shunning the other’s Company, it
put a Stop to all Conversation and good Fellowship. But these were not the
only Grievances. For in Process of Time it came to that Pass, that the more
noble and worthy Trees, whom Nature had bless’d with the strongest
Capacities, and with the greatest Number of Branches, were seated in the
lowest Places at Feasts and Assemblies. For no Tree of real Virtue and
intrinsick Worth, could bring himself to sue for a Title or Mark of
Preheminence, which from his Soul he despis’d. And on the contrary, the
more profligate and worthless Sort of Trees would incessantly teaze their
Royal Master with Petitions, till they had even extorted a Title that might in
a Manner hide the Poverty of their Nature, and be a Skreen for their Vices.
Hence it came to pass, that Titles were at last look’d upon as certain
Indications of the vilest Trees. Their Festivals and solemn Meetings, were,
to Strangers, a Spectacle the most absurd that can be imagin’d. There might
they behold Brambles and Bushes in the most honourable Seats, while the
lofty Cedar and the noble Oak, each of whom Nature had adorn’d with ten
or twelve Tire of Branches, took the remotest and most obscure Seats. Even
the Ladies had Titles; they were Counsellors of the Houshold, Counsellors
of State, Counsellors of Court. And this blew up the Coals of Discord more
in that weaker Sex than in the other. To such an Excess this vain Ambition
rose, that they to whom Nature had been so unkind, as to afford them no
more than two or three Pair of Branches, even they absurdly affected the
Title of Trees of ten or twelve Branches. This Vanity is just as ridiculous, as
if the most deform’d Monster in Nature should affect to pass for a Beauty,
or a Man of the meanest Original give himself the Airs of a Man of Quality.

When this Evil had arriv’d to its highest Pitch, and the whole Kingdom
upon the Brink of being ruin’d, every Mortal grasping at empty Names, and
dishonourable Titles, a certain Native of Keba had the Hardiness to propose
a Law for the abolishing this Custom. This same Person was, according to
the usual Custom, brought into the Forum, with a Halter about his Neck.
The Senate being set, and proceeding to vote, the Proposal passed without
any open Opposition, and was judg’d useful to the Commonwealth. Upon
this he was crown’d with a Garland of Flowers, and led into the City in
Triumph, amidst the Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. And when
in Process of Time it was discover’d how advantageous the Repeal of these
Laws was, the Projector was advanc’d to the Honour of Kadoki, or High
Chancellor.
Ever since this Time, the Law for preserving this Equality among the
Subjects, has been inviolably observ’d. Yet the Repeal did not put a Stop to
all Emulation; for every one now endeavour’d to shine by true Virtue and
real Merit. It appears from the Annals of this Empire, that from that Time to
this, has been but one Projector who twice attempted to revive the
Distinction of Dignities; but for his first Effort he was condemn’d to the
Venæ-section, and since he persisted in his Attempt, he was banish’d to the
Firmament. Now therefore no Ranks or Titles of Honour obtain here, only
the supreme Magistrate declares some Professions to be nobler than others,
by which Declaration, notwithstanding, nobody has a Right of assuming the
chief Seats in publick Assemblies. This small Difference we find in the
Edicts and Letters mandatory of the Sovereign, which generally end with
these Words: “We command and enjoin all Husbandmen, Inventors of
Machines for the Manufactures, Merchants, Tradesmen, Philosophers,
Officers of the Court, &c.”
I was inform’d, that in the Archives of the Prince, this Catalogue of
Honour was preserv’d.
1. Those who had assisted the Government with their Wealth and
Fortunes in its greatest Streights.
2. Officers who serve gratis and without Salary or Pension.
3. Husbandmen of eight Branches and upwards.
4. Husbandmen of seven Branches and under.

5. Inventors or Erectors of Machines for Manufactures.
6. Operators who exercise the more necessary Callings and
Employments.
7. Philosophers and graduate Doctors of both Sexes.
8. Artisans.
9. Merchants.
10. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 500 Rupats.
11. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 1000 Rupats.

This Series of Honours seem’d very ridiculous to me, as it must to
everyone of our Globe. I guess’d indeed at some of the Reasons for this
inverted Order, what Foundation it was grounded on, and by what
Arguments the Subterraneans would defend it. But I confess upon the whole
it was a Paradox I could not comprehend.
Among other Things worthy of Observation, I remark’d the following:
The more Benefit any one receiv’d from the Government, with a
proportional Modesty and Humility he carry’d himself. Thus I frequently
saw Bospolak, the richest Man in the Potuan Dominions, receive all he met
with such Condescension, that he lower’d all his Branches, and by inclining
his Head, testify’d to every common Tree his grateful Sense of the Publick
Favours. Upon my asking the Reason, I was told, that thus it ought to be,
since upon no Subject more Benefits were confer’d, and that therefore he
was the greatest Debtor to the Commonwealth. Not that he was oblig’d by
any Law to this Condescension; but as the Potuans in general act wisely
and judiciously, so they make a voluntary Virtue of it, holding themselves
bound to use such a Behaviour as Gratitude would dictate; far otherwise
than it is with us, where those, whom their Country has loaded with Wealth
and Titles, receive their Inferiors with a lofty and contemptuous Air.
But the most deserving Subjects of all, and who receive the most
universal Honour and Respect, are the Parents of a numerous Offspring.
These are the Heroes of the Subterranean World, and their Memory is held
sacred with Posterity. They are also the only Persons upon whom the Name
of Great is conferr’d. Not so with us; where the Destroyers of Mankind are

complimented with that Title. One may easily guess what Sentiments they
would entertain here of Alexander the Great and Julius Cæsar, each of
whom having slain their Millions, died without Offspring. I remember to
have seen at Keba this Epitaph of a Husbandman: “Here lies Jochtan the
Great, Father of thirty Children, the Heroe of his Time.” It must be
observ’d, that in order to acquire this Glory, the mere Procreation of
Children is not alone sufficient, unless they be also liberally and virtuously
educated.
In the enacting Laws, they proceed with a Deliberation equal to that of
the old Romans. The Proposal of a new Law is fix’d upon all the Courts and
Places of Resort through out the City. The Citizens are free to examine it,
and send their Sentiments and Advices upon it to the College of Wise Men,
instituted for this very Purpose. Here every Thing is weigh’d that concerns
the enacting, the disannulling, approving, correcting, limiting, or extending
this Law. And when it has thus gone through all this Trial and Examination,
it is offer’d to the Prince for his Consent and Authority. This Delay may
seem absurd to some; but the Consequence of this Caution is, that their
Laws are immortal; and I have been inform’d, that not one of their Laws for
these five hundred Years past has suffer’d the least Alteration.
In the Custody of the Sovereign, there is a List of the most worthy and
valuable Trees, together with Certificates of their Learning from the
Karatti, and of their Life and Morals from their Neighbours. Hence the
Republick are never in Want of proper Persons to fill the vacant Offices. It
is particularly worth remarking, that no one has a Right or Freedom to live
in any City or Village without a Certificate from the Place they came from,
and Security for their future Behaviour.
A Law once enacted by publick Authority, all future canvassing and
criticising upon it is prohibited upon Pain of Death. So that in their
Politicks, their Liberty seems to be more restrained than in their Religion.
The Reason they assign is this: “If any one err in Matters of Faith and
Speculation, at his own Peril he errs; but if any one call in Question the
establish’d Laws, or endeavour to pervert the Sense of them by some new
Gloss or Interpretation, he is an Enemy to Society.”
Something has already been said of the State and Oeconomy of the
Court. It has been observ’d, that the Kadoki, or High Chancellor, is the

Supreme Officer. Next to him is the Smirian, or High Treasurer. This Post
was in my Time discharg’d by a Widow of seven Branches, call’d Rahagna,
who for her eminent Integrity and other great Endowments, was advanced
to an Office of that Weight and Trust. Long had she presided at the Head of
the Treasury, even many Years before the Death of her Husband, who, tho’
extremely well vers’d in the State of the Finances, yet was entirely ruled by
the Counsels and Authority of his Wife, and never ventur’d to act upon his
own Judgment; hence he was more her Official or Deputy than her
Husband. The Edicts and Ordinances indeed were issued out in his Name,
as often as she was hindred, by Lyings-in, or any other Malady; yet nothing
was esteem’d firm and authentic till her Subscription or Seal was affixed to
it. Rahagna had two Brothers, one of which was Butler, and the other
Butcher to the Court; nor, tho’ they had a Sister in the highest Exaltation,
did they dare to aim at any Thing greater by Reason of the Poverty and
Slenderness of their Abilities: With so much Equity are Preferments here
distributed.
This Lady, tho’ ingag’d in the most arduous Affairs of the Kingdom, yet
at the same Time suckled an Infant she was deliver’d of soon after the
Death of her Husband. This I thought was too troublesome and too mean an
Employment for so great a Matron. And upon my giving my Opinion, they
reply’d in this Manner: “Can you imagine that Nature has given Breasts to
Women only as a softer Ornament, and not rather for the Nourishment of
their Offspring? The Quality of the Milk, and the Temper of the Nurse, go
farther than we imagine, in forming the Disposition of the Infant. And
Mothers who disdain to nourish their own Issue, dissolve one of the finest
and strongest Ties of Nature.” And hence there is hardly a Lady throughout
all these Dominions but suckles her own Children.
The Heir apparent of the Crown was a Youth of six Years old, in whom
’twas easy to discover the Seeds of many great and shining Virtues. Nature
had been so liberal, as to adorn him with six Pair of Branches; an
uncommon Circumstance in that tender Age. His Preceptor, the wisest Tree
in all the Empire, instructed him in the Knowledge of the Creator, in
History, in Mathematicks and moral Philosophy. I obtain’d a Sight of that
Moral System or Political Compendium, which he compos’d for the Use of
his Pupil. The Title of it was, Mahalda Libab helil, which in the
Subterranean Language signifies a Key to Government. It consists of a

Collection of Precepts and Maxims, the most solid and advantageous; some
of which I yet perfectly remember, and shall here set them down.

1. Aspersions or Encomiums are not hastily to be credited; but the
Judgment is to be suspended, till an indubitable Knowledge can be
procur’d.
2. When any one is accus’d and convicted of a Crime, it should be
examin’d what Good the Delinquent has ever done; thus his good Actions
being compar’d with his bad, let Reason interpose and pronounce Sentence.
3. Those Counsellors who are given to Contradiction and Contest, the
Sovereign may safely confide in as the heartiest Subjects; for no one will
expose themselves to Danger, but those to whom the Welfare of their
Country is dearer than their private Safety.
4. Let none but large estated Men compose the Senate. Their Advantage
is united with the Publick Advantage: Whereas those who possess but a
moveable Estate, look upon the Kingdom not as their Country, but as an
Inn, and themselves as Travellers.
5. The Prince may make use of the Ministry or Agency of bad Men, if
they should happen to be fit for a particular Business, but never load them
with uncommon Favours; for if a wicked or an obnoxious Man be receiv’d
into Favour, the worst of Subjects will rise under his Patronage, and work
themselves into Office.
6. Let him most of all suspect those, who perpetually haunt the Court:
Such either have committed, or are prepar’d to commit the most daring
Things.
7. Let him be very backward to reward those who are most impatient of
Honours. For as no one begs an Alms till oppress’d with Poverty and
Hunger, so none insatiably haunt after Dignities, but who despair to rise by
real Merit and Virtue.
8. The eighth Precept is indeed a very useful one, but what I could not be
pleas’d with upon Account of the odious Example with which it was
illustrated. The Precept is this: No Subject is to be consider’d as altogether
useless; none are so dull but may be made subservient to some good

Purpose, nay even may be made to excel in some Point. For Instance, one
excels in Judgment, another in Ingenuity; one’s Excellence shall be in the
Mind, another’s in the Body; this shall make a good Judge, that a better
Advocate. One shall have a vast Power of Invention, another shall labour at
the Execution of a Thing; insomuch, that there are few entirely unprofitable.
That some Creatures indeed seem so, is not the Fault of the Creator, but of
those who will not perceive or enquire where their chief Strength lies, and
follow that Clue. This Position he thus illustrated. We have seen, says he, in
this our Age, one of the Superterranean Animals, who, by the unanimous
Suffrage of all was deem’d as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth, by
reason of that Quickness and Forwardness of his Judgment; but yet we see
his great Swiftness of Foot is of no small Service to us. Upon reading this
Paragraph, I could not help saying, This is a very honest Preface, but a
scandalous Conclusion.
9. It is of no small Importance to a Prince who would know the Arts of
governing, to be very nice and cautious in the Choice of a Preceptor to the
Heir of his Dominions. Let him therefore chuse one of remarkable Piety,
and eminent Learning, since from the Institution of the future Successor, the
Welfare of the State must be determin’d. What we learn in the tender Age of
Life, passes into Nature. Hence it is necessary, that the young Prince’s Tutor
should be a Lover of his Country, that he may instil into his Prince a Love
for his Subjects, the first and principal Mark that all his Precepts should be
aim’d at.
10. ’Tis necessary the Prince should study the Genius of his Government,
and conform to it; and if he would correct the Disorders of his Subjects, let
him do it rather from his own Example than the Laws.

——Velocius & citius nos
Corrumpunt vitiorum exempla domestica, magnis
Cum subeant animos autoribus.

11. Let none be suffer’d to be idle, since such are a dead Weight upon
their Country. By constant Industry and Toil, the Republick rises into
Strength and Power; nor is there any Room left for pernicious Counsels and
Contrivances against the State. And therefore it is safer for the State to

allow the Subjects their insignificant Diversions, than to indulge them in a
Laziness, which would be a Source of Conspiracies.
12. Let the Prince preserve Peace among his Subjects; however, it would
not be amiss to encourage an Emulation among his Counsellors, as it leads
to the Discovery of Truth. A skilful Judge will often extract the Truth from
the Passions of the Advocates.
13. He would act wisely, if in Affairs of the last Moment he heard the
Sentiments of every Member of the Senate, and that, rather apart than when
conven’d. For in a full Senate, where Opinions are openly given, it often
falls out that the most fluent Speaker bears all before him with a Torrent of
Eloquence, and so the Sovereign hears but one Opinion.
14. Punishments are not less necessary than Rewards: The first puts a
Stop to Evil, as the latter encourages Good. Hence it may not be wrong
even to reward a bad Subject for a good Action, if it were only, that others
may thereby be whetted up and incited to do their Duty vigorously.
15. In Promotions to Honours and publick Posts, let Regard be had
principally to the Person’s Dexterity and Adroitness for that particular
Employment. Though Piety and Integrity are of themselves most
commendable Virtues, yet ’tis possible we may be deceiv’d by their
Appearance. Every one would affect a Sanctity of Behaviour, if he knew
that this Shew of Virtue was the Road to Honours; and would in Words
profess the utmost Probity and Uprightness, with the same View. Besides, it
is no easy Matter to form a Judgment of a Person’s Virtues, till he is
admitted to Employment, in which, as upon a Stage, he is to exhibit
Specimens of his Virtues. But nothing is easier than to make Experiment of
any one’s Aptness for Business before-hand. It is infinitely harder for the
Stupid and the Ignorant to conceal their Stupidity and Ignorance, than for a
Hypocrite to cover his Impiety, or a Knave his Roguery. Besides, great
Abilities and much Virtue are not so very opposite but they may be often
found united in the same Character. And if a Person of large Abilities be at
the same Time honest and virtuous, nothing more can be wanting. An
Ignorant is either good or bad; if bad, who knows what Monsters Ignorance
and Wickedness in Conjunction produce? If good, his very Dulness must
indubitably hinder the Exercise of his Virtues. And if he of himself neither
can nor dare attempt the Commission of some atrocious Crime, yet the

Servant, whose Assistance he must make use of, in all Likelihood may. A
foolish Landlord has commonly a roguish Bailiff, and a dull Justice a
knavish Clerk, who fearlesly commits Frauds and Errors under the
Protection of his Master. In Promotions therefore, let Dexterity be the
principal Thing regarded.
16. Let none be hastily censur’d as ambitious, for aiming at an
Employment he is in Reality unfit for, or for that Reason excluded from all
Hopes of Preferment. For if, in the Distribution of publick Honours, the
Prince should happen to adhere to this Rule too closely, the most Ambitious
will soon put on the Mask of Humility, as a safer Road and a shorter Cut to
Preferment. And thus the Sovereign would, contrary to his Inclination,
prefer the most forward Worshippers of Fortune, as being to all Appearance
the most humble; that is, he would prefer those, who about the Time of any
Vacancy pretend to fly from Court and retire into the Shade, giving out by
their Friends that they are averse to Grandeur. To illustrate this Point, he
inserted an Example of one who, during the Vacancy of a considerable
Employment he was all on Fire to obtain, wrote to the Prince to this Effect,
viz. “That it was reported, that his Serene Highness design’d the vacant
Dignity for him, tho’ sollicited for it by Numbers; that he for his Part must
beg Leave to decline an Office to which he profess’d himself unequal; that
he intreated his Majesty to confer it upon some more proper Person, and
that being perfectly contented with his present Station, he aspir’d to nothing
greater.” The Monarch mov’d with so strong an Attestation of Humility,
preferr’d this humble Hypocrite to the said Dignity. But he soon learnt that
he was abus’d; for no Minister ever behav’d with such Pride, or acted with
such Weakness.
17. To set a poor Insolvent at the Head of the Treasury, is the same Thing
as to put a hungry Man in your Pantry. Nor is a covetous rich Man a better
Choice. The former has nothing, and the other thinks nothing enough.
18. Let there be no Foundations or Establishments for the Maintenance of
slothful Trees. Accordingly, throughout this Empire, the Monasteries and
Colleges admit only the Industrious and the Diligent; those who either by
some useful Manufacture help to advance the Interest of the Republick, or
who by their Studies and Learning can be an Ornament to the Society they
are Members of. A few Monasteries indeed are to be excepted, which

maintain the Aged and the Helpless; such by the Privilege of Age being
exempted from all Labour.
19. When the Disorders of the State call loud for Reformation, it will be
right to proceed slowly in it. For to endeavour to extirpate inveterate Evils
at a Blow is as absurd as to prescribe Purging, Bleeding, and Vomiting all at
once to a Patient.
20. Those who boldly attempt every Thing, and undertake a Multitude of
Affairs together, are either Fools who have not duly compar’d their own
Strength with the Weight of the Things, or else they are wicked and
unnatural Members of their Society, who consult their own Interest alone,
instead of that of the Commonwealth. A prudent Man will try his Arms
before he takes his Burden up; and an honest Subject, who loves his
Country, will not transact the Affairs of it superficially.

C H A P. VIII.
Of the Academy.

I N this Empire there are three great Schools or Universities, one at Potu,
another at Keba, and a third at Nahami. The Studies pursued there are
History, Œconomy, Mathematicks, and Law. As to their Divinity, since it is
so short and concise, as that the Whole is contain’d in the Compass of a
couple of Pages, importing, That we ought to love and adore Almighty God,
the Creator and Governor of Things, who in some State of Existence
hereafter will reward Virtue and punish Vice; as this, I say, is the Main of
their Divinity, so it is no academical Study, nor indeed can it be, since it is
prohibited by Law to have any Controversy about the Essence or Attributes
of God. Physick, in like Manner, is not reckon’d among the Studies of the
University; for since these Trees live all sober Lives, internal Diseases are
almost wholly unknown. I say nothing of Metaphysicks, and such
transcendental Learning, since it has been observ’d above, that to dispute
about the Essence of the Divine Being, about the Qualities of Angels, or the
Nature of Spirits, incurr’d the Punishment of the Arm, and Confinement in
their Bedlam.
The academical Exercises are these: The young Students, during the
Time of their Probation, are oblig’d to give Solutions of certain difficult and
curious Questions, which are propos’d at stated Times, with a Reward to
those who give the most ingenious and elegant Expositions. By these
Means, the true Genius of the Students is discover’d, what the utmost
Reach of their Capacity is, and in what Branch of Knowledge they are most
likely to shine. Every one imploys himself in one only Science. An
universal Scholar is a Chimæra; and the Affectation of such a Character is a
Mark of a loose and unsettled Genius. Hence it is, that the Sciences,
confin’d within such narrow Bounds, are soon brought to Perfection. The
several Doctors likewise exhibit yearly Specimens of their Learning. The
moral Philosopher clears some abstruse speculative Point. The Historian
compiles a History, or some Part of History. The Mathematician throws

fresh Light upon his Science by some new and ingenious Hypothesis. The
Lawyers are oblig’d to make some eloquent Harangues: And these alone
study Rhetoric or Oratory, because it is to these alone such a Study will be
advantageous when they come to be Advocates. When I told them, that all
our academical Specimens of all Sorts were in the labour’d and oratorical
Style, they freely condemn’d such an Institution, replying, that if every
Artisan were oblig’d to make a Shoe, and exhibit Specimens of such their
Work, ’tis certain that Shoemakers alone would bear away the Prize. I
purposely omitted to speak of our scholastic Disputations, because such
Exercises were there but in equal Estimation with dramatical Performances.
Their Doctors and publick Teachers never deliver their Instructions in a
harsh, pedantick, and imperious Manner, as the Philosophers of our World,
but forming some agreeable and delightful Fiction, they dress up and
inculcate a salutary Truth with all the Charms of Fancy and Imagination.
’Tis surprizing to behold with what Solemnity the academical
Promotions are made. For they take the extremest Care not to furnish the
least Matter for Ridicule, or to be guilty of any theatrical Levities, rightly
judging that a plain and grave Simplicity should distinguish the Exercises of
an University from the Diversions of a Stage, lest otherwise the liberal Arts
should run into Disesteem. Upon this, I would not venture to mention the
least Syllable of our academical Degrees and Promotions, since what
happen’d to me at Keba, when I gave a Description of this Kind of
Honours, was ample Reason for my eternal Silence upon this Head.
Besides these Academies, the great Cities have their several Seminaries
or Colleges, where the nicest Examination is made into the Talents of every
Scholar, what his particular Capacity is, and in what Kind of Learning he
gives the most promising Hopes of excelling. During the Time of my
Probation in the Seminary at Keba, there were four Sons of the High Priest
who were all educated in the Art of War; four others of Senatorian Quality
were instructed in Trade; and two young Virgins learnt Navigation. For here
the Genius alone is regarded, without any Respect to Sex or Condition. The
Examination being made, the Governors of the Seminaries give
Testimonials to the Examinants with a Veracity I have elsewhere spoke of.
These Testimonials are perfectly just and impartial; tho’ I myself thought
otherwise, since that which I obtain’d from them appear’d to me absurd,
ridiculous and unjust.

None is here suffer’d to be an Author till after thirty Years of Age, and till
he shall be deem’d by his Judges ripe and fit for such an Undertaking;
consequently, few Books are here publish’d; but then they are well digested,
and full of Meaning. Hence, tho’ I had wrote five or six Dissertations while
under Age, I never discover’d it to any Creature for fear of drawing down
their Ridicule. Enough has now been said of the Religion, Policy, and
Literature of this People. But there are, besides, several Things peculiar to
them, which are worthy of our Observation and Remembrance.
If one Tree challenges another, the Challenger is for ever forbid the Use
of Arms. He is condemn’d, like a Minor, to live under Guardianship, as not
knowing how to rule his Affections. With us the Case is different, where
Appeals to the Sword are Marks of an heroic Soul, especially in the North,
which must have given Birth to this abominable Custom, since Challenges
and Duels were entirely unknown among the Greeks, Romans, and other
ancienter Nations.
I observ’d one strange Custom in their Manner of administring Justice.
The Names of the contesting Parties are conceal’d from the Judges; and the
Differences are not decided in the Place where they arose, but the Case is
sent to the more remote Provinces to be determin’d. The Reason of this
strange Custom is this. Experience taught them, that Judges were often
corrupted by Presents, or sway’d by Partiality. These Temptations they
think they effectually remove, if the Parties are conceal’d, if the Names of
the Plaintiff and Defendant, together with the Names of the Lands or
Estates litigated, be all unknown. The Reasons and Arguments alone are
sent, at the Discretion of the Prince, to whatever Court of Justice he thinks
fit, with certain Marks and Characters; for Example, “Whether A who is in
Possession, ought to restore the Thing possess’d at the Suit and Motion of
B.” I should rejoice to find such a Custom introduc’d among us, since we
often experience the fatal Force of Corruption and Partiality in the Minds of
our Judges.
Justice in general is freely administer’d without Respect of Persons.
Against the Prince only no Action can lie during his Life, but upon his
Death the publick Accusers, or (if one may so call them) the Council for the
Kingdom, cite him to Judgment. There in full Senate the Actions of the
departed Monarch are strictly examin’d, and at length Sentence is
pronounc’d, which according to the Merit of the Deceas’d is distinguish’d

by different Words and Characters, such as these, Laudably; Not illaudably;
Well; Not ill; Tolerably; Indifferently; which Words are proclaim’d aloud to
the People, and afterwards engrav’d on the Monument of the Deceas’d. The
Potuans give this Account of that Custom: That the Prince while living
cannot be proceeded against without great Commotions and Disturbances;
for that during his Life a perfect Obedience and inviolable Veneration
should still be paid him, which indeed is the very Basis of Government. But
when that Obligation is dissolv’d by Death, the Subjects then have Liberty
to call his Actions to a strict Account. Thus by this salutary, tho’ very
paradoxical Law, the Security of the Sovereign is provided for, his
Authority not at all invaded, and the Welfare of the People at the same Time
promoted. For these Characters, tho’ given to the Dead, are to the Living so
many Spurs to Virtue. The Potuan Histories for four hundred Years afford
only two Instances of Princes who bore the last mention’d Character, that is,
that of Indifferent. All the others obtain’d either the Laudable or the Not
illaudable Character, as appears from the Inscriptions upon their sepulchral
Monuments, which have escap’d the Injuries of Time. The Character of
Indifferent, which in the Potuan Language is call’d Rip-fac-si, causes such
Grief in the Royal Family, that the Successor of the deceas’d Prince, with
all his Kindred, mourn for six whole Months. And so far are the Heirs from
resenting the odious Character given by the Judges, that it becomes a new
Incentive to them to signalize themselves by noble and worthy Actions, and
to efface the Infamy of the Family by a Conduct full of Virtue, Prudence,
Justice and Moderation.
The Cause why one of the two Princes above-mention’d had the Title of
Indifferent given him, was this: The Potuans are a brave and warlike
People; they never declare War themselves, but if War be declar’d against
them they push it with all imaginable Vigour. By these Means they are the
Umpires between contending Nations, and the several Kingdoms of this
Globe submit to their mild and pacific Sway. But a Prince, by Name
Mikleta, seiz’d with the Ambition of extending his Dominions, made War
upon a neighbouring Kingdom, and subdued it. But as much as the
victorious Potuans gain’d by the Conquest, so much they lost of their
ancient Renown; the Love of the bordering Nations was now chang’d into
Dread and Jealousy; and that high Idea of their Justice, by which the State
grew into Reputation, was now vanish’d. The Potuans finding this, to
regain the lost Affections of their angry Neighbours, branded the Memory

of the deceas’d Prince with this Mark of Infamy. What the Crime of the
other indifferent Prince was, is not altogether so clear.
Their publick Doctors or Teachers are such as have attain’d to the third
Age. To explain this it must be observ’d, that here Life is divided into three
Ages. The first is that in which they are instructed in publick Affairs. In the
second they publickly pursue and exercise what they have learnt. And in the
third, being honourably dismiss’d from their Employments, they then take
upon them the Instruction of the Juniors. Hence, none have a Right to teach
in publick but such as are grown old in the Administration of publick
Affairs, since none are so capable of laying down solid Rules as those who
have drawn their Knowledge from long Experience.
If any one already infamous for the Immorality of his Life should
however give wholesome Advice to the State, the Name of the Person is
suppress’d, lest it should lose its Effect from the Character of its Author,
and the Decree pursuant to such Advice is shelter’d under the Name of
some more honourable Person. Thus the good Opinion is known, and the
bad Author conceal’d.
I was inform’d, that with respect to Religion, it was prohibited to dispute
about the prime Articles of Faith, particularly about the Essence and
Attributes of the Deity. But as to all other Points, it is free for every one to
propose their Opinions and engage in Controversies. For, say they, the
Inconveniences which arise from such Contentions may be compar’d to
Storms, which indeed throw down Houses, but at the same Time cleanse the
Air, and prevent that Putrefaction which would arise from a stagnant
Atmosphere. The Reason of their having few Holidays, is, lest a Spirit of
Idleness should creep upon them; for the Potuans believe that good People
as duly worship God when employ’d in useful Labours, as they do by Vows
and Prayers.
The Study of Poetry meets with but cold Encouragement; yet they are not
altogether destitute of Poets. But the subterranean Poetry differs from Prose
only in the Sublimity of Style; and they receiv’d what I told them
concerning our Rhime and Measure with the utmost Derision.
Among the Potuan Doctors some are call’d Professors of Taste. It is their
Province to see that the Minds of the Youth are not employ’d in senseless
Controversies and Things of no Use; to take Care that no trivial and vulgar

Writings get abroad to poison and debauch the Taste; and to suppress or blot
out from every Book whatever is writ in Defiance of common Sense. And
to this End alone certain Persons are appointed to revise and censure Books;
far otherwise than it is in our World, where the Licensers of Books shall
suppress the very best, only perhaps because they deviate something from
the reigning Opinions, from the receiv’d Manner of Expression, or because
they lash the Vices of the Age with too strong a Sincerity, and too fine a
Vivacity. By this Means, great Geniuses are in a Manner suffocated and
stifled, and Writings of a good Stamp are for ever buried. But yet, as the
Potuans have a free Commerce with the Neighbour Nations, among other
Commodities, some Books of a poor and trivial Turn will creep abroad.
Upon which Account Censors are appointed by the State, who from Time to
Time visit the Booksellers Shops. These are call’d Syla-Macati, that is,
Purgers of Booksellers Shops. For as among us there is a certain Sort of
Men, who brush and cleanse our Chimnies once a Year, so those Censors,
who pry and examine into the Books that are put to Sale, cleanse away all
the Dregs, that is, such Books, or Parts of Books, as would deprave the
Taste, and convey them to the Jaques. Bless me! said I to myself, What
Havock would be made among our Books, if such an Institution were to
take Place among us!
But what cannot be enough commended, is the Care they take in
sounding the Genius of their Youth, in order to know what Course of Life
they will be fittest for. For as in Musick a judicious Ear distinguishes every
little Sound; in the same Manner these piercing Judges of the Virtues and
Vices of the Mind, form their Sentiments from some seemingly
inconsiderable Hints, from perhaps a Cast of the Eye, from a Frown, from
Dejection, Mirth, Laughter, Speech, and even Silence. ’Tis by these Things
they easily know every one’s Propensity, and also what is contrary to his
Constitution.
But to return to what concerns myself. I pass’d my Time, it may be well
imagin’d, not in the most agreeable Manner with these paradoxical Trees,
who treated me with Disdain upon Account of that too forward and
unsettled Judgment which they imputed to me. I grew impatient under those
Scoffs they were ever flinging out; for they even went so far, as to give me
the Nick-name of Skabba, which in their Language signifies over-hasty. But
what chagrin’d me most, was that my very Laundress, tho’ of the Dregs of

the Populace, and one of the most miserable and indigent Trees herself, did
not even scruple to call me by that Name of Reproach.

C H A P. IX.
The Author’s Journey round the Planet Nazar.

H AVING continued in the unpleasing Employment of King’s Messenger
for two whole Years, and carry’d the Royal Mandates and Letters
Patents to every Province of the Empire, I at last grew tir’d of so
troublesome and so unworthy an Office. Accordingly I again and again
petition’d his Serene Highness to grant me an honourable Dismission, and
at the same Time sollicited a more reputable Employment. But I met with
nothing but Repulses from his Highness, whose constant Reply was, that a
more important Office was above my Strength and Capacity. He alledg’d
also, that the Laws and Customs of the Country were Death to my Hopes, in
that they admitted only fit and proper Persons to the most eminent and
arduous Posts of Government; that therefore I must make a Virtue of
Necessity, and rest myself contented, till I had done something to merit
better Fortune. He concluded his Advice in Terms like those of the Poet,

Metiri se quemque suo modulo ac pede fas est.
E cœlo magnum descendit Nosce teipsum,
Figendum ac memori tractandum pectore.

These repeated Refusals were enough to throw me upon the most daring
and desperate Designs. From that Day forward my Invention was upon the
Rack to produce something, that should demonstrate the Excellence of my
Genius, and wipe away my present Infamy. Accordingly, for a whole Year I
study’d the Laws and Customs of the Country with an invincible
Application, resolv’d to discover, whether there were in them any Defects
that requir’d a Reformation. I open’d my Design to a certain Bush, with
whom I had contracted a close Intimacy, and with whom I us’d to converse
very freely upon all Subjects, whether grave or gay. He thought my Design
not altogether absurd, but extremely question’d, whether it would be of any
Service to the State. He added, that it should be the Care of a Reformer, to
be a thorough Master of the Nature and Genius of the Country he intends to

reform; because the same Thing might, in different Countries, produce
different Effects, as the same Medicine may be good for some Bodies, and
pernicious to others. He likewise inform’d me of the Danger I expos’d
myself to in this Experiment, that no less than my Life depended on it,
which must be a Forfeit to the State, should my Project have the Misfortune
to be condemn’d by the Judges. He therefore ardently intreated me to
bestow a little more Reflexion on this Affair; tho’ he did not plainly
dissuade me from my Attempt, since he thought it not impossible, that a
Sagacity, like mine, might at length discover something useful, as well to
myself, as to the State. I took the Advice of my Friend, and for a Time laid
aside my Scheme, and with a laudable Patience continued to discharge my
Duty, by visiting the various Cities and Provinces of the Kingdom after the
usual Manner. These repeated Expeditions furnish’d me with an
Opportunity of making Enquiries into the State of the Kingdom, as well as
that of the bordering Nations; and lest what I had observ’d in my Travels
should escape my Memory, I penn’d it all down, and making a little Volume
of it, humbly presented it to the Prince. How much his Serene Highness was
taken with this Work appear’d afterward, by his doing me the Honour to
commend my Labours in full Senate; and having again attentively perus’d
my Book, he was pleas’d to make use of my Services in a farther Discovery
of the whole Planet Nazar. I expected a different Recompence for my
Labours, but was forc’d to say with the Poet,

——Virtus laudatur & alget.

But since I was fond of Novelty, and had Hopes that so bountiful a Prince
would never leave me unrewarded after my Return, I set about the Work
with a good Degree of Pleasure.
The whole Globe of the Planet Nazar, altho’ scarce six hundred Miles in
Circumference, yet to the Inhabitants appears of an immense Extent, by
Reason of the Slowness of their Motion. And hence to this Day a great
many Countries, and particularly the more remote ones, are utterly
unknown to the Natives. A Potuan would hardly be able to travel over this
Globe on foot in two Years. But what embarrass’d me most, was the Fear I
had that a Variety of Languages would put me to great Difficulties. But I
was soon undeceiv’d, and reviv’d to hear, that the Inhabitants of the whole
Planet, tho’ wonderfully different in their Manners, yet all spoke the same

Tongue; and besides this, that the whole Race of Trees were in the main
harmless, sociable, and beneficent Beings, so that I might, without the least
Danger, make the Tour of the whole Globe. This redoubled my Ardour, and
in the Month of Poplars I began my Journey.
What follows is so marvellous, that it looks more like a poetic Fiction, or
the Chimæras of ungovern’d Fancy, than Reality and Truth; especially since
those Varieties, both of Body Mind, which in this Journey I met with, are
such as one would never expect to find between the most distant Nations. It
must be observ’d, that many Kingdoms here are separated from each other
by Seas and Straits, not unlike the Archipelago in Europe. These Straits are
seldom cross’d; but for the Benefit of Travellers, there are certain Ferrymen
that keep their Stations on the Banks in Readiness to transport the
Passengers. It is very rare, that the Natives ever venture beyond the Limits
of their own Country; and if compell’d, by Necessity, to make a Voyage,
they soon return, as if impatient of a foreign Soil. Hence, as many Nations
as there are, you see so many new Worlds in a Manner. The principal Cause
of this vast Dissimilitude, is the different Nature of the Lands, as appears
from the various Colours on the Surface, and from the surprizing Difference
between the Plants, Herbs, and Fruits; it is the less Wonder, therefore, if
with that Diversity of the Soil, and the Products of it, there should also be
found a no less surprizing Variety of Inhabitants, and even opposite Natures
and Tempers. In our World, indeed, even Nations the most remote, differ
very little from each other in Genius, Manners, Learning, Shape and Colour.
For since the Nature of the Earth is almost every where the same, except
that one Part is more fruitful than another, and since the Nature of our
Plants, Herbs, and Water, is nearly the same every where, hence nothing
heterogeneous or uncommon is produc’d, as in this subterranean Planet,
where every Tract of Land has its own peculiar Property. Strangers are
allow’d to trade and travel, but not to settle out of their own Country; nor,
indeed, could such a Liberty be well granted, considering the great
Diversity and Opposition of Natures between each other. Hence all
Foreigners that you meet with, are either Merchants or Travellers. The
Countries which border upon the Potuan Dominions, are nearly of the same
Nature with them. Their Inhabitants were formerly often at War with the
Potuans; but at this Day they are either in Alliance with them, or having
been subdued, they now rest contented in their Subjection to so mild a
Power. But if you once cross the great Sea, which divides their whole

Globe, new Scenes present themselves, together with new and strange
Creatures unknown to the Potuans. One only Thing they have in common,
and that is, that all the Creatures of this Globe are rational Trees, and all use
the same Dialect. This makes Travelling very pleasant, especially as the
Merchants and Foreigners, perpetually passing thro’ every Province, give
People an Opportunity of seeing Creatures extreamly strange and unlike
themselves. Thus much I thought proper to premise, lest tender Ears should
be offended with the subsequent Narration, and the Author reproach’d with
Want of Veracity.
It would be a tiresome and an unprofitable Task, to recount every Thing
singly, and in exact historical Order, that I met with in my Travels. Let it
suffice, that I give an Account of those particular People only, whose
Character, Description, and Manners have something so unusual and
marvellous in them, that upon their Account this Planet of Nazar may be
reckon’d one of the principal Prodigies of the Universe. I must here call to
Mind an Observation I have before made, that this whole Race and Country
of rational Trees differ very little in Sense and Judgment from the Potuans;
but in their Rites and Customs, in their Make and Temper, there is so much
Diversity, that every Province you would swear to be a new World.
In the Province of Quamso, which is the first beyond the Sea, the
Inhabitants are subject to no Infirmities or Diseases of Body, but each
enjoys a perfect Health from Youth to latest Age. I could not help thinking
them the most happy of Mortals. But upon a slight Acquaintance with them,
I found myself infinitely mistaken. For as, upon one Hand, I saw nobody
sad or sorrowful; so upon the other, I saw nobody pleas’d and joyful. For as
we never highly relish the Serenity of the Heavens, and the Weather, unless
we have been sensible of the Hardships of a different Temperature of the
Air; so these Trees taste no Felicity, because it is perpetual and
uninterrupted, and never know the Pleasure of Health, for want of knowing
the Misery of Diseases. Their Life is one eternal Indolence. Their
Enjoyments are never exquisite, and those alone can taste the Sweets of
Life, who have their Pleasures season’d with a little Pain. I protest, that I
never found, in any Country upon the Face of the Earth, such lifeless
Creatures, or such cold and insipid Conversations. The People are harmless,
but deserve neither your Love or Hatred. You fear no Affront, and you
expect no Favour. In a Word, here is nothing either to please or displease.

Besides, as that continual Health never brings the Image of Death before
their Eyes, nor ever moves their Concern towards the Afflicted and
Diseased, so they pass their Days in dull Security, and never know the
generous Warmths of Pity and Compassion; nor do the least Footsteps of
Love, or any such tender Affection appear there. In Truth, Diseases remind
us of our Mortality, excite us to die well, and keep the Soul as it were equipt
for its Journey to that World from whence none return; and as they afflict us
with Pain, so they inspire a Sympathy towards others when afflicted. This
leads one easily to discern how much Diseases, and the Danger of dying,
contribute to Charity, Love, and all the social Affections, and that those
People unjustly complain of their Creator for appointing these Afflictions,
which are so full of real Advantage. It must be observ’d, that these Trees, as
often as they remove into other Places, are expos’d to the same Evils and
Casualties of Life that others are. This is a Proof to me, that they are
indebted to the Climate for this peculiar Advantage, if indeed it can be
call’d an Advantage.
The Province of Lalac, surnam’d Mascatta, or the Blest, seems to
correspond with its Name; for there the Earth produces all Things
spontaneously.

Flumina jam lactis, jam flumina Nectaris ibant,
Flavaque de viridi stillabant ilice mella:
Ipsa quoque immunis, rastroque intacta, nec ullis
Saucia vomeribus, per se dabat omnia tellus.

But this extraordinary Circumstance does not render the Natives one Jot
happier. For as there is no Need of Labour to procure their daily
Sustenance, they spend their Days in Softness, Sloth, and Luxury, and so
lay the Foundation of innumerable Diseases, and untimely Deaths. The
Nature of this Country affords ample Matter for our serious Reflexion; in
particular it appears, from the Condition of the People, that Husbandmen,
Servants and Labourers, are far happier than those, who, free from the
Fatigue of providing for themselves, are devoted to Idleness and Pleasure.

Nempe inamarescunt epulæ sine fine petitæ,
Illusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant
Corpus.

Hence follows a Train of vicious Actions, desperate Resolutions, and
violent Deaths, which are here observ’d to be very common. For the
perpetual Affluence in which they live, in Length of Time quite wears away
all Taste and Sense of Pleasure, and almost infallibly introduces a
downright Loathing of Life. Thus this Region, which appear’d at first like
the Abodes of the Blest, was in Reality the Seat of Sorrow, and more an
Object of my Compassion than my Envy.

Hoc celerare fugam, terrâque excedere jussit.

The next Province is that of Mardak; they are Cypresses, all of the same
Form and Height, and differ only from each other by the different Make of
their Eyes. Some have long Eyes, some square Eyes; some have small ones,
others have Eyes so large as to take up the whole Space of the Forehead.
Some are born with two, others with three, and some with four Eyes. There
are also those who have only one Eye; and these might be reputed the
Offspring of Polyphemus, but that their one Eye is seated in the hinder Part
of the Head. And hence, according to the different Shape of their Eyes, they
are divided into so many Tribes, the Names of which are as follows:
1. Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently every
Object appears long.
2. Naquiri, those who have square Eyes.
3. Talampi, the small Eyes.
4. Faraku, those who have two Eyes, one of which is more oblique than
the other.
5. Mehanki, three Eyes.
6. Tarrasuki, four Eyes.
7. Harramba, those whose Eyes occupy the Space of the whole
Forehead.
8. Skadolki, those who have only one Eye in the hinder Part of the Head.
The most numerous, and of course the most powerful Tribe, is that of the
Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently all Objects
appear long. From this Tribe are taken the Senators, the Priests, and all such

as bear Office in the State. These sit at the Helm, nor do they admit any one
from another Tribe to a Post in the Government, unless he shall first
confess, and confirm his Confession with an Oath, that a certain Tablet,
dedicated to the Sun, and plac’d in the most conspicuous Part of the
Temple, appears to him to be long. This sacred Tablet of the Sun is the
principal Object of the Mardakanian Worship. Hence the honester Part of
the Citizens, who start at Perjury, are excluded from all publick Honours,
and what is worse, are expos’d to a thousand Sneers, Railleries, and even
Persecutions; and tho’ they over and over protest, that they cannot
disbelieve their Eyes, they are still complain’d of, and what is only a Fault
of Nature, is imputed to their Obstinacy and Malice.
The Form of the Oath, which all, who are admitted to publick
Employments and Honours, are forc’d to subscribe to, is this,
Kaka manasca quihompu miriac Facku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia
Manascar quebriac Krusundora.
That is, I A. B. do swear, that the sacred Tablet of the Sun appears to me
to be long, and I promise that I will persist in this Opinion to my last
Breath.
After this Oath, they are declar’d fit for the Service of the State, and are
incorporated into the Tribe of the Nagiri.
The Day after my Arrival, as I was sauntring in the Market-Place, I
beheld an old Man, whom they were hurrying away to be scourg’d. A large
Croud of Cypresses follow’d him, with Scoffs and Revilings. Upon my
inquiring the Cause, I was inform’d, that he was a Heretick, who openly
taught, that the Tablet of the Sun seem’d to him to be square; and in that
diabolical Opinion he had obstinately persisted, after repeated Admonitions.
This rous’d my Curiosity to go to the Temple, and try whether I had
orthodox Eyes or no. I examin’d the aforesaid Tablet with all the Eyes I
had, and really it appear’d square to me. This I ingenuously told my Host,
who at that Time had the Post of Ædile. With that he fetch’d a deep Sigh,
and confess’d to me, that it appear’d square to him too, but that he dare not
say so publickly, for fear of being dispossess’d of his Employment by the
governing Tribe.

All pale and trembling I left this execrable City, fearing lest my Back
must expiate the Crime of my Eyes, or lest branded with the Title of
Heretick, I should be sent with Ignominy out of their Dominions. In Truth,
no Institution ever appear’d more horrid, barbarous, and unjust, than this,
where Hypocrisies and Perjuries alone are the Avenues to Preferment. And
when I return’d to the Potuans, I took every Opportunity to express my
Indignation against that detestable Race of People. But while I was in one
of my angry Moods, and venting my Spleen according to Custom, a certain
Juniper Tree, with whom I had liv’d in a good Degree of Intimacy, made me
this Answer: “It is true, says he, that the Conduct of the Nagiri will always
appear absurd and iniquitous to the Potuans; but to you it should not seem
at all strange, that this Diversity of Eyes should cause such Cruelties,
because you have formerly assur’d me, that in most of the European
Dominions there are governing Tribes, which fall upon the rest with Fire
and Sword, upon Account of some Defect, not of their Eyes indeed, but of
their Reason; and you yourself extoll’d such a Proceeding as a pious Act,
and of Advantage to the Government.” I presently understood the Drift of
this Observation, and blusht for Shame. I left him soon, and was ever after a
stanch Advocate for Toleration, and entertain’d milder Sentiments of People
under Error.
Kimal, the next Principality, is accounted the most potent, by reason of its
immense Wealth. For besides the Silver Mines, which are there in great
Abundance, vast Quantities of Gold are gather’d from among the Sands of
their Rivers. Their Seas too afford the most costly Pearls. And yet upon a
due Examination of this Country, I could discover, that Happiness did not
consist in Wealth alone. For as many Inhabitants, so many Divers and
Diggers there were, who, bent upon Gain, seem’d condemn’d to perpetual
Slavery, and such a Slavery as one would think was fit only for Criminals.
Those who are rich enough to be exempted from these Toils, are oblig’d to
keep constant Watch. The whole Country is so infested with Thieves and
Robbers, that it is not safe to go without a Guard.

Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem,
Perfidiam, fraudes, atq; omni ex crimine lucrum.
Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus,
Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.
Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos;

Victa jacet pietas, & virgo cæde madentes
Ultima cœlestum terras Astræa reliquit.

Hence this Nation, beheld with envious Eyes by their Neighbours, drew
Pity from me more than Envy. Fear, Jealousy, Suspicion, and Distrust, reign
in every Mind, and each looks upon his Neighbour as a designing Enemy.
So that endless Solicitude, wasting Cares, and pallid Complexions, are the
Fruits of the boasted Felicity of this Province. It was not without Anxiety I
travell’d over this Region; for in every Road, and upon every Frontier, I was
oblig’d to give an Account of my Business, Name, and Country, to the
Guards and Examiners, and I found myself expos’d to all those Vexations
which Travellers experience in Countries that are jealous of Strangers.
There is a Volcano, or burning Mountain, in this Province, from whence
ascend perpetual Whirlwinds of Fire.
After having run over this Principality, and that with more Trouble than I
experienc’d throughout my whole Journey, I pursued my Course full East. I
every where found the Inhabitants sociable and well-behav’d, but extremely
paradoxical. The Natives of the little Kingdom of Quamboia surpriz’d me
most. There the Order of Nature is inverted. The more the Natives advance
in Years, the more wanton and voluptuous they grow; and Age produces
such fantastic Vices, and such lascivious Freaks, as Youth alone, in every
other Place, is guilty of. Here none are intrusted with the Cares of State,
unless they are under forty Years of Age. When they exceed this Term, they
are too giddy for Business, like Children,

Quos dura premit custodia matrum.

I saw here the Aged frisking and gamboling in the Streets like Boys, and
spending their Time in puerile Diversions. They did, as the Poet says,

Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures,
Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa.

While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them, and
sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old decrepit
Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d he was
some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than President

of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in the weaker Sex.
Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old Lady, all were of
Opinion he must undergo the Fate of Actæon; which is diametrically
opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man has a Mind for a
young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of that Sort. Once I
remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel. Amaz’d to find
such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of this Duel, and was told,
that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they had met with at one of their
Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them both. They who told me this,
added, that if the Governors of these two old Sinners were to know of their
Difference, their Backs would be sure to smart for it. The same Evening a
Report flew about, that a certain venerable Matron had hang’d herself for
Despair, because she had met with a Repulse from a young Beech she was
enamour’d of.
This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the
Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship, it is
enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted to any one,
unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts are deem’d
ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless such Contracts are
sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter concerning
Subordination, there is this Injunction, Let the Aged of both Sexes be
obedient to their Children. Every Person in Office is always dismiss’d
before he arrives to the Age of Forty.

——Interdicto huic omne adimat jus
Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos.

I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where if I
had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been oblig’d by Law
to become a Child again.
In the Province of Cocklecu there is a very perverse Custom, and such as
would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed
inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws. The
Natives are all Junipers of both Sexes: But the Males alone perform the
Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In Time of War
indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the Rank of common

Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very highest military
Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the other Hand, are in
Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred, civil, or military. I had
lately derided the Potuans for observing no Difference of Sex in the
Distribution of publick Offices: But that was nothing to the Phrenzy of this
People. I could not conceive the Meaning of so much Indolence in the
Males, who, tho’ of far superior Strength of Body, could yet so tamely
submit to such a Yoke, and for Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For
it would have been very easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from
so shameful a Tyranny. But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them,
that none ever thought of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly
believ’d it was Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be
lodg’d in Female Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to
spin, to weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from
their Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom,
were these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of
Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more
laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going into
a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House, with a
Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time find her
Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed, whatever House I
went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I was still conducted into
the Kitchin.

Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter;
Vox dominæ fremit instantis virgamque tenentis.

Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other
Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for Hire,
so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire some House
of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a Writing over it, or
some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive this wicked Trade with
too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a Manner, they are had to Prison,
and whipt like our Street-Walkers. On the other Hand, the Matrons and
Virgins here, without the least Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at
the young Fellows, nod, whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve,
importune them, write Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their

Conquests, and reckon up their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the
fine Gentlemen of our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it
is no Crime for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents
to the Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as
knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons. There
was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble Youth, the
Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I heard, that it
was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth, that a Suit would be
commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the next Consistory Court she
would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by Marriage, since it could be
indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person of an innocent Life and
Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not the Courage openly to
condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving the City, I told
several, that these Junipers acted in downright Contradiction to Nature,
since from the universal Voice and Consent of Nations it was evident, that
the Males alone were form’d for all the arduous and important Affairs of
Life. To this they reply’d, that I confounded Custom with Nature, since the
Weakness we impute to the Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education.
This is clear, from the Form of Government establish’d at Cocklecu, where
in that Sex you find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which
the masculine Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the
Cocklecuanian Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men,
on the contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing
absurd is related, the common Saying is, That’s a manly Trifle. Again, when
any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is, We must make
Allowances for manly Weakness. Notwithstanding this, I could not
acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d of the
Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I conceiv’d
against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an unfortunate
Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as in its proper
Place shall be related.
Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the
Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite Beauty.
They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept for her
private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was much
commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and hurry’d
away with all imaginable Haste.

——Pedibus metus addidit alas.

From this Place I proceeded to the Philosophical Region, so styl’d from
the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound Speculations of
Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country, which I fancy’d must be
the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of the Muses. Instead of vulgar
Fields and Meadows, I expected to find one continued lovely Garden; and
in this Imagination I hasten’d my Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes
as they flew. However, the Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with
every now and then a Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was
forc’d to go thro’ a Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs,
where for want of Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary
Limbs after me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against
these Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While
for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met a
Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to Mascattia, or the
Philosophical Province. He reply’d, I ought rather to ask him, how much
there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart of the Place.
Amaz’d at this Answer, How is it possible, said I, that a Land inhabited
only by Philosophers should appear rather like the Haunts of savage
Beasts, than like a cultivated Country? He return’d, That in a little Time
Things would have a better Face, as soon as ever the Natives could get
Time to think upon such Trifles. At this present, says he, we are all solely
intent upon an extraordinary Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to
the Sun; that therefore it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it
being impossible to do two Things at once. I presently understood the Drift
of this cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last
arriv’d at the Metropolitan City Caska. In and about the Gates, instead of
Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon the Walls
Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine indifferently
walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from the other but by
Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and Nastiness. The
Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what the Colour was, I
could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was one quite bury’d in
Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting him, Pray, Sir, says I,
what may be the Name of this City? At this he paus’d, and for a Time
continued as immoveable as if he had no Life in him; at last, says he,

turning his Eyes upwards, ’Tis almost Noon. An Answer so foreign to the
Purpose, was a Demonstration of great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d
me, that it was better to study sparingly, than to run mad with too much
Learning. I proceeded directly to the Center of the City, to see, if beside
Philosophers, I could have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable
Creature. The Forum of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d
with Statues and Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon
one of them, and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm
and moist. Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower
proceeded, I saw a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d
in profound Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are
us’d for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront,
especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake, only
laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d at this, he
fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round the Forum. But
when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his Wrath, I endeavour’d
to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and Vigour; and I believe,
with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and Disbursements might be pretty
equal on both Sides. At length, after a long Contest, we both fell upon the
Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts,
and with inexpressible Fury fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and
then once more dragg’d me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that
I was just upon the Point of giving up the Ghost. At last, rather tir’d than
satiated, they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House,
where when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I
would not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck,
and tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat upon
the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost Confusion,
and not unlike the Disorder People are in at Lady-Day or Michaelmas, when
they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these wise Men to put an
End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be mov’d to Pity and
Compassion, representing to them how little for the Honour of Philosophy
it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and give a Loose to those
very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim against. But I preach’d to
the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who had so plentifully water’d my
Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and redoubled his Blows upon me, like a
Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing but my Death could stop his Fury. This

plainly taught me, that no Anger equals a philosophical Anger; and that they
who can talk so well upon the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as
any.

——Nec enim minor ira rebullit
Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas.

At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes spoke
them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar, and seem’d
to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart, they remov’d
me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these Barbarians, and at
last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the Cause of all this Tumult,
and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at so pleasant an Accident, telling
me, that it was a common Thing for the Philosophers to make Water against
the Statues, and that probably my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in
Meditation, had mistook me for a Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that
that Person was an Astronomer of great Eminence, and that my other
Persecutors were Professors of Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this
with Pleasure, believing myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing
alarm’d me mightily, and that was the great Attention with which they
survey’d my Form. Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my
Manner of Life, my Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with
the Whispers that ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what
Horror invaded my Soul, when they conducted me into an
AnatomyChamber, where there was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases
upon the Floor, that gave a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was
fallen into a Den of Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments
which hung upon the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my
Host must be a Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in
this Place, when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane,
and eying me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh.
Upon my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending
Fate drew those Sighs from her; That I was indeed fallen into very honest
Hands, for my Husband, continues she, is Lord of this Island, being publick
Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the others you saw
are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary Make of your Body,
they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery of it, and to make a

Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light to Anatomy. This
Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and setting up a horrible
Cry, Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them honest Men, who make no
Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent Person? To which she
answered, I say again you are fallen into the Hands of honest Men, who will
do nothing with a bad Design, and have resolv’d upon this Operation for
the sole Illustration of the Science of Anatomy. Alas! said I, I had rather fall
into the Hands of Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make
my Escape, than be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen; and
immediately throwing myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a
Flood of Tears, I implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her
Intercession would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty,
which was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death
by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and
leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the City.
Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d to
express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she
presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till she saw
me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we walk’d
together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the State of the
Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at length she made a
Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to my Ears, and I
conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some Things of me which
were morally impossible. For she told me with the greatest Concern, that in
this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies was extremely hard, for that their
philosophick Husbands, immers’d in Learning, neglected conjugal Duties.
For my Part, I protest, says she, with an Oath, we should all be very
wretched, if now and then a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not
administer Comfort to us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a
Remedy to them. I pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended
my Pace. But this Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,

Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram,
Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis,

she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace, till at
last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop me. With that

I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the Advantage of her in
Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One may judge of the Extremity of
the Rage she was in, by the Words I could hear her pronounce, namely, Kaki
spalaki, that is, ungrateful Dog. I digested this Affront with a Spartan
Nobleness of Mind, and was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape
from this Land of Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me
with Horror.
The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of Nakir; the Capital of which is
a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of this Place,
because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries adjoining to that
I lately left, and long’d to be among People less philosophically, and
especially less anatomically given. For such a Terror had seiz’d me, that I
could not help asking every one I met, whether he were a Philosopher; and
even in my Dreams, the Carcases and Instruments of Dissection still swam
before me. The Natives of Nakir were very courteous; for every one I met
offer’d me his Service unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and
Honesty. I thought this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor
call’d their Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these
Compliments, and observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they
were made; at which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a
thousand Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath
the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I came.
When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of Nakir, he congratulated
me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were a People
famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller pass’d, but was
their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all corresponded with their Words,
they must be People of the greatest Honour, of which every one boasted
extremely, and assur’d me of it with a Multitude of Execrations. The
Stranger smiling at these Words, Take Care, says he, of those who trumpet
their own Virtues, and especially of those who readily send themselves to
the Devil to convince you. That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind,
and I have since experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.
I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish Colour.
On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which
Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into the Land of
Reason. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the highest

Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently observ’d,
that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret Springs and
Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing Rapidity, and all
without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the other Side of the Lake,
I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the several Ports, and under his
Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time my Guide told me every Thing
that related to the Government of the City, and the Manners of the People. I
understood from him, that they were all Logicians to a Man, and that this
City was the true Seat of Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon
my Arrival, I found all he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his
great Penetration, and the Composedness of his Manners, had the
Appearance of a Judge. I could not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and
crying out, Oh! infinitely happy Country, where every Member is a Cato.
But when I had more accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I
observ’d that Business went but dully on, and that the Republick in a
Manner languish’d for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every
Thing in the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious
Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means and
Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best and noblest
Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate, must here lose all
their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such an exact Knowledge of
Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically lamented by the Super-
Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he, is here distinguish’d from
another by nothing else but his Name, and the Make of his Body. No
Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks of Distinction are thought not
worth acquiring, and nobody is wise, because every body is so. Folly, I
confess, is a Defect, but to have it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable.
Let every State, indeed, have a competent Number of wise Men for the
publick Employments. Some must govern, and some must submit to be
govern’d. What other States effect by the most trifling Inducements, our
Magistrates can procure only by solid Rewards, which often drain the
Treasury. Wise Men require the Kernel if they serve their Country, but
Fools are put off with the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of
Honours and Titles, with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited
up to the most hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People,
who know that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward
Worth and Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with

specious Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated
to undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in
History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that this
Mode of Seech, for Instance, Dying in earnest, and living in a History, is
the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere Dotage to proclaim aloud
the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor understand them. I pass over
numberless Inconveniences, which flow only from our exquisite
Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at least half the
Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools. Folly is to Society,
what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or none at all, are alike
injurious.”
I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name of
the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated his
Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear blushing,
from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a pre-conceiv’d Opinion
of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such a Sort of Ferment as might
be of Use to a State labouring under the Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I
was confirm’d in this Suspicion, when I heard the Senate had decreed to
send a Colony abroad, and in their Places to take in an equal Number of
Fools from the neighbouring Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I
left this Race of Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting
upon that subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our
World, namely, That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at
least half the Members should be Fools. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim
should remain undiscover’d by the worthy Spirits of our Age. But possibly
it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have it inserted
in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are great Plenty of Fools,
nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City with us, but what is handsomely
stor’d with this goodly Ferment.
Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several
Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable in
them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the Planet
Nazar. But arriving at the Province of Cabac, fresh Wonders offer
themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility. Among the
Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They speak by a
Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of this great

Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult Employments as
require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are admitted to, are chiefly
those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain, the Master of the Ceremonies,
the President of the Seraglio, and the like, are all taken from the Class of
People that are without Heads. Nevertheless some that have no Heads are,
by the special Indulgence of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for
some Merit of their Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the
Republick. For Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is
lodg’d in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help
to fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of
others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born
without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For tho’
they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature, yet surely
they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing than their
Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had no Heads,
but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is evident, that it is
safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This City may vie with any in
Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an University, and several
noble Temples.
Cambara and Spelek are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all
Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond the Age of
four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four hundred. Here you
might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers, and so on; they would
tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own that happen’d Ages ago,
and by their lively Representations make you think you was almost present
at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I envy’d the last. But after I had more
inly examin’d the State of both, I found my Error. In Cambara every one,
within a few Months after their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of
Body and Mind. One Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest
they prepar’d for Death. Not Plato’s self could have imagin’d a more
charming Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being
hourly convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death,
and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine every
one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his present
State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure, which is the
Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be the Abode of
Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of Wisdom and

Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are, who complain
of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a Quarrel at their Maker.
Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it
would be long enough if our Time were better employ’d. But in the other
Region, where Life is lengthen’d to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the
Vices under Heaven. The present State of Things they look upon as eternal
and immortal.

Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:
In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque.

There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those who
had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d in their
Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most piercing
Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid violent Hands
on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to the Wretched the best
of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me Matter of much Admiration,
and upon my Departure fill’d me with very philosophical Reflexions.
I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead to
Spalank, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d from the
Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all Beeches, and
esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are subject to no
Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all Vices.

Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;
Pœna metusque aberant, &c.

Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually they
were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and Disposition.
Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all which among
Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and banish’d. But with
the Vices there were also many Things wanting, which adorn the human
Species, and seem to distinguish them from Brutes. Except Divinity,
Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the Arts and Sciences were wholly
unknown. They had not the least Idea of Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks,
and Eloquence, the very Names of which were never heard of. As there was
not the least Spark of Envy, so there was no Emulation to excite and

animate the Soul to worthy Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no
Palace, no Senate-House, no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and
consequently no Desire of them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if
they had no Vices, they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of
those Things, which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like
Virtues, and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here
to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I stood a
long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and whether
such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting, that an
uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious Creature, and that
tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts, Murders, and other atrocious
Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul, I could not help pronouncing
them happy. Walking carelesly along one Day, while I was among them, I
struck my left Leg against a Stone. It swell’d violently, and gave me
excessive Pain. An honest Countryman seeing this Accident, presently ran
to me, and with a certain Herb he held in his Hand and apply’d to the
Wound, the Anguish forthwith abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These
People, thought I, must have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor
was my Conjecture wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so
narrow a Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of
Knowledge, like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of
Things. When I thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that
God would be his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so
devout a Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really
some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears
hence, with what little Reason we dislike that calm Philosophy of some
Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d, who
divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and whom we
therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness. It appears also
how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the Necessity of Vices
among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage, Emulation the
Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion. For who does not
know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and that many Virtues which
Mortals pride themselves in, and which are celebrated in Verse, are rather
the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity, if beheld with a philosophical
Eye.

I left this Place, and arriv’d at Kiliac, where the Inhabitants are born with
certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the exact Number
of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must be the most fortunate
People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death could surprize none of
them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last Day of Life was known to
every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to the last; insomuch that if you
found one among them sincerely devout and honest, it was one whom the
Marks upon his Forehead directed to think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d
who walk’d with their Heads hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their
Time, and were counting the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their
Fingers, expecting with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave
me to see the general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the
Time of their Death.
Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of
which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of
Askarac. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As Cabac produces Animals
without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads. To
these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens formerly
paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone, Commanders,
Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected. But, alas! as many
Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they had. They confidently
and readily undertook to discharge various Employments at one and the
same Time; and left nothing unattempted while they held the Reins of
Power: But from that Multiplicity of Business, and from their various Ideas
interfering and jostling with each other, they made wretched Work of it; and
in Process of Time so great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour
of an Age to recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had
thrown Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these
seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the
Government should hereafter be intrusted to simple Heads, that is to say,
those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People, who had
been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt as the
headless Inhabitants of Cabac. For as they, who had no Head at all, could
do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing perversely. But tho’
they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts, yet they serve as an
Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about like publick Spectacles,
to shew the World how liberal Nature has been in their Formation. Tho’ to

say the Truth, had she been less lavish of her Favours, she had been in
Reality much kinder. Of all this Race, there were only three in my Time in
Employment, to which, however, they were not admitted, till they had
consented to an Amputation of six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d
Ideas they labour’d under vanish’d, and they were brought to common
Sense. Thus Men prune Trees of their superfluous Branches, to derive more
Health and Vigour to the rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon
Account of the extreme Pain and Danger. From hence I drew this useful
Maxim, That all Excess is hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.
From hence I pass’d to the Principality of Bostanki, a People, as to their
outward Make, little different from the Potuans; but as to the inward, they
have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated in their Thigh; so that it
may be truly said of them, that they carry their Heart in their Breeches.
Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this Globe, these are accounted the
most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near
the Gate, and as the Fatigue of Travelling had made me something weary
and fretful, I rattled my Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he,
falling on his Knees, implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to
feel the great Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to
laughing, and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in
a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a Minute
or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations. I ran
thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very fearful
Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing me, he
took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family, and begg’d
to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a Man to so
great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their Eyes fasten’d to
the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their Affliction. But upon my
persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke
to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir, to be a great Stranger to the Manners
of the World. The Natives of this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an
armed Enemy, and out of their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet
they all domineer in the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their
defenceless Family, and are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be
made. On this Account they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the
neighbouring States. But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are
Tributaries, the Case is otherwise. There they never fight but against an

arm’d Enemy. There the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I
admir’d the Wisdom of the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a
better Condition. And, indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and
Disposition of People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the
right, since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that Hercules is not the
only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common Fate of
brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to the Female
Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in all Nature, who
like the Bostankians, carry their Hearts in their Breeches, are yet Heroes in
the Kitchen. This People live under the Protection of a neighbouring
Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.
From hence I pass’d by Water to Mikolac. Coming out of the Boat I
miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the Theft,
who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the Magistrate,
telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing an Action against the
Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d he would at least compel
him to make simple Restitution. But my Adversary not only persisted in
denying the Fact, but threaten’d me with an Action of Slander. In a Case so
doubtful the Court call’d for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d
my Antagonist might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and
spoke as follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no
Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country.
Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving the
Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing
Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause, but is
liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper Evidence, and
what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing my Cause for want
of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune, but that of the
Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what a weak unsettled Society
that must be which depends for its Security upon human Laws alone, and
how frail are all political Edifices unless cemented together by Religion. I
staid three Days here in continual Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country
are in Reality very good, and tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost
Severity, yet no Safety can be reasonably expected in a Country too
atheistical to have the least Sense of religious Obligation, and where they
scruple the Commission of no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.

From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to the
City of Bracmat, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of the
Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met, came
directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well understand
this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my Pardon a thousand
Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had in his Hand, gave me a
Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my Senses: But in the same
Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse of his Imprudence.
Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either totally blind, or very weak-
sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I met. In fact, all this arose from the
exquisite Sense of Sight which some are here endued with. They can clearly
discern remote Objects, which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then
they do not see what is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d Makatti;
and they devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and
Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of their
too delicate Vision. They make very pretty minute Philosophers; but in
solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable Blunders.
However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends them to the
Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce any Thing upon
the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon any Thing beneath it.
I concluded from hence, that there are some who are blind from too great a
Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that they would see better if their
Eyes were worse.
Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now
enter’d the Province of Mutak, the Capital of which look’d like a Grove of
Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding to the Market,
I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a Place of Ease (of
which there are many round the Market-Place) and imploring the Mercy of
the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this, and was informed, that the said
Person was a Criminal, to whom they were going to give the fifteenth Dose.
Surpriz’d at the Answer, I step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this
Riddle. He reply’d thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping,
branding, hanging and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this
Country. For we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the
Criminal. The Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his
violent Itch of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has
been condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the

Censors of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now going
to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they have
conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his Discourse
with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary. I went with him
accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials and Gallipots all
properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these: Powder of Avarice. Pills
for Lust. Tincture against Cruelty. Lenitive of Ambition. Cortex against
Pleasure, &c. Words cannot express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd
Spectacle threw me into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I
observed a Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: Sermons of Master
Pisagus, a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools. Meditations of Dr.
Jukes, a Specific in the Coma Vigil, or Want of Sleep, &c. I thought the
People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately the Virtue of
their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books. It was such insipid Stuff,
that at the first Chapter I began to make Faces; and reading on, I found my
Bowels rumble, and soon after had a Tenesmus. But as I knew I had no
Occasion for Purging, I threw the Book down, and run away. I then
observ’d, that nothing in the whole World was without its Use, and that the
most pitiful Performances were serviceable for something. I found also, that
this People were no Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My
Host averr’d to me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing
Doctor Juke’s Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that
Vigilance itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a
tumultuous Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that
Chain of philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to
leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw in
other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But
notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and was
reflecting upon the Mutakian Philosophy, their Manner of curing Disorders
was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in our Europe there
are some Books that would purge the most costive, or give Sleep to the
most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I own I could not subscribe
to the Mutakian Principles in this Point, tho’ it must be confess’d, there are
some Infirmities of Body, which we confound with the Disorders of the
Mind; as a witty Poet of our World has observ’d in the following Epigram.

Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,

Humores acres nos cruciare solent.
Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,
Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.
At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,
In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.
Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,
Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.
Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,
Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.
Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,
Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi.

I departed from Mutak, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I
arriv’d at Mikrok, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the Gate shut. I
was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d to open it, which
was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with a Multitude of Locks,
Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep Silence reign throughout the
whole City, except that my Ears were now and then assaulted by a Noise as
of People snoring. I could not help fancying I was got into the Region of
Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would to God, says I to myself, that several of the
Magistrates, Senators, and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are
dear Lovers of Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City!
How sweetly and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the
Streets, and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and
Sciences were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by
these Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all
fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem it was
Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having knock’d and
bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided into twenty-three
Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the other four to Business.
Suspecting, therefore, these People to be monstrously negligent both in
their publick and private Affairs, I desir’d something to be brought me to
eat, which they had ready in the House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing
to be dress’d, the Cook should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things
are here done in the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing
superfluous is omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long
enough for all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon

Table with a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City.
We went into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with
respect to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The
Preacher went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no
Tautologies, nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this
Discourse with the long nauseous ones of Master Petre, the former is in
Reality more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in
Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then produce
their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of Alliance
between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in these Terms:
Let there be perpetual Friendship between the Mikrekians and
Splendikanians. Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River Klimac,
and the Top of Mount Zabor. Sign’d, &c. Thus in three Lines they express,
what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded one may come
to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if Superfluities were to
be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his Journey half as short again,
were he always to go directly strait. The Natives here are Cypresses, and are
distinguish’d from other Trees by Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have
a stated Increase and Decrease. When they increase, a certain Humour
distils from them, which falling upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and
is an Indication of the approaching Night.
From hence to Makrok is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never
sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be in
Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn. He
reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So great
was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to walk thro’ the
Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of being too late. The least I
could think was, that some Part of the City was on Fire, or that some other
sudden and unlook’d for Disaster had frighted the Citizens out of their
Senses. At last I cast my Eyes upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d
it was an Inn. Here some were entring, others departing, others stumbling
for Haste, insomuch that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard
before I could gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of
impertinent Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you
going to? How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or
with Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the green,
the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs, or below?

with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who was a Clerk of
one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away to Dinner, but soon
return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account of a Law-Suit that had
been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of which was now coming on
before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he hop’d it would be ended within
two Years, since there were but two Courts remaining, beyond which there
was no Appeal. He left me in great Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that
this Nation was extremely busy in doing nothing. When my Landlord was
gone, I walk’d about the House, and by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was
large and well stock’d, with respect to the Number of Books, but a very
indifferent one with respect to the Contents. Among those Books, which to
Appearance were in best Condition, I observ’d the following,
1. Description of the Cathedral 24 Vols.
2. Relation of the Siege of Pehunc 36 Vols.
3. Of the Use of the Herb Slac 13 Vols.
4. Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator Jacksi 18 Vols.
My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description of the
State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that more Business
was transacted by the sleepy Mikrokians, than by the waking Makrokians;
that these play’d with the Shell, while the other eat the Kernel. The People
here too are all Cypresses, and as to the outward Make of their Bodies,
differ very little from the Mikrokians, excepting the Wens upon their
Foreheads. They have not the same Blood or Juice in their Bodies which
other Trees of this Globe have, but instead of Blood, they have a thicker
Juice in their Veins, which is of a mercurial Quality and Appearance. Nay
some think it is Quicksilver itself, inasmuch as in a Barometer it is found to
have the same Effect.
At the Distance of about two Days Journey from hence lies the Republick
of Siklok, which is divided into two Societies, in Alliance with each other,
but govern’d by different and opposite Laws. The first is call’d Miho,
founded by Mihac, a famous Lawgiver of old, and the Lycurgus of the
Subterraneans. In order to render his Republick stronger and more lasting,
he made sumptuary Laws, which forbid all Luxury on the severest
Penalties. And accordingly this Society, for its great Continence and
Parsimony, may be justly call’d another Sparta. One Thing I wonder’d at,

and that was, that in a Government so well constituted, and which piqu’d
itself upon the Excellence of its Laws, there should be so many Beggars.
For wherever I turn’d my Eyes, there was a Tree begging an Alms, which is
a very troublesome Thing to Travellers. Upon a nice Inspection into the
State of the Republick, I was convinc’d, that these Miseries flow’d from the
too great Œconomy of the People. For all Luxury being proscrib’d, and the
Rich baulking their Genius, and giving into no Indulgences, the common
People of course must lead an indolent, idle, and beggarly Life, for want of
Matter to make a proper Gain of. I concluded from hence, that rigid
Parsimony in a State produces the same Inconveniences as an Obstruction
of the Blood in a human Body. In the other Province, that of Liho, they live
splendidly and jovially, and spare no Expence. Here Arts and Professions
flourish; the People are encourag’d to Industry, and every Citizen has an
Opportunity to raise a Fortune. Whoever is poor among them may fairly
impute it to his own Negligence. Thus the Profusion of the Rich gives Life
to the Body politick, as the Circulation of the Blood in the human Body
gives Strength and Vigour to the Limbs.
The Territory of Lama borders upon this. Here is the celebrated School of
Physicians. With so much Ardour is the Study of Physick here pursued, that
none are look’d upon as genuine Doctors, unless they come from the
illustrious School of Lama. And hence this City is crouded with so many
Doctors, that you see more of them than of all other Sorts of People put
together. Whole Streets are fill’d with Shops of Apothecaries, and
anatomical Instrument-Makers. Loitering about the City, I met a Tree
offering to Sale the Bills of Mortality for the Year last past. I bought one of
them, and to my great Surprize found the Births and Burials stand thus:
Born fifty; buried six hundred. I could not conceive that in a Place, where
Apollo himself seem’d to have fix’d his Residence, there should be such a
yearly Havock among the Citizens. I ask’d the Tree what unusual Plague or
Pestilence had rag’d in the City the last Year. He reply’d, that two Years ago
the Number of the Deceas’d was greater, that this was the common
Proportion between the Births and Burials, and that the Inhabitants of Lama
were perpetually afflicted with Distempers, which hasten’d their Deaths;
insomuch that in a short Time the City would be empty, if it were not
supplied and recruited from the neighbouring Provinces. Upon this I
hurry’d out of the City, not thinking it prudent to stay longer here,
especially as the Name of a Physician, and the Sight of the anatomical

Instruments, after what I had suffer’d in the Country of Philosophers, could
not be very agreeable. Therefore leaving this Place, I never stopt, till I came
to a Town four Miles distant, where the People live without Physicians, and
without Diseases. In the Space of two Days, I arriv’d at the Land of Liberty.
The People here are accountable to no Authority. They consist of separate
Families, without being subject to any Laws or Power whatsoever. Yet an
Appearance of Society is preserv’d, and in publick Matters they consult the
Seniors, who perpetually exhort them to Peace and Unanimity, and
admonish them never to depart from that primary Precept of Nature, of
doing to others, as you would be done by. On all the Gates of the Cities and
Villages a Statue of Liberty is erected trampling upon Chains and Fetters,
with this Inscription over the Head, GOLDEN LIBERTY. In the first City I
enter’d, all was quiet enough; yet I observ’d some of the Citizens
distinguish’d themselves by certain Ribbands which they wore, and which,
as I afterward understood, were Marks and Symbols of two Factions which
then divided the People. The Avenues and Court-Yards of the Houses of the
Great were lin’d with arm’d Soldiers, who always held themselves in
Readiness, because the Truce being about two Days ago expir’d, the War
was upon breaking out afresh. I fled away trembling as fast as I could, nor
thought myself free, till I had convey’d myself out of Sight of this Land of
Liberty.
The next Province is Jochtan, of which I had heard a short Description,
which very much alarm’d me, and led me to think it must be the Seat of
Disorder, Confusion, and Insecurity. For this Country was the Sink and
Receptacle of all Religions. All the several Principles and Doctrines which
prevail in any Part of this Globe, retire here as to their Center, and are
taught publickly. Recollecting, therefore, what Troubles had been excited in
Europe by religious Differences, I was almost afraid to approach the capital
City, the several Streets and Portions of which have all Churches and
Temples for different and opposite Sects. But my Fears soon vanish’d,
when I observ’d a profound Agreement and Concord reign in every Part.
With respect to their Politicks, there was the same Face, the same
Sentiments, the same Tranquillity, and the same Care in all. For as the Laws
made it capital for one Member of the State to disturb another in his Way of
Worship, or to molest him upon Account of any religious Difference, hence
whatever Dissensions they had were without the least Appearance of
Hostility, their Disputes were without Bitterness or Invectives, and they had

no Aversions, because they had no Persecutions. There was a perpetual, but
very honest and worthy Emulation among the several Sects, every one of
which endeavour’d to demonstrate the Excellence of their Religion by the
Purity of their Life and Morals. Thus by the Wisdom of the Magistrate, all
these different Sentiments excited no more Troubles in the State, than did
the different Shops of the Artists and Merchants in the Forum, where the
Buyers are invited by the sole Goodness of the Commodity, and where they
use neither Fraud, Force, or Disparagement. By these Means, the least Seed
of Discord is stifled in the Birth, and that Sort of Emulation only
encourag’d, which is honourable in itself, and advantageous to the State.
This convinc’d me, that the religious Troubles which reign in many Places
arise not from the Variety of Religions, but from Persecution alone. A
sensible and learned Jochtanian explain’d to me more at large the Genius of
this Government, and the Causes of its Tranquillity. I heard him with
Rapture, and his Observations I shall keep engrav’d on the Table of my
Heart. I did indeed, for some Time, make Replies and Objections to him,
but was at last forc’d to own myself vanquish’d, since he irresistibly prov’d
all his Points by Arguments drawn from Experience. Asham’d, therefore, to
contradict my Senses, and give the Lie to positive Matter of Fact, I was
forc’d to own, that Liberty of Belief was the true Fountain of this
Tranquillity and Concord. However, once more I attack’d my Adversary
with an Argument different from all I had us’d. I told him it was the Duty of
a Lawgiver, in erecting a Government, to regard the future, rather than the
present Happiness of Mortals, and that he should conform his Scheme not
so much to their Palate as to the Laws of God. To this he reply’d in this
Manner: “My good Friend, says he, you are greatly deceiv’d, if you imagine
that God, the Fountain of Truth, can be pleas’d with dissembled Worship. In
other Nations, where all are oblig’d by publick Authority to one certain
Rule of Faith, what a Door is open’d for Ignorance and Hypocrisy! Few, or
none, have the Will or the Courage to discover their true Sentiments, and so
they profess one Thing, and believe another. This makes the Study of
Divinity a cold, lifeless Thing, and begets a Negligence in the Discovery of
Truth. This also makes profane Learning more cultivated: For the Priests
themselves, lest they should be branded with the Title of Hereticks,
relinquish the Pursuit of sacred Things, and divert their Studies to other
Subjects, where their Minds may range without Danger, and where their
Liberty is not fetter’d. The Vulgar will still condemn all who depart from

the reigning Doctrines. But Hypocrites and Dissemblers must be hateful to
God, to whom a sincere, tho’ erroneous Belief, must be infinitely less
displeasing than an orthodox, but pretended Faith.” Hearing this, I kept
Silence, unable to dispute the Point any longer with so wise a People.
I had now been almost two Months out upon my Travels, when at last I
arriv’d at Tumbac, a Territory contiguous to the Potuan Dominions. I
thought myself now at home, my wearisome Journey being almost finish’d.
The Inhabitants of this Region are chiefly Wild Olives, extremely devout,
and extremely censorious. In the first Inn I enter’d, I waited two Hours for
my Breakfast, knocking and calling for it almost all that Time in vain. The
Reason of this Delay, was the unseasonable Devotion of my Host, who
would not, for the World, put his Hand to the least Thing, till he had
finish’d his Morning Prayers.

Tandem intrans magno porrexit murmure panem
Pallidus, & caulem misero mihi ponit alentem
Lanteram.

However, that Breakfast was one of the dearest in all my Travels, and I
protest I never met with a Landlord more devout, or more unmerciful. Well!
thought I to myself, this Landlord had better have pray’d less, and been
more honest. But I dissembled my Resentment, well knowing how
dangerous it is to provoke a Saint. The Citizens here were all Cato’s, all
Censors of Manners. They walk’d up and down the Streets with pensive
Looks and folded Arms, declaiming against the Vanity of the Times, and
condemning every innocent Pleasure. Not a Gesture, not a Smile escap’d
their Observation. And thus by their perpetual Censures, and envenom’d
Zeal, they pass’d for Persons of eminent Sanctity. For my Part, as I was
spent and exhausted with Fatigues, I made no Scruple of indulging in
several innocent Diversions. But I got a bad Name by so doing, insomuch
that every House I enter’d was like a Court of Justice, where I was sure to
be arraign’d. Some, when they saw I was not at all mov’d by their Rebukes
and Admonitions, shunn’d me like a Plague or a Contagion. I forbear to say
more upon the Moroseness of this People: However, one Circumstance I
must not omit, because it gives you their exact Character; and from this
Sample you may judge of the rest. A certain Tumbacian, with whom I had
been acquainted at Potu, being at an Inn, and seeing me go by, stept out to

me, and press’d me to go in. I waited on him. As he had heard that I was far
from being an Enemy to Pleasure, he gave me such a Lecture, and
upbraided me with my Life and Morals in such Terms, that my Hair stood
on End, and every Joint of me shook. But while our Cato was discharging
thus the Artillery of his Censures, the Glass had pass’d very insensibly, but
very briskly, from one to the other, till in short we both fell fairly fuddled on
the Floor, and were carried off half dead. Having slept off this Debauch, and
recover’d my Reason, I set myself to examine into the Nature of these
People’s Religion; and I made a fair Discovery, that their Zeal flow’d rather
from some vicious Humours, or a Predominancy of the bilious Juices, than
from true Piety. But I never communicated this to any one, and left them
without saying a Word.
At last, after two compleat Months, I arriv’d at Potu, so extremely weary
with such incessant Exercise, that my Legs had scarce Strength to support
my Body. It was on the tenth Day of the Month of Beeches that I enter’d
this Capital. I went forthwith to his Serene Highness, and offer’d him my
little Historical Collection, which he immediately order’d to be printed.
(For it must be noted, that the Art of Printing, of which the Europeans and
Chinese boast themselves to be Inventors, was of far greater Antiquity
among the Potuans.) The People in general were so pleas’d with this
Account of my Travels, that they were never weary of reading it. All Day
long they were running about the Streets selling my Journal, and crying, as
loud as they could, A Journey round the World, by Scabba, the King’s
Messenger. Elated with this Success, I gave a Loose to my Ambition, and
aspir’d to some Employment of greater Weight and Dignity. But seeing my
Hopes not quickly answer’d, I preferr’d a new Petition to the Prince,
wherein extolling my late Labours, I earnestly implor’d his Highness to
vouchsafe me a proper Recompence. The Prince, who was Humanity in the
Abstract, was sensibly touch’d with my Case, and graciously promis’d that
he would have a due Regard to me. He was as good as his Word: But his
whole Favour terminated in the Enlargement of my annual Salary. I thought
I had Reason to expect a far better Recompence, and therefore I could not
rest contented with this. But as I would not trouble his Highness any
further, I open’d my Grief to the Chancellor. He heard me with his usual
Humanity, and promis’d me all the good Offices in his Power; but at the
same Time admonish’d me to desist from so wild a Petition, and begg’d me
to consider the Measure of my Abilities, and the Weakness of my Judgment.

“Nature, says he, has been but a Step-Mother to you, and has deny’d you
those Powers of the Mind, which are requisite for the more arduous Offices
of the State; and therefore you should not aim at what it is not possible for
you to procure. Nay, the Prince himself, were he to comply with this weak
Request of yours, must suffer in his Fame, as a Violator of the Laws. Rest
contented therefore with your Condition, and renounce a Hope, which
Nature has made unreasonable.” In Conclusion, he own’d I had some Merit,
and particularly extoll’d my late Performance. But it is not, says he, Merit
of this Kind that paves the Way to State-Preferment. ’Tis true, you have
drawn a very pretty Picture of the World; but if for a Performance of this
Kind we were to gratify you with the most honourable Employments, why
might not a Painter for drawing a great Likeness, or a Sculptor for
exhibiting a Statue in just Proportion, with as much Reason expect to be
made a Senator? Merit should doubtless meet with a Recompence, and
Rewards should be assign’d to the Deserving; but then they should be
Rewards of such a Nature, as that the Commonwealth receive no Detriment,
and suffer no Ridicule.
These Admonitions silenc’d me for a While. But as I could not bear to
think of growing old in this vile Employ, I resum’d that desperate
Resolution, which had laid dormant a long Time, of attempting a
Reformation in the State, by which Project I might, at one and the same
Time, help forward the publick Good, and my own too.
A little before I set out upon my late Travels, I had closely study’d the
Nature of this Government, to see if I could discover any Defects, and at the
same Time what Remedies were proper for them. Since that, in the Province
of Cockleku, I had observ’d that the Government there was in a tottering
Condition, by reason of the Admission of Women to the Management of
publick Affairs, that Sex being naturally ambitious, still aiming to extend
their Power, nor ever resting till they have acquir’d a full and absolute
Authority. Hereupon I determin’d to bring in a Bill to exclude that Sex from
the Administration of publick Affairs. I flatter’d myself I should find
Multitudes to abet and espouse this Point, since it was an easy Matter to
make it very clear, and to shew beyond Contradiction the Misfortunes that
flow from this Defect in the State, and the Danger the Male Sex was in,
unless the Wings of such an unnatural Power were timely clipt. And if it
should so happen, that the Abolition of this ancient Custom should appear

to some to be too hazardous an Attempt, in such Case I humbly offer’d, that
the Female Power should be at least restrain’d and abridg’d.
This Scheme of mine had three Ends in view. First, to remove an
Inconvenience the State labour’d under. Secondly, by producing a
Specimen of my Sagacity and Judgment, I had Hopes to mend my
Condition. And, thirdly, I thought by these Means to revenge certain Taunts
and Affronts I had receiv’d from many of the Females of this Country. I
frankly confess, that my own private Interest, and a Desire of Revenge,
were the primum Mobile of this Project. But then I artfully conceal’d these
Views, lest under a Pretence of publick Good, I should seem only to pursue
my own, and so tread in the Steps of other Innovators, whose Schemes
breathe nothing but the publick Good, when it is evident to the dullest
Observer, that their private Interest is the Spring that moves the whole
Machine.
And now, having drest my Project out to the best Advantage, and
strengthen’d it by the most powerful Reasons I could invent, I waited upon
the Prince, and humbly offer’d it to him. His Highness, who had always
testify’d a great Regard to me, was thunderstruck at the Boldness and Folly
of my Undertaking, which he foreboded must end in my irreparable Ruin.
Wherefore he endeavour’d to dissuade me from this mad Attempt by the
strongest Intreaties:

——Precibusque minas regaliter addit.

I, for my Part, relying as well upon the Utility of my Project, as upon the
Favour of the Male Sex (who I was in Hopes would not desert the common
Cause) remain’d immovable to all his Highness said, nor could his repeated
Admonitions vanquish my Obstinacy. In fine, according to the Custom of
the Country, I was brought to the Forum, and there, with my Neck in a
Halter, I stood waiting the Judgment of the Senate. That venerable Body
debated the Matter, and soon came to a Resolution; which Resolution was
sent up to the Prince for his Confirmation; and being return’d by him, was
read aloud by a publick Officer. It run thus:
“After due Examination, we are of Opinion as follows: That the Project
of Scabba, the King’s Messenger, to exclude the Female Sex from publick
Business, cannot take Effect without the highest Detriment to the

Commonwealth, since no less than Half of the Nation, which consists of the
said Sex, must look upon this Innovation as a very great Hardship, and their
Resentment may occasion infinite Disorders. Moreover we are of Opinion,
that it is absurd and unjust, intirely to exclude Trees of the finest Talents
from publick Honours, especially as Nature, who does nothing in vain, can
never be suppos’d to have given them all those noble Advantages to no
Purpose. We are persuaded, that for the Welfare of the State, Regard ought
to be had not to the Name, but the Abilities of a Person. And as a Country
may often labour under a Want of able Persons, we think it a great Folly, by
one Act of Senate, to render one intire Half of the Nation incapable and
unworthy of Employment, solely upon Account of their Birth. For these and
divers other good Reasons we are of Opinion, that the said Scabba, for this
foolish and rash Attempt, ought to be punish’d according to the Custom of
our Ancestors.”
The Prince was extremely concern’d for my Misfortune, but as he never
rescinded the Decree of the Senate, he sign’d it with his own Hand, and
affix’d the Royal Seal to it, and commanded it to be made publick, inserting
however this mollifying Clause, That as I was a Foreigner, a Native of a
new and unknown World, where forward Geniuses are in great Esteem, I
should be exempted from capital Punishment. But lest by a total Remission
of the Sentence the Laws should suffer an Infringement, it was therefore
thought fit to detain me in Prison till the Beginning of the Month of
Birches, and that then, with other Violators of the Law, I should be banish’d
to the Firmament.
This Sentence being publish’d, I was clapt into Prison. Some of my
Friends persuaded me to protest against this Sentence, since among my
Judges there were so many Matrons and Virgins, all Judges in their own
Cause. Some advis’d me, as the safer Way, to make a fair Acknowledgment
of my Crime, and lay the Blame upon my own native human Weakness. But
this last Advice I rejected with great Constancy, out of Respect to Mankind,
upon whose Character such a Confession would leave an indelible Blemish.
I heard soon after, that his Highness had determin’d to give me an
absolute Pardon, if I would but only prostrate myself at his Feet, confess my
Fault, and implore his Favour, although Rahagna the Treasurer oppos’d that
Motion with Might and Main. But, to speak the Truth, I was not displeas’d
with the Sentence. For Death was not half so terrible to me as that

Employment they pick’d out for me; and I was weary of conversing longer
with these Trees, who had so high an Opinion of their Wisdom. I hop’d also
to meet with better Treatment in the Firmament, where I had heard, that all
Strangers, without Distinction, were kindly receiv’d.

C H A P. X.
The Author’s Banishment to the Firmament.

I Have hitherto said nothing concerning the strange and very singular
Punishment the Potuans have, of banishing to the Firmament:
Wherefore I think myself oblig’d in this Place, to give some Account of it.
Twice every Year certain Birds of an enormous Magnitude appear upon
this Globe. They are call’d Cupac, that is to say, Birds of Post, and at stated
Seasons they come and go. It has long perplex’d the Subterranean
Naturalists to account for this periodical Visit. Some think they descend
upon this Planet in Quest of certain Insects, or large Flies, of which there
are prodigious Numbers about this Time of the Year, and of which these
Birds are exceedingly voracious. This Opinion is strengthen’d by this
Circumstance, that when these Flies disappear, the Birds fly off towards the
Firmament. An evident Proof of this we have in other Countries, where
Birds by the same Instinct of Nature appear, and for the very same Causes.
Others think that these Birds are train’d up and instructed to this very End
and Purpose by the Inhabitants of the Firmament, like our Falcons and other
Birds of Prey. This Hypothesis receives some Countenance from that
Tenderness, Care, and Dexterity, which these Birds use in bringing home
their Prey, and laying it gently down before their Masters. Other
Circumstances also shew, that these Creatures are either thus instructed, or
else that they have a certain Portion of Reason to direct them; for at the
Approach of the Season of Departure, they are so tractable and tame, that
they suffer certain Nets, or small Chains, to be thrown over them, under
which they lie quiet for many Days, and are fed out of Hand by the
Inhabitants with the aforesaid Flies, of which they take Care to provide a
great Quantity for this very Purpose. For it is necessary to keep feeding
them till all Things are prepar’d and got ready for those who are to be
banish’d. The Apparatus for their Departure is as follows: On those Nets, in
which they are intangled, a Box or Cage is fasten’d with Cords. Every Cage
is capable of containing one Person. The Time now drawing near, and the

Insects failing which supply’d them with Food, the Birds mount upon Wing,
and cutting the Air, return to the Place from whence they came. Such was
this wonderful Passage, by which I and several other Exiles were to be
translated to a new World.
There were also at this Time two Citizens of Potu, who for different
Crimes were sentenc’d to Banishment, and were now preparing for their
Journey. One of these was a Metaphysician, who had incurr’d this
Punishment by disputing concerning the Essence of God, and the Nature of
spiritual Substances. He had satisfy’d the Law for his first Offence of this
Kind, by undergoing the Punishment of the Arm; but being a second Time
detected, he was condemn’d to be banish’d to the Firmament. The other was
a Fanatick, who having conceiv’d some Doubts concerning Religion, and
concerning the civil Rights of the State, attempted to subvert the
Foundations of each. He refus’d to obey the publick Laws, under Pretence
that such Obedience was contrary to the Dictates of his Conscience. His
Friends endeavour’d, by the most powerful Arguments, to cure him of this
Conceit, by shewing him how many Delusions these Impulses of
Conscience and imaginary Inspirations were subject to; they told him, that
Zeal and Conscience were often confounded with Melancholy and certain
corrupt Humours of the Body; they demonstrated to him the egregious Folly
of thus appealing to the Authority of Conscience, and how unjust it was to
contend that the Impulses of his Mind should be a Rule to others, who
might make use of the same Argument, and oppose Conscience to
Conscience. At last they prov’d to him, that whoever firmly held this
Principle, pretending Conscience for his Disobedience, ought to be
excluded from the Rights and Benefits of the Community, since every good
Subject should pay an implicit Obedience to the Laws; but that a Fanatick
neither cou’d nor wou’d pay such an Obedience, since his Conscience was
his sole Rule of Politicks. But as these Reasons had no Effect upon the
Mind of our Fanatick, he continued obstinate and incorrigible, and so was
condemn’d to the Firmament. Thus at this Time there were only three of us
to undergo this Punishment, a Projector, a Metaphysician, and a Fanatick.
About the Beginning of the Month of Birches, we were all carry’d from
Prison to separate Places. What became of the Metaphysician and the
Fanatick I know not, as being too full of Cares for myself to mind any
Thing else. Being brought to the destin’d Place of Departure, I was

forthwith thrust into the Box or Cage, with as much Provision as would
serve me for two or three Days. Soon after this, when the Birds found no
more Flies brought them, as if they took the Hint, they left the Place, and
flew off with incredible Celerity. The Distance of the Firmament from the
Planet Nazar, is reputed by the Subterraneans to be about an hundred Miles.
How long I was in passing from the one to the other I cannot say, but to me
this ætherial Voyage seem’d to be no more than about four and twenty
Hours. After a profound Silence, at last a confus’d Noise seem’d to reach
my Ears, from whence I conjectur’d I was not far from Land. Then it was I
perceiv’d that these Birds had been carefully exercis’d and instructed; for
with great Art and Care they landed their Burden, so as not in the least to
injure or hurt it. In a Moment I was surrounded with a prodigious Number
of Monkies, the Sight of which put me into a very great Fright, remembring
what I had suffer’d from these Animals upon the Planet Nazar. But my
Fright redoubled, when I heard these Monkies articulately discourse with
one another, and when I beheld them clad in diverse-colour’d Vestments. I
then conjectur’d that they were the Inhabitants of this Country. But as after
that Heap of Wonders I had been accustom’d to, nothing now could well
seem new or strange, I began to recover my Courage, especially as I had
observ’d that these Creatures approach’d me with an Air of Civility and
Good-nature, taking me gently out of my Cage, and receiving me with the
Humanity due to Strangers. Even Ambassadors in our World are hardly
receiv’d with more Ceremony than I was. They all came one after another,
and address’d me in these Words, Pul Asser. When they had repeated this
Salutation pretty often, I repeated the same Words. Upon this they set up an
immoderate Laugh, and by a Multitude of comic Gestures, signify’d they
were highly delighted to hear me pronounce them. This made me conclude
these People to be a light, babbling Race of Creatures, and vast Admirers of
Novelty. When they spoke, you wou’d think so many Drums were beating,
with so much Volubility, and so little out of Breath, they held on their
Chattering. In a Word, as to Dress, Manners, Speech, and Form of Body,
they were the very Reverse of the Potuans. At first they were all astonish’d
at my Figure, and the chief Reason of that Astonishment was, that I wanted
a Tail. For as among the whole Brute Creation none so much resemble the
human Form as Monkies, so, had I had a Tail, they would have taken me for
one of their own Species, especially as all those who had hitherto been
transported from the Planet Nazar to this Place, were of a Form extremely

unlike their own. About the Time of my Arrival here the Sea ran very high,
by reason of the near Approach of the Planet Nazar: For as with us the
Tides of the Ocean correspond with the Course of the Moon, so the Ocean
of this Firmament increases and decreases according to the Vicinity or
Remoteness of the aforesaid Planet.
Presently I was conducted to a very noble House, all beautifully set off
with costly Stone, Marble, Mirrors, Vases, and Tapestry. At the Gate were
Centinels posted, which gave me to understand that this could not be the
Dwelling of a vulgar Monkey. And I was soon inform’d, that it was the
House of the Consul or chief Magistrate. He was very desirous of
conversing with me, and therefore hir’d some Masters to instruct me in
their Language. Near three Months had been spent upon my Instruction, at
the Expiration of which, as I could now speak the Tongue pretty fluently, I
hop’d to gain the Applause and Admiration of all, upon Account of the
Forwardness of my Genius, and the Strength of my Memory. But my Tutors
thought me slower and duller than ordinary, insomuch that they lost all
Patience, and threaten’d to leave me off. And as at Potu I was call’d in
Derision Scabba, or Quick-Parts, so here, by reason of my Stupidity and
Dulness, they gave me the Name of Kadicoran, which signifies a Clown, or
Dunce. For those alone are here esteem’d, who are quick and nimble, and
cover their Sense in a confus’d and rapid Volley of Words. While I was
learning the Monkey-Language, my Host took me round the City, which I
beheld dissolv’d in every Kind of Luxury. What with the Multitude of
Coaches, Chaises, Valets, and a Croud of People hurrying every Way, we
were obliged to use a Sort of Force to get on. Yet this was nothing, if
compar’d to that Luxury which reign’d in the Metropolis, where, as in its
Center, you might see all that mortal Vanity could invent. Being now taught
the Language, I was brought to this famous Capital by my Host, who hop’d
to purchase the Favour of a Senator, by making him a Present of so
uncommon a Curiosity as I was. For the Form of Government here is
aristocratical, so that the Sovereign Authority resides in the Grand Senate,
the Members of which are all noble from first to last. None of plebeian
Family can ever hope to be more than a Centurion or Prætor in the
Provinces or lesser Cities. Sometimes, indeed, one of this Class may arrive
at the Consulate, yet never without some very extraordinary Merit. Thus it
was my Host obtain’d the Consulship; for so fertile was his Genius, that in
the Space of one Month, he projected twenty-eight new Laws. And though

not half of them were calculated for the Good of the Publick, yet they were
Specimens of a fruitful Invention, and procur’d him a great Character. For
throughout the whole subterranean World, there is no Place where
Projectors are in more Esteem than in this. The capital City is call’d
Martinia; it gives Name to the whole Country, and is famous for its fine
Situation, for the Grandeur of its Buildings, its Commerce, and naval Force.
For Extent of Ground, and Number of Inhabitants, I believe it may rival
Paris. So crouded was every Street, that we were forc’d to beat our Way
through to go to that Part of the City where the Syndick of the Senate liv’d.
For he it was to whom the Consul was to present me.
When we drew near to the Syndick’s House, my Friend the Consul went
into an Inn, to put himself in Order, and to compose his Person and Habit in
a Manner fit to appear before the Syndick. Immediately there appear’d a
little Army of occasional Valets or Footmen, commonly call’d Maskatti,
whose Assistance every one makes use of before they enter the Palaces of
the Senators. These brush your Cloaths, take out the Spots, and with the
exactest Care adjust whatever is discompos’d, even to the smallest Plait.
One of these Maskatti took the Consul’s Sword, and wip’d it clean and
bright, and then return’d it him. Another dress’d his Tail with Ribbands of
various Colours: For these Monkies have nothing more at Heart than the
Ornaments of their Tails. There were some Senators, and especially some of
the Wives of the Senators, whose Tails on high Occasions could scarcely be
dress’d out to the best Advantage under two or three hundred Pounds
Sterling. A third approach’d the Consul with a geometrical Instrument, to
take the Dimensions of his Cloaths, and to see if all hung in due Proportion.
A fourth brought a Bottle of Paint, and with it improv’d his Visage. A fifth
examin’d his Feet, from which he par’d the Superfluities. A sixth brought
him perfum’d Water to wash with. In short, one brought a Towel, another a
Comb, another a Looking-Glass, and all with an Exactness not inferior to
that of a Geometrician measuring and adorning his Map. Oh! thought I to
myself, how much Time and Expence must the Dress of the Ladies here
require, when there is so much Fuss in tricking out one of our Sex? And,
indeed, the Martinian Ladies exceed all Bounds, and cover their Defects
with such a Load of Paint, as makes their Persons offensive. For when the
Sweat and Paint are pretty well united, it exhales an Odour like that of your
great Kitchens; what you smell you know not, but this you know, that it is
something very disagreeable.

My Host thus painted, powder’d, comb’d and polish’d, went to the
Syndick’s Palace, attended only with three Valets. When he came to the
Court-Yard he pull’d off his Shoes, lest he should afterwards disoblige the
Marble Floor with Dirt or Dust. He was forc’d to stay a full Hour before the
Syndick was inform’d that he was there, nor was he introduc’d without a
proper Gratification to some of the Guards and Servants. The Syndick,
seated on a gilt Settee, as soon as he espy’d me entring with my Host, burst
out into an ungovernable Laughter, and afterward ask’d me a thousand
trifling, foolish Questions. To every Reply I made him, he redoubled his
Fits of Laughter.

Ingeminat tremulos naso crispante cachinnos.

For my Part, I was of Opinion, that to play the Buffoon was reckon’d
among the Virtues here, since the Government had made this Person
Syndick, which is the second Dignity in the Senate; and I observ’d as much
to my Friend. But he assur’d me, he was a Monkey of great Abilities, as
appear’d from the Multitude of Business of various Sorts, which even in his
greener Years he went through. For such was his Readiness of Perception,
that even over a Glass he would transact Affairs of the utmost Weight; nay
even at Dinner, or at Supper, between the Courses, he would often draw up
a new Law. I enquir’d if such Laws, conceiv’d in so short a Space of Time,
were of any considerable Duration. To this he only reply’d, that like other
Laws they continued in Force, till it pleas’d the Senate to abrogate or repeal
them.
The Syndick, having convers’d with me about half an Hour, and with full
as great a Degree of Loquacity as our European Barbers, turn’d himself
about to my Friend, and told him, he would take me into the Number of his
Servants, though upon Account of my slow Intellects he much doubted
whether I could be good for any Thing. I have myself, reply’d my Friend the
Consul, observ’d a natural Torpor or Dulness in him, but give him Time for
Reflexion, and you will find he has no contemptible Judgment. That
signifies little here, return’d the Syndick, since our Multiplicity of Business
admits of no Delay. With these Words he fell to examining my Limbs and
my Body, and after having survey’d them a short Time, he commanded me
to lift up a certain Weight from the Ground, which I did without much
Trouble. Upon this he told me, that though Nature had been unkind to me

with respect to my Intellects, yet that she had in a Manner compensated that
Defect by an extraordinary Strength of Body. I was then order’d to
withdraw to another Apartment, where the Domesticks and Attendants
receiv’d me with a good deal of Pleasure, though their excessive
Impertinence and Gestures were troublesome enough. So many Questions
they ask’d me concerning our World, I knew not how to answer them, and
so gave them what came uppermost, some Truth, some Falshood, just to
allay their impatient Curiosity.
At length my Friend returning, told me his Excellence did me the Honour
to retain me in his Court. From the foregoing Conversation of the Syndick I
could guess, that the Employment design’d for me was no very important
one, probably his Valet, or his Butler; and upon enquiring what it was, my
Friend said to me, His Excellence has been graciously pleas’d to appoint
you one of his Body Chairmen, with an annual Salary of twenty-five
Stercolates. (A Martinian Stercolate is equal to about seven Shillings and
Six-pence Sterling.) He has moreover engag’d, that you shall have the
Honour of carrying only himself, or his Lady. I was thunderstruck with this
Answer, and remonstrated in the most pathetic Manner how unworthy an
Office this was for one of my ingenuous Education and Family. But some
Courtiers rushing in in Heaps, interrupted me from speaking more, and half
kill’d me with their Impertinence. For all the Martinians are light, frothy,
talking Creatures, that have a smooth, fluent Jargon of Words, without the
least Mixture of Seriousness or Gravity. At length I was conducted to an
Apartment, where Supper was ready; and having taken a moderate Repast, I
retir’d to my Repose.
I threw myself upon my Bed, but such was the Disorder of my Mind, I
could take no Sleep. The Disdain I was receiv’d with shock’d me to the
highest Degree, and nothing less than a Spartan Patience could digest so
gross an Indignity. I heartily deplor’d my Fate, which seem’d severer now
than what I had experienc’d in the Planet Nazar, and I could not help saying
to myself, “What would here become of the Kadoki, or High Chancellor of
Potu, a Person of inestimable Worth in his own Country, but who requir’d
at least an intire Month to form a new Law? What would be the Fate of
Palmka in this Place, where the Senators make Laws between the Courses
at Meals?” After a serious Consideration, I found myself translated from a
Land of Sages to a Country of Fools. At last being tir’d with thinking, Sleep

overpower’d me. I know not how long I slept, since there is here no
Difference between Night and Day. For it is never dark except at one stated
Time, when the subterranean Sun is in an Eclipse by the Interposition of the
Planet Nazar. This Eclipse is very remarkable, because the aforesaid Planet,
being not far from the Firmament, overshadows the whole Sun, and so
always makes the Eclipse total. But as this happens but seldom, it makes no
Alteration of Season, which is here invariably the same upon Account of the
constant Presence of the Sun. Hence the Inhabitants are forc’d to have
Recourse to various Inventions, as Groves, Baths, Walks, and Grotto’s, to
qualify the Heat.
I was scarce awake, when a Monkey enter’d my Chamber, who told me
he was my Comrade in Office, and with a slight Cord (being order’d so to
do) he apply’d a fictitious Tail to my Posteriors, to make me look more like
a Monkey. He then bid me get ready, because the Syndick within an Hour
was to be carry’d to the Academy, to which Place he and his Brother
Senators had receiv’d a formal Invitation. It seems there was to be a
Promotion to a Doctor’s Degree at Ten o’Clock that Morning. It must be
noted here, that though the Days are not distinguish’d from the Nights, by
reason of the perpetual Presence of the Sun, yet are they distinguish’d into
Hours, half Hours, and Quarters, and that by Means of Clocks or Hour-
Glasses, so that Day and Night together take up about twenty-two Hours.
Hence, if all the Clocks in the City were to stop at once, it would be
impossible for the Citizens to recover the true Time, till they had consulted
some of the Clocks in the next Neighbourhood. For there neither are, nor
can be, any Sun-Dials, because there is never any Shadow, the Sun
continually darting perpendicular Rays upon the Place. So that were you to
dig a Well here, it would be illuminated to the Bottom. As to the Year, that
is regulated and governed by the Course of the Planet Nazar round the Sun.
At Ten o’Clock we took up his Excellence, and carry’d him to the
Academy. Entring into the Auditory, we beheld the Doctors and Masters
seated in Order, every one of which rose up as the Syndick pass’d by, and
turning themselves about paid him their Compliments with their Tail. This
is their Manner of doing Reverence. And this accounts for their Care in
adorning their Tails. For my own Part, I confess these inverted Salutations
seem’d extremely foolish and absurd. For to turn one’s Back upon any one,
is among us a Mark of Indifference or Contempt: But every Nation has its

particular Taste. The aforesaid Doctors and Masters were seated on each
Side of the Auditory. In the lower Part of it was plac’d a Chair, in which sat
the Candidate. Before the Act of Promotion, the following Question was
discuss’d in a solemn Disputation, namely, Whether the Sound, which Flies
and other Insects make, comes through the Mouth, or the Posteriors? The
President undertook the Defence of the former Opinion, which was attack’d
by the Opponents with so much Ardour, that I was afraid it would have
terminated in a bloody Battle. And most certainly they had come to Blows,
but that the Senate rose up, and cool’d the Flame by their Authority. During
the Dispute, a certain Monkey play’d upon a Pipe: This was the Moderator,
who by the Management of his Musick, either in soft, or in smart Strains,
would quicken the Dispute when it flagg’d and languish’d, or bring it down
when it was noisy and violent. Tho’ very often all his Art had no Effect: So
very hard a Matter it is to preserve the Temper, when the Dispute is upon
such interesting Subjects. The same Thing often happens in our World,
where, when the Dispute turns upon some very dubious and almost
inexplicable Point, one may observe the Combatants are often work’d up to
the most violent Agitations of Mind or Body. However, this threatning
Quarrel which promis’d nothing but Blood and Slaughter, ended all in
Compliments and Praises. Something like this obtains in our European
Universities, where, according to general Custom, the President, when the
Dispute is clos’d, descends victorious and triumphant from the Chair.
This Preamble ended, they proceeded to the Act of Creation with these
Ceremonies. The Candidate was plac’d in the Middle of the Auditory: Three
of the University-Beadles walk’d gravely up to him, and threw a whole
Pail-full of cold Water upon his Head; they then perfum’d him with Incense,
and lastly gave him a Vomit to take off. Having perform’d this with the
utmost Solemnity, they retir’d bowing, and declar’d him aloud a true and
legitimate Doctor. Amaz’d at so many wonderful Ceremonies, I ask’d a
certain learned Monkey who stood near me, the Meaning of all this. He told
me, (pitying at the same Time my Ignorance) that by the Water, the Incense,
and the Vomit, it was understood that the Candidate was to forsake his old
Vices, and to assume a new Set of Manners, to distinguish him from the
Vulgar. Hearing this, I deplor’d my own Stupidity, and full of Admiration,
forbore to ask any farther Questions, for fear I should be thought to have
never convers’d with any Thing above Brutes.

At last all the musical Instruments struck up at once, and the new Doctor,
cloath’d in a Robe of Green, and girt with a Sash of the same Colour, was
escorted home from the Auditory with all Parnassus at his Heels. But as he
was of a plebeian Family, he had not the Honour of a Coach, but was seated
in a Vehicle not unlike a Wheelbarrow, and drawn by Hand, the University-
Beadles marching before in their respective Habits. The Whole ended in a
very handsome Entertainment, where the Guests drank so plentifully, that
many of them were carried home extremely intoxicated, and were so ill for
many Days after, that without the Help of proper Medicines they would
hardly have recover’d. So that from the Beginning to the Ending of this
whole Ceremony, nothing was wanting to the due Solemnity of it; and I
protest, I never, even in our World, saw a more truly academical Promotion,
or any Candidate commence Doctor more legitimately than this.
In the Courts of Justice, Causes are dispatch’d with a surprizing
Dexterity, and I was charm’d with that Readiness of Apprehension, that
Velocity of conceiving Things, so peculiar to this Nation. Very often, before
the Advocates have wound up their Pleadings, the Judges rise and give
Sentence with equal Expedition and Elegance. I often frequented these
Courts, to inform myself thoroughly of their Manner of Proceeding. At first
hearing, their Decrees seem’d just and equitable enough; but upon a more
careful Examination, they were in Reality absurd, unjust, and full of
Contradictions, insomuch that I would sooner commit my Cause to the
Chance of a Die, than to the Judgment of the Martinian Lawyers. I forbear
to say any Thing concerning the Laws of this People, by reason of the
capricious Changes they perpetually undergo. They are as fickle in these as
in their Fashions. Many are here punish’d for Crimes, which were not
Crimes at the Time they were committed, but commence such by Virtue of
an After-Law to make them so. For which Reason nothing is more common
than Appeals from the inferior to the superior Courts, the Plaintiff having
Hopes, that, while the Suit is depending, the old Law (which lost him his
Cause in the lower Court) may be repeal’d. This is owing to the Suddenness
with which their Laws are invented and promulged. Such Lovers of Novelty
are this People, that they perfectly nauseate the most useful Statutes, solely
upon Account of their Antiquity. The Advocates are in great Reputation for
their Shrewdness in Disputation. Nay, there are some among them, who
disdain to undertake a Cause that is not unjust, or at least very doubtful; for
in so doing they might be depriv’d of an Occasion of exerting their Parts,

and giving Specimens of their Ability to turn Black into White. The Judges
will often favour a bad Cause, in Compliment to the Council for defending
it so well. “We perceive well enough, say the Judges, the Injustice of this
Cause, but then it has been manag’d with such inimitable Art, that in Justice
to the Advocate for his Performance, we ought to strain a Point of Law.”
The Students in this Profession are taught Law at different Prices; for
Instance, Those who teach their Pupils to manage a bad Cause, or,
according to the Proverb, to make the best of a bad Market, require twenty
Stercolates for their Trouble; the Art of managing a good one shall cost but
ten. Their Forms of Law are so many, they resemble a huge Chaos, without
Bottom and without Shore. For the Martinians, having a sublime Genius
and a quick Perception, detest every Thing that’s plain and simple, and
think nothing worth their Care that is not very knotty and intricate.
The same Taste prevails in Religion, which does not consist in Practice,
but in idle Speculations. Thus there are two hundred and thirty different
Opinions about the Form or Figure of the Supream Being, and three
hundred and ninety-six about the Nature and Quality of Souls. The
Martinians never resort to their Temples or Churches with the View of
hearing any Thing useful, or of improving themselves in the Art of living
and dying well, but only to observe with what Art and Dexterity the holy
Orators acquit themselves; for the more obscure their Language is, the more
they are admir’d, their Audience having very little Relish for what they
understand. More Pains are taken about the Expression, than about the
Matter, the Preachers affecting the smooth, round Period more than the
Strength of Reason, and the Audience expecting to be amus’d with a
sounding Pomp of Words without a Meaning. For this Reason I did not dare
say any Thing concerning the Christian Religion, which consisting of
naked, simple Truths, could never recommend itself to their Goût.
Projectors are no where in so high Reputation as here. The more odd and
impracticable the Scheme, the greater is the Inventor’s Glory. When I had
accidentally been explaining to a certain Monkey the Nature of our
terraqueous Globe, and had inform’d him that the Surface of it was
inhabited, he presently conceiv’d a Project of digging through the Earth,
and opening a Passage to the Superterraneans. This Device met with
universal Applause, and a Society was thereupon instituted, and call’d THE
SUPERTERRANEAN COMPANY, to which the Inhabitants flock’d in

Shoals, and, according to the Language of those Times, bought in Stocks.
However, as this Affair introduced a great deal of Confusion into the
Kingdom, and ruin’d a Multitude of Families beyond Redemption, they
found the Folly of the Scheme, and dropt it all at once. And though the
Nation smarted so severely by it, yet the Projector not only escap’d with
Impunity, but with almost general Praise, this People entertaining the
highest Idea of his great Abilities.
Perceiving this Turn of Mind to prevail, I endeavour’d by the same
Means to procure myself a Reputation among the Martinians, and to mend
my Fortune by some new Project of my own. After a due Examination of
the State of the Publick, I discover’d several Flaws in it. I saw the whole
Country was full of the more subtle Sort of Artists, but that it labour’d
under a Want of useful Traders and Workmen. Upon this I propos’d a Law
for the Institution of certain Manufacturers, that might be of great Service to
the Nation. But every Proposal of this Kind met with nothing but Sneers
and Contempt from this vain People. I then accus’d my own Stupidity in
these Terms, What a Sot have I been? and how richly do I deserve to end
my Days in the ignoble Office of Chairman? Yet I did not altogether
despond, and being convinc’d I should never do them, nor myself, any
Good by salutary Counsels, I resolv’d to try whether I could not get over
the Difficulty by some ridiculous Invention or other. I open’d my Design to
one of the gravest Monkeys I knew, who encourag’d me to it mightily. And
when he prov’d to me, that Numbers there had made their Fortunes by mere
Trifles and boyish Gewgaws, and more especially by the Invention of some
new Fashion, I then resolv’d to swim with the Tide, and among Fools to
play the Fool myself. Upon this I call’d to Mind all the most ridiculous and
extravagant Inventions of Europe, and being at Liberty to pick and chuse, I
fix’d upon those Ornaments of the Head, which we call Perriwigs, and
determin’d with myself to introduce this Fashion. What contributed to bear
me out in this Attempt, was the great Number of Goats in this Kingdom,
whose Wool or Hair would be very proper for my Purpose. And as my good
Tutor (now at Rest) long exercis’d the Occupation of a Perriwig-Maker, I
was not altogether ignorant of the Art. In short, I procur’d some Goat’s
Hair, and made a Perriwig fitted to my own Head, and thus adorn’d, I
appear’d before the Syndick. Startled at so new and unusual an Appearance,
he ask’d me what it was, and immediately snatching it from my Head, he
put it upon his own, and run to the Glass to survey himself. But how shall I

express his Wonder and Delight? He burst into an Ecstasy of Pleasure,
crying, O ye Gods! and forthwith sent for his Lady to join with him in his
Joy. Her Wonder was equal to his, and embracing the Syndick, she vow’d
she never saw any Thing so charming, and every Soul in the Family was of
the same Opinion. The Syndick then turning towards me, My dear
Kakidoran, says he, if this Invention of yours should take with the Senate as
it does with me, you may promise yourself every Thing. I thank’d his
Excellence, and soon after put a Petition into his Hands, address’d to the
Senate, which I begg’d the Favour of him to offer. It was conceiv’d in these
Terms.

Most Excellent, most Generous, most Illustrious, most Noble, and
most Wise Senators.

“T HE natural Propensity, by which I am influenc’d to promote
the publick Good, has now mov’d me to contrive this new
and hitherto unheard-of Ornament for the Head, which here I most
humbly offer to your Excellencies, and submit it to the Examination
of this august Tribunal, not doubting but it will meet with a most
gracious Reception, especially as the Invention must conduce to the
Glory, as well as Ornament of the Nation, and make the admiring
World confess, that the Martinians excel the rest of Mortals, not
only in the Virtues and Endowments of the Mind, but in those
Ornaments of the Body which render the Person grand and
majestick. I solemnly vow to all your Excellencies, that in this I
never consulted my own Interest, and therefore I require no Reward:
It is enough for me in my slender Capacity to have promoted the
publick Welfare, and the Kingdom’s Honour. But if the most
illustrious Senate are pleas’d to decree me a suitable Reward for my
Labours, I shall receive it with a grateful Heart, that such their
Munificence may be known throughout the World, and others
animated to the like, or greater Inventions. In this View I cannot
oppose the Liberality of the Senate and People of Martinia. As to
the rest, I commend myself to the Favour of your Excellencies, and
am,
May it please your Excellencies,
Martinia, Your most obedient,

7th Day of Astral. And most humble Servant,
Kakidoran.”
The Syndick produc’d the Petition with the Perriwig in open Senate. I
heard that all Business was laid aside that Day, so much did the
Examination of the Perriwig engage the general Attention. Upon the Close
of all, they prais’d the Work, extoll’d the Artist, accepted of his Good-will,
and appointed him a Reward. In the whole Senate there were but three who
oppos’d this Motion; but they got no Credit by it, and were look’d upon as
rude, unpolish’d Creatures, totally unworthy of the senatorial Function.
This Decree being pass’d, I was commanded to appear before the Senate,
where a senior Monkey rising up, thank’d me in the Name of the whole
Commonwealth, and assur’d me they would reward me in a Manner
suitable to my great Merit. He likewise ask’d me, how much Time it would
require to make such another Ornament? I reply’d, that as to the Reward, it
was sufficient Recompence to receive the Applauses of so venerable a
Body: As to the other Point, the making a second Perriwig, provided I might
have the Assistance of as many Monkeys as I could instruct in the Art, I
could undertake in one Month to furnish almost the whole City. At these
Words, the Syndick rose and said, Heav’n forbid, Kakidoran, that such an
Ornament should be common to all the City, and grow into Disesteem by
frequent Use! No; let the Nobility be by this distinguish’d from the Vulgar.
This Opinion was seconded by all the Senate, and the publick Censors were
order’d to take due Care that this Decree should be inviolably observ’d, that
the Nobility receive no Dishonour by the promiscuous Use of Perriwigs,
and that so bright an Ornament should be reserv’d solely for their Use. But
this Edict had the same Effect that all sumptuary Laws have, and only
excited a stronger Desire in the Commons to transgress them. And as this
Invention had the Happiness to please every one, the richer Citizens, by
Friends or Money, procur’d Titles of Honour to qualify them to wear
Perriwigs, insomuch that in a short Time a very great Part of the City was
enobled. At length, when Petitions arriv’d from the several Provinces, to be
allow’d to come into this Fashion, the Senate took the Matter under
Consideration, and made a Repeal of the Law, with a Permission for the
promiscuous Use of Perriwigs; so that I had the Pleasure to see the whole
Nation perriwig’d, if I may use the Expression, before I left Martinia. And
a most delightful Sight it was! Such general Satisfaction did this

Contrivance give, that it gave Birth to a new Epoch, or Date of Time, which
was call’d in the Martinian Annals, THE YEAR OF PERRIWIGS.
To return to myself. Surrounded with Applauses, and cloath’d in a Purple
Robe, I was carried back in a Chair to the Syndick’s House, and my
Comrade Chairman now perform’d the Office of a Horse for me. From that
Hour I was admitted to the Syndick’s Table. After this lucky Prelude of my
Fortune, I pursued my Design, and by the joint Labours of those I
instructed, I in a short Time finish’d off Perriwigs enough to accommodate
the whole Senate; and about the End of the Month the following Diploma of
Nobility was brought me.

“Whereas a certain Person, by Name Kakidoran, Native of a City
call’d Europe, has by a glorious and useful Invention highly oblig’d
the whole Martinian Nation: It is our Will and Pleasure to associate
him into the Body of our Nobility; and we do accordingly decree,
That he and his Heirs henceforth be reputed as true and genuine
Nobles, and enjoy all such Privileges, Rights and Immunities, as are
claim’d by the Martinian Nobility. Moreover we have decreed to
honour him with a new Name, so that instead of Kakidoran, he shall
now be styl’d Kikidorian. And lastly, it is our Will and Pleasure to
settle an annual Stipend upon him of two hundred Patari, to enable
him to support his new Dignity.”
Given at our Court of Senate in Martinia, the 4th Day of Merian,
under our Great Seal, &c.

Thus from a poor Chairman was I transform’d to a Nobleman; and for
some Time I liv’d in the highest Repute, and with the utmost Felicity. And
as the Martinians saw I was in high Favour with the Syndick, every
Creature made his Court to me. The Flattery of the Preferment-Hunters
went so far as to strive which should write the most fulsome Panegyricks
upon me, in which they kindly gave me a great many Virtues I never had.
Some, though they knew I was a Native of an unknown World, yet reckon’d
up for me a long List of Ancestors, and drew out Genealogies in a direct
Line from Heroes of the earliest Ages. These Computations could not be
very agreeable to me, nor was it possible for me to think it an Honour to be
descended from Monkeys. Moreover, as it is usual with the Martinians to

celebrate the Tails of the Quality, as our Poets sing the Beauties of their
Mistresses, accordingly some of the Martinian Poets celebrated my Tail in
Verse, though I never had any. In short, to such a Height did their Flattery
rise, that a certain Person of no mean Extraction, and whose Name I spare
upon Account of his Family, actually offer’d me the Enjoyment of his Wife,
if in Return I would use all my Interest for him with the Syndick. This vile
Propensity to Flattery, to which all the Martinians are extremely subject,
makes it not worth one’s while to read their Histories, which are little more
than a Heap of extravagant Encomiums, though the Language of them is
every where polite and elegant. Hence this Country produces better Poets
than Historians, which is owing to the fine Imagination of the Martinians.
I enjoy’d a tolerable good Share of Health while I was in this Country,
tho’ the Heat, occasion’d by the continual Presence of the Sun, was not a
little troublesome. Once I was seiz’d with a Diarrhea, attended with a high
Fever; but it was of no great Continuance: But during my Illness, the
Physician I made use of was ten Times more troublesome than my Disorder,
by reason of his Impertinence and Loquacity, which are so peculiar to this
People. Having Occasion for a Physician in that ill State of Health, a Doctor
of Physick came a Voluntier, and offer’d me his Assistance: I could not
forbear laughing at the Sight of him, because who should this be but my
very Barber? I question’d him, how it happen’d that from a Barber he was
so soon metamorphos’d into a Doctor? He reply’d, he exercis’d both
Professions. Upon this I was a little dubious, whether I ought to trust the
Care of my Health to such a general Trader, and frankly told him, that I had
rather have a Physician who profess’d the Art of Physick alone; but he
vow’d and protested to me, that there was not one such throughout the
whole City. I was therefore oblig’d to venture myself with him. The Haste
the Doctor was in increas’d my Wonder; for having prescrib’d for me a
Potion, he abruptly took his Leave, declaring he could not possibly stay
longer, because he was oblig’d to attend upon some other Affairs, in which
he was engag’d, at that very Time. And when I ask’d him what those Affairs
could be which requir’d such violent Haste, he told me, he was under a
Necessity of being at a Market-Town in the Neighbourhood by such an
Hour, to act as a Notary-Publick, which was another of his Employments.
This Multiplicity of Business is in great Vogue here, and every body is very
ready to undertake any the most opposite and contradictory Offices. This
Confidence is occasion’d by that wonderful Liveliness of Genius, which

dispatches Business in a Trice. Yet from the various Mistakes and Blunders
they daily commit, I concluded that these Geniuses, which are so full of
Fire, are rather an Ornament to the Commonwealth, than of any real Use to
it.
After I had spent two Years in this Territory, partly as a Chairman, and
partly as a Nobleman, I fell into an Adventure which had like to have been
fatal to me. In his Excellency’s Palace, I had met with the highest Civilities;
I had also the Honour to be extremely in the good Graces of his Lady,
insomuch that I seem’d to have the first Place in her Friendship. She often
favour’d me with tete a tete Conversations; and tho’ she seem’d highly
pleas’d with my Company, yet all she said was with so much Modesty and
Delicacy, that it was impossible to put a sinister Interpretation upon her
Conduct in this Respect, nor could I with all my Penetration guess, that the
Source of all this wondrous Goodness was an impure Passion, more
especially as she was a Lady of Quality, and as eminent for her Virtue, as
for her Birth and Family. But, in Process of Time, from some equivocal
Speeches of hers, I could not but entertain a few Suspicions, which were
considerably increas’d by several evident Symptoms,

The wan Complexion, and the dying Eye,
The stedfast Gaze, th’ involuntary Sigh.

At length the Mystery was clear’d up, a young Virgin, her Confidante,
bringing me the following Billet.

Lovely Kikidorian,

“M Y Birth, and the natural Modesty of my Sex, have now
conceal’d those Sparks of Love, which lurk’d within my
Bosom, and with-held them from bursting into an open Flame. But
now, sinking under the Oppression, I can no longer resist the
Violence of my Wishes.”

Let this soft Secret all thy Pity move,
Extorted from my Soul by raging Love.

I am Yours,
Ptarnusa.

Words cannot utter the Confusion this passionate Declaration threw me
into. But as I thought it better to be expos’d to the Vengeance of
disappointed Love, than to disturb the Laws of Nature by mixing my Blood
with a Creature not of the human Species, I return’d the following Answer.

Madam,

T HE repeated Favours I have receiv’d from his Excellency the
Syndick, the Benefits he has heap’d upon an undeserving
Stranger, the moral Impossibility of complying with your Request,
together with innumerable other Reasons which I forbear to recount;
all this, Madam, determines me to hazard your Ladyship’s
Resentment, rather than consent to an Action which would render
me of all two-footed Creatures the most vile and abominable. Not
Death itself is half so terrible. The Crime too would bring an
indelible Stain upon a most illustrious Family, and she who
commands it must be the greatest Sufferer. Let me conjure you,
therefore, to pardon this Refusal, and be satisfy’d, that in every
other Respect I shall always pay the profoundest Obedience to your
Ladyship’s Commands. I am,
Madam,
Your most humble,
And most obedient Servant,
Kikidorian.

This Answer I seal’d up, and gave it to the Bearer to deliver to her
Mistress. It had the Effect I suspected. Her Love was chang’d into the
strongest Aversion. However, she deferr’d her Revenge till she had
recover’d that Letter she sent to me. She then suborn’d false Witnesses,
who swore that I attempted to violate the Syndick’s Bed. This Story was
cook’d up with so much Art, and such an Air of Probability, that the
Syndick, not making the least Doubt about it, threw me into Prison. In this
Extremity, there was but one Thing to be done, and that was, to make
Confession of the Crime, and implore his Excellency’s Mercy. By these
Means, I hop’d to divert or soften his Anger, and procure a Mitigation of
my Punishment. For it was ridiculous to think of contesting the Matter with
a powerful Family, especially in a Country, where not the Merits of the

Cause, but the sole Quality of the Person is regarded. Therefore omitting all
Sort of Defence, I had Recourse to the most abject Supplications and Tears,
imploring not a total Remission of my Punishment, but only to have it
moderated.
Thus by the Confession of a Crime I never dreamt of, I chang’d the
Punishment of Death for a perpetual Captivity. My Diploma of Nobility
was taken from me, and torn in Pieces by the Hands of the common
Hangman, and I myself was condemn’d to be a Galley-Slave all my Days.
The Galley, or Vessel, I was sent to work in, belong’d to the Government,
and lay in Readiness for its Voyage to the Mezendores, or Land of Wonders.
This Voyage is undertaken at a stated Time of the Year, namely, in the
Month Radir. They sail to these Parts in Quest of such Commodities as are
not to be had in their own Country, so that the Mezendores are a Kind of
Indies to the Martinians. A Body of Merchants, as well Nobles as Citizens,
are erected into a Society called the Mezendorian Company, among whom
the Merchandise of the returning Vessel is divided, according to their
several Subscriptions and Shares. The Vessel moves both by Sails and Oars,
and to every Oar two Slaves or Captives are assign’d: And to this Drudgery
was I condemn’d during this Voyage. With what Reluctance I enter’d upon
it, it is easy to guess, especially as I had done nothing to deserve being thus
expos’d to servile Labour, and to the Lash, among Wretches and Slaves.
Various were the Sentiments of the Martinians concerning my Misfortune.
Some were of Opinion I was culpable, and therefore deserv’d the
Punishment; but then the Sight of me in that miserable Condition drew
Compassion from them. Others thought some Regard ought to have been
had to my former Services, and that therefore my Punishment need not have
been so severe. But some of the honester Monkeys mutter’d among
themselves that I was accus’d falsely, though no one dar’d openly undertake
my Defence, through Fear of my powerful Accusers. I determin’d, however,
to bear my Calamity with Patience. My greatest Comfort was the
approaching Voyage; for as I had always a strong Passion for Novelty, I was
in Hopes of meeting with something new and wonderful, though I could not
give Credit to all the Sailors told me, nor bring myself to think that there
were such Prodigies in Nature, as I afterwards met with. There were several
Interpreters in our Vessel, whose Assistance the Mezendorian Company
made use of in these Expeditions; for all Contracts, as to Buying and
Selling, were made by them.

C H A P. XI.
The Author’s Voyage to the Land of WONDERS.

B EFORE I proceed to the Description of this Voyage, I must caution the
rigid and censorious Critick not to be too much out of Humour at the
Relation of some Things which perhaps may appear not to deserve any
Credit, as being contrary to the usual Course of Nature. I shall here recount
Things very incredible, but very true, and of which I myself was an Eye-
Witness. The Vulgar and Illiterate, who never have set a Foot beyond the
Limits of their own native Country, are apt to look upon all such Things as
fabulous to which they have not been accustom’d from their Infancy. But
the Learned, and especially such of them as are conversant in physical
Enquiries, who know how fertile Nature is in her Productions, will look
with a more favourable Eye upon the wonderful Parts of this Narration.

Quis tumidum guttur miratur in Alpibus? aut quis
In Meröe crasso majorem infante mamillam, &c.

It is now well known, that there were a People formerly in Scythia, called
Arimaspians, who had only a single Eye apiece in the Middle of their
Foreheads; and others in the same Parts of the World, whose Feet were set
on the contrary Way to ours. We read of People in Albania, who were grey-
headed from their Childhood. The Sauromatians us’d to make a Meal but
once in three Days, and to fast the intermediate ones. Mention is made of
certain Families in Africa, who had the Art of fascinating or bewitching
People with the Sound of their Voices. The Inhabitants of Illyrium were
remarkable for having two Pupils in each Eye, and us’d, when they were
provok’d, to stare their Enemies to Death. In the Mountains of India, there
are some Men with Dogs Heads, and who have been heard to bark like
those Animals; others, with Eyes in their Shoulders. And in the farthest
Parts of the same Country, there have been found Animals resembling Men,
with hairy Bodies, and Wings like Birds, who never eat, but live upon the
Scent of Flowers, which they draw through their Nostrils. Now I may ask,

Who would have given Credit to these, and the like Things, if Pliny, a very
grave Historian, had not solemnly affirm’d, not that he had heard or read of
such Things, but that he himself had seen them? In like Manner, who would
ever have thought that the Earth was hollow, and that another Sun, and
other Planets, were contain’d within its Bowels, had not my own
Experience clear’d up that Mystery? Or how could an Account of a World,
inhabited by Trees endued with Reason, and a Power of local Motion, have
ever gain’d Belief, had not my Discoveries prov’d the Existence of it
beyond a Possibility of Doubt. I am not inclin’d, however, to quarrel with
any Man for his Incredulity, since I must confess, that before I undertook
this Voyage, I was a little in doubt myself, whether the Relations of
Travellers in general were any Thing better than pompous Fables, and
insignificant Amusements.
It was in the Beginning of the Month Radir that we set Sail. We had a fair
Wind for some Days, and our Vessel sailing right before it, we had no
Occasion to handle our Oars, and were therefore at Liberty to divert
ourselves. But on the fourth Day the Wind sunk, and we were forc’d to take
to our Oars. The Captain perceiving I was unaccustom’d to such hard
Labour, and unfit to bear it, would often give me Leave to rest a while, and
at length he entirely freed me from this servile Office. Whether he thought
me innocent, and therefore shew’d me so much Kindness, or whether he
judg’d me worthy of better Treatment on Account of the curious Invention
of Perriwigs, which I had the Honour of, as I have before related, I cannot
take upon me to determine. I must however observe, that he carry’d three
Wigs along with him this Voyage, the Combing and Buckling of which was
committed to my Charge. So that I was on a sudden advanc’d from being a
Galley-Slave, to the Dignity of the Captain’s Wig-Dresser. This Civility of
the Captain’s to me was the Reason that as often as we arriv’d at any Port, I
was always one of the Number who were appointed to go on Shore. This
was extremely agreeable to me, as it gave me an Opportunity of fully
satisfying my Curiosity.
We kept on our Course for some Time without meeting with any Thing
remarkable; but after we had lost Sight of Land we fell among the Syrens,
who as often as the Wind abated, and the Sea grew calm, would swim to the
Ship, and beg our Charity. The Language they spoke resembled the
Martinese, so that some of our Ship’s Crew were able to talk with them

without the Help of an Interpreter. One of the Number, after I had given her
a Piece of Meat, fixing her Eyes stedfastly upon me, cry’d out,

Hero! proceed, and rule a conquer’d World!

I only smil’d at the Prophecy, as thinking it an empty Piece of Flattery,
though our Sailors assur’d me very seriously, that these Syrens were seldom
or never out in their Predictions. We had been under Sail about eight Days
when we discovered Land, which the Mariners call’d Picardania. As we
were entring the Harbour, we saw a Jack-Daw hovering about us, who upon
Enquiry I found to be a Person of great Dignity, and at that Time Inspector-
General of the Customs. I could scarce refrain from laughing, when I heard
that an Office of so great Trust was committed to a Jack-Daw, and from the
Appearance of their Chief, I conjectur’d, that Wasps and Hornets must be
the Tide-Waiters and Custom-House Officers. After this Bird had flown two
or three Times round the Ship, he made for the Shore again, and presently
after return’d with three other Daws, and alighted upon the Fore-castle. I
was ready to burst with laughing, when I saw one of our Interpreters
approach these Birds with a profound Respect, and immediately enter into a
long Conversation with them. The Reason of their coming, was to inspect
what Merchandise we had on board, it being their Business to enquire,
whether we had any contraband Goods, and particularly any of the Herb
commonly call’d Slac. It is very common for these Creatures to search
every Corner of the Ship, and to unpack every Bale of Goods, to see if they
can discover any of this Herb, the Importation of which is prohibited by the
Magistrate, under a very severe Penalty. The Inhabitants barter several Sorts
of Commodities, which are very useful and necessary towards the Support
of Life, in Exchange for this Herb; from whence it happens, that the Plants
which grow in Picardania, though every whit as good as this, are held in no
Esteem. The Picardanians in this resemble the Europeans, who are often
fond of Things for no other Reason, but because they are fetch’d from
remote Countries, and grow in foreign Soils. The Inspector, after he had had
a long Conference with our Interpreters, went down into the Hold with the
rest of his Companions, and returning soon after, with an angry
Countenance declar’d, that he forbad us trading with the Picardanians,
because we had acted contrary to the Faith of Treaties, in importing
prohibited Goods. But the Captain, who knew by Experience how to

mitigate the Officer’s Anger, presented him immediately with a few Pounds
of Slac, upon which his Anger subsided, and he gave us Leave to unload
our Cargo. As soon as this was over, a vast Flock of Daws came fluttering
about us. These were all Merchants, who came to traffick. The Captain
intending to go ashore, order’d me, and some others, to accompany him.
Accordingly four in Number of us left the Ship, namely, the Captain,
myself, and two other Monkeys, to wit, our Supercargo and Interpreter. We
were invited to Dinner by the Inspector-General. The Inhabitants have no
Tables, as not making any Use of Chairs, for which Reason the Cloth was
laid in the Middle of the Floor. A most delicate and magnificent Repast was
presently serv’d up, but in very small Dishes: And as the Kitchen was at the
Top of the House, each Dish was brought in supported by two Pair of Jack-
Daws, as if it descended from the Clouds. After Dinner the Officer took us
along with him, to shew us his Library. There was a vast Collection of
Books, but of a mighty small Size, the largest Folios being scarce so big as
one of our Primmers. I had much ado to withhold laughing when I saw the
Librarian fly up to the Top-Shelves to fetch down some of the Octavos and
Duodecimos. The Houses of the Picardanians are very little different from
ours, as to the Building, and the Disposition of the Apartments; but the Bed-
Chambers are suspended just beneath the Roof, after the Manner of Birds-
Nests. It may be ask’d, perhaps, how it is possible for Daws, (who are
reckon’d amongst the Birds Minorum gentium) to build Houses of such a
Magnitude? But it was evident, from a House which was then building from
the Ground, that the Thing was very possible; for several thousand
Labourers were employ’d about it at the same Time; so that what was
wanting in Strength was supply’d by Numbers, and by the Agility with
which they flew about their Work. For this Reason they will finish a House
almost as quickly as our Bricklayers can. The Inspector’s Lady did not
appear at Table, by reason of her Lying-in; for at such Times the Mother
never stirs out as long as her little ones are callow, but as soon as ever they
begin to be fledg’d, her Husband gives her Leave to go abroad. We did not
stay long in this Country, for which Reason I can say nothing as to the
Government thereof, or the Manners and Customs of the Inhabitants. Every
Thing was in great Confusion at that Time, on Account of a War which was
just then broke out between the Daws and their Neighbours the Thrushes,
especially as News was brought the Day after our Arrival, that a great Battle
had been fought in the Air, in which the Daws were entirely routed. The

General was afterwards try’d by a Court-Martial, and sentenc’d to have his
Wings clipt, which is look’d upon as a very heavy Punishment in this
Country, and very little different from what is inflicted for capital Offences.
After we had dispos’d of the Cargo, we set Sail from thence. At a little
Distance from the Shore, we saw great Quantities of Feathers floating about
upon the Water, and from thence conjectur’d, that it was the Spot where the
late Battle had been fought.
After a prosperous Voyage, which lasted only three Days, we arriv’d
upon the Coast of Crotchet-Island. We immediately came to an Anchor, and
went on Shore, preceded by an Interpreter, who carry’d that Sort of musical
Instrument along with him, which is generally call’d a Base. This
Ceremony appear’d very ridiculous to me, as I could not comprehend for
what Reason he should load himself with such an useless Burden. As the
Coasts seem’d to be deserted, and there was no Appearance of any living
Creature, the Captain order’d our Interpreter to play a March, to give Notice
of our Coming. Upon this about thirty musical Instruments, or Bases, with
one Leg, came hopping towards us. I thought at first, that what I saw was
all Inchantment, as I never, in all my Travels, met with any Thing so
wonderful. The Make of these Bases, whom I afterwards found to be the
Inhabitants of the Country, was as follows: Their Necks were pretty long,
with little Heads upon them; their Bodies were slender, and cover’d with a
smooth Kind of Bark or Rind, in such a Manner, as that a pretty large
Vacuity was left between the Rind and the Body itself. A little above the
Navel, Nature had plac’d a Sort of Bridge with four Strings. The whole
Machine rested upon one Foot, so that their Motion was like that of
Hopping, which they perform’d with wonderful Agility. In short one would
have took them for real Bases, from their Similitude to that Instrument, had
it not been for their Hands and Arms, which were in every Respect like our
own. One of these Hands was employ’d in holding the Bow, as the other
was in stopping the Strings. Our Interpreter begun the Conference, by
taking up the Instrument he had brought with him, and playing a slow
Strain.

Sustinet a lævâ, tenuit manus altera plectrum,
Artificis status ipse fuit: Tum stamina docto
Pollice sollicitat.

An Answer was presently return’d him in the same Strain, and thus they
went on warbling their Thoughts to one another for a considerable Time.
Their Conversation began with an Adagio, which I cannot but say had a
good deal of Harmony in it, but it soon slid into Discords which were very
grating to the Ear. The Conference ended with an harmonious and delightful
Præsto. Upon hearing this last our Men were exceedingly pleas’d, since it
was a Token, as they told me, that the Price of their Cargo was agreed upon.
I was afterward inform’d, that the slow Musick in the Beginning was only a
Prelude to the Discourse, and was employ’d in mutual Compliments on
both Sides: But that when we heard the Discords they were disputing about
the Price of our Commodities, and that the Præsto in the Conclusion
signify’d that the Business was happily determin’d. Accordingly a little
while after we unloaded the Ship. The Commodity for which there is the
greatest Demand in this Country is Rosin, with which the Inhabitants rub
their Bows, which are their Instruments of Speech. Such as are convicted of
any great Crime in this Country, are generally sentenc’d by the Judge to be
depriv’d of their Bows; and a perpetual Privation of the Bow is equal to
capital Punishment amongst us. As I understood there was to be a final
Hearing of a Law-Suit in a neighbouring Court of Justice, while I staid
there, my Curiosity prompted me to hear some of their musical Law-
Proceedings. The Council, instead of making a Speech, mov’d their Bows,
and play’d each of them a Kind of Tune. So long as the Pleadings lasted, I
could distinguish nothing but dissonant and jarring Sounds; for all the
Eloquence of the Bar consists in the Loudness of their Notes, and the quick
Motion of their Hands. After the Hearing was over, the Judge rising slowly
from the Bench, and taking up his Bow, gave the Court an Adagio, which is
the same Thing as pronouncing Sentence. For as soon as he had made an
End, the Executioners advanc’d directly to the Criminal, to take away his
Bow. The Boys in this Country resemble that Kind of Instrument, which in
our Parts of the World we call a Kitt. They are never suffer’d to handle a
Bow till they are three Years old. Upon their Entrance into their fourth Year
they are sent to School to learn their Gamut, from Masters appointed for
that Purpose, as Children in Europe are, to learn their Alphabet. They are
kept under the Discipline of the Ferula till they are able to play thoroughly
in Tune, and to give their Instruments a clear and distinct Expression. We
were very much molested by these Boys during our Stay there, as they were
perpetually teazing us with their scraping. Our Interpreter, who had a very

good Hand himself, and perfectly understood the Language, told us, that the
only Meaning of this Musick was to beg a little Rosin of us. They begg’d in
a whining Tone of the Adagio Kind, but as soon as ever they had got what
they wanted, they run into the Allegro, or Jig-Time, which was their Method
of returning Thanks. However, a Repulse would at any Time spoil all their
Musick.
Having dispatch’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, we left this Place about
the Month Cusan, and after a Voyage of a few Days came in Sight of
another Coast. Our Crew guess’d it to be Pyglossia, from the fœtid Smell
which came from thence. The Inhabitants of this Country are not unlike
human Creatures, except in one Particular, which is the Want of Mouths.
This lays them under a Necessity of speaking a posteriori, if I may be
allow’d the Phrase. The first Person who came aboard our Ship was a
wealthy Merchant. He very civilly saluted us from behind, according to the
Custom of the Country, and then began to talk with us about the Price of
our Goods. The Barber belonging to our Ship, to my great Misfortune, was
at that Time sick; for which Reason I was oblig’d to make use of a
Pyglossian Barber. The People of this Profession are more talkative, if
possible, in this Country, than they are in Europe; so that whilst he was
shaving me, he left such a horrid Stench behind him in the Cabin, that we
were oblig’d to burn great Quantities of Incense to sweeten it again after his
Departure. I was so accustom’d to see strange Things, and such as were
contrary to the usual Course of Nature, that nothing now appear’d
surprizing to me. As the Conversation of the Pyglossians was disagreeable
and offensive, by reason of this natural Imperfection, we were willing to get
away from thence as soon as possible, and therefore weigh’d Anchor before
the Time we had appointed. We hasten’d our Departure the more on
Account of our being invited to Supper by one of the principal Inhabitants.
We all shrugg’d up our Shoulders at this Invitation, and nobody would
accept of it, but upon Condition that a general Silence should be observ’d
all Supper-Time. As we were going out of the Harbour, the Pyglossians
crouded to the Shore to wish us a good Voyage; but as the Wind blew
directly from the Land, we made all the Signs we could, by nodding our
Heads, and waving our Hands, to let them know we would excuse their
Compliments. I could not help reflecting, upon this Occasion, how very
troublesome a Man may prove by striving to be over-complaisant. The chief
Trade of the Martinians to this Country, consists in Rose-Water, and divers

Kinds of Spices and Perfumes. We steer’d our Course from hence to
Iceland, a Country the most horrid, desert, and inhospitable, that ever my
Eyes beheld. Hardly any Thing is to be seen, but Mountains continually
cover’d over with Snow. The Inhabitants, who are all made of Ice, are
dispers’d here and there amongst the Tops of the Hills, in Places where the
Sun never comes. For all between the Summits of the Mountains, to speak
poetically, is bound up in eternal Frost. On this Account likewise it is
perpetually dark here, or if there is any Light, it is only what proceeds from
the Glittering of the Hoar-Frost. But the Valleys which lie between these
Hills of Snow are (full as miraculously) scorch’d with Heat, and burnt up
by the fiery Vapours with which the Atmosphere abounds. For this Reason
the Inhabitants never dare venture down into the Valleys, unless it be in
hazy Weather, or when the Sky is overcast. And as soon as ever they
perceive the least Glimmering of the Sun’s Rays, they either get back into
the Mountains, or plunge directly into some Cavern. It often happens, that
whilst the Inhabitants are upon the Road into these Valleys, they are either
melted, or come to some other Misfortune. The extraordinary Heat in these
Places furnishes them with a ready Means of punishing notorious
Criminals. The Executioners take the Opportunity of the first cloudy Day to
carry such Criminals down into the Plain, where they tie them to a Stake,
and there leave them expos’d to the burning Rays of the Sun, which soon
dissolves and melts them. The Country produces all Kinds of Minerals,
except Gold. These are bought up by foreign Merchants, in the crude State
in which they are digg’d out of the Earth. For the Natives being unable to
bear the Fire, know nothing of the Art of smelting or working up of Metals.
’Tis thought that the Iceland Trade is the most beneficial of any that is
carry’d on in these Parts.
All these Countries, which I have been hitherto describing, are subject to
the great Emperor of Mezendoria, properly so call’d; for which Reason
these, as well as others which have not been mention’d, are by Travellers
call’d by the general Name of the Mezendores, or Mezendorian Islands, tho’
they are distinguish’d from one another by peculiar Names, as has been
shewn in this Itinerary. That Empire, which is no less spacious than it is
extraordinary, was the End, and as it were the Center of our Voyage. Eight
Days after we left Iceland, we arriv’d at the Imperial City. Whatever the
Poets have said about Societies of Animals, or Trees, we here found to be
real. For Mezendoria is a Country which is actually possess’d in common

by Animals and Trees, who are alike endued with Reason. Any Kind of
Animal or Tree whatsoever is allow’d to enjoy the Privileges of this City,
provided he is obedient to the Laws, and to the establish’d Government.
One would be apt to think, that a Mixture of so many Creatures of different
Forms and opposite Natures should necessarily create Disorder and
Confusion. But by Virtue of prudent Laws and Constitutions, this
Contrariety is made to produce happy Effects. For by Means thereof, a
different Office or Employment, and such as is suited to his different
Genius, Temper, and Abilities, is prudently assign’d to each of these
miscellaneous Subjects. Lions, because of their innate Magnanimity, are
here made Generals of Armies; Elephants, by reason of their natural
Sagacity, and the Soundness of their Judgments, are appointed Members of
the Supreme Council of the Nation. All Offices at Court are fill’d up by
Cameleons, which Animals being by Nature subject to Change, can the
more readily accommodate themselves to Times and Circumstances. The
Land-Forces are made up of Bears and Tygers, and such warlike Animals.
Bulls and Oxen are admitted into the SeaService; for these being simple and
well-meaning Creatures, and at the same Time hardy and obstinate, and not
overburden’d with good Breeding, are therefore esteem’d the properest
Inhabitants for that boisterous Element. They have likewise a Seminary of
Calves, which are instructed in the Art of Navigation, and train’d up for the
Service of the Fleet; these are call’d Sea-Calves, and are promoted by
Degrees to the Dignity of Captains and Admirals. Trees, by reason of their
Uprightness, are created Judges. Geese are Advocates in the Supreme
Courts of Justice, and Magpyes have the Management of Causes in the
inferior Courts. Foxes are made Plenipotentiaries, Envoys, Consuls, Agents
and Secretaries to Embassies. Rooks are generally appointed Administrators
to the Goods and Chattels of such as die intestate. Goats are Philosophers,
especially Grammarians, as well out of Regard to their Horns, with which
they are us’d to push their Adversaries upon the slightest Provocation, as on
Account of their venerable Beards, in which Respect, they surpass all other
Animals. Horses are Civil Magistrates; and Vipers, Moles, and Dormice,
Farmers and Husbandmen. Birds are employ’d as Couriers and Post-Boys.
Asses, on Account of the Loudness of their Voices, are made Deacons; and
Nightingales execute the Office of Singing-Men and Choiristers. Cocks are
the Watchmen in great Towns, and Dogs are Porters at the Gates. Wolves

are the superior Officers in the Treasury and Custom-House, and Hawks
and Vultures are their Deputies.
By Means of these excellent Institutions all publick Offices are duly and
faithfully executed, and every Thing transacted in the most orderly Manner.
This Empire, therefore, ought to be a Pattern for all Legislators to copy after
in the Establishment of new Forms of Government. For that so many
worthless Wretches get into Employments is not owing to any Want of
Persons of Abilities to fill them up, but solely to an improper Choice. But if
this Matter was taken Care of as it ought to be, and wise and able Men
promoted not on Account of their general Merits, but of their Fitness to that
particular Post, we should see publick Offices far better manag’d than they
now are, and Governments in a more flourishing Condition. What a salutary
Institution this is which we have been speaking of, is evident from the
Example of this Empire. We find in the Annals of Mezendoria, that about
three hundred Years ago this Law was repeal’d by the Emperor Lilak, and
that publick Employments were conferr’d upon all Sorts of People
indifferently, provided they had Merit of any Kind, or had signaliz’d
themselves by any extraordinary Action. But this promiscuous Distribution
of Places of Trust occasion’d so many and such great Disorders, that the
Government seem’d upon the Point of being overturn’d thereby. Thus, for
Example, a Wolf having acquitted himself with Reputation in the
Management of the publick Revenues, lays Claim, on that Account, to a
superior Dignity, and becomes a Senator; on the other Hand a Tree, having
signaliz’d himself by the Integrity of his Decisions, was rewarded by an
Employment in the Treasury. By this preposterous Promotion, two able
Men at once were rendered absolutely useless to the Publick. A Goat, or a
Philosopher, who was extoll’d to the Skies by the Scholasticks, for his
Keenness and Obstinacy in defending an Argument, desiring to advance
himself, requested the first Place that should happen to be vacant at Court,
and obtain’d it; whilst a Cameleon, noted for his Good-Breeding and his
Compliance with the Times, obtain’d by these Qualities a Professor’s Chair
in the University, which he sollicited for the Sake of the Salary. The Effect
of this was, that the former from an able Philosopher became an absurd
Courtier; and the latter from an excellent Courtier, was transform’d into a
most empty Philosopher. For that Perseverance in maintaining his Opinions,
which does a Man Credit as a Philosopher, is an Imperfection in the other
Character, since Fickleness and Inconstancy are cardinal Virtues at Court,

and he that would rise there must regard not so much what is true, as what
is safe, and must assume a different Aspect just as the Face of Affairs
happens to change. What is there a Vice, is a Virtue in the Schools; where
Positiveness, and a determin’d Resolution to adhere, at all Events, to the
Point you have undertaken to defend, is a Token of a very great Man. In
short, the Subjects in general, even such as were remarkable for very
extraordinary Abilities, were by this Alteration in the Constitution render’d
useless to their Country, and the Republick of course began to totter. In this
State of Affairs, when every Thing was running to Ruin, an Elephant of
great Prudence, named Baccari, at that Time a Senator, laid this Grievance
before the Emperor in very pathetick Terms. That Prince, being convinc’d
of the Truth of what was told him, determin’d to put an immediate Stop to
the growing Evil. The Manner in which a Reformation was brought about
was this. Such as were in Employment were not immediately turn’d out, for
by that Means the Remedy would have been worse than the Disease; but as
fast as Offices became vacant, such as already were in Employments, for
which they were unfit, were remov’d to others better adapted to their
Capacities. The good Effects of this Change soon became visible; and
Baccari, for the great Service he had done his Country, had a Statue erected
for him, which is to be seen in the great Square in Mezendoria at this Day.
Ever since that Time the ancient Laws have been religiously observ’d. Our
Interpreter affirm’d, that he had this Relation from a certain Goose, with
whom he was very intimate, and who was reckon’d one of the most eminent
Lawyers in the whole City.
Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering
themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of Strangers and
Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals, to wit, Bears,
Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, &c. walking up and down the different Streets
and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly with each other, cannot
fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in those who are unaccustom’d to
such Kind of Sights. The first Person who came on board us was a meagre
Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he was attended by four Kites, or Under-
Officers, such as in Europe are call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they
had a Mind to of our Cargo, and by that Means made it appear that they had
learnt their Lesson perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their
Trade. The Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along
with him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock,

who having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and
from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer of the
Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited to sup with
him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated Beauty among the
Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The Reason of her Absence,
we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy, who did not think it
proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the View of Strangers, and
especially of Sailors, who by reason of their long Abstinence, being
generally very loving when they come on Shore, use little or no Distinction
in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d Females sat down to Supper with
us. One of our Company, a white Cow with black Spots, was the Wife of a
Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s
Huntsmen, and was just come up out of the Country. The Person that sat
next to me at Table was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all
Offices of this Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction.
She was very sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands,
which is a common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was
extremely officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands.
Every body was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these
Creatures are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d
she had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands
was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though the
Inhabitants of Mezendoria resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes, yet they
have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet, in which Respect
alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no Occasion for Cloaths,
as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or Feathers. The Rich are
distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain Ornaments, as Collars of Gold,
or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a spiral Manner round about their Horns.
The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that
one could scarce see any Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s
Absence, by saying he was detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of
which was to come on the Day following. After Supper was over, the
particolour’d Sow, whom I have been speaking of, took our Interpreter
aside, and had a long Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that
she had conceiv’d a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and
promising her a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his
Attack on me. But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he

advis’d me to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady
would leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time
forward I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer
of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of me,
had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on board
against the repeated Attacks of this Inamorata, who sometimes by
Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses, endeavour’d
to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost these Letters,
when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have presented the
Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are now slipt out of
Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of them are the following
Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.

’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise;
But let me not for this be hateful to thee.
What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane?
What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes?
What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours?
What is a mortal Man without his Beard?
And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?

We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a
Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however, was
retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our Sailors, and
some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of the Quarrel was
this. As one of our Men was passing through the City, a Cuckoo, who had a
Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision Peripom, which signifies
the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For as Monkeys in this Country are
commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians, the Cuckoo took our Martinian
for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel,
and repeating his Blow, almost maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for
Help, desir’d the By-Standers to bear Witness of the Assault, and
summon’d them the next Day to give Evidence in a Court of Justice. The
Witnesses having been examin’d, the Matter was laid before the Senate.
The Sailor being ignorant both of the Laws and Language of the
Mezendorians, was forc’d to see a Pye, or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him.
The Cause was thus brought before the Senate, and after a Hearing, which

lasted about an Hour, Sentence was given to the following Purpose: That
the Cuckoo, as being the Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that
Case provided, and pay the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees
had swallow’d up all his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this
Affair were Horses, two of which were Consuls, and the other four
Senators. An equal Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right
of giving their Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court
as Pupils and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.
Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading
which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon
after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our Course.
Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of Fishes as they
leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By and by we had a
Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.
Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length
came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most
hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the Sailors,
who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick portended
Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our Sails, and
every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End of our
Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The Waves
began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who had us’d the
Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had never known so
terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon Deck was immediately
wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves, which were every
Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent Rain’s which fell at the
same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning and loud Claps of Thunder. So
that all the Elements seem’d to conspire together for our Destruction. Our
Main-Mast was presently broke short off and carry’d away, and the rest
soon follow’d it. We had nothing now but Death before our Eyes. One was
calling out upon his Wife and Children, another upon his Friends and
Relations, and the whole Vessel resounded with their mournful Cries. The
Pilot, though without Hope himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the
rest with Hopes, and to advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows.
Whilst he was in the Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind
hurry’d him overboard, and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves.

Three others underwent the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors.
I was the only one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life
was grown a Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to Martinia,
where I had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had
left was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during
our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to raise
his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and womanish
Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him away with it
into the Ocean.
The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship. Not
a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left; and our
Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in this
Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger. The Sky
appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm continued with its
usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the Sight of which, though it
appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and Precipices, was some Comfort
to those of the Crew who were still left alive. As the Wind blew towards the
Shore, we were in Hopes that we should soon be driven thither. But this
could not happen without our suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the
Cragginess of the Coast. It seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not
all, by the Help of some Fragments of the Ship, might for the present at
least escape. But whilst we were comforting ourselves with these Hopes, we
struck upon a Rock, which being under Water had escap’d our Notice, with
such Violence, that the Vessel was in an Instant dash’d into an hundred
Pieces. In the Midst of this Confusion I laid hold of a Plank, being only
anxious for my own Safety, and little minding what became of my
Companions, whose Fate I am yet a Stranger to. It is most likely that they
were all lost, since I could not hear of the Arrival of any of them into that
Country. I was carry’d with great Rapidity to the Shore, by the Help of the
Tide and of the Waves. This was a Means of saving me, for had I continued
a little longer in the State I was in, I should certainly have perish’d through
Hunger and Fatigue. After I had doubled the Point of a certain Promontory,
the Waves abated, and I heard the Murmuring of them at a Distance only,
and that too by Degrees grew weaker and weaker, till it intirely vanish’d.
This whole Region is mountainous. And hence the frequent Windings of
the Mountains, their overhanging Tops, together with the Deepness of the

Vales below, are the Occasion of very great Echoes here. As soon as I found
myself near the Shore, I hollow’d out as loud as I was able, in hopes that
some of the Inhabitants upon the Coasts might hear me, and come to my
Assistance. My first Shout was not return’d, but after I had repeated it, I
heard a Kind of Noise from the Shore, and at length saw the Inhabitants
running out of the Woods, and coming to meet me with a Boat, which was
made of Osier Branches and Oaken Twigs, a Proof that they were not a very
improv’d or civiliz’d People. But the Sight of the Rowers gave me a
Transport beyond Description; for as to their exterior Figure, they did not
differ at all from Men, and were the only Creatures of my own Species that
I had beheld during this whole Subterranean Tour. They are something like
the Inhabitants of the Torrid Zone. For they have black Beards, and short,
curl’d Hair; and those who have long, flaxen Hair, are reputed a Kind of
Monsters. At length they drew near to the broken Piece of the Ship I was
upon, and took me into their Boat in a dropping Condition. They then row’d
to Shore, where after I had been refresh’d with some Meat and Drink,
though in a very plain and coarse Manner, I soon recover’d my Vigour and
Spirits, notwithstanding I had been three whole Days and Nights in a
Manner combating with Thirst and Hunger.

C H A P. XII.
The Author’s Arrival at Quama.

A ND now a Croud of People surrounded me. They talk’d to me in their
Language, of which, as I was wholly ignorant, I was at a Loss what to
answer. They often repeated the Word Dank, Dank, which sounding like
High Dutch, I answer’d first in that Language, then in the Danish Tongue,
and lastly in Latin. But to all this they only shook their Heads, to intimate
that these Languages were utterly unknown to them. Then I try’d them in
the Subterranean Languages, namely, the Nazaric, and the Martinian; but
all to no Purpose. This made me conclude, that they were an unsociable
Nation, who had no Kind of Commerce with the rest of the World, and that
therefore I should be under a Necessity in this Country of turning Boy, and
going to School once more to learn my Letters.
After we had convers’d some Time together, but in such a Manner that
we did not understand one another, they brought me to a Cottage made of
Osiers. There were no Seats, Benches, or Tables in it; for they eat upon the
Ground, and for Want of Beds, they use only Straw, and sleep
promiscuously on the Floor, which is the more to be admir’d, as they have
Plenty of Timber among them. Their Food is Milk, Cheese, Barley-Bread,
and Flesh; which last they broil upon the Coals, having no Notion of any
other Sort of Cookery. In short, they liv’d in as plain a Manner as the first
Race of Mankind. So that I was forc’d to live like a Cynic Philosopher, till I
had made such a Progress in their Language as enabled me to converse with
the Inhabitants, and assist their Ignorance. And, indeed, all my Orders and
Directions were observ’d as so many Oracles. Nay to such a Height my
Reputation rose, that they flock’d to me in Crouds from all the adjacent
Towns and Villages, as to an illustrious Doctor, or a Teacher sent from
Heaven. I heard also, that a new Computation of Time was made use of
among them, which commenc’d from my Arrival. All this, I own, was so
much the more grateful to me, as in the Planet Nazar, and at Martinia, I had
been a publick Jest; in the former Place for my Vivacity and quick

Conception, and in the latter for my Dulness. And here I experienc’d the
Truth of that vulgar Saying, “Among the Blind, he that squints is a King.”
For I was now in a Country, where with a slender Share of Knowledge, and
with ordinary Abilities, I could arrive at the highest Honours. And Room
enough there was here, to try my own Strength, and exercise my Talents;
for the Country abounded to Profusion with every Thing necessary for the
Use of Man. Many Things it produc’d spontaneously, and whatever Grain
was sow’d, repaid the Husbandman with ample Interest. The Inhabitants
were of a docil Disposition, and by no Means destitute of Wit and
Understanding; but then, as they had never been taught any Thing, they
remain’d in the Depth of Ignorance. When I related to them the
Circumstances of my Family, my Country, my Shipwreck, and the other
Accidents that befel me in my Travels, nobody could be brought to believe
it. For they were positive, that I was an Inhabitant of the Sun, and that I
descended from that glorious Luminary. Agreeably to this Conceit, they
commonly call’d me by the Name of Pikil-Su, that is, Embassador of the
Sun. As to their Religion, they did not deny the Existence of a Supreme
Being, but then they did not trouble their Heads about the Proof of that high
Point; it was sufficient to them that their Fathers before them believ’d it:
And this is their whole System of Divinity. As to their Morality, they knew
nothing except this single Precept of Not doing to others what you would
not have done to yourself. They knew no Law beside the sole Will and
Pleasure of their Emperor, and therefore no Crimes, but those of a publick
Nature, were ever punish’d. Whatever Misdemeanour was otherwise
committed, all the Revenge the Neighbours took, was to avoid the
Company of the Offenders, to whom such a general Contempt was usually
so intolerable, that many have died for Grief, and as many more have laid
violent Hands upon themselves through a Weariness of Life. Chronology
they know nothing of, only they compute their Years from the Eclipse of the
Sun, which happens by the Interposition of the Planet Nazar; so that when
you enquire how old any one is, their Answer is, that he is so many Eclipses
old. Their Physicks are excessively barren and absurd; they believe the Sun
is a Golden Plate, and the Planet Nazar a Cheese. When I enquir’d the
Reason why at stated Times the Planet Nazar increas’d and decreas’d, they
reply’d, that they knew nothing at all about it. Their Wealth and Substance
consists chiefly in Swine, which they distinguish by some particular Mark,
and then suffer them to run loose in the Woods. They scourge and beat all

such Trees as bear no Fruit, from a foolish Opinion, that their Sterility
proceeds from Malice and Envy. Such was the State of this poor miserable
People, whom I almost despair’d of ever reducing to Humanity; but
recollecting that Assertion of the Poet,

Nemo adeo ferus est, ut non mitescere possit,
Si modo culturæ patientem præbeat aurem,

I took Courage, and employ’d the whole Force of my Capacity and Abilities
in reforming these Barbarians. For these my Endeavours, and the Success
which attended them, they regarded me as something above the Race of
Mortals, and so extravagant an Opinion did they entertain of my Wisdom,
that they thought nothing was impossible to me. Upon the Loss of Cattle or
Goods, they would come, at all Hours, to my Hut, and implore my
Assistance. One Day I saw a poor Peasant prostrate before my Door
weeping and wringing his Hands, and crying out to me to help him. Upon
Inquiry into the Occasion of his Grief, he complain’d to me of the
Perverseness and Ill-Nature of his Trees, and begg’d me to interpose my
Authority to make them bear more Acorns.
I was inform’d, that the whole Country was in Subjection to a Monarch,
whose Residence, at that Time, was about eight Days Journey from the
Place I was now in. I say at that Time, because the Metropolis of the Empire
was moveable, that is, his Majesty (whose Place of Residence was look’d
upon as the Capital) had no Palace, or fix’d Habitation, but liv’d in Tents,
which he transported, together with his Royal Family and the whole Court,
from one Province to another. The Prince, who then sway’d the Sceptre,
was a Man in Years, and was call’d Casba, which signifies, Great Emperor.
This Territory, with respect, to the Extent of it, merits indeed the Name of
an Empire; but thro’ the Ignorance of the Inhabitants, who do not know
their own Strength, it makes no great Figure, but is expos’d to the Insults
and Ridicule of its Neighbours, and is often oblig’d to become tributary to
Nations in Reality more contemptible than themselves.
Fame had now spread my Name and Virtues over all the Provinces.
Nothing of Moment was undertook without first consulting me, and every
unsuccessful Enterprize was ascrib’d to my Coldness and Want of Favour.
Nay, some had it in their Heads to appease my Anger with Sacrifices. I

forbear to recount all the Follies of this stupid Nation, and shall only give
one or two Instances, by which you may easily judge of the rest. A big-
bellied Woman came to me, to desire she might have a Boy. Another
intreated me to make his old Parents young again. Another begg’d me to
take him with me up to the Sun, that he might return from thence with as
much Gold as he could carry. With these, and such unaccountable Requests,
was I continually pester’d, tho’ I still reprimanded their Folly in a severe
Tone: For I was afraid lest that absurd Conceit of my Power might
terminate in divine Worship.
At length it reach’d the Ears of the Monarch, that a Stranger was arriv’d
in his Dominions, who call’d himself the Ambassador of the Sun, and who
by giving most wise and divine Instructions to the Quamites (so were call’d
the Inhabitants of this Country, the Name of which was Quama) had
convinc’d the People that he was more than Man. Upon this he presently
dispatch’d an Embassy to me, inviting me to Court. The Embassadors were
in Number thirty, all cloath’d with Tigers Skins, a Dress so much the more
honourable in this Country, as the Use thereof is permitted to none but those
who have behav’d themselves with Gallantry in the War against the
Tanachites. (These are rational Tigers, and implacable Enemies to the
Quamites.) But during all this Time, in the Village where I continued, I had
run up a Stone-House of two Stories, after the Manner of the Buildings in
Europe. The Embassadors beheld it as a stupendous Work, exceeding
human Strength, and therefore when they came to me to signify his Imperial
Majesty’s Pleasure, they enter’d my House with a religious Awe, as into a
Temple or Sanctuary. The Speech they made to me, on this Occasion, was
nearly this:
“Whereas the great Emperor Casba, our Sovereign Lord and Master,
derives his Origin from the great Spynko, Son of the Sun, and Founder of
the Quamitic Empire, he therefore thinks nothing could be more fortunate
or agreeable, than your Arrival, especially as it must be of the highest
Advantage to his Dominions, and as there is all the Reason in the World to
hope, that under such an illustrious and celestial Teacher, the Kingdom will,
in a short Time, wear another Face. For which Reason he hopes you will so
much the more willingly honour his Court, as the Capital of the Empire is a
more ample Field for the Exercise of your Virtues.”

This Harangue being ended, I returned my humble Thanks to the
Embassadors, and accompanied them immediately to the Palace. Though
they had taken up fourteen Days in coming, yet in returning we spent only
four, which was owing to a Contrivance of mine. For as I had observ’d a
vast Multitude of Horses in this Country, which were of no Manner of Use,
but rather a Burden upon the People, inasmuch as they liv’d in the Woods
like wild Beasts, I laid open to the Natives the several Advantages which
would accrue from the Service of those generous Brutes, and taught them
the Art of breaking them. In a short Time a great Number were tam’d, and
upon the Arrival of the Embassadors, I had as many broke and prepar’d, as
would serve us all in our Return. At the Sight of the Horses thus instructed,
the Embassadors were amazed, but were afraid to mount them. But when
they saw me and others guiding and turning them which Way we pleas’d,
by Means of the Bridle, and that without Fear or Danger, they took
Courage, after two or three Trials, and ventur’d upon the Journey. And this
was the Reason that they return’d in one Third of the Time they came.
When we drew near the Place where the Royal City was suppos’d to be, we
heard that this famous Metropolis was remov’d into another Province,
which oblig’d us to bend our Course another Way.
Upon our Approach to the Capital, the Fright and Surprize of the People
is not to be express’d. Many, struck with a Panick, abandon’d the Royal
City. The Emperor himself kept shuddring in his Pavilion, nor dar’d to go
out of it, till one of the Embassadors alighting from his Horse, went and
explain’d the Mystery to him. I was introduc’d soon after in great Form,
and with a Train of People behind me, to the Emperor’s Presence. Casba
was sitting on a Carpet, surrounded by his Courtiers. Having paid my
Compliments to his Imperial Highness, he rose, and ask’d me how the
Emperor of the Sun did, the Founder of the Royal Family of Quama. To this
Question, as I conceiv’d it necessary to keep up the popular Error, I reply’d,
“That I was sent from the Monarch of the Sun to reform the savage
Manners of the Quamites with salutary Instructions, and to open a Way for
them not only to repel the Insults of their Neighbours, but also to enlarge
the Bounds of their Empire, and that I had Orders to end my Days among
them.” This Speech highly pleas’d the Emperor. He commanded a Tent to
be erected for me near his own; he also assign’d me fifteen Domesticks to
attend on me, and, laying aside the Monarch, behav’d to me always like a
Friend.

C H A P. XIII.
The Rise of the fifth Monarchy.

F ROM that Time forward, I was wholly taken up in giving a new Form
to the Government, and instructing the Youth in military Discipline.

Ante urbem hinc pueri, & primævi flore juventus
Exercentur equis, domitantque in pulvere currus:
Aut acres tendunt arcus, aut lenta lacertis
Spicula contorquent.

I began with teaching them the Management of Horses, and training them
for War, as I hop’d that by our Horse alone our Neighbours might be kept in
Awe. The Emperor was soon supply’d, through my Diligence, with six
thousand Horse. The Tanachites were at that Time preparing for a fresh
Invasion, on Account of the Delay of the annual Tribute, the Payment of
which had often been sollicited in vain. I was order’d by the Emperor to go
and meet the Enemy with my new-rais’d Cavalry, to which were added a
Body of Infantry. These were arm’d with Pikes and Javelins, with which
they might engage the Tanachites at a Distance. For the Quamites had
hitherto made use of short Swords or Daggers only; for which Reason being
oblig’d to engage Hand to Hand with very fierce Enemies, who were much
superior to them in Strength, they had always fought upon unequal Terms.
Being appointed General in this Expedition, as soon as I heard that the
Tanachites were drawn up in Order of Battle, not far from the Borders of
our Empire, I march’d to meet them with all my Forces. The Enemy,
thunderstruck with the Sight of an unexpected Army, remain’d for some
Time motionless: But our Forces advancing towards them, began to handle
their Pikes and Javelins as soon as the Enemy came within Reach, and
made a heavy Slaughter of them. The Tanachites, however, did not lose
Courage, but made a brisk Attack upon our Infantry: But the new-rais’d
Horse falling upon their Flanks, their Ranks were quickly broken, and they

themselves put to Flight; so that the Fortune of the Battle wholly turn’d on
this Assault. A terrible Slaughter ensued, and the General of the Tanachites,
together with twenty Tigers of the first Quality, were taken Prisoners, and
led in Triumph to Quama. It is scarce to be express’d what Joy this
extraordinary Victory diffus’d throughout the Empire; for the Quamites had
generally been routed in all former Battles, and forc’d to beg a Peace upon
the most dishonourable Terms. The Emperor, according to Custom,
immediately sentenc’d all the Prisoners to be executed: But as I had an
Abhorrence of this Custom, I advis’d the keeping them in Custody, thinking
the Tanachites (with whom we could neither be said to be at War, nor in
Peace, at that Time) would be quiet, until they saw what was to become of
their Prisoners. And besides I urg’d, that a Truce was necessary for me, to
put some Schemes in Execution which I was then projecting. I had before
taken Notice, that the Country abounded with Salt-Petre, and had got
together a large Quantity of it, in order to make Gunpowder. I had not
however communicated my Design to any body but the Emperor, whose
Authority I stood in need of, to erect Offices for casting Barrels for Guns,
and other Kinds of Weapons: And I was in Hopes, that by the Help of these
Instruments all the Enemies of this Empire might in a short Time be
subdued. After I had got some Hundreds of Muskets made, together with a
Quantity of Ball, I gave a publick Specimen of my Invention, to the great
Astonishment of every body. A certain Number of Men were immediately
set aside, to be continually exercis’d in the Management of these Muskets.
After the Musketeers came to be pretty ready in their Exercises, I was
declar’d Jachal by the Emperor, or Generalissimo of all his Forces, and all
the subordinate Officers were order’d to receive their Commands from me.
Whilst these Affairs were transacting, I had frequent Conferences with
Tomopoloko, the General of the Tanachites, in order to discover the State,
the Manners and Disposition of that Nation. I found him, to my great
Surprize, to be a Person of Prudence, Learning, and Politeness, and was
inform’d by him, that Literature and Arts were in no small Esteem in the
Country of the Tanachites. He told me likewise, that there were a very
warlike People Eastward of them, whom the Tanachites were oblig’d to be
perpetually upon their Guard against. The Inhabitants were small of Stature,
and much inferior to the Tanachites in Strength of Body; but then their
Understandings were very acute, and they were eminent for their Dexterity
in managing their Javelins, or Darts, and for this Reason had often

compell’d the Tanachites to sue for Peace. I learnt afterward, that that
Nation was compos’d of Cats, and that of all the Inhabitants of the
Firmament, they were the most remarkable for their able Judgment and
Skill in Politicks. It was no small Grief to me to be inform’d, that Learning,
Wisdom, and Politeness, flourish’d among all the Creatures of this
Subterraneous World, Man only excepted, and that the Quamites alone were
barbarous and unciviliz’d. I hop’d, however, that this Reproach would soon
be remov’d, and that the Quamites would recover that Dominion which
Nature has given to Man over all other Animals.
The Tanachites continued quiet for a long Time after their last Defeat; but
after they had discover’d, by Means of their Spies, the State and Disposition
of the new Body of Horse, namely, that those Centaurs, which had struck
such a Terror into them, were nothing else but Horses, which had been
broke and manag’d, they resum’d new Courage, and rais’d fresh Forces,
which the King himself commanded in Person. The Army consisted of
twenty thousand Tigers, all veteran Troops, except two Regiments which
had lately been inlisted. These new-rais’d Forces were however a nominal,
and not a real Addition to their Strength. This Army, flush’d with Hopes of
Victory, struck a Terror into the whole Empire of Quama. Twelve thousand
of our Foot advanc’d to meet them, among which were six hundred
Musketeers, together with four thousand Horse. As I had no Doubt about
the Success of the Battle, lest the Emperor should be defrauded of the Glory
of the Victory, I intreated the old Man to put himself at the Head of his
Forces. I lost nothing of my Credit by this feign’d Modesty, since the whole
Army look’d upon me as their Leader. I thought it most advisable not to let
my Musketeers have any Share in the first Assault, having a Mind to try,
whether we could not carry the Victory by Means of the Horse alone. But
this Piece of Management cost me dear. For the Tanachites attack’d our
Foot with so much Violence, that they oblig’d them to give Way: They
stood likewise the Shock of our Horse so valiantly, that for a long Time it
could not be said to which Side the Victory inclin’d. While we were in the
Heat of the Battle, I led my Musketeers on to the Attack. At the first
Discharge of our Artillery, the Tanachites were in a Manner stupefy’d. They
could not conceive from whence those Thunders and Lightnings proceeded;
but when they saw the dreadful Effects thereof, they were seiz’d as it were
with a Panick. This first Salutation laid two hundred Tigers prostrate on the
Ground, amongst which were two Chaplains belonging to the Camp, who

were each of them pierc’d thro’ with a Musket-Ball, whilst they were
encouraging the Soldiers to do their Duty by very pathetick Discourses in
Praise of Valour. Their Fate was bitterly lamented by all, for they were
reckon’d admirable Orators. As soon as I perceiv’d the Terror our Enemies
were in, I order’d a second Discharge to be made. This did more Execution
than the former: Great Numbers were kill’d, and among the rest, the King
himself. Upon this the Enemy losing all Hopes, turn’d their Backs. Our
Horse pursued them, and made so great a Slaughter of them as they fled,
that the Multitude of Carcasses with which the Field was covered, at length
put a Stop to their Pursuit. After the Battle was over, and we had Time to
take an Account of the Number of the Slain, they were found to amount to
thirteen thousand. The Enemy being thus intirely routed, the victorious
Army enter’d the Country of the Tanachites, and after a few Days March
encamp’d under the Walls of the Metropolis. Such a Terror had at that Time
seiz’d all Peoples Minds, that though the Town was strong, and well secur’d
by its Situation, Walls, and Forts, and well stor’d with Provisions of all
Kinds, yet the Magistrates came out in the most suppliant Manner to meet
the Conquerors, and to offer them the Keys of the City. This City was no
less remarkable for its great Extent, than for the Cleanness of its Streets,
and the Neatness of its Buildings. And it was certainly Matter of great
Wonder, that the Quamites, who were encompass’d on all Sides by Nations
so polite, should have continued so long in their Barbarity. But they were in
this Respect like some other Nations, who though ignorant of what passes
in foreign Countries, entertain a high Conceit of themselves, and who
having no Commerce or Communication with others, live hugely contented
in their own Sordidness and Ignorance, of which it would be very easy to
produce Instances among the Europeans. This Defeat became a new Æra
among the Tanachites; and as this decisive Battle was fought, according to
their Computation, upon the third Day of the Month Torul, they reckon this
among the unlucky Days. At this Season of the Year, the Planet Nazar,
whose Revolution round the Subterranean Sun regulates the Time, and
distinguishes the Seasons, is at its farthest Distance from this Part of the
Firmament. The whole Firmament likewise makes its Revolution round the
Sun, but as the Planet moves with greater Velocity, Nazar seems to increase
or decrease, according as it is nearer to, or more remote from this or that
Hemisphere. The Increase or Decrease of this Planet, as also the Eclipses of
the Sun, are the Subject of astronomical Observations in this Country. I

once took the Pains, at my Hours of Leisure, to examine the Tanachitish
Kalendar, and it seem’d to me to be an orderly and well digested Thing.
The Taking of the capital City was follow’d by the Surrender of the
whole Kingdom; so that the Contempt with which the Quamites had been
before stigmatiz’d, was chang’d into Renown; and the Empire of Quama,
by the Addition of this conquer’d Nation, became almost twice as powerful
as it was before. But as every body look’d upon this Success to be owing to
my Industry and Management, the Esteem which they had for a long Time
conceiv’d for me was heighten’d almost into Adoration. The Tanachites
being thus subdued, and Governors appointed in every City, to keep this
fierce and warlike People in their Duty, I went to work, to finish the Task I
had begun, and to root out that Barbarity in which the Quamites were as yet
involv’d. It was a Matter of great Difficulty, however, to introduce the
Study of the liberal Arts at once; for the Latin Tongue, and a few Scraps of
Greek, which I had learnt in Europe, would not, I knew, be here of any Use.
For this Reason, I caus’d twelve of the most learned Tigers to be sent for
out of the Enemies Country. These were made Professors, and commanded
to found an University upon the Model of those in their own Country. I
likewise order’d the Royal Library of Tanachin to be remov’d to Quama. I
was determin’d, however, that as soon as the Quamites had made such a
Progress in Literature as to be able to stand upon their own Legs, I would
send these Foreigners back into their own Country.
I was very desirous of seeing the Tanachitish Library, because I had been
inform’d by their General Tomopoloko, that amongst other Manuscripts in
the Archives of the Library, there was one compos’d by an Author who had
been in our World, and had left a Description of its different Kingdoms,
especially the European ones; he told me likewise, that the Tanachites had
got Possession of this Book while they were at War in a very distant
Country, but that the Name of the Author was conceal’d, nor could it ever
be learnt who he was, or how he was carry’d to the Superterranean
Habitations.
Upon looking over the Book, I found what Tomopoloko had told me
concerning the Author was true, and therefore I candidly discover’d my
Race and Country to him, assuring him at the same Time, that I had
declar’d the same Thing to the Quamites at my first Arrival, but that the
stupid Mortals gave no Credit to my Narration, but would needs have me to

be an Embassador from the Sun, and still continued to persist obstinately in
that Error. I added likewise, that as I look’d upon it to be a Crime to keep so
vain a Title any longer, I was at length determin’d to discover my Origin to
the Publick, by which ingenuous Confession I thought my Reputation
would not in the least suffer, especially as I hop’d, that the Reading of this
Book would convince every body how much the Europeans excel all other
People in Virtue and in Knowledge. The prudent Tomopoloko did not seem
pleas’d with my Design, and gave me his Sentiments upon it, as I
remember, in the following Terms. “Good Sir, before you proceed in your
Design, it will be necessary for you to see the Book, the Reading of which
may, perhaps, divert you from your Purpose; for either the Author has
misrepresented them, or the Manners of the Superterraneans are foolish and
absurd, and they are govern’d by Laws and Customs more worthy of
Laughter than Regard. But after you have read the Book, you may use your
own Discretion. One Piece of Advice, however, I will presume to give you,
and that is, not rashly to reject a Title which has render’d you so venerable
in the Opinion of the Quamites: For nothing serves more effectually to
restrain Men within the Bounds of Duty, than the Opinion which the Vulgar
entertain of Birth and high Descent.”
I took the Advice, and determin’d, with the Assistance of Tomopoloko, to
read the Book. The Title of it is this; Tanian’s Journey to the
Superterranean World, or a Description of the Kingdoms and Countries
upon Earth. The Name of Tanian is thought to be fictitious, and as the Book
was grown mouldy for want of being taken due Care of, and imperfect in
several Places through Length of Time, what I wanted most to see, namely,
which Way the Author got up to our World, and down again, was missing.
These are the Contents of what remain’d of the Work.

Fragments of Tanian’s Journey above Ground, translated from the Original,
by the celebrated, noble, and valiant Tomopoloko, General of the
Tanachites.

* * * This Country (i. e. Germany) goes by the Name of the Roman
Empire; but this is merely titular, for the Roman Monarchy has been extinct
for several Ages. The Language, which the Germans use, is with much
Difficulty to be understood, because the natural Order of the Words is
inverted; for what goes first in other Languages, comes last in this, so that

you may be oblig’d to read to the End of a Page before you can comprehend
the Meaning of it. The Form of Government is strange. The Germans think
they have a King, and yet in Reality they have none. Germany is said to be
one Empire, and yet it is divided into many separate Principalities, each of
which has the Sovereign Power within itself, so that they often make War
upon one another, and have most certainly a Right so to do. The Empire is
said to be always August, though it is sometimes very much diminish’d;
Holy, tho’ without any Holiness; Invincible, though often expos’d to the
Depredations of its Neighbours. Nor are the Rights and Privileges of this
Nation less wonderful, since many have Rights, which they are prohibited
from making any Use of. Infinite are the Comments which have been
publish’d upon the State of the German Empire, but so intricate is the
Subject, that in Spite of all their Labours they are at every Turn as much at a
Loss as ever concerning it; for * * * *
* * * * The Capital of this Kingdom (France) which is very large, is
call’d Paris. It may in some Sense be styl’d the Capital of Europe: For it
exercises a Kind of Jurisdiction over all other European Nations. For
Example, it prescribes Rules to them about their Eating, and about the
Fashion of their Cloaths; so that let any Fashion be as ridiculous and as
inconvenient as it will, all other Nations are oblig’d to follow it, whenever
the Parisians are pleas’d to lead the Way. How or what Time they acquir’d
this Right, I could never learn. Their Authority, however, did not, as I
understood, extend to other Things, for the rest of the European Nations are
often at War with the French, and sometimes force them to accept of Peace
upon very severe Terms; but the Servitude they are under with regard to
Dress, and the Manner of Eating is perpetual; so that whatever Fashion is
invented at Paris, the rest of Europe are strictly oblig’d to come into it. The
Parisians very much resemble the Martinians in Quickness of
Apprehension, the Love of Novelty, and a Fertility of Invention.
* * * Having left Bononia, we went to Rome. This City is subject to a
Priest, who, though his Dominions are very narrow, is reckon’d the most
powerful of all the European Kings and Princes. For other Princes exercise
Dominion only over the Persons and Estates of their Subjects, but this can
destroy their Souls likewise. The Europeans in general believe, that the
Keys of Heaven are in the Custody of this Priest. I was very desirous of
seeing so great a Curiosity, but I lost my Labour, nor do I know, to this Day,

what Form they are of, or in what Cabinet they are kept. The Authority
which this Pontiff exercises, not only over his own Subjects, but over all
Mankind, chiefly consists in this, that he can absolve whom God condemns,
and condemn whom he absolves. An enormous Power, indeed! and such an
one as our Subterraneans will never believe can fall to any Mortal’s Share.
But it is an easy Matter to impose upon the Europeans as one pleases, and
to make them swallow the greatest Absurdities, though they imagine that
nobody has any Understanding but themselves; and being puff’d with this
Opinion, they look down with Contempt upon all other Mortals, as if they
were Barbarians in Comparison of them.
For my Part, I do not undertake to justify the Manners, Laws, and
Customs of our Subterraneans; I will only produce some Instances of the
Customs of the Europeans, in order to make it appear how undeservedly
they pass a Censure upon the Manners of other Nations.
It is a Custom all over Europe for People to scatter a Kind of Meal,
which is made by grinding the Fruits of the Earth, and which Nature
intended for Food, over their Hair and Cloaths. This Meal is commonly
call’d Powder, and great Care and Pains are us’d to cleanse their Hair from
it every Morning, with an Instrument call’d a Comb, in order to make Room
for more of the same Sort. They have another Custom which appear’d to me
no less ridiculous, which is this. They have a Kind of little Cover, or Hat, to
defend their Heads against the Cold, which Cover they very often wear
under one of their Arms, even in the very Depth of Winter. This appear’d as
absurd to me, as it would have been to have seen a Man walking through
the Streets with his Coat or his Breeches in his Hand, and leaving his Body
to be expos’d to the Inclemencies of the Air, from which they were intended
to defend it.
The religious Opinions of the Europeans are very sound and agreeable to
right Reason. They are under an Injunction carefully to study the Books in
which the Rule of Faith and Practice is contain’d, in order to discover their
true Sense and Meaning. These Books recommend Indulgence to weak
Brethren, and such as happen to be mistaken; but if any should chance to
understand a Thing in a different Sense from the Majority, he is punish’d
for this Defect of Judgment by Fines, Imprisonment, Whipping, and even
sometimes by dying at a Stake. This seem’d to me the same Thing, as if a
Man, who happen’d to be short-sighted, should undergo the Bastinado, only

because Objects, which seem square to me, appear round to him. I was
inform’d, that Thousands had been hang’d and burnt, by Order of the
Magistrate, on this Account.
In almost every Town and Village, you see Men standing up in Places of
publick Resort, and severely reprimanding others for those Sins which they
themselves are daily guilty of; which is just as if one should hear a Man in
Liquor declaiming against Drunkenness.
Oftentimes a Person who is born humpback’d, crooked, or lame, shall be
ambitious of being thought handsome; and another sprung from the Dregs
of the People, shall be ambitious of a Coat of Arms, or a Title: Which is full
as absurd as if a Dwarf should affect to be call’d a Giant, or an old Man,
young.
It is a Custom in great Towns, for Friends and Acquaintance to visit one
another after Dinner, in order to drink a Kind of black Broth made of burnt
Beans. This Broth is commonly call’d Coffee. When they make these Visits,
they are shut up in a Box, which is fix’d upon four Wheels, and drawn to
the Place of Rendezvous by two Beasts of very great Strength: For the
Europeans think it a Disgrace to use their Legs.
Upon the first Day of the Year the Europeans are seiz’d with a Disease,
which we have no Knowledge of amongst us. The Symptoms of it are
strange Commotions and Agitations of Mind, and an Inability to sit still in
any Place. They run about at such Times from one House to another, as if
they were distracted, without knowing why they do it. The Disease
sometimes lasts for fourteen Days. At length, when they are quite fatigu’d
and spent with continually running about, they come to themselves again,
and recover their former Health.
As the Europeans have innumerable Diseases of Mind, so they have
innumerable Remedies. Some are seiz’d with a strange Passion of walking
in such a Manner, as that the left Sides of their Bodies may be turn’d
towards the right Sides of others. The farther North you go, the stronger you
find this Humour, which proves that it is all owing to the Climate, and the
Intemperature of the Air. This Disease is cur’d by certain seal’d Papers,
fill’d with Characters of a particular Kind. As long as the Patient carries
these Papers about him, by Way of Talisman or Charm, he grows better and
better by Degrees, till he is quite recover’d.

Another raging Distemper they have, which is cur’d by the Sound of a
Bell, at the Noise of which the Mind immediately grows calm, and the
Disorder abates: Yet this Remedy is by no Means effectual, because in two
or three Hours Time the same raging Evil returns.
In Italy, France, and Spain, during the Winter Season, an epidemick
Madness prevails for several Weeks. They put a Stop to it at length, by
sprinkling the Foreheads of the Patients with Ashes, at an appointed Time.
But in the Northern Parts of Europe these Ashes have no Virtue, and the
Inhabitants of the North recover by the Help of Nature only.
Most of the Europeans enter into a solemn Covenant with God, which
they call the Communion, three or four Times a Year, and break it as soon as
ever they have made it. So that they seem to make it for no other Reason,
but that they may shew that they are resolv’d not to stand to their
Agreement.
When they confess their Sins, and implore the Mercy of God, their Words
are generally set to Musick. Flutes, Trumpets, and Drums, are sometimes
added to the Concert, according to the Greatness of the Crime, for which
they are suing Pardon.
Almost all the European Nations are obliged to confess their Belief of a
Doctrine contain’d in a certain sacred Book. But the reading this Book is
totally prohibited in the Southern Countries, so that People there are laid
under a Necessity of believing what it is criminal to read or enquire into.
In the same Countries, Men are forbad to worship God in any, but an
unknown Tongue; so that such Prayers only are thought to be legitimate,
and agreeable to the divine Being, as are put up by Persons, who do not
understand a Word they say.
In the great Cities, such as arrive at Honours and profitable Employments
are all paralytick; for they are oblig’d to be carry’d along the Streets, like
weak and impotent People, on a Kind of Couch, made in the Figure of a
Chest or Box.
Most of the Europeans shave their Heads, and to conceal their Baldness,
wear an artificial Covering made of other Peoples Hair.
The Controversies which are commonly discuss’d in the Schools in
Europe, are about Things, the Knowledge of which neither concerns

Mankind, nor is within the Reach of their Comprehension. But the most
learned Subjects of all, which the Europeans comment upon, are the Rings,
Robes, Slippers, Shoes, and Buskins of certain antiquated People, who liv’d
many Centuries ago. As to the Sciences, as well sacred as profane, the
Generality do not judge for themselves, but subscribe implicitly to the
Opinion of others. Whatever Sect they happen to fall into, they stick to it
with all imaginable Firmness. As to what they say of pinning their Faith
upon the Sleeve of others who are wiser than themselves, I should approve
of it, were the Vulgar and Illiterate proper Judges of this Matter; for to be
able to distinguish who is this wise Man that may be rely’d upon, requires
the greatest Wisdom.
In the Southern Countries, a Sort of little Cakes or Wafers are carry’d
about the Streets, which the Priests say are Gods: But what is most
surprizing, the very Bakers themselves, who shew you the Flour of which
they were made, will take their Oaths upon it, that the World was created by
these Wafers.
The English are very fond of Liberty, and are subject to nobody but their
Wives. As to their Religion, it is hard to say what it is, for they take up an
Opinion one Day, and throw it aside the next. I imputed this fickle
Disposition to the Situation of the Country. For the English live upon an
Island, and being a maritime People, partake much of the Nature of the
inconstant Element that surrounds them.
The English are very sollicitous about the Health of every one they meet,
so that a Man would take them all to be Physicians. But that common
Question, How do you do? I found to be only an empty Form of Speech,
and a Sound without any Sense or Meaning in it. Many of these Islanders
take so much Pains to improve their Minds, and polish their
Understandings, that at length they intirely lose them.
Towards the North, there is a Republick consisting of seven Provinces.
These go by the Name of the United Provinces, tho’ there is but little Sign
of Concord or Unity amongst them. The People here boast of their Power,
as if the whole Authority of the Republick was lodg’d in their Hands; and
yet the Populace are no where more excluded from publick Employments,
and the supreme Power is vested in a very few Families. The Inhabitants of
these Provinces are deeply attentive upon heaping up Riches, which they

make no Use of; so that while their Purses are full, their Bellies are empty.
They seem to live upon Smoke only, which they suck in thro’ a Tube or
Pipe, which is made of Clay. It must be allow’d, however, for the Honour of
this Nation, that they are the neatest of all People, for they take great Care
to wash every Thing except their Hands.
In the Cities and great Towns in Europe, a Watch is kept in the Street by
Night. The Watchmen go their Rounds every Hour, and wake People out of
their Sleep, by wishing them a good Night.
Every Country has its peculiar Laws, and its peculiar Customs likewise,
which are ofttimes diametrically opposite to those Laws. For Example: A
Wife, according to the Laws, ought to be subject to her Husband; but
according to Custom, she has a Right to govern him.
Those who live most luxuriously, and consume the greatest Quantity of
the Products of the Earth, are held in most Esteem in Europe; and only
Husbandmen, and such as supply Materials for the Luxury of the Great, are
treated with Contempt.
The great Number of Gibbets, Gallows’s, and Places of Execution, which
are every where to be seen, shew the Europeans to be People of very bad
Dispositions, and subject to many Kinds of Vices. There is a publick
Executioner in every City. The English are an Exception to this Rule,
amongst whom, I believe, there are no Executioners; for the People in that
Country hang themselves.
One would suspect the Europeans to be Anthropophagi, or Men-Eaters;
for it is a Custom amongst them to shut up a great Number of able-body’d
Men in Cloisters, which they call Monasteries, for no other End, but that
they may grow sleek and fat: And whilst they are kept in these Cells, they
are utterly exempted from all Labour, and have nothing to do but to eat and
drink.
The Europeans have a Custom of drinking Water every Morning, to
moderate the Heat of their Stomachs; but before they are well grown cool
by this Means, they go to work to warm them again, by swallowing down
Draughts of fiery Liquors, which they call Drams.
The Religion of the Europeans is divided into two principal Sects, one of
which are call’d Protestants, and the other Papists. The former worship one

God only; but the latter adore several, for they have as many Gods and
Goddesses, as there are Towns and Villages. All these Gods and Goddesses
are made by the Roman Pontiff, or High-Priest. This Pontiff himself is made
by Presbyters, commonly call’d Cardinals. Hence it appears how great the
Power of these Cardinals must be, since they can make him who makes the
Gods.
The ancient Inhabitants of Italy conquer’d the whole World, and were
only subject to their Wives: But the modern ones tyrannize over their
Wives, and are Slaves to all Mankind besides.
The Animals in Europe are divided into terrestrial and aquatick. There
are some amphibious ones likewise, as Frogs, Dolphins, and Dutchmen. The
last dwell in a marshy Soil, and live upon Land or Water indifferently.
The Europeans use much the same Food that we do; But a Spaniard will
live upon Air.
Trade flourishes much in every Part of Europe, and many Commodities
are sold there in which we never traffick: Thus, for Example, the Romish
Church sells Heaven; the Swiss sell themselves; and in *** Crowns,
Scepters, and the Royal Authority itself are set to Sale.
In Spain, Laziness is the Token of a Gentleman, and nothing is a greater
Recommendation of Nobility than sleeping much. Those are call’d good
Men and true Believers, who believe what they do not understand, and
never think it worth their while to examine what they hear. Some have even
been reckon’d Saints merely for their Slothfulness, their Want of Curiosity,
and their neglecting to enquire into religious Matters. But those who are
sollicitous about their own Salvation, and happen, through a diligent and
accurate Enquiry, to dissent from any reigning Opinion, are said to be
damn’d to all Eternity.
It is a prevailing Opinion in Europe, that future Happiness or Misery
does not depend upon good Works, or the Exercise of Virtue and Religion,
but upon the Place of a Man’s Nativity. For all agree, that if they had been
born in another Place, or of other Parents, they should have been of a
different Religion. Hence they in Reality condemn People not so much on
Account of their Religion, as the Place, or other Circumstances of their

Birth. But how this Opinion is reconcileable with the divine Justice or
Goodness, I cannot comprehend.
Amongst the Men of Letters, those are most esteem’d, whose Business it
is to invert the natural Order of Words, and render that obscure and
perplex’d, which before was plain and easy. These are call’d Poets, and this
Art of disjointing Words goes by the Name of Poetry. But Poetry does not
consist in this Perversity of Stile only; because to deserve that Name, a
Composition must likewise be extremely full of Lies. An ancient Poet,
Homer by Name, is held in high Esteem, and almost Adoration, because he
excell’d in both these Arts. Many have imitated him, but nobody ever yet
came up to him, either in confounding the Order of Words, or perverting the
Truth.
The Literati of Europe are very fond of buying Books, but in this Point
they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do the Form
and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of this, and
know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes than their
Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different Size and Letter,
and with new Decorations; by which Means they make an infinite
Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made a Trade of, and
some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any Trader at all.
The Universities in Europe are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions,
Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are set to
Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in our
Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years
together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in the
European Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain, call’d
Parnassus, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors. The next to these
are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at somewhat a less Expence,
and are therefore thought to be less learned. The Good-will which these
Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is evident, from their thus rendring
the Way to Learning smooth and easy. The Northern Seminaries were a
little more rigid in this Respect, since the highest Honours are not there
conferr’d without a previous Examination.
The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and
Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only one God,

but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal Deities of the
Learned are Apollo, Minerva, the Nine Muses, and others of an inferior
Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are wont to invoke at such
Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of Raving.
The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are
distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets,
Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, &c.
A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts
concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and
spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows rich
himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one Seneca, who, by this
Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.
A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of
his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d with a
divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts with
Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.
The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to disturb
the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in this Respect, that
instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and fight with their Pens
instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately for Letters and Syllables, as
the others do for their Liberties and Properties. The Reason why they are
kept up, I believe, is this, that the European Princes are afraid lest People in
a Time of Peace should grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of
somewhat like a War. Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to
threaten Bloodshed, the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this
Kind happen’d not long ago at Paris, as I was told. For a Dispute
concerning the Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the
Senate wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he
lik’d best.
A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently enquires
into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all Kinds, and who
is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.
A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are
conceal’d from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of

Spirits and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very
sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are
almost under his Nose.
Such is the State of Learning in Europe. I could say more upon this Head,
but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points. The Reader
will easily judge from hence, whether the Europeans are right or wrong, in
thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.
It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in Europe,
are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our Subterraneans are.
For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages, among them, who teach
others not only what they have learnt themselves, but even what they are
utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous Task, to communicate clearly
to others what we know ourselves, surely it is much more so to teach them
what we are intirely ignorant of.
Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves,
with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as
Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.
The Europeans apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we
do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain
extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over a
hundred Volumes in a Day.
The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service;
but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the Heart,
but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that this Devotion
seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon Externals, upon
Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from the Dictates of the
Heart.
Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing
Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or
employ’d in any other manual Labour.
When I arriv’d in Italy, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole
Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind to
try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would extend, I
order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night: But he

immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my
Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly turn’d
me out of Doors,
In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though they
have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise
extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *
Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d, and I
would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a partial Writer,
and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat a little abated, I
began to form a more favourable Judgment of this Itinerary, as I saw that
the Author, though he appear’d in many Places to be partial, and not to have
had the best Regard to Truth, was not, however, mistaken in his Judgment,
but had often hit the Nail, as we say, on the Head.
I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of Tomopoloko, and
cherish the Error of the Quamites concerning my Origin; since I thought it
more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary from the Sun,
than for a Citizen of Europe.
Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had
taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick to my
Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful Nations had
enter’d into an Alliance to invade the Quamites. These were the Arctonians,
the Kispucians, and the Alectorians. The Arctonians were a Nation of
Bears, who were endued with Speech and Reason, and were reckon’d very
fierce and warlike. The Kispucians were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and
were in great Repute among the Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and
Judgment: For this Reason they kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe,
not so much by their superior Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems.
The Alectorians fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means
gave their Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with
Bows and Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful
Dexterity, and thereby did great Execution.
These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the Quamites,
enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check the
growing Power of the Quamites with their united Force, before it spread
any further. However, before they declar’d War, they sent Embassadors to

Quama, to demand that the Liberties of the Tanachites might be restor’d,
and to threaten War, in case such Demands were not comply’d with.
The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following
Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the Tanachites having
broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to impute the
Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and Presumption; that
the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to defend the Territories he
had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly, that he was not to be aw’d by the
Threats of the Confederate Nations. The Heralds were dismiss’d with this
Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts towards making Preparations for the
impending War. In a short Time I got together an Army of forty thousand
Men, among which eight thousand Horse, and two thousand Musketeers.
The Emperor, though he was grown decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be
present in this Expedition, and was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory,
that neither I myself, nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me
in striving to overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose.
What gave me the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the
Tanachites; for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude,
and lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy.
Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had been
proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand Tanachites had
taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we should
have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same Time.
All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to
begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month Kilian.
As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that the
Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the Tanachites, and laid
Siege to the Castle of Sibol, which was situated on the Borders of the
Kispucian Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a Force, and
with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to surrender it.
But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach, they broke up
the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought upon a Plain, not
far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from whence it was call’d
the Battle of Sibol. The Arctonians, which compos’d the Enemies left Wing,
falling upon our Horse, made great Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack
was supported by the Rebel Tanachites, it was very near proving fatal to us.

But the Musketeers going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the
Enemy into Disorder by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the
Battle was quite chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our
Horse, and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves,
began to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the
Kispucians briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so much
Art, and with such Success, that six hundred Quamites were, in a very little
Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But the Horse, together
with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance, the Enemy were oblig’d to
save themselves by Flight; which they did, however, in so good Order,
without once breaking their Ranks, that they might be rather said to yield
than fly. This was owing to the Conduct of Monsonius, General of the
Kispucians, who at that Time was thought to excel all the Subterranean
Generals in the Art of War. The Alectorians yet remain’d, whom it was no
easy Matter to subdue; for as oft as our Musketeers fir’d upon them, the
Enemy sprung up all at once into the Air, and thence discharg’d a Shower of
Arrows, which were so well aim’d, that few of them fell to the Ground
without doing Execution. The Reason why these Arrows seldom miss’d
their Aim, was because it is easier to hit an Object when you are above, than
when you are below it. Our Men often miss’d their Mark, because the
Enemy were so volatile, and perpetually Shifting Places. In the Midst of the
Engagement, whilst the Emperor was in the very Heat of Action, his Neck
was pierc’d through with a poison’d Arrow. He fell from his Horse
immediately, and was carry’d out of the Battle to his Tent, where he expir’d
soon after. In this ticklish Situation of Affairs, I thought it most advisable to
injoin all such as had been Witnesses of this unhappy Accident, to keep it
secret, lest the Ardour of the Soldiers should abate upon hearing the
Emperor was dead. I bade them take Courage, and told them, that the King
indeed was stunn’d with the sudden Stroke, but that the Arrow had not
enter’d deep; that the Wound had been search’d, and taken due Care of; that
every Thing would go well, and that they might expect to see their Emperor
again very soon. By this Means most of the Army were kept in Ignorance of
what had happen’d, and the Battle was prolong’d till Night. At length the
Alectorians quite spent with Labour, and the Wounds they had receiv’d,
retir’d into their Camp, and a Truce of a few Days Continuance was agreed
upon, in order to bury the dead Bodies. In the mean Time, as I found that
there was need of some other Stratagem to subdue the Alectorians, I order’d

our Musket-Ball to be cast into small Shot. This Project was attended with
so good Success, that at our next Encounter the Alectorians came tumbling
down apace, and one Half of the Army perish’d in a miserable Manner:
Those that were left seeing this, threw down their Arms, and begg’d for
Peace. The Arctonians and Kispucians follow’d their Example, and
committed themselves, their Arms, and Fortresses to our Mercy. Matters
being thus brought to a happy Issue, I call’d a Council, and address’d them
in the following Harangue.
“Gentlemen and Fellow-Soldiers, I do not doubt but most of you are well
acquainted, how earnestly I dissuaded our most Serene Emperor from this
Expedition; but his innate Fortitude and Magnanimity would not permit him
to remain idle at home, while his faithful Subjects were exposing their
Lives abroad in his Defence. I can truly say, that this is the only Request
which his Imperial Majesty ever refus’d to grant me. How happy should I
have thought myself had he refus’d me every Thing besides, and only been
indulgent to me in this! For then we should not have known that Calamity
that now hangs over us, our Return into the Imperial City would have been
truly triumphant, and our Joys for our Success would have been pure and
unmix’d. I cannot, nor indeed ought I, any longer conceal from you that
fatal Accident which has thus dash’d all our Happiness. Attend then to the
dreadful News: Your Emperor, while he was gallantly fighting for his
Subjects, was pierc’d by an Arrow in the Battle, and now lies breathless in
his Tent. What Grief, what Anguish must not the Loss of such a Prince
occasion? I can easily make a Judgment of your Sorrows from what I feel
myself. But let us not give Way to Despondency: Death, to such a Hero, is
not the End of Life, but only the Period of Mortality. We have not wholly
lost our Emperor, since he has left two Princes behind, form’d after the
Example of the best of Parents, and who inherit their Father’s Virtues, as
well as his Dominions. You cannot, therefore, be so properly said to change
your King, as the bare Name of King. And since the eldest Prince, Timuso,
is by Right of Primogeniture to be promoted to his Father’s Throne, I shall
henceforth derive my Authority from him. He it is to whom we ought to
swear Allegiance, and to whom we will now pay Homage.”

C H A P. XIV.
The Author is elevated to the Imperial Dignity.

A T the Conclusion of this Harangue, the Soldiery lifted up their Voice
and cry’d, We will have no Emperor but Pikilsu. I was all
Astonishment at this, and with a Flood of Tears besought them to consider
better, to remember the Allegiance they ow’d to the Imperial House, and the
publick as well as private Benefits they had receiv’d from the departed
Monarch, which it was not possible to forget, without bringing an indelible
Stain upon their Character. To this I added, that if ever they had Occasion to
command my Services, I could be of equal Use to them in a private
Capacity. But all this signify’d nothing. The Officers and Soldiers join in
the common Cry, and the whole Camp resounded with the before-mention’d
Acclamation. Upon this, I retir’d to my Tent in Confusion, and order’d the
Guards to give Entrance to none: Because, probably, the Soldiers might
return to Reason, when this sudden Fit of Zeal should cool. But the
Generals and common Soldiers burst into my Tent, and in spight of all my
Reluctance, adorn’d me with the Ensigns of Royalty, and conducting me out
of the Tent with Trumpets and Drums, proclaim’d me Emperor of Quama,
King of Tanachin, Arctonia, Alectoria, and Great Duke of the Kispucians.
Seeing then how vain was all Resistance, I no longer struggled with my
Fortune, but follow’d the Torrent; and I must own, that I was not altogether
unwilling to be rais’d to this Elevation; for an Empire, with three
Kingdoms, and a Great Dutchy, was too delicious a Morsel to be ey’d with
Indifference. I immediately sent to the Prince, to acquaint him with the
present Situation of Affairs, and to advise him to insist strenuously upon his
natural and hereditary Rights, and to declare this new Election void, as
being contrary to the Laws of the Realm. But at the same Time I had
resolv’d with myself not to relinquish in Haste an Empire thus
spontaneously offer’d me; so that this Advice of mine to his Highness the
Prince was rather to feel his Pulse upon this Occasion. The Prince had an
admirable Understanding, and a very solid Judgment; and as he well knew

the Doubles and Disguises of the human Heart, and that this Modesty of
mine was only put on to serve a Turn, he wisely yielded to the Necessity of
the Times, and after the Example of the Army, he himself proclaim’d me
Emperor in the Capital City, to which I was soon after led in Triumph,
attended by the Generals and Officers of the Army, in the midst of the
Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. In a few Days after this, I was
solemnly crown’d, and invested with the Regal Authority. Being thus
metamorphos’d from a miserable Shipwreck’d Sailor into a Monarch, that I
might strengthen my Interest with the Quamites, who I perceiv’d had still a
great Veneration for the Royal Race of Quama, I espous’d the Daughter of
the deceas’d Emperor, whose Name was Ralac.
Having perform’d these great Things, I projected new Schemes, to raise
the Empire to a Height that should make it formidable to the whole
subterranean World. My first Care was to assure myself of the Duty and
Allegiance of the lately conquer’d Nations. To this End I garison’d all their
Citadels and fortify’d Places in the strongest Manner, treated the Conquer’d
with the utmost Humanity, and advanc’d some of them to very great Offices
in the Capital. In particular the Captive Generals, Tomopoloko and
Monsonius, had the highest Share in my Favour, a Circumstance that rais’d
the Envy of the Quamites, tho’ they suppress’d their Dissatisfaction for the
present; but in Time the Spark, which had long lain concealed under the
Ashes, burst into an open Flame, as shall be related in its proper Place. To
return to my domestick Affairs: The liberal Sciences, and the Art of War, I
labour’d to bring to the highest Perfection: And as this Country abounded
with very deep Woods, which could furnish Plenty of Timber for the
building a Fleet after the Manner of the Europeans, I pursued this Point
with such unweary’d Ardour, that tho’ in Reality I had a thousand other
Affairs to perplex me, it seem’d as if my whole Thoughts were directed to
this one View. The Kispucians were of great Service to me in this Case;
they had a tolerable Knowledge of maritime Affairs, and their General
Monsonius I appointed Lord High Admiral of the Fleet.
And now the Timber is felling, the Instruments for working it preparing,
and with such Vehemence I apply myself to the Business, that in sixty Days
from the first falling of the Wood, a Fleet of twenty Ships now rides at
Anchor in the Harbour. All this corresponding exactly with my Wishes, I
look’d upon myself as the Alexander of the subterranean World, and that

below I was the Author of as great Revolutions as he was above. The Lust
of Power is infinite, and never finds the Point to stop at. Some few Years
since, the Office of a Deacon, or that of a Writer, or Clerk, was the Height
of my Ambition, nor did I aspire to any thing greater; and now four or five
Kingdoms seem too narrow for me: So that with Respect to my Desires,
which rise in Proportion to our Wealth and Power, I never found myself
more indigent than now.
Having made myself acquainted, from the Accounts and Informations of
the Kispucian Mariners, with the Nature of the Seas, and the Situation of
the Kingdoms on the Coasts, and understanding that it was very practicable
with a fair Wind to make the Mezendoric Shore in eight Days Sail, from
whence it would be but a short Trip to Martinia, and that over a well-known
Ocean; I say, being acquainted with all this, I made Preparation for the
Voyage. Indeed, Martinia was the principal Object of my Designs. I was
spurr’d on by the immense Wealth of that Nation, and the Informations I
should gain from a People of their Knowledge in maritime Affairs, since the
Lights I might receive from them would be very useful to me in the Course
of all my great Undertakings. There was also another Incentive, namely, a
Thirst of Revenge, which prompted me to subdue this Nation. I took the
Elder of the two Royal Princes along with me as an Associate in this
Expedition, pretending that a fine Occasion offer’d itself to his Highness of
exercising his Bravery and martial Virtues. But the true Meaning of this
was, that I might keep him as a Hostage or Pledge of the Fidelity of the
Quamites. The younger Prince indeed remain’d at Home, but the Regency
of the Empire I committed to the Empress, who was then big with Child.
The whole Fleet consisted of twenty Ships, great and small; and were all
built after the Martinian Model, by the Direction and Superintendency of
Monsonius the Kispucian General, to whom the sole Management of the
Navy was intrusted, and who had made Draughts and Designs of them with
his own Hand. For the Martinians were among the Subterraneans what the
Tyrians and Sidonians were in antient Days, or what the English and Dutch
are in our Times, that is, Sovereigns of the Seas. Yet, when we arriv’d at
Martinia, I perceiv’d that in the Built of our Ships we had widely err’d
from their Model.
We set sail about that Time of Year when the Planet Nazar was at its
mean Distance from us. Having sail’d three Days, we spy’d a large Island,

the Conquest of which would be no difficult Matter, by Reason of the Feuds
and Factions into which the Inhabitants were split; but (what is remarkable)
as they were destitute of Arms, and were ignorant of the Use of them, they
fought only with their Tongues, and gave all the hard Names, Curses, and
foul Language they could invent. This was all we had to fear. The only
Punishment that in this Country was inflicted upon Offenders, was that they
were taken up and imprison’d, and upon full Proof of the Crime were
openly brought into the Forum, there to hear themselves revil’d in the
bitterest Manner. Certain People were appointed for this very Purpose,
call’d Sabuti, that is, Revilers, and are there look’d upon in the same Light,
as an Executioner amongst us. As to the Make of their Body, they differ’d
only from us in one or two Circumstances, which was, that the Women had
Beards and the Men none; the Feet also of them all were turn’d backwards.
After we had made a Descent upon this Island, about three hundred
Canaliscans, (so the Islanders were call’d) met us. They attack’d us in a
hostile Manner with their usual Weapons, that is to say, with a Volley of
Curses and hard Names. With such exquisite Malice, and in such a
diabolical Spirit of Bitterness, their foul Language was conceiv’d and
utter’d, (as we were inform’d by an Alectorian Interpreter of the Canaliscan
Tongue) that they shew’d themselves perfect Masters of their Weapons, and
not inferior to the Grammarians of our World. However, knowing that Rage
alone was insignificant without Power, I forbid any Violence to be offer’d
to them, but only to spread Terror among them. I order’d some Guns to be
fir’d, which had this Effect, that they fell upon their Knees, and implor’d
Mercy. Presently the several little Kings of the Island came down, and made
a formal Surrender of themselves and Subjects, putting their whole
Dominions under Tribute to me, making me at the same Time a
Compliment, that it was no Dishonour to be subdued by him, whom it was
Impiety to resist, nor any Disgrace to submit to him, whom Fortune had
rais’d above all the World. Thus this Island, (the Conquest of which added
something to my Power, tho’ little to my Glory, by Reason of the
Effeminacy of the Inhabitants) becoming tributary to me, we hoisted Sail,
and after a fair Voyage of some few Days, arriv’d at the Mezendoric Coast.
I then call’d a Council of War, to enquire what was best to be done, whether
it were adviseable immediately to act in a hostile Manner, or to send an
Embassy to the Emperor, to know if he would make a peaceable Surrender,
or whether we must come to an open Rupture. The Majority were for the

latter. Wherefore five Persons were commission’d for this Embassy, one of
each Nation, a Quamite, an Arctonian, an Alectorian, a Tanachite, and a
Kispucian. Being introduced into the Capital, they were ask’d by the chief
Magistrate, in the Name of the Emperor, the Meaning of this unexpected
Visit to the Mezendoric Dominions? The Deputies reply’d, that it was not
by Accident, but by Design they came there, and forthwith they produced
their Credentials, and a Letter from me to the Emperor, the Tenour of which
was as follows:
“Nicolas Klimius, Embassador of the Sun, Emperor of Quama, King of
Tanachin, Arctonia, and Alectoria, Great Duke of the Kispucians, and Lord
of Canalisca, to Miklopolatu, Emperor of Mezendoria, Greeting. Be it
known unto thee, that by the immutable Council of Heaven, it is ordain’d,
that all the Empires and Kingdoms of the World submit to the Quamitic
Sovereignty. And since the Decrees of Heaven are irrevocable, it is
necessary your Empire should undergo the common Destiny of all. We
exhort you therefore to a voluntary Surrender, and cordially admonish you
not to subject your Realms to the Chance of War, by a rash Opposition to
our victorious Arms. A timely Obedience may save the Effusion of innocent
Blood, and mend your own Condition. Given aboard our Fleet, the 3d Day
of the Month Rimat.”
In a few Days the Embassadors return’d with a fierce and haughty
Answer. Hereupon all Prospect of Peace disappearing, we made a Descent.
Having rang’d our Troops in order of Battle, we sent out Spies to explore
the Condition of the Enemy. They soon return’d with News, that the
Enemy’s Army was in Readiness, that it consisted of Lions, Bears, Tigers,
Elephants, and Birds of Prey, to the Number of sixty Thousand. Hereupon
we posted ourselves on an advantageous Piece of Ground, and waited their
Coming. All things being now in Readiness, and the Signal of Battle being
given, suddenly there came four Embassadors, all Foxes, from the Enemy,
to renew the Negotiations, and treat of a Peace. But having spent some
Days in Conferences with our Generals, they departed without coming to
any Conclusion. It appear’d afterwards that these were Spies, rather than
Embassadors, sent for no other End but to explore the State and Condition
of out Army. They pretended indeed that they would soon return with more
ample Powers: But as we quickly perceiv’d the whole Body of the Enemy
marching briskly towards us, we hoisted our Colours, and marched to meet

them. An obstinate Fight ensued. For tho’ our Musketeers made a furious
Slaughter among them, yet the Elephants every where kept their Rank, the
Hardness of their Hide being Proof against our Ball. But as soon as our
heavy Artillery began to thunder upon them, and the Elephants perceiv’d
the horrible Effects of it, they were seiz’d with a Panic, and left the Field. In
this Battle thirty-three thousand Mezendorians were slain, and twenty
thousand taken Prisoners. Those who escap’d, fled to the Metropolis, a City
very well fortify’d, and fill’d the Inhabitants with Terror and Consternation.
We push’d our Victory, and in three Days March, came to the Capital,
which we besieg’d by Sea and Land. At our Approach, we were saluted by a
new Embassy, which brought much softer Terms of Peace. In this the
Emperor offer’d me his Daughter in Marriage, who was esteem’d the most
beautiful Lioness throughout the whole Dominions, together with Half his
Empire in Dower with her. These Conditions were by no Means agreeable
to me, especially with Respect to the Nuptials of his Daughter; for it seem’d
to me neither safe nor honourable to divorce my Empress to marry a
Lioness. Hereupon the Embassadors were dismiss’d without any Answer.
Presently our great Guns began to play against the City-Walls, which tho’
compos’d of Stone, were soon torn and shatter’d in many Places. And as
this City was full of Animals of all Species, it was strange to hear the
Variety of Noises upon this Occasion, such as Roaring, Howling,
Bellowing, Braying, Bleating and Hissing. The Serpents retir’d into the
Clefts and Fissures of the Earth: The Birds hover’d in the Air, and seeing
the City so fiercely assaulted, fled off to the Rocks and open Country. The
Trees trembled and drop’d their Leaves all over the City. We heard that
twenty Maids of Honour, (these were Roses and Lilies) upon the first
Discharge of our Cannon shrunk up, and wither’d away through Fear. Such
a prodigious Concourse of Animals of all Kinds, as well those of the City,
as those from the Neighbourhood, miserably straiten’d each other; and that
very Assistance, which was so necessary, was the Cause of Diseases and
Infection. The Elephants stood the Siege better than the rest; but upon the
Discharge of the great Guns, they abandon’d the Walls. Hereupon the
Emperor, despairing to hold out much longer, summon’d a Council to
deliberate upon the present Posture of Affairs. They were all unanimous for
a Peace upon any Terms; and therefore without Delay his Imperial Highness
made a formal Surrender of himself, with all his Territories. Thus in one
Day my Power was increas’d by the Addition of an Empire, together with

nine or ten lesser Realms or Principalities; for immediately all the petty
Sovereignties follow’d the Example of the Emperor, and strove who should
be foremost in their Submissions.
After such marvellous Success, having first plac’d a Garison of six
hundred Musketeers in the Capital, I order’d the captive Emperor to be
conducted aboard our Fleet. I treated him with the most perfect Humanity,
and upon our Return some time after to Quama, I gave him an intire
Province, the Revenues of which enabled the Royal Prisoner to live with a
good Degree of Splendor.
We now set Sail from this Place, and coasted along the Mezendoric
Shores. In this Voyage we demanded Hostages of all the several States and
Governments subject to the Emperor Miklopolatu, so that in a small Time
the very Mezendoric Name and Empire were in a manner extinguish’d.
These People were for the most Part the same of which I have formerly
given some Account in my Description of my Voyage from Martinia.
Leaving therefore the Mezendoric Territories, we steer’d directly for
Martinia, which, after a prosperous, tho’ long Voyage, we happily arriv’d
at. Never was the Sight of any Country so highly grateful to me as this; and
when I reflected, that in Times past I had been condemn’d to the Oar in this
very Place, to which I now return’d as a puissant Conqueror, I was hardly
able to conceal the Transport of Joy I felt. I had at first resolv’d to declare
myself, in order to spread the greater Terror among the Martinians: But I
chang’d that Resolution, and determin’d to cherish the old Error concerning
my Birth, and still to pass for an Embassador of the Sun.
I flatter’d myself, that in a short time, and with a very little Trouble, I
should be able to make a compleat Conquest of the Martinians, whose
Effeminacy I was well acquainted with. For this People have a strong
Propensity to Pleasure, and are hurry’d on to all vicious Excesses, not only
through a natural Bent, but from that Affluence and Abundance, which both
Sea and Land conspire to indulge them in. However, I found by Experience,
that I had an arduous Enterprize upon my Hands: For by means of that vast
Commerce carry’d on by these People, they had amass’d such endless
Riches, as enabled them to have always at their Devotion the choicest of the
most warlike Troops among the neighbouring Nations, who stood ready at
their Nod to fight their Battles for them. Add to this, that the Martinians
were eminent for their Skill in maritime Affairs beyond all the

Subterraneans, and our Vessels were in Comparison of theirs extremely
rude, and very slow of Motion. For it is easy to judge what sort of Ships
ours must be, which were run up in Haste under the Direction and
Supervision of a Bachelor of Philosophy, as also what a Censure they would
undergo, were they to be submitted to the Criticism of the Dutch, English,
or Danes. But this Defect my Artillery aton’d for; a Method of Fighting
hitherto unknown to the Martinians.
Before I attempted any Thing in a hostile Manner, I sent an Embassy to
the Senate with the same Tenders of Peace, which I had lately offer’d the
Emperor of Mezendoria. But while we waited for an Answer, all on a
Sudden we beheld a Fleet of Ships coming full Sail upon us, in order of
Battle. At Sight hereof, we rang’d our Vessels in as much order on our Side,
as the Hurry would permit, and immediately gave out the Signal for
Engagement. The Battle was fought with equal Bravery and Ardor on both
Sides. The Martinians instead of Guns, made use of a Machine, which flung
Stones of an enormous Size and Weight, and which grievously gall’d our
Sailors. They had also Fire-ships loaded with Pitch, Brimstone, Sulphur,
and other combustible Materials. These set Fire to our best Ship, and utterly
consum’d it. Victory was a long Time in Suspence, and my Forces even
began to deliberate whether they had best fight, or fly. But at last, the
Explosion of the great Guns chang’d the Face of Things, and so sunk the
Courage of the Martinians, that they retir’d precipitately into their Harbour.
Yet we took not one of the Enemy’s Ships, because, as they were light
Sailors, they could at any Time escape from us. After this Fight, we landed
our Forces, and with all Speed made directly towards the Metropolis of
Martinia. In our March we met our own Embassadors returning from the
Senate, by whom they had been receiv’d in a proud and lofty Manner, and
dismiss’d with much such a Message as Neptune gave to the Winds.

Maturate fugam, Regique hæc dicite vestro;
Non illi imperium Pelagi; sævumq; tridentem,
Nobis sorte datum: tenet ille immania saxa.

For the Martinians claiming the Sovereignty of the Seas, receiv’d my
Offers with all imaginable Disdain.

And now they levy’d a vast Body of Forces, for besides the mercenary
Troops, the whole military Power of Martinia took the Field upon this
Occasion. We had not march’d far before we espy’d a numerous Army,
compos’d of different Nations, advancing directly against us. This
Confidence and Presumption of the Enemy, notwithstanding their late
Defeat at Sea, occasioned a good deal of Uneasiness on our Side. But all
this was but a Meteor which suddenly appears, and as suddenly vanishes:
For at the very first Discharge of our Artillery, they all turn’d their Backs,
and fled. We pursued the flying Foe, and made a prodigious Slaughter of
them. What the Number of the Slain were, appear’d from that of the
Perriwigs, which we collected after the Action, and which upon a moderate
Computation amounted to the Number of five Thousand. The Make of these
Perriwigs was pretty much alter’d since my Time, and I observ’d above
twenty different Fashions of them; nor is that at all strange; for so ingenious
a Nation would give a thousand Improvements to any Invention whatever.
After this successful Battle, or rather Carnage, we immediately set about
the Siege of the Capital. But, when we had prepared every Thing for the
Enterprize, and dispos’d our Cannon in proper Order, the whole Body of
Senators came in a suppliant Manner to our Camp, and made a voluntary
Surrender of the City, together with the whole Republick. Hereupon, Peace
being declar’d, we enter’d in Triumph into this most splendid City. Upon
our Entrance into the Gates, there was not that Tumult and Hurry, as is
generally observable in conquer’d Towns, but a sorrowful Silence, and an
universal Sadness every where prevail’d. But when we declar’d that we
would not do the least Injury to the Citizens, their Sadness was chang’d into
Joy. The first Thing I did, was to make a Visit to the publick Treasury. I was
beyond Measure astonish’d at the immense Stores of Riches deposited
there; great Part of which I distributed among my Soldiers, reserving the
rest for my own Finances. I left a Garison at Martinia, and took several of
the Senators aboard the Fleet, by way of Hostages. Among these, was my
old Friend the Syndic, together with his Wife, who had falsly accused me of
the Crime for which I was condemned to the Gallies. Yet I entertain’d no
Thoughts of Vengeance, as thinking it beneath an Emperor of Quama to
resent an Injury done to a Chairman.
After this compleat Conquest of the Martinians, I resolv’d to reduce the
several neighbouring Powers. But while I was upon the Point of executing

this Design, the Embassadors of four different Realms arriv’d, and made
their Submissions. I had already so many States and Kingdoms under my
Dominion, that I did not so much as give myself the Trouble to enquire the
Names of these four surrender’d Territories, but was contented to
comprehend them under the general Name of the Martinian Provinces.

C H A P. XV.
The Catastrophe.

H AVING perform’d such an amazing Series of Exploits, and our Fleet
being considerably augmented, by the Addition of the Martinian
Ships, we now hoisted Sail, and return’d to Quama, where, upon our
Arrival, we triumph’d with more than Roman Magnificence. And, in good
Truth, the noble Deeds we had atchiev’d, deserv’d the highest Pomp of
Festivals and publick Rejoicings. For what can be conceiv’d more heroic,
than to transform a Nation the most abject, and the most expos’d to the
Insults of their Neighbours, into the Lords and Sovereigns of the whole
Subterranean Globe? What can be conceiv’d more glorious, or more for my
Honour, as a Man, whose Fate it happen’d to be to live among so many
heterogeneous Creatures, what, I say, could redound more to my Glory, than
to have asserted that Dominion which Nature gave Mankind over the
Animal Creation? A Description of the Splendor of this Triumph, the
Crowds, and the Applauses of Men of all Ranks and Ages, would of itself
make a regular Volume, and therefore I shall not attempt it in this short
Account. I shall only observe, that from this Time a new Æra appears in
History, and there may now be reckon’d five Monarchies, namely, the
Assyrian, the Persian, the Grecian, the Roman, and the Quamitic, the last of
which seems to surpass the rest in Power and Grandeur. And accordingly I
accepted the Title of Koblu, or Great, which was offer’d me, as well by the
Quamites, as by the other vanquish’d Nations. There is, I confess,
something excessively vain and arrogant in the Name Great: But yet, when
you compare me with the Cyrus’s, the Alexanders, the Pompeys, and the
Cæsars, the Title then seems perfectly humble and modest. Alexander
indeed enslav’d the East, but with what Forces? with hardy veteran Troops
inur’d to War; for such were the Macedonians in the Time of his Father
Philip. But I, in a shorter Space of Time, subdued far more and fiercer
Nations than the Persians, and that by the Help only of a rude and
barbarous People, whom I myself had form’d and instructed. The Titles I

now us’d were these; Nicolas the Great, Emperor of Quama and
Mezendoria, King of Tanachin, Alectoria and Arctouia, Great Duke of
Kispucia, Lord of Martinia and Canalisca, &c. &c.

Ingens jam stabat Regnum, poteramque videri
Exilio felix: sed scilicet ultima semper
Expectanda dies homini, dicique beatus
Ante obitum nemo supremaque funera debet.

Being thus lifted up to a Point of Power and Success, beyond even the
Wishes of a mortal Man, the same Thing happen’d to me, as to almost all
those who rise to Greatness from a sordid Original. For unmindful of my
former State, I grew intolerably vain and haughty, and instead of all those
winning Ways, which artful Princes use to procure the popular Esteem, I
became a hot and cruel Persecutor of all Orders of Men, despising as very
Slaves those Subjects, whom before I had courted to my Interest with all
imaginable Affability, insomuch, that none had Access to my Person,
without a Ceremony, almost like that of Adoration, and when they were
admitted, were receiv’d with a most disdainful Air: All which alienated the
Minds of the People from me, and chang’d their Love into Coldness and
Terror. This Disposition of my Subjects I soon experienced, and particularly
upon the following Occasion. The Empress, my Spouse, whom I had left
big with Child, was in my Absence brought to Bed of a young Prince.
Intending to acknowledge this Prince for my Successor, I assembled the
several States of my Empire, as, well those of the conquer’d Kingdoms, as
those of Quama, to the solemn Inauguration of the Infant. As none dar’d
disobey my Orders, the Ceremony was perform’d with all possible Pomp
and Grandeur. But it was easy to perceive in the Visages of my Subjects,
that all the Joy upon this Occasion was forc’d, unnatural, and mix’d with
hidden Discontent. What help’d to confirm my Jealousy, was, that at this
Time certain Libels or Pasquinades, written by anonymous Authors, were
handed about, in which the Injury done to Prince Timuso by this
Inauguration, was set forth with much Satyr and Acrimony. This created
such Disorders in my Spirits, that I could take no Rest till I had got rid of
that best of Princes. However, I thought it by no means adviseable to
dispatch this illustrious Rival in an arbitrary Manner, and therefore I
suborn’d certain Witnesses to accuse him of High Treason. As Sovereigns

never want for Ministers of Darkness to serve their criminal Purposes, I
quickly found out proper Persons to swear that the Prince was projecting a
Revolution, and had a Design against my Life. Upon this he was thrown
into Prison, and condemn’d by his Judges, the Majority of whom I had
corrupted. However, he was executed privately, for fear of raising
Disturbances.
As to the second Prince, because he was very young, I defer’d sacrificing
him to my Repose yet a while; so that the Weakness of his Age was his
Protection. Thus stain’d with the Parricide of his Brother, I began now to
rule with so much Cruelty and Rigour, and carry’d my Rage to such a
Height, that all Persons, whose Fidelity I suspected, whether Quamites, or
others, I deliver’d over to immediate Death. Not a Day pass’d, but was
remarkable for some extraordinary Execution, which hastened the
Rebellion, which the Nobles had been for a considerable Time projecting;
as will be related in its proper Place.
I own I deserv’d all those Misfortunes, which I afterwards experienc’d. It
had doubtless been more glorious, and more worthy of a Christian
Monarch, to have guided a gross and barbarous People to the Knowledge of
the true God, rather than to have proceeded from Conquest to Conquest,
and to have shed such Torrents of innocent Blood. And, indeed, it had been
easy for me to have converted the whole Empire; for there was a Time
when all my Determinations were revered like Oracles. But unmindful of
God, and of myself, I dream’d of nothing but the vain Splendor of a Court,
and the Increase of my Power. Moreover, being now given up to a deprav’d
and reprobate Mind, I chose to aggravate and inflame these Discontents,
rather than remove them, as if the Offences of my Injustice were to be
rectify’d by my Cruelty. To all the Remonstrances of my Friends I still
urg’d,

Necessity, the Tyrant’s hellish Plea.

So that Misfortune on Misfortune came thick upon me, and I fell into such
Disgrace and Wretchedness, that from my Example, all Mortals may learn
what a Vicissitude there is in human Affairs, and how short is the Duration
of arbitrary Power and Violence.

My Subjects Aversion increas’d with the Severity of my Government,
and when they perceiv’d that the Vices, to which I abandon’d myself, but ill
agreed with that divine Original I boasted, and were utterly irreconcilable
with my Character, as Embassador of the Sun, they began to examine every
thing with more Attention, particularly the Circumstance of my Arrival into
these Parts, and the Condition I was in when I landed upon their Coast.
They now saw, that all the great Things I had done, were owing more to the
Savageness of the Quamites, than to any extraordinary Abilities of my own,
especially as they found, after that Mist of Ignorance was dispell’d, that I
had actually committed many Errors in the Course of my Government.
Above all my Conduct was highly censur’d by the Kispucians, a judicious
and penetrating People. They had observ’d in my publick Edict a Multitude
of Things so crude and indigested, as betray’d the grossest Ignorance in
Politicks. Nor was the Censure unjust: For as my academical Tutors and
Instructors never dream’d of Crowns and Scepters for me, they gave me an
Education more adapted to a private Station, than that of a Sovereign; and
my Studies, which extended no farther than to some little System of
Divinity, and a few metaphysical Terms, were by no Means equal to my
present Elevation, where I had the Charge of two Empires, and almost
twenty Kingdoms upon my Hands. The Martinians had also remark’d, that
the Ships of War I had built, were so rude and clumsy, that in an
Engagement they were of no manner of use against a regular and well
appointed Fleet, and that all my naval Glory was to be ascrib’d solely to the
Invention of Cannon. All these cutting Remarks they industriously
dispers’d, and at the same Time call’d to Remembrance the Manner of my
first Appearance in this Country, namely, how I had escap’d from a
Shipwreck, and being ready to perish with Hunger, was taken up by the
Inhabitants all in tatter’d Garments, an Equipage surely very unsuitable to
an Embassador of the Sun. Add to this, that these same Martinians, being
excellent natural Philosophers, had now given the Quamites a Tincture of
Astronomy, enough to know that the Sun was an inanimate Body, plac’d in
the Centre of the Heavens by the Almighty, to give Light and Heat to all
Creatures, and that as it was a Globe of Fire, it could of Consequence be no
proper Habitation for a mortal Man.
With these and other such unlucky Discourses, was I from Day to Day
distracted. But they were mere Murmurs; since nobody through fear of my
Power dar’d talk thus with any Degree of Openness. And in Reality, I was a

long Time ignorant that the Malevolence of my Subjects had rose to such a
Pitch, as to question my Condition, till at length I was convinc’d of it by a
Book compos’d in the Canaliscan Tongue, and publish’d with this Title,
The happy Shipwreck. For I observ’d before, that the Canaliscans were
perfect Artists at Satyr and Reproaches, which were all the Weapons they
wag’d War with. The Book in Question comprehended all those
Accusations, of which I have just now given a Detail, and was wrote in a
Stile the most severe and sarcastical, that can well be imagin’d, according
to the Genius of the Canaliscans, who excel in this Manner of Writing.
But such was the Weakness of my Mind at this Juncture, such my vain
Presumption and Confidence of my own Power, that no Advices or
Remonstrances whatever could make me change my Conduct, or bring me
to my Senses. The most wholesome Counsels instead of checking,
contributed only to inflame my Cruelty. Wherefore those whom I had most
Reason to suspect, I put to the Torture to discover the Author of this Libel.
But all endur’d their Torture with an astonishing Firmness, insomuch, that
this Cruelty produced no other Effect, than to irritate the Spirits of my
People still more against me. Thus my Fate would have it, and I run
headlong to my Destruction.
In this State of Affairs I determin’d to sacrifice the surviving Prince
Hicoba. I open’d my Design to the High Chancellor Kalac, in whom I
plac’d great Confidence. He promised me all Obedience and Assistance,
and strait withdrew on Pretence of contriving the Means of putting this
Scheme in Execution. But detesting the Villany in his Heart, he discover’d
the Plot to the Prince. Both of them retir’d into the Citadel, which was well
fortify’d and there the Chancellor harangu’d the Guards, and in the most
pathetick Manner laid open their present Condition. His Discourse, together
with the Tears of the young Prince which added considerable Weight to it,
produc’d the desir’d Effect. The Soldiers run to their Arms, and vow’d they
would die to save their Prince. Upon this the dexterous Chancellor did not
give their Ardour Time to cool, but persuaded them immediately to swear
Allegiance to their Prince, and then out of hand sent private Messengers to
those whom he knew to be exasperated against me, exhorting them to take
Arms against a Tyrant, who attempted the Extinction of the whole Royal
Progeny. Upon this all the Disaffected rose and join’d with the Garison.
While I was expecting the Return of the Chancellor, a Messenger brought

me the News of this grand Insurrection. My Friend Tomopoloko advis’d me
by all Means to retreat to Tanachin. There, says he, we can quickly raise an
Army, and bring these Mutineers to Reason. These Words produc’d in me
various Agitations of Mind, and Hope and Fear alternately govern’d me
each Moment. At length in Compliance with his Admonition I fled from
Quama, and that with little or no Difficulty, as the Bulk of the Quamites
were yet unacquainted with the Reasons of this Sedition. Soon after this, I
return’d with an Army of forty thousand Soldiers, the greatest Part of which
were Tanachites, expecting a considerable Augmentation from such
Quamites as continued in their Duty. But I deceiv’d myself egregiously: For
instead of those Auxiliaries I flatter’d myself with, I met a Herald who
brought me Letters from the Prince, to acquaint me, that War was declar’d
against me as an Usurper and Invader, and that my Wife and Son were
Prisoners of State. Soon after the Departure of the Herald, I beheld the
Quamitic Army advancing with my young Rival at their Head. As they had
a fine Artillery, I would not run the Risque of an Engagement, till I was
reinforc’d with fresh Troops: Therefore I made a Stop, and entrench’d
myself in the best Manner I could. But when I perceiv’d that my own
Soldiers deserted to the Enemy, who besides expected hourly new Supplies,
I took Advice of my General Officers, and resolv’d to engage directly; nor
did Tomopoloko oppose this Resolution. We fought upon the same Plain,
where some Years ago in a decisive Battle the Tanachites were entirely
routed. The Enemy’s Cannon now threw our Ranks into great Disorder, and
it griev’d me to the Soul to be baffled by my own Invention, and be
conquer’d by those very Arms I myself had devis’d. For a while however
my Soldiers sustained the Attack of the rebellious Army, till a Ball took off
Tomopoloko. Then every one lost his Courage, and we all turn’d our Backs
and fled to the Woods and Mountains. I, for my Part, climb’d to the Top of a
Rock, from whence I descended into the Valley on the other Side. There I
paus’d a while to curse my Fate, or rather my Folly, and to pour out my
Soul in Tears and Sighs. But, alas! it was all too late. So great was the
Disorder of my Spirits, that I forgot to throw off my Diadem, which was the
very thing that in all likelihood must have discover’d me. After I had sat
trembling for half an Hour in that Valley, I heard the Voices of some
Persons climbing the Rock, and roaring out Vengeance against me if they
found me. I then look’d all round me for a Place to conceal myself in. There
was hard by a deep Wood overgrown with Trees and Bushes. I presently

enter’d into it, and having pick’d out something like a Path, I walk’d on till
I came to a Cave. Here I stopp’d some Moments to take Breath. By and by I
crept into the Cave, like a Serpent, upon my Belly, and as I perceiv’d it to
be very deep and shelving, yet of easy Descent, I resolv’d to penetrate to
the Bottom of it. But I had scarce walk’d a Quarter of a Mile, when all on a
Sudden I tumbled down, and as if Thunder drove me, was hurry’d headlong
through the thickest Darkness, till at last a faint glimmering Light dawn’d in
upon me. With the Increase of that Light the Force of my Motion was
proportionably diminish’d, so that by little and little, and in the gentlest
Manner, like a Person rising out of the Water, I found myself among some
Mountains, which to my unutterable Amazement, I observ’d to be the very
same from whence some Years ago I was hurry’d down into the
subterranean World. The Reason of that Abatement of my Motion, I found
after some Reflection to be owing to the Quality of our Atmosphere, which
is much denser, and consequently resists more than the subterranean
Atmosphere. Unless it were so, the same Thing would have happen’d to me
in my Ascent, as in my Descent, and in all likelihood I must then have been
carry’d aloft through the Air as far as the Region of the Moon. Yet I submit
this Hypothesis to the maturer Examination of Philosophers.

C H A P. XVI.
The Author’s Return into his own Country.

I Lay for a considerable Time among the Mountains, almost destitute of
Sense. For my late violent Motion, together with that strange
Metamorphosis from a Founder of a fifth Monarchy, into a famish’d
Bachelor of Arts, had occasion’d very great Disorders in my Brain. And, in
Truth, my Adventure was so singular and so poetical, that it might well
shock the Frame of the soundest Head. In this Condition I began to ask
myself, whether what I saw was a Reality, or whether it was not some
visionary Deception. But my Distraction abating, and returning by Degrees
to my Senses, my Astonishment gave Place to Grief and Indignation. And,
indeed, turn over the Annals of remote Antiquity, as well as those of modern
Date, and you will not be able to find a parallel Adventure with mine,
unless perhaps in the Case of Nebuchadnezzar, who from the greatest
Monarch in the World, was transform’d into a wild Creature, and liv’d like
one of the Beasts of the Field. Much the same Freaks of Fortune I
experienc’d. For in a few Hours two mighty Empires were wrested from
me, together with almost twenty Kingdoms, the Shadows and faint Images
of which now only remain’d. Lately I was a Monarch; and now the Utmost
of my Hopes was to procure the Mastership of some little School for my
Subsistence. Lately I was call’d the Embassador of the Sun; and now I
fear’d Necessity would drive me to become the Servant of some Bishop or
Dean. But a few Days ago Glory, Hope, Victory and Success attended my
Steps; and now Care and Misery, Tears and Lamentations are all my
Companions. In short, I resembled those Summer Herbs, which suddenly
spring up, and as suddenly die away; and to say all in one Word, Sorrow,
Rage, Anxiety, Disappointment, and Despair, rais’d such a Conflict in my
Breast, that sometimes I resolv’d to end my Being with my Sword,
sometimes I determin’d to plunge again into the Cavern to try if I could not
succeed better in a second Expedition. But a Regard for my immortal Soul,

and the Principles of the Christian Religion, restrained me from these mad
Attempts.
I now endeavour’d to descend the Mountain by that narrow Path which
leads to Sandwic. But my Imagination was so disturb’d, that I stumbled
almost every Step I took: For the whole Powers of my Mind were taken up
in contemplating upon the fifth Monarchy. This Idea so constantly haunted
me, that it almost unhing’d my Understanding. And indeed the Loss of so
much Dignity and Power, could never be recompenc’d by any Advantages
which my own Country could bestow. For suppose they should make me
Governor of Bergen, or what is more, Lord-Lieutenant of Norwey, yet, alas!
what Compensation, what Comfort would this be to the Monarch and
Founder of so many Empires and Kingdoms? However, I resolv’d not to
refuse a Thing of that Kind, in case it should be offer’d me.
After I had got half way down the Hill, I saw at a little Distance some
Children, to whom I beckon’d and made Signs to come to my Assistance,
pronouncing aloud at the same Time these Words, Jeru Pikal Salim, which
in the Quamitic Language signifies, Shew me the Way. But the Boys, at the
Sight of a Man cloath’d in a foreign Habit, and with a Diadem upon his
Head embroider’d with Rays like those of the Sun, ran down the Mountain
as fast as they could, and soon gaining the Start of me, (for I Was forc’d to
drag my weary and wounded Feet but slowly after me) they got to Sandwic
an Hour before me, where they alarm’d the whole Village, vowing and
protesting that they had seen the Wandring Jew among the Mountains, his
Head all glittering with Rays, and by his Groans expressing great
Uneasiness of Mind. The Inhabitants enquiring how they knew it was the
Wandring Jew, they readily answer’d, that I myself had told my Name and
Country. This Mistake I guess’d must proceed from those Words of mine
misinterpreted, Jeru Pikal Salim, which indeed have some Affinity in Sound
to that Conceit of the Children. All the Village was now in an Uproar, and
nobody doubted the Truth of the Fact, especially as there had been but very
lately a Story cook’d up about this Wanderer, who was said to have
appear’d not long since at Hamburgh.
About Evening I arriv’d at Sandwic, where I found a Mob of the
Inhabitants gather’d together, from a natural Curiosity implanted in all Men
to see strange Sights. They stood at the Foot of the Mountain to meet me,
but as soon as ever they heard me speak, they all took to their Heels as if

they were seiz’d with a Panic, except one old Man, who having more
Courage than the rest, would not move out of his Place. To this Man I
address’d myself, and begg’d to know if he would have the Goodness to
entertain a Stranger. He ask’d me who I was? and whence I came? To which
I reply’d with a deep Sigh, that the Day was too far spent to begin my Story,
but that if he would receive me into his House, I should relate to him such a
Series of Adventures, as were not to be parallel’d in all History, and which
must consequently stagger human Belief. The old Man, who was a Lover of
Novelty, took me by the Hand, and led me to his House; and as we went, he
rally’d the ridiculous Fears of the Populace, who are frighten’d at a strange
Face as much as at a Comet. As soon as I was within the House, I begg’d
the Favour of some cold Water to assuage my Thirst. Instead of which a
Cup of Ale was brought me by my Host himself, because his Wife and
Maids were all afraid to venture themselves near me. Having drank off my
Liquor, and slack’d my Thirst, I spoke to my good Host in the following
Terms: “You see before you a Man, who has experienc’d the most cruel
Reverses of Fate, and who has been the Bubble and Sport of Fortune to a
Degree beyond all mortal Men. It is indeed an undoubted Truth, that in a
Moment of Time the greatest Affairs may be disconcerted and thrown into
Confusion; yet nevertheless what has happened to me surpasses all
Credibility.” To which my Host reply’d, That this must be the Condition of
those who wander for such a Length of Time; for, continued he, what
Vicissitudes, what Misfortunes may not happen to a Man in a Course of
Sixteen hundred Years Peregrination? I could not comprehend the Meaning
of this, and therefore I ask’d him what he meant by those Sixteen hundred
Years? If, return’d he, any Credit is to be given to History, it is now Sixteen
hundred Years since Jerusalem was destroy’d: I doubt not, most venerable
Sir, but that about the Time of that memorable Action, you was even then
something advanc’d in Years; for if what is related concerning you be true,
we may refer the Date of your Nativity to the Reign of Tiberius. At these
Words I was silent for a considerable Time, and thought the old Man
doated; but at last I told him, that his Language requir’d an OEdipus to
unriddle it. With that he brought me a Print of the Temple of Jerusalem, and
ask’d me, whether I thought it differ’d very much from the Original? In
spite of all my Grief, I could not help bursting into a Laugh, and ask’d him
the Meaning of this odd puzzling Discourse. He reply’d, Whether I am in an
Error, or not, I cannot say: But the Inhabitants of this Place aver, that you

are that famous Jew, who ever since the Days of Christ have been
condemn’d to wander over the World. But yet, methinks, the nearer I survey
you, the more I discover in your Face the Features of an old Friend of mine,
who some twelve Years ago perish’d on the Top of this Mountain. At these
Words, the Mist before my Eyes was dissipated, and I knew my old Friend
Abeline, whose House in Bergen I us’d to frequent. I flew into his Arms
immediately, and tenderly embrac’d him. And do I live to hold thee thus,
my Abeline, said I? I scarce believe my Eyes and Senses. Yes, I am Klimius,
return’d in a manner from the Grave. I am that very Klimius, who about
twelve Years since descended into that Cavern. My Friend, confounded at
this unexpected Turn, stood like one thunder-struck; at length he cry’d out,
Yes! it is he! I see my Klimius! I hear his Voice!

Sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat.

But tho’ no Twin can be more like his Brother, than you are like my
Klimius, yet I neither can nor dare believe my Senses; for Miracles are
ceas’d, and the Dead rise not now: I must have therefore stronger and more
convincing Proofs, e’er I can give Credit to what you tell me. Hereupon, at
once to conquer his Incredulity, I gave him a succinct Detail of all that had
pass’d between us formerly. This remov’d every Doubt; and straitway he
embrac’d me with Tears of Joy, and cry’d out, It is, it is the very Man,
whose Ghost I thought I had seen! But explain to me, pursued he, in what
Part of the World you have lost yourself all this Time, and in what Country
you procur’d that wonderful Dress you have on. Then I proceeded to
recount to him every Particular which had happen’d to me, and he heard me
with profound Attention, till I came to that Part of my History concerning
the Planet Nazar, and Trees endu’d with Speech and Reason: At this, he lost
all Patience: “Not all the Absurdities, says he, which Dreams convey to us,
not all the Follies which Madness produces, or all the Nonsense which
Drunkenness utters, can equal these Visions of yours; I should rather chuse
to believe with the Vulgar, that you must have fallen into the Hands of
Witches or Hobgoblins; for how idle soever such Tales are, yet they have an
Appearance of Truth, if put in Competition with this subterranean Journey
of yours.” I begg’d and intreated of him to have but a Moment’s Patience
more, till I had finish’d my Recital; upon which, as I observ’d he kept
Silence, I proceeded to relate all that had happened to me below, the sundry

Accidents and Reverses of Fortune I had experienc’d, and how I had been
the Founder of the fifth and greatest Monarchy that ever was. All these
Things increas’d the Suspicion he had entertained, that I was bewitch’d, or
had had some Commerce with Magicians of evil Spirits; and that being
abused with their diabolical Delusions, I had embraced a Cloud instead of
Juno. In order to try how far the Force of these Charms and Incantations
had spread, or to what a Length my Extravagance would run, my Friend
began to interrogate me concerning the State of the Happy, and that of the
Damn’d in the other World; concerning the Elysian Fields, and divers other
Matters of that Kind. I soon perceiv’d the sly Design of these Questions,
and told my Friend, that I, for my Part, could hardly blame his Incredulity,
since my Narration appear’d too fabulous to Command a ready Assent:
However, it was not my Fault; for that in Reality my Adventures were so
marvellous, as to baffle all human Belief. I solemnly protest to you,
continued I, that I have not added or supply’d one Jot or Tittle from my own
Invention, but that I have recounted every thing simply and ingenuously in
the Order they happened to me. My Friend persisting in his Incredulity,
desir’d that I would compose my Mind, and take a few Days Rest and
Refreshment, in which Time he told me he hop’d these Commotions in my
Brain would by degrees subside and die away.
After I had repos’d myself for full eight Days, my Friend now thinking I
had taken sufficient Rest, was resolv’d to try if I had recover’d my Senses,
and therefore artfully resum’d the Conversation concerning my
subterranean Journey. He was now in Hopes, that the fifth Monarchy,
together with the twenty conquer’d Kingdoms, was all vanish’d into
Smoke, and so utterly buried in Oblivion, that not an Idea remain’d of so
much as a single Town or Village. But when he heard me repeat the very
same Things in the very same Order I had before done; when at the
Conclusion of my History I upbraided him with his obstinate Unbelief, and
moreover alledg’d certain indubitable Facts, such as that about twelve Years
ago it was notorious I had descended into that Cavern, and that I was now
return’d into my own Country in a strange and foreign Habit; he then began
to waver, and had not a Word to reply. I took the Advantage of this his
Situation of Mind, and press’d the Matter still more home. I demonstrated
to him, that his Hypothesis concerning Witchcraft and Sorcery, was far,
infinitely far more absur’d than this Expedition of mine; for that those were
justly to be thrown into the Class of old Wives Fables; but that on the other

hand, he could not but know that several Philosophers of Reputation were
of Opinion, that the Earth was concave, and that probably it contain’d
within it a lesser habitable World; and that I, for my Part, being convinc’d
of it by Experience, could not possibly give up my Senses with respect to
this Article.
Convinc’d at length by these Arguments, Your Constancy, said he, and
your Punctuality in affirming these Things, the Pretence of which could not
be the least Advantage to you, has at last entirely vanquish’d my
Incredulity; I must and do believe you. My Friend thus persuaded of the
Facts in Question, now begg’d me to renew my Story to him, if possible, in
a more full and copious Manner; accordingly I obey’d him. He was quite
charm’d with my Account of the Planet Nazar, and the Potuan Government,
the Laws and Institutions of which, he said, were such as deserv’d to be a
Model to all the Kingdoms in the World. He also observ’d in Justice to me,
that a Description of so wise and well-regulated a Government, could not
possibly proceed from a disorder’d Head, or a confused Imagination; for
that such Principles were rather of divine, than human Original.
When I found that his Conviction was perfectly sincere, and well
establish’d, I then thought it high Time to talk to him about my own Affairs;
accordingly I desir’d to know of him, what he thought I had best do in my
present Condition, or what I might reasonably expect in my own Country,
after the mighty Exploits I had atchiev’d in the subterranean World. To
which he answer’d thus: “Let me persuade you, says he, never to discover
these Things to any Mortal. You know the Zeal of our Priests. You know
they persecuted the Author of that famous Discovery of the Earth’s Motion
round the Sun, and all who adher’d to that Philosophy. And what then do
you think will become of you for asserting the Existence of a subterranean
Sun and Planets? You will be declar’d a Heretick, and as such unworthy to
live in a Christian Community. How will Master Rupert thunder against
you? He, who but a Year ago sentenced a Man to do publick Penance, for
asserting the Doctrine of the Antipodes. Certainly, so holy a Person will
condemn to the Flames, the Author of so new a System, as that of a World
under Ground. I give it you therefore as my best Advice, that you suffer
these Things to lie buried in eternal Oblivion, and that you live privately in
my House for a Time.”

He then made me throw aside my subterranean Habit, and equipp’d me
according to the Fashion of my own Country. Moreover, he drove away all
those Crowds of People from the Door, who came out of Curiosity to see
the Wandering Jew, assuring them, that he disappear’d all at once.
However, the Affair was nois’d all over the Country, and, in a short Time,
all the Pulpits rung with Predictions and Prophecies of the Evils and
Misfortunes that must follow upon this Apparition. It was said at Sandwic,
that the Wandering Jew was come, publishing every where the approaching
Vengeance of Heaven, and exhorting the People to Repentance. And this
Story (as Stories always gain in telling) was presently enrich’d with various
Additions and Interpolations. Accordingly some said, that the Wandering
Jew had foretold the End of the World, and that the next St. John’s Day
would be the Day of the general Conflagration, unless they would prevent it
by a very sincere Repentance; with abundance of other Things in the same
Style. Nay, these Predictions had occasion’d such Troubles in a certain
Parish, that the Farmers all gave off Plowing and Sowing, because as the
World was soon to be at an End, there would certainly be no Harvest.
Hereupon, Master Nicholas, the Minister of the Parish, fearing he should
fall short in his Tythes and other Articles of his Income, told his
Congregation, that to his certain Knowledge, the Day of Judgment was put
off to the next Year. The Stratagem took, and they all returned to their
wonted Labours. As the Origin of all this Folly and Superstition was known
only to my Friend and me, it afforded us plentiful Matter of Mirth and
Laughter from Time to Time.
At length, as I did not care to continue longer in a House that was not my
own, and as I was under a Necessity of coming abroad one Time or other, in
order to procure myself a competent Livelihood, I thought it was now high
time to begin: Accordingly, we both went to Bergen; and my Friend made
me pass for a Student of Drontheim, and a Relation of his, who came to
spend some Time in that Capital. Soon after he recommended me so
earnestly to the Bishop of Bergen, sometimes by Letters, and sometimes in
Conversation, that that venerable Prelate promised me the first vacant
Mastership of any School or College he had in his Gift. This was an Office
to my Palate, inasmuch as it seem’d to be something a-kin to the Elevation I
was lately fallen from. For the Government of a School is the Shadow or
Image of Imperial Power: The Ferula is the Scepter, and the Chair a Throne.
But as no Vacancy happen’d in a long Time, and as it was necessary

something should be done for my present Subsistence, I was resolv’d to
embrace the first Offer that should be made me. Luckily the Curate of St.
Cross now died, and the Bishop appointed me to succeed him. This
Promotion seem’d ridiculous enough for the Monarch of so many Empires
and Kingdoms. But as nothing makes Men more ridiculous than Poverty,
and as it is too high a Strain of Niceness, to refuse muddy Water, when a
Man is parch’d with Thirst, I accepted the gracious Offer, and am now
spending the Residue of my Days in this Office, with the Contentedness of
a Philosopher.
A little after this Promotion, a Match was propos’d to me with the
Daughter of a Merchant of Bergen, whose Name was Magdalen. The Lady
pleas’d me highly: But as it was very likely that the Empress of Quama was
still alive, I was afraid lest by this Marriage with Magdalen, I should be
guilty of Polygamy. But my Friend Abeline, to whom I unbosom’d myself
on this Occasion, ridicul’d my Fears, and by so many Arguments
demonstrated the Folly of my Scruples, that I no longer hesitated to
conclude the Match. I liv’d six Years with this Wife in the utmost Love and
Friendship; altho’ in all that Time, I never once related my subterranean
History to her. But as I could never entirely lose the Remembrance of that
Height of Glory from which I was fallen, some sudden Starts and Gestures
would now and then escape me, which did not seem to agree with my
present Condition. By this second Venter I had three Sons, Christiern, John,
and Jasper; so that in the whole I have four, if so be that the Prince of
Quama is still alive.

Thus far the Manuscript of Nicholas Klimius reaches. What
follows is the Appendix of Master Abeline.

N ICHOLAS KLIMIUS lived to the Year 1695. He was belov’d and
esteem’d for the Sobriety of his Life, and the Purity of his Manners.
The Rector however was now and then displeas’d at his excessive Gravity,
which he thought proceeded from Pride. But I, who knew the Man, and
knew his History, rather wonder’d at his exemplary Modesty and Patience,
who from the Government of so many Kingdoms, could humbly

accomodate himself to such an Employment. However, with other Men, to
whom his amazing Metamorphosis was unknown, he could not altogether
escape the Charge of Pride. It was his Custom, at certain Times of the Year,
while his Strength permitted him, to ascend the old Mountain, and take an
earnest View of the famous Cavern. His Friends observ’d, that he always
return’d from thence with his Eyes swoln, and his Face all bath’d in Tears;
that he would afterwards shut himself up whole Days in his Study, and
seem’d to shun the Conversation of Mankind. His Wife also assured me,
that he would often talk in his Sleep, about Land Armies and Forces at Sea.
This Absence of Mind went so far once, as to give Orders for the Governor
of Bergen to come immediately before him. His Spouse imagin’d these
Disorders of his Brain proceeded from an excessive Application to his
Studies. His Library consisted chiefly of political Books, and as such a
Choice but ill agreed with the Office of a Curate, he could not avoid some
Censures upon that Head. He himself wrote his own Adventures, and his
Manuscript, which is the only one in Being, is at present in my Custody.
Tho’ I always intended it for the Press, yet I have hitherto been hinder’d
from publishing it by very important Reasons.

F I N I S.

Transcriber’s Notes:

Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected.

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